Royal Family | Anorak - Part 22

Royal Family Category

The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse

Royal Wedding: A Look At The Kate And Wills Tat On Sale On London’s Oxford Street

ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch went for a stroll down London’s grimy Oxford Street to take look at the Prince William and Catherine Middleton stuff on sale. Do tell us what tat you see. We’re building quite a collection of divorce stamps, car polishers, Highgrove tea, figurine, idiot plates, knit wits, condoms, ode, dusting, sausage roll, towel, sick bags, JFK hair, spit, beer and other stuff of historical record…

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 5th, April 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Prince Charles And Camilla In Morocco: Photos Of The Peaceful Revolution

PRINCE Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall are in Morocco. Camilla was at the Villa des Arts in Rabat. A student presented her with a picture of a house. Camilla then inspected the Moroccan Parachute Regiment Ist Infantry Brigade.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 4th, April 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Royal Wedding Tat Watch: William And Catherine’s Divorce Stamp

PRINCE William and Catherine Tat Watch journeys to New Zealand where the Post Office has made ready for the couple’s separation – literally.

The twin stamps have a perforated line running down the middle, enabling them to be split in half. The whole stamp costs 5.80 NZ dollars, but when torn apart, Catherine Middleton is worth just 2.40 dollars to Prince William’s 3.40 dollars.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 4th, April 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Kate Middleton’s Bullying Hell: Who Put A Poo In Her Bed?

KATE Middleton wants to tell you about “MY BULLYING HELL”.

Was the future Mrs Prince William a kindergarten tough? Well, no. The News of the World has news:

ROYAL bride Kate Middleton suffered a devastating ordeal at the hands of a gang of vicious bullies, the News of the World can reveal.

It was those Palace flunkies that did for Diana, we’d wager?

Her teenage tormentors even put excrement in her bedsheets at posh Downe House school and hounded Terrified Kate, 29, was hounded for being “too perfect”.

That’s her story and she is sticking to it – literally.

School pal Jessica Hay said: “She told me she was very, very badly bullied.”

This might not be the best advert Downe House, that school where gels are processed into young ladies, has seen published.

We are told that Kate was “too nice for her own good“. Her two terms at the Berkshire school were a “tears-filled nightmare”.

The story is rooted in a new book by Sean Smith, authour of Cheryl, (a book about Cheryl Cole) Robbie (Robbie Williams), Jennifer: The Unauthorized Biography of Jennifer Aniston, Kylie: The Biography (Kylie Minogue), Britney: The Biography (Britney Spears), Victoria Beckham: The Biography, Justin Timberlake: The Biography, J.K.Rowling: A Biography and Royal Racing: The Queen and Queen Mother’s Sporting Life.

His books are published by Simon & Schuster, and distributed by Harper Collins, owned by Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation. Mr Murdoch also owns the Sun. This front-page news looks a lot like an advertorial.

Here’s the blurb about the book:

Kate’s journey begins with her remarkable mother, Carole, a true rags-to-riches story. Sean Smith examines Kate’s early life, her unhappy time being bullied at school before finding her feet at Marlborough College where she was transformed from an ugly duckling to a swan. He travels to St Andrews in Scotland where she met Prince William.

Yep. It’s a modern fairytale, in which the normal “ugly” girl suffers to become a swan.

As for that headline-making bullying… Well, the stories are rooted in Smith’s interviews with some of Kate’s “closest friends”. You may suppose that Kate’s closest friends would not talk to the media and writers of unofficial biographies. But you’d be wrong, apparently.

“The bullying was far worse than just knocking her schoolbooks out of her hands or pushing her to the back of the lunch queue.”

Worse than that?!

“Poor Kate was lonely, homesick and frequently in tears.”

So. It wasn’t just the alleged bullying that made her time at the school trying. She was homesick at boarding school at age 13.

And if there was bulling there must have been bullies. Will those girls now grown up bridle at the accusation?

“She had run into a pack of bullies who reduced her to an emotional wreck. Until then she had been at mixed schools and had no experience of how bitchy girls could be.”

Because girls at mixed school aren’t bitchy? Who knew?

