Anorak

Sports | Anorak - Part 34

Sports Category

Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.

Arsenal want to be like Chelsea but with the history and without the debt

On the BBC website, you can read Gunners’ “legend”, BBC pundit and financial wizard Ian Wright’s views that Arsenal “need a billionaire like Alisher Usmanov to move forward”. What business doesn’t need a billionaire investor to progress? Such people are undoubtedly handy.

Usmanov, described by the BBC as “Metal magnate Alisher Usmanov” – the metal perhaps being Teflon-coated gold –  owns 30% of Arsenal shares. Wright has heard that Usmanov wants to buy-out Arsenal’s majority shareholder Stan Kroenke – a man nicknamed ‘Silent Stan’ presumably on account of him boasting a profile lower than a steamrolled spoon and not because his favourite chant is “Can you hear the Arsenal sing? No-oo. No-oo.”

Wright tells BBC Radio 5 live: “Something has to change, whether it is the manager Arsene Wenger or whether it is the board upstairs… They may be out of the Champions League – something they are not used to – and they have to beat one of the best Chelsea sides I have seen for a long time in the FA Cup final to try and get something from the season.”

Don’t fans accept that their team’s fortunes fluctuate?

“Abramovich is a winner,” adds Wright of the Chelsea owner who bought the Blues in 2003. “Stan Kroenke sees it as another asset. If you look at all his other franchises, they are doing the same. They are mediocre, with poor attendances and aren’t achieving anything as a team. That is where Arsenal are at the moment. We need an owner like Abramovich, who wants to win. I would swap Arsenal’s last 10 years for what Chelsea have done.”

It might be worth looking at what people said when Abramovich arrived at Chelsea. As of May 2014, Abramovich’s interest-free loan to Chelsea stood at £1,041,243,000. These quotes are from 2003:

Chelsea fan to the BBC: “I think it’s disgraceful because I always thought that Ken Bates was Mr Chelsea.”

Former sports minister Tony Banks: “I want to know whether this individual is a fit and proper person to be taking over a club like Chelsea. Until that question is answered, then I’m afraid the jury is out. A sale has been arranged to an individual we know nothing about.”

David Pottinger on BBC Radio 606: “I fear for the future of Chelsea, especially with all the debts.”

Ramon Min on Voetel Int:

This is good news for Chelsea, but I don’t know about the rest of Europe. Dutch clubs are used to letting their players move on to ‘bigger’ clubs when they are ready, but if more teams like Chelsea are going to have the same financial clout as, for example, Real Madrid and Manchester United, then players will go abroad at an earlier age. That’s obviously not good for Dutch football or its fans as the standard of our own league will drop. And while money is often good news, it can also create a lot of problems. You have to be very careful when you have so much. Chelsea could go for someone like the Ajax player Rafael van der Vaart, who is young and exciting, but then the fans are going to demand success when so much has been spent. My guess is that they will go for experienced players who will win things quickly.

The Guardian: “Roman Abramovich’s buyout of Chelsea almost certainly rescued the club from having to default on a £75m loan that would have plunged it into financial crisis.”

And Arsenal today – are they like Chelsea before Abramovich arrived?

Newsweek (April 2017):

Arsenal’s cash reserves are pretty high and of course Arsene Wenger has got this reputation of being quite frugal when it comes to player investment. What people forget is of all the costs associated with running a football club like Arsenal. They have to budget for around £30 million worth of debt servicing. That comes out of those cash balances. So when people talk about a £100 million war chest, you’re immediately saying well that’s £100 million minus £30 [million]. But that doesn’t get reported enough, basically. [In Arsenal’s Annual Report from 2015-16, Keswick noted cash reserves of £226.5 million, reduced to £149 million. Arsenal’s debt service reserve balance, the cash it stores to ensure it will not default on interest payments of around £15 million per season for Emirates Stadium until 2031, stood at £35.4 million].

Arsenal have still got £232.6 million worth of debt on their balance sheet [according to 2015-16 accounts].

The numbers are huge in football’s arms race.

Posted: 20th, May 2017 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, Sports | Comment


Arsenal balls: Alisher Usmanov bids to oust Stan Kroenke and build Chelsea Mark II

Into the Anorak inbox is dropped news that Arsenal shareholder Alisher Usmanov has made a $1.3bn bid to buy out his rival shareholder, ‘Silent Stan Kroenke, and take control of the club. In 2013, the Sunday Times Rich List crowned Usmanov Britain’s wealthiest person. The very rich like buying up swatches of London real estate. So why not buy a stadiumand football club ? If the football fails you can always put a roof on the place and use it as a vault.

The FT:

Mr Usmanov, a metals magnate who owns 30 per cent of Arsenal, conveyed the offer in a letter to Stan Kroenke, the US sports mogul, who controls a 67 per cent stake. The approach, made last month, valued the club at $2bn. Mr Kroenke has yet to formally respond.

He is understood not to have dismissed the idea out of hand at first. However, he has since informally indicated he is not interested in selling to Mr Usmanov or anyone else. “Two weeks ago, I thought something could realistically happen. Now I am not so sure,” a person close to the situation said.

