Transfer balls: Chelsea in for Berahino and agree to meet Sneijder release clause

Chelsea are looking to buy West Brom striker Saido Berahino. The Daily Telegraph says the 22-year-old is valued at £20m.

Chelsea are also hopeful of signing Valencia’s Algeria winger Sofiane Feghouli, 25. Well, so says Fichajes, which has little by way of fact to support the claim.

That’s not all. The trusty Metro says Chelsea are on track to sign Bologna midfielder Amadou Diawara, 18.

The Daily Express claims Chelsea and Valencia are among “the top 15” clubs in the world keen on Lyon’s Belgian striker Michy Batshuayi, 22. Yeah, just the top 15 clubs. Hard cheese on the top 16th club, which, as the player’s agent knows, is AFC Bournemouth.

And to round things up Chelsea will very soon sign Galatasaray’s Wesley Sneijder, 31, Fanatik claims Chelsea will meet the player’s release terms. 

Anorak

Posted: 18th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Arsenal manager wants drug cheats exposed – why bother?

Arsenal manger Arsene Wenger wants more testing for drugs in football. Having already said his Arsenal side have faced sides using performance-enhancing drugs “many times”, Wenger  said yesterday:

“I’m not satisfied with the  level of testing because I believe blood tests should be done….Urine checks are superficial and not deep enough to say absolutely sure that we have no drug problem in football. Can you have 740 players at a World Cup and come out with zero doping? It’s a little bit surprising.”

But why not Let athletes take whatever drugs they want. If the drugs aren’t damaging their health, why not let allow drugs and so ensure all sportsmen are in the know?

And can any drug make a footballer more skilful? Can it sharpen the brain and muscles to good effect, more than adrenalin, caffeine or sugar? Should all steroids be banned – even the ones that aid recovery from injury?

Anorak

Posted: 17th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports | Comment

England v France: British tabloids sing La Marseillaise in a bikini

It helps, of course, that La Marseillaise is the world’s most sing-alongable national anthem. England football fans can sing it when the Three Lions play Les Blues at Wembley.

The Daily Mirror is here to help everyone who doesn’t have access to the internet learn the lines to the stirring tune:

Other newspapers support the French:

But the winning newspaper is the Daily Star with its bikinis (traditions French attire) and balls.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, November 2015 | In: Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment

Arsenal have a one in eight chance of beating Man City to Premier League title

The Times‘ football writers have ben indulging in a spot of international break chatter.

Final Premier League top four – predictions:

MD: Manchester City, Arsenal, Manchester United, Tottenham Hotspur.
OK: Manchester City, Arsenal, Manchester United, Tottenham Hotspur.
MH: Manchester City, Arsenal, Manchester United, Tottenham Hotspur.
JD: Manchester City, Arsenal, Manchester United, Tottenham Hotspur.
GC: Manchester City, Arsenal, Manchester United, Tottenham Hotspur.
RS: Arsenal, Manchester City, Manchester United, Chelsea.
AR: Manchester City, Arsenal, Manchester United, Southampton.
TB: Manchester City, Arsenal, Tottenham, Manchester United.

City are going o walk it…

Anorak

Posted: 16th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Manchester City, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Transfer balls: Arsenal and Liverpool ‘battle’ for Xhaka (who wants to stay in Germany)

Transfer balls: The trusty Daily Star says Liverpool and Arsenal are competing to sign Borussia Mochengladbach midfielder Granit Xhaka.

The Star says Arsenal and Liverpool are in a “battle” for the player.

Gladbach Leitwolf is according to British media on the list of two star-coaches of the Premier League: Arsene Wenger (66 / Arsenal) – and Jürgen Klopp (48 / Liverpool)!

The Bild story is sourced in the British media. But there’s no link. It’s a baseless rumour repeated in England and Germany.

Xhaka, who has extended his contract with Borussia to 2019, does say:

“As long as I feel comfortable in Gladbach, there’s no reason to change what. I’m really happy here. We play great football – with the captaincy, a childhood dream has come true for me. “

Such are the facts.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Liverpool, Sports | Comment

Chelsea balls: Cesc Fabregas swears he loves Mourinho

The Sun says Cesc Fabregas, the loyal footballer seen kissing the badge at Arsenal, Barcelona and now Chelsea, is “FEELING EFFING MAD”.