This is followed by news of Kate being too perfect, her, er, eczema, and:

Kate’s parents went to see the then Marlborough headmaster, Ed Gould, to plead with him to take Kate in the middle of the summer term. Mr Gould listened sympathetically to their story and found her a place in the school’s all-girl house Elmhurst, renowned for its sporting excellence.

But what about girls being bitches when they are in one school?

Get a load of these alleged bitches, or as the paper puts it: “Famous old girls who survived.”

As Kate won the trust of her new pals, she told them how she “absolutely hated” her time at Downe House, which numbers BBC sports presenter Clare Balding, TV sitcom star Miranda Hart and model-turned TV chef Sophie Dahl among its former pupils.

And then we read the clincher: Kate Middleton is just like the caring News of The World:

She has never publicly spoken about her bullying ordeal – but has asked the 1,900 guests at her wedding to donate to charity Beatbullying, which has campaigned with the News of the World to stamp out the national problem.

Hurrah for Kate! Hurrah for the NoTW! Bully for them!!


Picture 1 of 23

Posted: 3rd, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)

When The Queen Visited Prince William In Anglsey: Photos

ANY idea what the Queen said to Prince William on her visit to Anglesey?
The Queen and The Duke of Edinburgh visited RAF Valley, in Anglesey where Prince William showed his grandparents a Sea King search and rescue helicopter. He wold have invited them back to his place for tea, but his live-in lover’s there and you know how grandpa gets…


Picture 1 of 8

Prince William greets Britain's Queen Elizabeth II and the Duke of Edinburgh at the hanger where the Sea King Helicopter he flies during his training as a Search and Rescue pilot is kept, during a visit to RAF Valley in Anglesey.

Posted: 2nd, April 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (3)

Prince Andrew Made Governor Of New South Wales

PRINCE Andrew made Governor of New South Wales:

The fun-loving but troubled British royal HRH Prince Andrew, the Duke of York is to be appointed Governor of NSW by the new premierBarry O’Farrell, taking up his appointment in November this year when the current incumbent Marie Bashir retires.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 1st, April 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Walking With The Wounded Expedition Photos: Photos With Prince Harry’s Iced Orange

PRINCE Harry is on a jolly in Norway with the Walking With The Wounded expedition. He pulled on a livid orange immersion suits and dived into the icy waters. He looked like a tangerine wedge floating in a frozen daiquiri at Boujis.

However, the stars of the expedition are: Martin Hewitt (Paralysed right arm), Steve Young (Fractured vertebra), Guy Disney (Amputee – Right leg below knee) and Jaco van Gass (Amputee – Left arm through elbow).

The aim is for them and the non-wounded to walk to the North Pole.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 30th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Prince Charles And Camilla Head To Theatre Via Portugal, Spain And Morocco

THE Prince of Wales and Camilla are in Portugal. They’ve been to the Belem Presidential Palace in Lisbon. After that, Charles and his wife are off to Spain and Morocco. Says Camilla: “After the last trip out to the theatre, we decided to take the long way round.” Any anti-monarchy protestors in Spain and Morocco have been forewarned…


Picture 1 of 6

The Prince of Wales gestures alongside Captain Proencamendes, on board the NRP Sagras, dockside in Lisbon, Portugal.The Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall are in Portugal for a 10-day tour promoting UK trade.

Posted: 28th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Royal Wedding First Dance Fail: Crash Test Dummies At 16-1

ROYAL Wedding betting time now, readers, as we look to what Prince William and Princess Katherine’s first dance will be. The Daily Mail says that Victoria Chandler is offering 16-1 on – get this – Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol. As the Crash Test Dummies were wont to say, Mmmmmmm….


Picture 1 of 38

The Prince and Princess of Wales at Buckingham Palace with their son Prince William on the day of his christening.

Posted: 25th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (5)

Prince Harry Gets A Job – For A Whole Day!

PRINCE Harry has scored a job. Hello! says he has joined the Navy “for a day”.

He leaves the senior service highly decorated and on full pension…

Posted: 25th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Count Carl and Countess Nathalie Von Bismark Chew The Fat In Hello!