Arsenal fans can only marvel at how the club they’ve supported has been transformed into a brand for billionaires to play with.

It might be worth harking back to what Chelsea fans said when another Russian, one Roman Abramovich, bought the club in 2003:

David Mellor. The disgraced former government minister was cautiously optimistic about the new Russian-backed regime. “What I think that we have to hope, as Chelsea fans, is the kind of investment that is being talked of will give Chelsea a good run-out in the Champions League,” Mellor, once the chairman of the Football Task Force, said.

“This is a power-play by an extremely wealthy man and, as far as he is concerned, Chelsea, with their entrance into the Champions League, is a fitting vehicle for his ambitions. If money can buy success, there is a fair chance that Chelsea might achieve.”

Tony Banks, the Labour MP, perhaps taking a lead from Tony Blair, was considering the more global implications of a Russian revolution in the Chelsea Village. “We need to know rather more about Roman Abramovich before saying this is a good deal,” Banks said. “Russia is not settled politically or economically and lots of questions are asked about the rigours applied in Russian business.”

Plus ca change.

Posted: 19th, May 2017 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports | Comment


Transfer balls: James Rodriguez to Manchester United is a dead cert – place your bets!

Transfer Balls: Is James Rodriguez on his way to Manchester United? Is the player not good enough to start for Real Madrid for more than two matches in a row good enough for Manchester United?

On May 16, the Daily Mail said a deal has been agreed. “James Rodriguez ‘agrees’ Manchester United transfer,” said the paper.

Why the Mail saw a need to couch the agreement in inverted commas is odd because the story begins with a statement of fact: “James Rodriguez’s summer move to Manchester United will be confirmed following the Champions League final next month.”

In a second story, this time about Real Madrid replacing Rodriguez with Chelsea’s Eden Hazard, the Mail confirmed the news: “The 25-year-old Madrid signed for £60million in 2014, and who is represented by Jose Mourinho’s agent Jorge Mendes, had agreed terms with Manchester United.”

And then the facts got a little murky. Sky Sports reported on May 15:

“European Paper Talk: Has James Rodriguez played his last game for Real Madrid?”

Dunno. Because Marca then told its readers on May 18:

“After missing the match against Celta, James Rodriguez has recovered from his ankle injury and will be available for Real Madrid’s last LaLiga game against Malaga on Sunday.”

And then in two stories dated May 16 Sky mused:

“European Paper Talk: Real Madrid set James Rodriguez asking price”

“Real Madrid midfielder James Rodriguez offered to Man Utd”

Offered to United? But the deal has been agreed. Or as the Indy puts it:

“Under Zinedine Zidane this season, Rodriguez has not once played more than two consecutive games for Real and United are, quite frankly, not interested in the 25-year-old…”

Football 365 picked up the scent of the betting companies feeding off the rumours.

There is no issue with those headlines, and Sky Sports were hardly alone in running them, but when partner Sky Bet then offers odds on James Rodriguez joining Manchester United, it’s not hard to see how those headlines might persuade the public to part with their money.

 

James Rodgriguez Sky Manchester united

 

Is it news of is it PR for the betting industry?

Says 365:

Fast forward further and most reports on Wednesday morning now say that Rodriguez is not close to a move to Manchester United, that no offer is being made by United and that claims he has agreed personal terms are false. And lo and behold, Sky Bet have opened up their market again to take bets on where Rodriguez ends up next.

Indeed, in a story updated after 6pm on May 18, Sky reports that there are odds on Rodriguez joining Manchester United. Betting is no longer suspended on what has been presented as a dead cert. Quick – get your money on it while you can!

James Rodgriguez Sky Manchester united

 

James Rodgriguez Sky Manchester united

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 19th, May 2017 | In: Back pages, Key Posts, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Arsenal balls: Lazy Sanchez is no winner but he’s worth £300,000 a week

More now from the Daily Mirror’s John Cross, the man who told wrote beneath the headline”ARSENE SETS THE DATE” that the Arsenal manager was leaving the club on June 30 2017.

 

Daily Mirror wenger quits Arsenal

 

The same John Cross later updated that scoop by writing beneath another Daily Mirror headline “WENGER’S STAYING”.

 

wenger stays arsenal

 

This week, Cross has once more been talking about Arsenal. The Gunners won 2-0 against Sunderland. Incredibly, Wenger’s under-performing side have a slim chance of qualifying for the Champions League – although given their palsied performances in the competition, fans wold be forgiven for finding that an underwhelming prospect.

Here’s Cross on April 17. He’s talking about Alexis Sanchez, who scored both goals in the Sunderland match:

“They simply have to break the bank to keep him. Without Alexis Sanchez, Arsenal would be completely lost as once again the red-hot Chile forward bailed them out. You need big hearts on nights like these and it was Sanchez who saved Arsenal from disaster.”

Sanchez is possessed of a “street fighter’s desire that really make him special”, says Cross.

Or as he wrote on March 7:

 

Alexis Sanchez John cRoss

 

Or as he wrote waaay back on March 31:

 

“It has been a source of great frustration to Arsene Wenger this season that, despite Sanchez’s histrionics making it look as if he works hard, he actually covers less ground than you think.”