This is Fabregas, the Chelsea player who denied being the rat in the camp leading a “revolt” against Jose Mourinho, the team’s manager.

The Spaniard today opines, “This season is being f*****! It’s been tough. Last season was excellent, except for the Champions League, which was a shame… When things are going your way, you flick the ball with your heel and it flies into the top corner, whereas now every piledriver is going off target. Either way, we need to get back to winning ways sooner rather than later.”

He then talks about Mourinho: “Things with Mou are good… I cannot support Jose even more than I am doing. I am always saying he deserves it, 100 per cent. We are not playing well but that does not mean we are not in favour of the manager or something like that.”

Is he protesting a tad too much?

Inside the paper, we hear Fabregas saying he can’t sleep when Chelsea lose. He turns the game over and over in his mind.

Lest any Chelsea fan think Fabregas is a self-serving rat on a mission to buff his own faltering reputation, the Express leads its sports coverage with a picture of the player laying the ball he received for his man-of-the-match display when Spain beat England outside the French embassy in Madrid.

What odds the photographer should be there to see selfless Cesc the good arrive…

Anorak

Posted: 16th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports | Comment

Transfer balls: Manchester United ‘swoop’ for star striker

Transfer balls: Manchester United are looking at Leicester City striker Jamie Vardy. The Sun says Man United manger Louis Van Gaal is “weighing up move for Premier League’s top goalscorer”.

The Premier League is rubbish, isn’t it. Leicester City are third in the table, one point off top spot. They have in Vardy a striker who cannot stop scoring. And yet the story is that Manchester United – one place behind Leicester – are wondering if Vardy is good enough to play for THEM.

The England striker has been in sensational form this season and has already netted 12 Premier League goals. His performances have not gone unnoticed at Old Trafford, with United boss Louis van Gaal reportedly weighing up a £15million swoop.

The Sun then tells Leicester City fans that waving goodbye to their fizzing player is a good deal.

Any deal would see the Foxes make a huge profit on a player they signed from Fleetwood Town for just £1m.

For £14m Leicester can make their rivals better and reduce themselves. Why do that?  And why would Vardy want to leave a side he’s thriving at to be a bit-part player at a desperate Old Trafford?

Anorak

Posted: 15th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer balls: Manchester United sign Robben and Muller but Kroos gets lost

Transfer balls: The Sunday Mirror says Manchester United are looking to make a move for Bayern Munich winger Arjen Robben.

Apparently, Robben is “at war” with team-mate Robert Lewandowski.

Robben will be 32 in January.

Why would he leave winning Bayern, where he’s contracted to until 2017, to play for Louis Van’ Gaal’s also-rans?

The British papers are full of Manchester United shopping at Bayern, but as yet all they’ve secured is early middle-aged Hitler doll model Bastian Schweinsteiger.

Just take this scoop in the Daily Mail:

And in the Express.

Kroos signed for Real Madrid. Robben signed a new deal with Bayern. And Muller “is set to sign a new contract with Bayern Munich”, according to this week’s Daily Express.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Chelsea balls: Costa sold, Falcao leaves, Griezmann arrives

Transfer balls: The Sunday Mirror says Chelsea are ready to sell Diego Costa, 27.

The paper says Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho would have sold Costa last summer had he been able to find a replacement.

Andy Dunn says “a Costa sale was closer than most think”.

Dun’s scoop is not exactly new news. In January 2015, Deportes (Spain) said Chelsea had offered Cost to Real Madrid. That news was translated by the Express:

Although it comes as a shock to the Independent’s Jack De Menezes, who told his readers:

Diego Costa to Real Madrid: Seven reasons why Chelsea have not offered their striker for a transfer

Reasons include: he’s good; he scores; having played for Atletico any move to city rivals Real would see him booed and jeered; and “Francois Gallardo – the Spanish journalist claiming Chelsea have offered Costa to Real – is a bit of a character. He was the source of the rumours that claimed Lionel Messi was on his way out of Barcelona last year”.