WHAT have Count Carl and Countess Nathalie Von Bismark been up to? Happily, that question can now be answered thanks to an interview in Hello! magazine.

“Countess Nathalie Von Bismark hitches up the chiffon hem of her Ralph Lauren gown to give a glimpse of a shapely leg encased in the softest white fur–lined Chanel boots.”

Hello! notes that “her raven tresses” offer a “neat Disney-esque contrast to the snowy backdrop”.

Is she a two-dimensional cartoon character? Nothing of it. Once upon a time Nathalie was fat in every way.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 23rd, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Royal Wedding Watch: The Coaches And Cars

ROYAL Wedding Vehicle Watch, in association with Royal Wedding Car Polisher Watch:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 22nd, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (7)

Prince William Warms Up Tiana O’Brien For Harry: Photos

TO Australia, where Tiana O’Brien holds a sign reading: “I’ll be your princess” for Prince William only to be told by him “Sorry, you’re too late” during a walkabout in Kerang southern Australia, on the last day of his visit to New Zealand and Australia.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 21st, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)

Queen Invites Arab Despots To Royal Wedding: Gaddafi Guest Of Tony Blair?

WHERE does the Royal Family stand on democracy? Broadly for it? Or is the Queen not that bothered? She can vote, but it may be considered unconstitutional. Anyhow:

David Cameron spoke by phone to King Hamad bin Isa al-Khalifa last night. During the conversation he expressed his serious concern at the deteriorating situation on the ground and called for restraint on all sides. – Number 10

The King of Jordan, the Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi, the Sultan of Oman, the King of Bahrain, the Sultan of Brunei and the King of Saudi Arabia as well as the Emperor of Japan, the King of Malaysia, the King of Tonga and the King of Thailand- are all being invited to attend William and Kate’s big day. – All The Voices

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 21st, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (4)

Royal Wedding Tat Watch: Champagne Tea At Highgrove House

ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch pays a visit to Prince Charles’ Highgrove shoppe. Who fancies a Wedding Celebration Champagne Tea Garden Tour?

Yumm. Champagne tea? Is that like Irish tea, only for knobs?

A special celebration Champagne tea at Highgrove on 26th April 2011 to commemorate the Royal Wedding of HRH Prince William and Catherine Middleton. Enjoy a tour of the Gardens at Highgrove followed by a special Champagne Afternoon Tea served in the Orchard Room.

There will be a maximum of 16 guests per garden tour which will be led by one of HRH The Prince of Wales’s garden guides and last approximately two hours. 32 guests in total will be seated for tea.

This special celebration tea tour is available on Tuesday 26th April 2011 only.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 21st, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Prince William In Australia: Photos Of ‘Our Shining Prince’

PRINCE William is in Australia. Someone held up a sign that called William “OUR SHINING PRINCE”. Is that a bit OTT? Not a bit of it. Here’s what others have said:

“Each and every one us will be deeply affected by the looming royal marriage…” – Peter Oborne, Daily Telegraph

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Royal Wedding Tat Watch: The Princess Catherine Figurine

KATE Middelton is now a figurine. While not yet in the mould of the Princess Diana love doll, the Princess Catherine Fashion Figurine is “exquisitely handcrafted and hand-painted to elegantly portray Kate Middleton in her most glamorous ensembles”.

It is the first of many:

Collectors will receive a new Kate Middleton figurine each month, including “Officially Elegant,” which features the blushing bride-to-be in the ivory dress worn for her official engagement photos with Prince William. A new figurine is scheduled to come out about every four weeks and will include a figurine of Miss Middleton in her wedding gown. Each measures about 7 1/4 inches high, is hand-numbered and comes with a matching Certificate of Authenticity. Editions are limited to 95 casting days. The collection is available at The Hamilton Collection website…”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Jersey Man Pay’s £78,000 For Kate Middleton Old Dress (Still Warm And Unwashed?)