Arsenal should “break the bank” for someone so obviously overrated (unless he’s being “red-hot”).

Posted: 18th, May 2017 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Watford balls: insulting Walter Mazzarri in English is easy

On Twitter, Daily Mirror football writer John Cross is having a pop at Watford FC’s Italian manager of the moment Walter Mazzarri,  a man he calls “an insult to the Premier League”. How so? Cross explains: “He has been in England for a year and not bothered to learn English. Really poor.”

 

John CRoss WAlter Watford

 

You’d suppose the internationalist, hyped and gilded Premier League, with its oligarch owners, absurd wages and massive dividends would possess a pretty thick skin and be largely unaffected by one man’s struggles with the English language.

And there was this from February 1 2017:

Walter Mazzarri returns to familiar surroundings as Watford look for Manchester United scalp – Watford boss Mazzarri spent four months immersing himself in English culture

The story appeared in the, er, Daily MirrorMazzarri said:

“I know Manchester very well – I used to walk around the city a lot. When I go back, I can’t really call it my home… but almost. For three or four months last year, before I came to Watford, I travelled back and forth between Italy and the UK.

“I stayed in Manchester and I enjoyed it very much – it gave me an understanding of life in Britain because, from a personal perspective, I wanted to understand the culture.

“I chose Manchester because it is not as cosmopolitan as London, which helped me to settle in the environment of life in England faster…

“It would have been completely different if I had lived in London because it is full of Italians and I would have been stopped in the street more often than in Manchester.”

What an insult, eh.

PS – Given the number of foreigners in the Premier League and the power of the Champions’ League, British journalists could learn another language?

Posted: 17th, May 2017 | In: Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Ueli Steck climbs the North Face of the Eiger in 2 hours and 47 minutes (video)

Ueli Steck (4 October 1976 – 30 April 2017) died near Mount Everest. The Swiss climber fell 1000 metres to his death. He was an incredible athlete, who scaled the famed and feared north face of the Eiger in – get this – only two hours and 47 minutes. He did it carrying less equipment than a Highgate mum takes to the toilet. The video footage of the climb is awe-inspiring:

 

Posted: 15th, May 2017 | In: Sports | Comment


Bias: Stoke City praise Peter Crouch’s ‘expert’ cheating against Arsenal

Media Bias: when Stoke City’s Peter Crouch scored with his hand against Arsenal in yesterday’s Premier League match, pundits on BBC TV’s Match of the Day pundit meekly said ‘It should have been disallowed’. There was no shame heaped on former England player ‘Crouchy’ for his cheating. It was not his fault that he scored with his hand and then celebrated wildly. It was the referee’s error.

 

peter crouch handball arsenal

 

How does the media report the goal?

Stoke City FC website: “PETER CROUCH expressed disappointment that his second half strike counted for nothing as Stoke City fell to a 4-1 loss to Arsenal in their final home game of the 2016/17 season.”

A second half “strike” that disappointingly counted.

Olivier Giroud and Mesut Ozil struck either side of the interval before Crouch was summoned from the bench and pulled one back for the Potters midway through the second period.

Mark Hughes’ side enjoyed a dominant 10 minute spell after the striker’s near post effort…

Crouch’s effort was his ninth of the campaign, and although pleased to net once again…

But the goal was scored with his hand. Crouch says:

“I just threw everything at it and it’s come off my hand a little bit but it was a goal and I was pleased to score another one.”

No. It came off your hand entirely, Peter. It was handball. But good you were pleased.

But Crouch’s blinkered view of his cheating pales when compared to the official Stoke City match report:

The hosts did offer some resistance… and managed to halve the deficit through substitute Peter Crouch, who expertly headed home his ninth of the season from close range just minutes after being thrust on to the field.

 

Peter Crouch cheating

 

And on the Arsenal website:

But finally the hosts did break through – albeit in hugely controversial circumstances – as Arnautovic broke down the left once more and whipped in a cross that Crouch sent in via his hand.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 14th, May 2017 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports | Comment


Injury Balls: Arsenal sell Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain for spare parts

Injury Balls: a look at unreliable reporting. When Alex Oxlade-Chameberlain was substituted in Arsenal’s win over Southampton, the knives were out. It was all over for ‘The Ox’.

Daily Mirror: “The England star was forced off 10 minutes before the break with an apparent hamstring injury, meaning he could now miss the FA Cup final in 17 days”

Daily Telegraph: “Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain suffers hamstring injury that could rule him out of another FA Cup final”

Daily Mail: “…he appeared visibly distressed and is a major doubt for the FA Cup final against Chelsea on May 27.”

90Minutes: “Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger is set to draft Hector Bellerin back into the first team fold in place of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain for the remaining games of the season”

Two days later and:

BBC: “Arsenal’s Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain should be fit [for today’s match at Stoke] despite limping off early in the midweek game against Southampton with a hamstring injury.”

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 13th, May 2017 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports | Comment


Liverpool balls: Mark Lawrence hails Klopp’s new Invincibles

Liverpool are just one match away from being The Invincibles Mark 11, aping Arsenal’s achievement of going an entire Premier League season unbeaten.

According to BBC pundit and former Liverpool player Mark Lawrenson’s crystal balls Liverpool have yet to lose a league match this season.