Back in the Mirror, Dunn adds that should Chelsea not be able to sell Coast in January – and should they not be able to buy a better replacements – the deal will not go ahead. If that speculation is true, then Costa cuts an unhappy figure. Chelsea want him gone, and he is keen to leave.

The Sunday Express says Chelsea will opt for Antoine Griezmann, but he has just signed a new deal at Atletico Madrid. A bid in the region of £50m is touted.

The Sun on Sunday adds that Chelsea flop Radamel Falcao, 29, (formerly known as Manchester United flop Rademal Falcao) is off to Monaco if Chelsea can work out how to end his loan move.

Why thye ever signed the struggling Colombian in the first place is a discussion Roman Abramovich should have with Jose Mourinho (agent Jorge Mendes) and Falcao’s agent (Jorge Mendes).

Anorak

Posted: 15th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Transfer balls: Real Madrid ‘steal’ Chelsea’s Eden Hazard

Real Madrid have recommenced their tapping up for Chelsea’s Eden Hazard. Real coach Zinedine Zidane tells media:

“Do I see him going to Real Madrid ? Ask someone else. I love the player and that’s all.”

The Mirror says Zidane “has stepped up Real Madrid’s bid to crowbar yet another player out of the Premier League”.

Crowbar? Is the paper’s Darren Lewis deluded? Crowbar suggests a robbery, an attempt to nick the prize. No Premier League club can rival Real Madrid or Barcelona for glamour. They are European football’s ultimate clubs. Real don’t need a crowbar; they only need to beckon.

Zidane is telling Hazard he would be welcome at the mighty Real. A bid is surely inevitable. Zidane adds:

“After Messi and Ronaldo, Hazard is my favourite player. I love watching him because he is a player who creates things and it is often spectacular to see him play.”

He previously said:

“Obviously, there is Lionel Messi and Ronaldo, both of whom are spectacular, but I like Eden Hazard more. I like everything he does on the field. I like his behaviour, his decisiveness and love to see his progress every year.”

Adios, Eden.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Transfer balls: Ronaldo to Chelsea but Manchester United have his pension book

Transfer balls: the Sun leads its sports section with news that Manchester United are sure – dead sure – of signing Cristiano Ronaldo from Real Madrid. In an “exclusive”, Neil Curtis says United will see off any offers from Chelsea, whose owner Roman Abramovich has made Ronaldo his ‘No.1 target”.

It’s a little odd that two top side would appear so desperate to sign what would be a 31-year-old player with his best years behind him. Odder still that Madrid would sanction the sale of their greatest star with a few miles left on the clock.

Inside the paper, Curtis says Ronaldo signed for Real in 2009 “making clear he was going to finish his carer with the Spanish giants”.

Curtis then delivers a line so woolly, vagrants keeping warm with newspapers should line their anoraks with his column and snuggle down. Says Curtis:

 “If there is any change of heart or Real decide, then United believe they will be in pole position ahead of any interest from Stamford Bridge.”

What about any interest from Sporting Lisbon, where Ronaldo started his professional career? For the hype about the Premier League being Ronaldo’s true home, where his heart lies, there is the fact that United bought and then sold him because Porto needed the money and he proved to be rather good and very keen to play for Real Madrid, his dream team.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, Reviews, Sports | Comment

England lost Fifa 2018 because Russia paid more And Seb Coe was upwind

The Sun says FA Chairman Greg Dyke ‘fears a string of World Cups have been awarded with a “pile of bungs”‘.

But doesn’t every country bidding to host the World Cup wine, dine, promise and flatter?

England lost out to Russia for the right to host the 2018 tournament, coming fourth in the vote. There is talk that the FA will bid to host the 2026 World Cup finals.

Why bother?

Anorak

Posted: 11th, November 2015 | In: Reviews, Sports | Comment

Transfer balls: Chelsea chase ‘Arsenal’ striker Higuain

Transfer Balls: the Mirror says Chelsea are keen on Napoli’s Gonzalo Higuain.

Any move leaves “bad boy striker Diego Costa fighting for his Chelsea future”.