THE man who bought Kate Middleton’s see-through dress for £78,000 is Jersey’s Nicky Roberts. He’s the nephew of Jersey David Gainsborough-Roberts owners of the world’s largest genuine collection of Monroe second-hands goods, aka memorabilia.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment

Princess Diana Lives: Monica Ali Explores The Sixth Floor Of Harvey Nichols

MONICA Ali’s Untold Story muses on Princess Diana, and whether or not the celebrity princess faked her own death in August 1997.

Ali tells Mail readers:

My princess is a fictional character, based on Diana. She fulfils her fantasy and ten years on, living in a small town in the United States, she flicks through magazines searching for pictures from London, for a glimpse of her old life.

Ali might hope her book is stocked in Harvey Nichols, Diana’s favourite department store in London’s Knightsbridge – although her brand loyalty stretched only so far because Di did shag another local shop owner’s son.

Anyhow, if the book is stocked at Nichol’s, the woman who lives on the fabled Sixth Floor amid the racks, shoes, bags and Duran Duran LPs need not order it in….


Picture 1 of 38

The Prince and Princess of Wales at Buckingham Palace with their son Prince William on the day of his christening.

Posted: 18th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Prince William’s Bachelor Trip To New Zealand: Photos

PRINCE William is in New Zealand. He’s not with Kate Middleton. She’s a wedding to plan. And if they travel abroad, sleeping arrangements may be an issue. They currently live in sin in North Wales, well away from God. (Enjoy photos 1, featuring an admirable moustache and a Royal rebel with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his sunglasses pulled down. Wars have been waged for less.)


Picture 1 of 16

Prince William talks to firefighters during a visit to the earthquake-damaged seaside town of Sumner, on the outskirts of Christchurch, New Zealand.

Posted: 18th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Prince Charles Takes A Taxi: An Ideal Home Show Exhibition

SAY what you like about Prince Charles, that grinning, simpering, hypocritical, mentally negligible twat, he gives great photos. We spotted the Prince of Wales having his photograph taken inside a decorated black cab during his visit to the Ideal Home Show at Earls Court. Enjoy the photos of your future King. And feel free to weep…


Picture 1 of 8

The Prince of Wales has his photograph taken inside a decorated black cab designed as a photobooth during his visit to the Ideal Home Show at Earls Court in London today.

Posted: 17th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (3)

Prince William Wedding Mug Fail: Kate Marries Prince Harry

ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch spots a commemorative mug featuring Prince Harry in place of his brother William. This seems to be jumping the gun.

The legend reads:

“The fairytale romantic union of all the centuries. 29th April 2011.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Knit Your Own Royal Wedding: Then Push It Off The Balcony

ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch: Knit your own royal wedding with Fiona Goble’s 64-page guide. Leant how to knit, corgi dogs, footmen, Prince William’s teeth, Prince Andrew’s leer, Kate Middleton’s hair, Prince Harry’s spliff (optional), Prince Charles’ knees and stick the knit wits on a balcony. After a few hundred hours of knitting you will be able to create your own Dynasty – as the Munsters tumble over the balcony…


Picture 1 of 5

Posted: 16th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Royal Wedding Tat Watch: The William And Princess Catherine Condoms

ROYAL wedding tat watch brings you the souvenir condoms. The Prince William and Kate Middleton ‘Crown Jewels ” rubber johnnies will ensure that your progeny arrives when you are good and ready.

Comes in four sizes:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Dublin Pub Bans Queen From Royal Wedding Screening

THE Queen’s visit to Ireland is in disarray following news that John Stokes, landlord at the Players Lounge in Fairview near Dublin city centre, has barred her. He’s spent 500 euros on a massive banner informing Her Majesty that she and her family are barred from the premises. Kate Middleton had best nip in quick smart before her name is removed from the list of approved guests.

The landlord’s view on Sarah Ferguson are not know. But if she wants to chance her arm as an ex-Royal, here’s what she can expect to see at the Players Lounge:

The Players Lounge is a sports-themed pub on Dublin’s Fairview Strand – we cover ALL major sports events, Soccer, GAA, Rugby, Racing, F1, UFC, etc. Don’t worry about different events being on at the same time, with 70 state-of-the-art Plasma TVs we have enough screens to cover all eventualities.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (5)