Each week, Lawrenson predicts the week’s Premier League results for the BBC. And each week he cannot see Liverpool losing. Not once has he tipped Liverpool to be beaten. In reality they have lost 6 times this season.

Biased much? Why does the BBC persist in giving all the pundit jobs to old pros from top clubs?

Posted: 12th, May 2017 | In: Liverpool, Sports | Comment


Manchester Evening Post’s fake news pledge and Arsenal spin in the Mirror

Forget all that Clickbait balls and Transfer Balls and all the other balls designed to seduce football fans to click on the ads. The Manchester Evening News is going factual. It might be contagious and impact on other titles owned by Trinity Mirror. This is the MEN’s mission statement:

Sport, like news, is a perpetual motion machine. The pace of change is increasingly rapid, not just on the pitch but in the press box too.

After all, what is a sports journalist in 2017? Outstanding bloggers interrogate coaches at press conferences, long-loved fanzines have gone digital, reaching millions of readers every year and supporters are turning the cameras on themselves; democratising the games we love and presenting an unprecedented landscape to traditional media outlets.

Supporters and lovers of sport crave authenticity. To be a fan is to join a community, to share a common language that transcends accents or post codes. It is our job, as the regional experts around our clubs and personalities, to generate and reflect these communities and their conversations every day.

To be trusted by the people who go to games and know our teams inside out is a great privilege. Plenty changes in sport, but that remains the same. When you see a sea of headlines about your club, looking out for the title based closest to the club in question in the best way to ensure you’re getting the real story from your clubs.

Why? Because we don’t just report on our clubs, we live and work amongst its fans too. It’s a matter of trust.

We know what fans want because we are them ourselves. But we also know that fans want facts – no matter how much we’d all want to believe that Ronaldo is about to sign for our club. That’s what sets us apart from those organisations who just want your click. We want your trust.

Good for them. Fans of Manchester United and Manchester City will get the facts and only the facts.news: ”

In 0ther MEN news: “‘Have Manchester United dropped transfer hints about the futures of De Gea and Rooney?”

Answer: No.

 

manchester evening news arsenal

 

Meanwhile, over at MEN stablemate the Daily Mirror, the top story online (at the time of writing) is “JOHN CROSS: Wenger out? A shakeup is imminent and he could still leave Arsenal this summer – there are various factors at play.”

Could leave?

Can this be the same john Cross who told Mirror readers that Wenger is “STAYING” at Arsenal and…

 

wenger stays arsenal

 

…not staying at Arsenal?

 

Daily Mirror wenger quits Arsenal

 

It’s not fake news. It’s just to-deadline guesswork.

Posted: 10th, May 2017 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Media twists Pep’s words on Manchester City being the Premier League’s best team

How football reporting works. Manchester City manger Pep Guardiola is speaking to journalists. He says Manchester City are the Premier League’s best at creating changes.

“We don’t score enough goals. The numbers don’t lie, we have not been good enough in the boxes this season…

“Even the next champions, Chelsea, we create more chances here [at the Etihad Stadium] than even at Stamford Bridge, but in the boxes we are not good. We are the best in the league at doing that, we create more chances than anyone, but we are not always able to score the goals. In basketball you see Michael Jordan, last minute … puts it in the net…. The most difficult thing in football, basketball, tennis, in all the sports is to do it in the last moment. That’s why we are in the situation we are in.”

That looks like a reasoned appraisal of his side. Man City get into good positions but don’t stick the ball in the net. And, as Pep concedes, that is the hardest thing to do.

Put it through the news mincers and you get:

Stan Collymore in the Daily Mirror:

“PEP GUARDIOLA is speaking utter tosh when he says Manchester City are the best team in the Premier League.”

Jamie Redknapp in the Daily Mail:

“PEP GUARDIOLA has claimed Manchester City are the best team in the Premier League…”

Daily Mirror:

“Manchester City boss Pep Guardiola insists Manchester City ARE the Premier League’s best side”

No. That’s not what he said.

Posted: 10th, May 2017 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, Sports | Comment


Arsenal end Manchester United’s incredibly boring 25-match unbeaten run

Arsenal’s 2-0 win over Manchester United is hailed in the Press. But before a look at the back pages, a word from Sachin Nakrani‏, the Guardian’s sports features editor. He’s at the office:

Sub editor 1: “They’re chanting ‘Fuck off Mourinho’ at the Emirates”

Sub editor 2: “Which end?”

Highlight of my day, that.

And that’s Jose Mourinho, isn’t it. He’s the brattish kid on tennis camp, a little shorter than most but he’s carrying the oversized racket and always has a can of new balls. In Jose’s monocular vision, Arsenal did not beat Manchester United. Manchester United let Arsenal win, gamely allowing the Gunners to score all the game’s goals and end United’s 25-match unbeaten run. And – boy – what roller coaster of thrills that’s been right.

Having been beaten, Mourinho “sarcastically disparaged the importance of his first competitive defeat to Arsène Wenger” (Times) . He said:

“I left Highbury and they were crying, I left Emirates and they were crying. Finally today they sing, they swing the scarves. It’s nice for them… It is the first time I leave and they are happy. Before they were walking the streets with their heads low. The Arsenal fans are happy and I am happy for them.”