But he’s not fighting. He’s a bit limp. He’s a bit rumbled. The sniping, feigning, cheating and histrionics have been noted. Costa’s not all that good when asked to simply kick the ball, scoring two Premier League goals this season.

Of course, the Blues also have in their ranks failing Radamel Falcao – represented by the same agent Jose Mourinho uses –  and Loic Remy, a good player but no star turn.

So Chelsea are looking to Argentina striker Gonzalo Higuain.

Well, so says the Mirror, which offers no evidence to supports its claim.

Of course, if you get your news from the Sun, Higuain remains an Arsenal player.

Such are the facts.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Chelsea balls: Brendan Rodgers arrives via Tube (Christian Gross nowhere)

Brendan Rodgers has been “spotted in London”. The Mirror sees the photos and ads that the former Liverpool manager’s trip to the big city comes “as rumours of return to Chelsea gather pace”.

Rodgers worked with Jose Mourinho when the Portuguese was first at Chelsea. The Blues could do much worse than recruit the coach to their team. Rodgers has talent and vision.

The Mirror adds that “managerial posts in the capital have also recently opened up at QPR and Fulham.”

The Express contrives: “Ex Liverpool’s Brendan Rodgers spotted in London to talk roles at Chelsea, Fulham or QPR?”

Echoed by the Mail: “Brendan Rodgers spotted in London… so was the former Liverpool manager using Waterloo Station to get to a job interview?

All those journalists on the football beat and not one has a clue.

It’s all utter drivel, of course. Rodgers was spotted not being whisked to a ground by car, but riding the Tube alone (no lawyer), having reached London via a train to Waterloo.

Joseph thinks seeing a man on the London Underground warrants a “Haha”. It’s the kind of laugh that says ‘Wouldn’t this be great if this was funny”.

But there is something thrilling about seeing a famous face.

Look out for Rodgers on a TV show very soon. It’s the media career they crave.

Note: It reminds us of former Spurs manager Christian Gross who travelled to his first press conference on the Tube. He showed everyone the ticket as a symbol of his empathy with the ordinary fan.

The idea that someone as vain as Rodgers would so reduce himself to the status of ordinary bloke is laughable.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Arsenal balls: Wenger says he’s a Gunner until he dies

Arsenal PSG

The Mirror leads with news that Paris Saint-Germain are “anxious” to hire Arsene Wenger, the Arsenal manager.

Darren Lewis says PSG have Wenger on a shortlist. Other names on this list are, we’re told, David Moyes, Steve Bruce and the great Eddie Howe. No, of course not. Lewis, as with all journalists, just trots out the names of the usual suspects: Jose Mourinho, and  Pep Guardiola.

The story contains not a single word from PSG. We do hear quotes from Wenger that he would never coach another English club if he were sacked from Arsenal before his contract expires in 2017 – and that “my attachment to Arsenal will remain until the end of my days… I do not see today I could have a managerial career elsewhere.”

Someone should tell the PSG list-makers to remove one name from it.

What’s odd about the Mirror’s story is that such palpable balls should feature ahead of a genuine news story. Inside the paper, Lewis has two more pages on Wenger, all based on an interview the manager did for L’Equipe Sport.

Although the Mirror cannot resist the urge to present the interview as if it were its own:

Wenger is quoted:

“I’ll give myself merit for one thing: I’ve always treated Arsenal as if it belonged to me. I have sometimes been criticised for it — because I am not enough of a spender, not carefree enough. I credit myself for having had the courage to apply my ideas and fight for them. Aside from that, I can understand why people might not agree.

“My great pride will be to be able to say the day that I leave, that I am leaving behind a good team, a healthy situation and a club capable of performing in the future.

“I could have said to myself: ‘I am here for four or five years, we win everything’, [then] I leave and leave the club on the verge of bankruptcy. For me, consistency at the highest level is the true sign of great clubs.”

Arsenal fans are blessed to have ben led by a man of talent, vision and belief.

What does he not like?:

 “To be, after every single defeat, despite the consistency that we have put into our work at the highest level, questioned about everything that has been done; the ‘Everything down the pan’ reaction. A balance must be found between your masochistic capacity to put up with what you are forced to endure and your delight in accomplishment.

“Expectations have become much more important. The philosophical definition of happiness is when what you want and what you have align. And what you want changes as soon as you have it — always more, always better, to the point where it becomes difficult to satisfy.

“An Arsenal fan, when you finish fourth, will tell you, ‘Hey, for 20 years now we have been in the top four. We want to win the league!’ They don’t care that Manchester City or Chelsea have invested 300 or 400 million Euros. They just want to beat them.

“But if you finish fifteenth for two years, they will be happy if you finish fourth after that.”

And a word for those clubs who only chase the big names:

“To have arrived in London facing such great scepticism. My first championship title, my first Double. From ‘Arsene who?’ to he who became a pioneer — the first non-British manager to succeed in England.”

You’ll miss him when he’s gone.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Arsenal and Spurs balls: Vertonghen gropes Giroud, Kane is ‘immaculate’ but Ozil is the star

Arsenal drew 1-1 with Spurs in the Premier League yesterday. The Mirror leads with “GET A ROOM BOYS”, a comment based on a picture of Tottenham’s Vertonghen with his hand close to Arsenal striker Olivier Giroud’s crotch.

The Mirror says this is “just like” when Vinnie Jones grabbed hold of Paul Gascoigne’s balls. But it isn’t. Vertonghen never takes hold of Giroud’s tackle nor appraises his target by calling him “fat boy”.

But sticking with the foreplay theme, the Sun thunders: “Gunners will never win title with fluff-it Oli up front”.

From fluffed to fluffer, Giroud is the subject of Steven Howard’s opinion that Arsenal will “win nothing  with Olivier Giroud as the main striker”. All true – if you don’t notice that Arsenal won back-to-back FA cups with Giroud as the, er, main striker. And all true if you fail to spot that with Danny Welbeck and Theo Walcott injured, Giroud is Arsenal’s only fit striker with a goal scoring record. Yes, there’s Joel Campbell but he’s a makeweight, filling in on the right-wing as seven more accomplished first-team Arsenal players keep the medics busy.

The chief problem with Giroud is that he’s not English. Whereas the Frenchman is rubbished (goals this season in the PL: 6), Harry Kane of Spurs is “immaculate” (goals this season in the PL: 6). Kane scored one. He also missed a chance that would have put Spurs two up. He’s a very good player. But he’s not perfect.

One page back and the Sun’s Charlie Wyett also heaps praise on Kane. We learn that Kane” bullied Arsenal’s defence”. He didn’t. If any Spurs player did, it was Erik Lamela (not English), whose “terrier-like harrying” (Times) and all-round play is a massive upturn in performance from the player who joined Spurs for £25m in the post Gareth Bale shopping spree.

The Mirror’s Dave Kidd hails the best player on the pitch: Arsenal’s Mesut Ozil, who has for the first time in PL history provided assists in six straight games. The German is also the Sun’s man of the match.

In the Express, Matthew Dunn mentions Giroud’s “nightmare”.

The Mail’s Martin Samuel says “Arsenal got away with it”. And they can thank Mesut Ozil, also named as the Mail’s man of the match. In a hyped Premier League, Ozil is one of the few players with genuine quality.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports, Spurs | Comment

Transfer Balls: Benzema signs for Arsenal (again)

Transfer balls: Arsenal target Karim Benzema set to make transfer to England, says Jamie Sanderson.

Fichajes says he’s set to be moved on in the coming months following news he’s been charged in a blackmail plot against Lyon star Mathieu Valbuena. It’s claimed that Madrid feel he’s damaged the club with a series of incidents, including this one involving Valbuena, and he’s now likely to move to England.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Chelsea v Stoke: Adam escapes, Costa kicks Shawcross, Blue website hilarious

Home And Away: our look at biased reporting on football matches.

The Chelsea website has a review of the Blues match at Stoke City – they lost 0-1. The website makes Pravda look broad-minded and liberal. Let’s look at its words on Stoke’s Charlie Adam:

Charlie Adam kicked Pedro on the half-hour but avoided a yellow card. Again shades of our game here 11 days ago…

The first major incident of the second half was a forearm smash into the jumping Nemanja Matic from guess who? Charlie Adam; with guess what outcome? Words from the ref but no yellow card.