And on he goes:

“Do not think I am happy they are not winning trophies. Arsène Wenger is a big manager so my record [not previously losing a Premier League game to him] is not normal. Normal is win, lose, draw. I really don’t care about it today. We shook hands and during the game I don’t like what I never like. He puts too much pressure on the fourth official.”

Alex Hess tweets:

Helluva job Mourinho’s done with history’s most expensive squad: won twice vs top six, fewer goals than Bournemouth, will finish 5th or 6th.

And that hurts the brand:

Manchester United are at risk of triggering a financial penalty in their £750m kit deal with Adidas should they fail to qualify for this season’s Champions League.

United will suffer a 30 per cent cut to their annual £75m payment from the German sportswear giant if they finish outside of the top four. This means the club will lose more than £20m in sponsorship income.

So the back pages, then, which all lead with Mourinho.

 

Arsenal manchester united Arsenal manchester united Arsenal manchester united Arsenal manchester united Arsenal manchester united Arsenal manchester united Arsenal manchester united Arsenal manchester united

Posted: 8th, May 2017 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Arsenal: one player or maybe seven wins the title for Gunners, says Souness

Mystic Meg, eat yer heart out. In his article on Arsenal v Manchester United for the Sunday Times, former Spurs and Liverpool player Graeme Souness begins by tooting his own horn: “I predicted in March in this column that Manchester United and Arsenal would both miss out on the top four and I have seen nothing since to change my mind.”

The man’s got the gift, I tell you.

This is the same Souness who at the start of the season predicted the Premier League title going to Manchester United or Manchester City:

I think it will be one of the Manchester teams. If Ibrahimovic can fire on all cylinders – and I think there is a good year left in him – he will inspire those around him.

He’s someone who I enjoy. I enjoy his arrogance because he’s someone who can back it up. I think he could be the difference.

His Top Four ran: “1. Man Utd 2. Man City. 3. Tottenham 4. Arsenal.”

Whoops!

Having told readers back in August “Obviously it’s our job to make forecasts”, Souness today writes:

Arsenal should be looking at the likes of Griezmann and Bale… Over the past decade their recruitment has simply not been good enough, which is one of the main reasons Wenger should step aside. For seven or eight years they were only two or three top players away from being the team to beat but in the past few years it has not been a question of two or three players they need, it’s six or seven.

Ot as Souness put it in November 2015 – during the 2015-2016 season – just one season ago:

Arsene Wenger’s only major signing last summer was Petr Cech and he alone will give them a major chance of winning the Premier League this season. He could be worth anything up to 10 points for them.

Not two or three players, then. Just the one.

 

 

Posted: 7th, May 2017 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Broadsheets, Sports | Comment


On this day 1996: Manchester City relegated after classic (Alan) Ball’s up in Liverpool decider

On this day 1996: Manchester City manager Alan Ball led The Citizens down into the old Second Division. In the era before the ubiquitous mobile phone delivered news in “real time”, fans, players and managers alike looked to the radio and TV text services to keep abreast of scores. Chris Wright explains what happened:

Having left Southampton in slightly acrimonious circumstances to take over at City the summer previous, cruel fate subsequently ensured that Ball found himself vying against his old team as the 1995/96 relegation battle went down to the wire.

With only one relegation spot still to be decided going into the final match of the campaign, City played host to Liverpool while the Saints faced Wimbledon – both sides chasing vital victories.

Alas, it took less than five minutes for Liverpool to go ahead when Steve Lomas had the misfortune to deflect a Steve McManaman cross into his own net.

 

Ian Rush then put the Reds two up before goals from Uwe Rosler and Kit Symons clawed City back into the reckoning.

However, Ball then needlessly injected an overdose of confusion into the maelstrom by incorrectly informing Lomas that Southampton were losing and that a draw would be enough to keep City up, thus prompting the midfielder to dribble the ball into the corner in an effort to wind down the clock.

In actuality, the match at the Dell was still goalless as Niall Quinn, who had just been subbed off, quickly realised when he checked the live scores on a television in the tunnel.

With Southampton looking set to snaffle a point, it instantly re-dawned on City that only a win would be enough to stave off the drop.

Sadly, by that point, it was already too late – the game ended 2-2 and squeaky Ball and his leaky City side were consigned to their fate.

 

 

In time, Lomas was just about able to see the tragicomic side of City’s self-inflicted implosion, telling ESPN:

It’s fair to say I don’t have good memories of last-day scenarios. The situation with City was just one of those things. Alan Ball, God rest his soul, told us a draw was enough to keep us up.

If it wasn’t so serious there was great comic value in seeing big Niall running half-dressed down the touchline to say a draw WASN’T enough.

It’s the quickest I had ever seen Niall run! He told us we needed to win so it was just crazy. Alan had received false information because he thought Southampton were losing and I was taking the ball into the corner flag to kill time.

It was tough because just a week earlier I had scored the winner away to Aston Villa to keep us in the hunt.

Relegation is hard enough anyway but under those circumstances it was so hard to take.

I’d been at the club from the age of 12 so it was particularly hard on me.