Is that Jose Mourinho manning the keyboard and criticising the ref? We also get this:

Ryan Shawcross was cautioned for sticking his arm into the throat of Diego Costa but Arnautovic escaped for barging into the back of Willian, who had suffered no lasting damage from his earlier slip.

What we don’t get is what is reported in the Stoke Sentinel:

Diego Costa was soon penalised for bear hugging Erik Pieters. Costa then got away with a back heel against a fallen Ryan Shawcross as they tussled near the by-line, earning a stiff rebuke from the Boothen End if not the referee…

Howls of derision were being hurled Costa’s way after he tried to foul Shawcross with a barge on half-way, but only succeeded in hurting the ribs he damaged here 11 days ago…

A needless Shawcross hand off felled Costa in no man’s land and rightly earned the Stoke skipper his side’s second booking

Such are the facts…

Anorak

Posted: 8th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Stoke City beat the champions and Chelsea get all the media coverage

Stoke City beat current Premier League champions Chelsea 1-0 at the Britannia Stadium. Mark Hughes has turned a team of bruisers and hoofers into a decent passing side. And what prise does he get? What word on stock City’s achievements in making the PL look a little less like a procession?

Sunday Telegraph: “Chelsea Crash.” Why is losing to Stoke a crash, an accident?

The Indy:  Chelsea “in freefall”. Mourinho is”deep trouble”. And Mark Hughes, the former Manchester United and Chelsea player…? He’s nowhere.

The Mail: news is that the players still “back Jose”. And is that Eden Hazard trying to deliver a kiss?

Express: “Jose near the edge”.  Is that the same as “the brink”?

The Mail (again): not one but two Joses. No sign of a Stoke city player. No sign of Stoke being good. Just news that Chelsea are “bad”.

Chelsea – we can remember when they weren’t all that good.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Chelsea balls: Mourinho ‘sacked’, Simeone arrives in 2016, Rodgers brings Liverpool magic

Funny, isn’t it, how newspaper love to talk about a man’s job and have us guess when he’ll be out of one.

The Sunday People says Jose Mourinho will be handed his P45 because Chelsea are keen on hiring Argentine coach Diego Simeone, 45. He is, says the paper of record, set to quit Atletico Madrid in the summer.

That’s too late for the paper, which speculates: “If Simeone, 45, does arrive at the West Londoners, he could be taking over from former Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers — who is being considered as a possible interim coach if Mourinho is sacked”

If. Could. This is guesswork presented as fact. What’s odd, of course, is for a newspaper mired by the phone hacking scandal to be talking about a man losing his job for a drip in form. Mourinho’s crime is losing a few matches., The Mirror’s board have other issues but no-one calls them role models or demands their heads. Football is a business like no other. The manager is exposed and rubbed raw by brickbats and thorny bouquets.

There’s more speculation in the Sunday Express, which says Jose is “on the brink” – this is the paper that said Mourinho would sacked if he lost to Liverpool (he lost; he stayed). Lacking any wit or knowledge of world football, the paper sees the next manger as any one of former Blues staffers: and Roberto Di Matteo, Guus Hiddink and Brendan Rodgers.

Mourinho’s mired. Chelsea  are playing below par. But don’t believe the hype: it’s not yet a crisis.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Chelsea balls: Mourinho bans watches Stoke match on hospital radio

Banned from entering Stoke City’s stadium for swearing at a referee (“You f***ing referees are weak… Wenger is right about you… you are f***ing weak”), Chelsea’s specious manager José Mourinho says he could spend the afternoon at the cinema.

When asked what he’ll do when Chelsea visit Stoke, Mourinho replied: “Maybe I watch a movie. I don’t know. It’s the first time. For me, it’s very similar to going to a cinema to watch a film and somebody tells me I cannot come in.”

This from the man who bemoaned the lack of atmosphere at Stamford Bridge. Watching Chelsea is a lot like sitting in the dark and quiet watching star turns perform to a script. Chelsea’s machine-like quality in a nutshell – only with better parking, toilets and a script based on a conspiracy that makes JFK look like a game of dot-to-dots.