For the record, despite being relegated to Division One, City’s top brass decided against sacking Ball only for him to resign three matches into the following season.

Sure enough, it wasn’t long before the club found themselves further demoted to the third tier (for the first time ever) thanks to a truly iconic scintilla of shite from Jamie Pollock.

 

Spotter: WhoAteAllThePies

Posted: 6th, May 2017 | In: Manchester City, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: talkSport experts pathetic bicker over Marcus Rashford’s goal

Just when you thought British football coverage had reached its nadir, TalkSPORT go and plumb brave new depths of tawdry drivel. Discussing Manchester United’s 1-0 win over Celta Vigo on Alan Brazil’s ‘Sports Breakfast’ radio show on Friday morning, studio guest Ray Wilkins got himself embroiled in a childlike quarrel with Neil Custis, football writer for The Sun, on the other end of the phone.

 

Spotter: Pies

Posted: 5th, May 2017 | In: manchester united, Sports, TV & Radio | Comment


Liverpool honour the great Kenny Dalglish – the man fans fell in love with

Liverpool will rename of the stands at Anfield after the great Kenny Dalglish. The Centenary Stand will mark the “unique contribution” Dalglish has made to Liverpool over the years. Say the club:

The decision has been taken by the Reds’ ownership, led by principal owner John W Henry, to honour the special status Dalglish holds at Anfield in the club’s 125th anniversary year.

 

kenny dalglish footballer stand anfield

 

Dalglish won the lot as a brilliant player and talented manager with Liverpool. He has supported for the Hillsborough justice campaign. If anybody deserves a stand naming after them at Anfield, it’s King Kenny, he man who more than any other epitomises the club.

 

 

Spotter: Pies

Posted: 4th, May 2017 | In: Liverpool, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Zlatan’s farewell party

Nursing an injury that that pretty much ended his career at Manchester United, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is, according to The Sun, planning to take “50 club staff and players out for a ‘thank you’ dinner.”

“The Swedish striker, 35, is paying for the first team, coaches and support staff, including masseurs and groundsmen to join him for the meal.”

As of Q1, 2016, Manchester United PLC employed 837 full-time employees. Making a list of who’s in and who’s out might be more problematic than its worth. Zlatan might be better off going with option b: a gold statue of himself stood in the centre circle.

PS: the restaurant picks itself.

18 Jul 2016 – “Louis van Gaal and wife Truus take one more trip to Wing’s Chinese restaurant in Manchester.”

9 August 2016: “WING WIZARD Paul Pogba toasts record £109m move with Chinese takeaway from famous Wing’s”

17 Feb  2017: “‘LA POGBANCE’ Paul Pogba, brother Florentin and family have a rave in Old Trafford tunnel before heading out to Wings restaurant for dinner in Manchester”

All in the Sun.

Posted: 1st, May 2017 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Media Bias: Manchester United’s Marcus Rashford ‘dives’ in Swansea but soars in Manchester

Congratulation to the talented actor and Manchester United striker Marcus Rashford for redefining the phrase “honest English footballer” and in the words of Swansea City manager Paul Clement going “down way before there was contact” and “deceiving” the referee. Rashford’s performance earned United a penalty, and with it another goal for Wayne Rooney. Thankfully, Rashford’s slippery shoes did not cost Swansea City too dear, as the Swans scored late on to tie the match.

So how did the clubs’ respective websites see the incident?

Swansea City FC: “Marcus Rashford got in behind, prompting Fabianski to race off his line. The Swans keeper slid out only to stop himself making contact with Rashford, yet the young striker stuck out a foot to catch Fabianski and then tumbled to the turf.”

Manchester United FC: “…Lingard unleashed a rasping effort which flew wide of the far post, before he then played in Rashford, who was brought down by Fabianski in the box after poking the ball past him.”

What about the local Press?

Wales Online: “Replays showed Lukasz Fabianski had pulled out of his challenge on Marcus Rashford, and that the United striker was already falling to the deck before making contact with the Poland international.”

A dive, then.

The site delivers “Chris Wathan’s verdict”:

Well that is a disgraceful decision and you only fear how costly that will prove. A horrible dive from Rashford who made the decision to go down before Fabianski pulled out. Referee Swarbrick seemed to take an age to point to the spot and the linesman in Swansea’s half was the opposite side of the pitch, blinded by bodies.You can’t say this is what Clement would have wanted because somehow Swansea find themselves behind to a hugely controversial decision when they probably should be ahead.

Manchester Evening News: “PENALTY!”

Rashford frustrated by lack of passes to run onto but first time he really does and Swansea defence panicked.

 

manchester united bias

 

 

Of course, Rashford’s English and an England player, which means he’s not a diver. Take this from Michael Owen, formerly of Manchester United and England, as quoted on the MEN’s live blog:

“The keeper has made a bad decision and you think,’I’m going to find the contact somewhere’. You see Rashford – his knees buckle and he realises Fabianski’s pulled his arms away. Yes. It ends up a dive. Your waiting to be hit. You’re never going to plant your foot that situation. I’ve done it before and had my foot broken. If your foot’s off the ground, you’re not going to get hurt – you just ride the challenge. It’s a situation where you don’t want to get hurt however you still want a penalty. It ended up a dive but your sort of protecting yourself.”

It’s not cheating. It’s being sensible. Unless you’re a dirty foreigner, in which case, it’s disgusting.

 

Posted: 30th, April 2017 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Victim blaming Arsenal’s Sanchez and Manchester City’s Aguero is just about understandbale

The talk is of faking it. First Arsenal’s Alexis Sanchez was accused of making too much of being hit by the ball. Sanchez was standing close to the edge of the pitch as Leicester City’s Christian Fuchs was set to throw a long one into the mixer. This upset the Leicester man, causing him to send the ball hard into the Chilean’s face. Sanchez went down in stages, as they stay, and held his face. When Sanchez finally got to his feet, the referee booked him and awarded Leicester a free kick.

 

 

Questions were asked. Why had Fuchs not been booked? Had Sanchez gone down easily? Why hadn’t he performed the classic manoeuvre favoured by nearly all top-flight footballers of holding his face and then checking the hands for signs of blood, eyeball and brain? Is someone called Fuchs more liable to produce a XXX-rated challenge on primetime telly and would he risk a similar balls-in assault on Marseille full-back Rod Fanni?

 

 

The other incident of  “letting him know you’re there” came in the Manchester derby. Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho was upset that Manchester City’s Sergio Aguero had gone to ground after being headbutted by Marouane Fellaini, who was sent off for his brazen foul.

Given the impressive bounce of hair on the big Belgian’s head, you’d suppose a headbutt from him would be akin to being wrapped in cashmere towels by a flash mob of cuddlers. Mourinho thinks as much. “I didn’t watch but probably I can guess it’s a bit of a red card and that it’s a bit of a very experienced, smart Argentinian player,” he opined with customary bitchiness. “Marouane says it was a red card because he is Marouane, Martin Atkinson told me in his opinion it was a red card but I saw Aguero in the tunnel – no broken nose, no broken head, his face is as nice as always. So, I am not so sure. I think if Sergio doesn’t go to the floor, for sure it is not a red card. But if Marouane gave him the chance to do that… I don’t know.”

Fellaini hit the baths early, where we hope he took more than one bottle into the shower, possibly three or four to ensure that any future clash of heads would be softer than a Labrador’s loo roll. One wonders what would occur if the big clumsy Belgian went curls to curls with Chelsea’s spring-topped David Luiz. Some see a hideous tangle resulting in the world’s first Siamese-style twin footballers; while others go for the huge ricochet sending each man hurtling into the stands at opposite sides of the ground.

As for Sanchez and Aguero, well, you could call them innocent parties on the wrong end of victim blaming. But Sanchez was being irritating. And Aguero did make the most of it. It’s not black and white. If you are a footballer interfering with a member of the opposition’s attempts to salvage something from a match his side are behind in, the likelihood of your being smacked in the face with the ball is higher than if you had retreated. Likewise, staring up into the eyes of the man who has just committed a yellow-card worthy foul on your person seconds after he’s been carded and calling him names, raises the prospect of further mischief.

This does not remotely mitigate the guilt of the fouler, but it does place the offence in context*.

*Unless you’re Joey Barton.

This post was sponsored by Smart Bets.

Posted: 29th, April 2017 | In: Arsenal, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports | Comments (2)


Mafia used SMS text-message ticker at the bottom of a sports broadcast to get reach mob bosses

To Italy, where TV show Quelli che il Calcio (That which is Football) is announcing the latest breaking news on its below the faces ticker. It slo show SMS messages sent in by fans. The potential for upset is clear. But the Mafia saw an opportunity for messages to communicate with mob bosses in their prison TV lounges.

The show’s presenter, Simona Ventura, said she was “shocked” by the revelation, and said fans would no longer be allowed to send text messages when the programme goes back on air on Sept 12.

“It strikes me as pretty ingenious,” she told La Repubblica newspaper. “We opened up a line of communication with our viewers in order to give them direct contact with the show. It proved to be all that I had expected apart from the fact that it was apparently used to send messages to mafia bosses.”

Mafia bosses looking to communicate with their minions will now revert to the old methods of bribing the referee and letting the result do the talking, allegedly.

Spotter: Telegraph

Posted: 28th, April 2017 | In: Sports, Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment


Chelsea captain and the non-celebrity sex tape story

The Daily Star leads with the news “JOHN TERRY IN VILE SEX TAPE”.  Bit of tautology there. It’s hard to think of sex with John Terry being anything other than vile. But each to their own – and in the case of married John Terry, who allegedly shagged a team-mate’s girlfriend, a little bit of everything to John. But before you wonder who else features in the Chelsea captain’s sex tape, or if it’s a solo act, the Star says the tapes doesn’t feature John Terry. It;s got nothing to do with him  whatsoever. Apparently, what is does show is a “lookalike of his mother”.

Knowing what John Terry’s mum looks like clothed or otherwise, let alone watching a sex film because someone in it reminds you of her, adheres to Rule 34 – “The 34th rule of the Internet, which states that any object, character, or media franchise imaginable has porn associated with it.”