Alyson Rudd adds in the Times:

Mourinho, who also suggested he might sit on a street corner with his iPad to watch the game, has been feverishly preparing instructions for Rui Faria and Steve Holland, his assistant coaches. Neither man has Mourinho’s permission to think for themselves. “They are in trouble,” Mourinho said, should they depart from his script. “I went through every point.”

We had hoped Mourinho would watch the game in a Stoke pub. But calling someone “fucking weak” in that environment would most likely result in less a ban than lengthy stay in a hospital.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Arsenal: Eduardo’s missing leg, Manchester City victims of success and Liverpool are nowhere

Jamie Carragher, marbles-gargling, whale-voiced former Liverpool player-turned pundit, is using his Daily Mail column to talk about Arsenal.

Carragher reasons that getting kicked out of the Champions’ League in the first round will do Arsenal a favour. It won’t. Just as winning becomes a habit so too does losing. The Gunners have a slim chance of progressing in Europe and should go all about to achieve it.

Says Carragher:

This is the best chance Arsenal have had to win the title since 2004, up there with 2007-08 when they crumbled at Birmingham and William Gallas sulked on the pitch.

What Carragher fails to note is that before the sulk and the crumble (the away game ended 2-2) Birmingham City’s Taylor launched a tackle so appalling that Arsenal striker Eduardo da Silva Eduardo’s leg shattered. This is how the Telegraph reported it:

Arsenal players looked distraught while the player was receiving treatment with midfielder Cesc Fabregas most notably shaken up by the incident. The tackle was deemed too horrific that even Sky television said they would not replay the incident.

Having ignored the foul that had a huge effect on Arsenal’s season, Carragher says:

I can’t see them getting close to winning the Champions League this year even if they miraculously reach the knockout stages. Wenger doesn’t have to worry about their place in the competition next year as they are all but guaranteed a top-four finish.

To which we would says: if you say so, Sherlock. Arsenal have three points from four games. And they are not guaranteed anything. It’s November.

Financial implications have nothing to do with it either, as Arsenal are sitting on a mountain of cash. They can afford to be out of it. What they cannot afford, however, is to lose impetus after their excellent start to the domestic campaign.

No, Jamie. Football is about winning and looking like you can win. You recruit the best by competing. If you want to see how far and how fast a club can fall when they don’t play at the highest level, turn your gaze to Liverpool. The Champions’ League is worth tens of millions to clubs in it. No team with ambition can afford not to be in it.

All their rivals have issues or distractions and this is why Wenger has to capitalise.

Issues and distractions… Are those the same as competitions? In Carragher’s absurd world, not being in football tournaments is good for a football club.

I don’t think Arsenal are the best team in the Barclays Premier League. I don’t think they have the best squad, either. Both those accolades go to Manchester City, who are rightly favourites because of Chelsea’s demise. But they are not certainties for first place.

Demise? Who died?

City, for all their talents, will have days again such as their 4-1 loss at Tottenham or the slip-up at home to West Ham. And Sergio Aguero’s injury record is a huge concern as he is arguably the one truly world-class player in the Premier League. Not only that, they are most likely to find themselves having a fixture pile-up in the second half of the campaign.

Poor old City with that fixture pile-up – the games brought on by success. And if injuries matter, Jamie, mate, Arsenal are the masters of that peril.

Liverpool, remember, almost won the title in 2014 by having a clear calendar. You will say: ‘What about the Europa League?’ But if Arsenal finish third in their group, Wenger should use those Thursday games to give matches to players such as Calum Chambers, Kieran Gibbs and Mikel Arteta. In fact, he should use them in the penultimate Champions League game and see where it leaves them.

No. They should go for it, Jamie. Football is the glory game.

He needs to protect his strongest team and after the international break, his injury situation should have cleared up with Aaron Ramsey, Hector Bellerin and Laurent Koscielny back and Theo Walcott and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain expected to return by the end of November. But injuries have been a long-term weakness and it could yet derail them as much as City.

Yep. Which makes your point about Aguero pointless.

Wenger has seen football’s landscape change dramatically since the early years of his reign. When Arsenal were at Highbury, only one club were better than them — Manchester United — and the task of becoming champions was straightforward. If you finished above United, you won the title. That is no longer the case.