On Pages 6 and 7, Star readers get to see a photo of Sue Terry, identified as “not the woman the X-rated sex video”, and  hear from her son, who is quoted: “It’s not her. We will go legally unbelievable hard on anyone suggesting it is her.” As a conniving porn producer cuts the quote and slaps “Unbelievably hard – John Terry” on the video’s cover, we wonder if the Star can create more news from non-celebrity sex tapes, and if Camilla Parker Bowles has quashed rumours about her looking a bit like the star of Debbie Does Dallas.

 

Posted: 27th, April 2017 | In: Chelsea, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Spurs fans beat up one of their own after mistaking him for a Chelsea fan

Spurs supporter Michael Voller, 23, was attacked by Spurs fans when his club played Chelsea in the FA Cup semi-final at Wembley last weekend. Police says the idiots who set about him thought he was a Chelsea fan. Voller, nursing a broken cheek-bone, eye-socket and skull, is now out of hospital. The violent berks who punched him is at large.

 

michael voller spurs michael voller spurs

 

 

Posted: 27th, April 2017 | In: Chelsea, Sports, Spurs | Comment


Transfer balls: Arsenal’s Wilshere rides to China on a human caterpillar of fake news

Transfer Balls is watching fake news: Working on the principle that no denial means it could be true, the Daily Star lead its sports season with news that Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere is on his way to China. Maybe. Wilshere was playing on loan at Bournemouth until another injury – a leg fracture – ended his season.

 

jack wilshere news china

 

The paper days that “if” talks with Arsenal do not go well for the former PFA Young Player of the Year (2010–11), he could be off to play in China.

Where in China, the paper does not say. It’s just China, a place where a young English blade looking for adventures can experience the thrill of the exotic and immerse himself in an ancient culture. Or just cash in as some local tycoon spunks loadsa cash on surplus English flesh. Jack is not looking to expand his horizons in the Far East, says the Star. Jack is “desperate”.

China is the British Press’s ‘f9’ – just hit the button and whichever player who like can be off to China. The Star’s story contains no word from Arsenal nor Wilshere but that doesn’t stop the other tabloids wading in.

The Express thunders: “ARSENAL midfielder Jack Wilshere is open to a shock move to China, according to the reports.”

It knows this because – get this – the Express read the story in the Daily Star.

The Sun also read the Star’s fact-free news story and tells its readers: “FREE WILLY – Arsenal transfer news: Jack Wilshere open to Chinese Super League switch if crunch Arsene Wenger talks go badly this summer.”

No facts needed for the trusty news media to pass on the scoop untested. It’s a human caterpillar of football reporting.

Posted: 25th, April 2017 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comment


Sexism row: Kim Kardashian’s arse takes on Angela Akins’ short skirt

“It’s Kim Kardashian as you’ve never seen her before.” throbs the Daily Star on its front page. “Wait until you see the rear view,” ploughs the Sun on its cover. Both tabloids lead with the same picture of Kim Kardashian in:

a) a burqa

b) an orgy

c) a Job Centre

d) a bikini

e) panto

It’s ‘d’, which is a disappointment for all of you who’ve seen Kim K. in a bikini more than you’ve seen your own feet.

 

Kim Kardashian the sun arse

 

 

As for the story, well, on Page 7 the Star dubs the reality TV star Kim “Lard-Ashian”, on account of her figure. The Sun calls it a “rear treat”.

One oddity about the Sun’s ogling is that on April 10 the paper was aghast at the BBC’s perceived sexism. In “SKIRTY OLD MAN”, the BBC’s golf commentator Peter Alliss is admonished for making “disgraceful” comments about the length of Masters winner Sergio Garcia’s fiancee’s skirt.

Paul Revoir writes:

Peter Alliss caused a sexism row by referring to the short skirt worn by golf hero Sergio Garcia’s fiancee… As images were shown of Angela Akins, 31, reacting to Sergio’s win, Alliss’s muffled voice was heard saying: “She’s got the shortest skirt on the campus”…

This is the latest in a string of sexism rows to engulf the long-serving commenter.

 

The Sun’s outrage was supported by no fewer than 6 photos of Angela Akins in her short skirt. Indeed, you can read about the BBC’s sexism alongside two stories based on photos of Kim in her bikini:

 

angela akins skirt

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 25th, April 2017 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Joe Hart to Liverpool and £20m written off

Transfer balls: a look at fake news football reporting. Is Joe Hart heading to Liverpool?

 

joe hart liverpool

 

The Sun April 19: “Joe Hart is on his way back to the Premier League with Liverpool.”

KLOPP LOVES HART – Joe Hart set for Liverpool move as Jurgen Klopp signs off £20million swoop for Manchester City goalkeeper

Having scored a “exclusive”, the rest of the online media play catch up.

Joe Hart to Liverpool: Man City star set for £20m switch, Jurgen Klopp  – Daily Star

7 things that will definitely happen if Joe Hart signs for Liverpool – Daily Mirror

Or as Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp out it one day late: “He’s a fantastic keeper, the highest quality, but it’s not for us at the moment, nor in the future.”

No harm done. No-one in Liverpool reads the Sun.

 

Posted: 24th, April 2017 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, Sports, Tabloids | Comment