Right enough. Nowadays it’s Manchester City you need to finish above.

Next season, for instance, Chelsea will not be as bad as they are now. United will, inevitably, invest another £100million next summer and it is only a matter of time before the weight of their spending carries them back to winning silverware.

What about that mountain of cash Arsenal are sitting on? Maybe they will spend it?

Anorak

Posted: 7th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Chelsea balls: Mourinho chose between watching Stoke game in hotel or city pub

It turns that Jose Mourinho’s stadium ban does not inhibit his ability to watch his Chelsea side play Stoke City on the telly. The game is live on Sky Sports and the Daily Mail says Mourinho will be able to communicate with his backroom staff from the team hotel.

We rather liked the idea of Jose watching it in a Stoke pub, pint in one hand, bag of dry roasted in the other, yelling at the telly and then yelling down the phone at his yelling coach Rui Faria.

“Tell JT he’s sh*t,” whispers Jose down the phone. “And Ivan’s not fit to wear the shirt… And ‘Big Steve’ says ‘tell Mark Hughes to **** off back to Man United.”

This will be followed by a noisy bonding session with Stoke fans about how they all hate Arsenal.

Before Jose uses his time out to best effect, he says plans have been made:

“We have gone through the most incredible scenarios at half-time winning 4-0, at half-time losing 4-0. In between this we have 1,000 options. Dominating and controlling the game, or not. Having problems with this area or that, having four red cards of the goalkeeper, left-back, centre-forward, winger. We have been through these scenarios and we are prepared.

“What is important that they feel protected by the facts. It’s up to the players to play and the assistants to be with them and be supportive.”

And up to Gary Neville, too, and the rest of the Sky pundit team. Just do as they say, Jose, you can’t go wrong…

Anorak

Posted: 6th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports | Comment

Transfer balls: Joel Campbell signs for two clubs and vows to stay at Arsenal

Transfer Balls: New now to gladden the hearts of every Arsenal player: Joel Campbell is here to stay.

The Metro says Campbell’s agent sees his client remaining at Arsenal for some time.

Campbell, who signed for Arsenal nearly five years ago, has spent significant time on-loan at clubs such as Lorient, Real Betis, Olympiacos and Villarreal.

And then he returned to become the Gunners fourth-choice right-sided attacking midfielder.

Many had expected to him to be sold in the coming months, but after scoring on his first Premier League start against Swansea last weekend, Campbell’s agent Joaquim Batica says the 23-year-old wants to stay at the Emirates Stadium and win titles.

He does his best. But with Campbell in the side, those titles look more elusive than ever.

The better news for Arsenal fans is that this is the Metro, a newspaper full of utter tosh:

Such are the facts…

Anorak

Posted: 6th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Sports, Tabloids | Comment

Transfer Balls: Ronaldo ‘dreams’ of Manchester United, cashes in at PSG and wears rejuvenating bronzer

Transfer Balls: The Sun says PSG are “confident” they’ll beat Manchester United to sign Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo for £100m.

We learn that “Ronaldo has emphasised his close relationship with PSG chairman Nasser Al Khelaifi”.

We then get to look at body language:

But ahead of kick-off, Real president Florentino Perez was captured by TV cameras quizzing Ronaldo about an interview in which he claimed his future could lie elsewhere. The player looked bemused and sources said his touch-feely gestures towards PSG, with the world watching, after Real’s 1-0 Champions League victory were designed to rile Perez.

So Ronaldo is off to PSG. Or as the Manchester Evening News puts it:

Says who?

Woodward made another attempt to sign Ronaldo this summer and Spanish journalist Guillem Balague claims Ronaldo envisages himself playing for United next season.

“Cristiano Ronaldo still dreams of returning to Manchester United,” Balague writes in Cristiano Ronaldo: The Biography. “The English club informed his agent in 2013 that they have enough financial power to secure his return.

You can read more about Balague’s foresight here.

And who spends £100m for a 30 year-old? What he got in that Touche Eclat – rejuvenating powder?

Anorak

Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, Reviews, Sports | Comment