Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Transfer Balls spots a human centipede of balls in the tabloids. The story in The Metro is that Manchester United are going to buy – get this – Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo. The Metro’swebsite puts a figure on what would be the worst transfer in Real Madrid’s history:
Manchester United are reportedly plotting a shock £157.3million transfer raid on Real Madrid for Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo. The Red Devils are determined to win the Premier League next season and believe the duo can earn them the title.
Well, if those boffins at Old Trafford think two of the world’s top half dozen players could help them to the Premier League title, who are we to argue? But how does The Metro know this, what’s its souce?
…Bale, 25, is set for an £85.8m move while Ronaldo would cost £71.5m, according to the Star.
We circle the tabloid plughole and head over to the Daily Star, where news is:
Manchester United are considering a sensational £157m double raid on Real Madrid, according to reports.
Whose reports?
The Metro claim the Red Devils are readying bids for Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale as they look to bring the superstars back to the Premier League.
Transfer Balls spots this pile of steaming matter in the Daily Star. Tomas Rosicky is surely on his way out of Arsenal. He’s a terrific player but at 34 years of age and no longer near the starting XI he’s looking very replaceable.
But wait a moment! In the Daily Star, Dave Woods has an “EXCLUSIVE”.
Tomas Rosicky to stay if Arsenal sign Chelsea star Petr Cech
Why? Is Cech insisting that Rosicky stays at Arsenal?
…with the pair being so close, the Frenchman knows keeping Rosicky at The Emirates can help convince Cech that Arsenal are the right team for him.
Because Rosicky and Cech are both Czech nationals it means that having the square-cheeked midfielder around the Emirates will help Cech settle into life in London, the city he’s lived in for a decade? That’s the “exclusive”?
Rosicky will be delighted to learn that his primary function will be to operate as – and this with apologies – Cech’s Czech mate. And at £85,000-a-week, he might well be the capital’s most expensive babysitter. Something to put on his CV, there.
Sunderlnd will be in the Premier League next season. For two weeks this season, Sunderland were in the relegation zone.
Dave Kidd notes in the Daily Mirror following Sunderland’s status-securing 0-0 draw with Arsenal:
“IT would have needed the footballing equivalent of a meteorite strike coupled with a confirmed sighting of alien life forms to have relegated Sunderland”
Or as the, er Daily Mirror also reports:
Sunderland offer Dick Advocaat the manager’s job full-time after relegation fight great escape
Dick Advocaat broke down in tears after Sunderland completed their amazing escape.
With FA Cup finalists Arsenal and Aston Villa only receiving paltry 25,000 ticket allocations for a game being staged in a 90,000-capacity stadium, fans of both teams have faced something of a mad dash for seats.
Having run out of luck trying to source a ticket for him and his friend Leo via conventional means, plucky Arsenal fan Charlie Pearce was so desperate to get to Wembley that he decided to step out of the queue and go straight to the top.
Rather than wasting precious time and money scouring tout sites, Charlie turned to the one person he thought could help him with his predicament – Queen Elizabeth II.
Sadly, as his reply from Buckingham Palace duly states, it would appear that HRH hasn’t got any tickets going spare…
Raheem Sterling will not sign for Liverpool. No way. No how. It will not happen. Sterling wants a return to London, which means playing for either Arsenal or Chelsea. Fact.
Shy and retiring agent Aidy Ward is quoted as having told the Evening Standard:
“I don’t care about the PR of the club and the club situation. I don’t care. He is definitely not signing. He’s not signing for £700, £800, £900 thousand a week. He is not signing. My job is to make sure I do the best with them (my clients). If people say I am bad at my job, or they are badly advised it does not matter.”
He then called former Liverpool player Jamie Carragher a “knob”:
“Carragher is a knob. Everybody knows it. Any of the criticism from current pundits or ex-Liverpool players – none of them things matter to me. It is not relevant.”
And then talkSport says it “understands” that Ward said no such thing.
It’s very confusing. Is the Standard wrong? Is talkSport talking rubbish? Is there an imposter pretending to be an agent advising Raheem Sterling?
The Times’ story that Manchester United have asked Liverpool about their willingness to sell Raheem Sterling has been replayed throughout the mainstream media.
But the news is thin.
The Times‘ leads sports story begins and ends with United asking Liverpool “for an indication of how much it would cost to buy the unsettled 20-year-old”.
It was only yesterday we learned that Manchester City had valued Sterling at £40million and 150,000-a-week in wages – that offer following weeks of news that the player was worth anything up to £50million.
How much is Paul Pogba worth to Arsenal, Manchester United, Manchester City, Chelsea and any other club keen on the Juventus and France midfielder? This month the Daily Express has been filling its readers in with the facts.
Pogba is worth £80m to Manchester City:
Pogba is worth £70m to Chelsea.
Pogba is now going to cost Manchester City £43m.
According to the Express, Pogba’s value has halved in just over a week. And to think way back in March Pogba was worth £100m.
Last night the BBC reported that Raheem Sterling was arranging his Liverpool departure. Given that the talented, underpaid and pragmatic Sterling had chosen to tell the BBC of his desires for glittering success and admiration for Arsenal in a TV interview, the source is less speculative than most. The BBC had its scoop.
And one day on how does the The Sun cover the story of Raheem Sterling’s departure from Anfield? Like this:
It’s an ‘exclusive’ to every one of those Liverpool fans who get their football news only in the Sun – which is to say none of them.
You can read Raheem’s story here, and realise why his leaving Liverpool is no great shock.
Kevin Kilbane says Fabregas meant it, telling BBC Radio 5 live listeners:
“Cesc Fabregas knew exactly what he was doing there. He was 10, 15 yards away, and he just boots the ball into the melee of players. Absolutely mindless from Fabregas, he didn’t need to get involved.”
Mindless or deliberate – can it be both? And will kids who see Cesc as their ‘role model’ spend the summer copying the Spaniard’s precise strike with a beach ball aimed at the head of a sunbed-prone dad?
The Qatari government wanted to show invited journalists how well it’s treating migrant workers toiling on its 2022 World Cup Sandlantis. But four BBC journalists thought it an idea to do some actual journalism, peeling away from the group to see things not on the official tour.
At which point thery were arrested for trespassing and banged up in jail – which is ironically and very possibly much more in keeping with the authentic labour camp experience, allegedly.
“Any instance relating to an apparent restriction of press freedom is of concern to Fifa and will be looked into with the seriousness it deserves.”
Fifa did not wonder aloud why the journalists didn’t just grease some palms with silver and big watches and make the problem go away. (Because doing so would be wrong and illegal – ed).
The thing I noticed when the ballboy face planted (into actual plants) at the women’s final of the Internazionali BNL D’Italia was that he made less noise than Maria Sharapova does executing a drop shot.
No grunt. No gut-wrenching ‘ouffwaaaahhh!’ as he went down. Just silence.
The ballboy refused to make a drama from a personal crisis, getting to his feet and producing an umbrella which he unfurled in the manner of a young Charlie Chaplin and other masters of silent comedy:
What with Manchester United tying up a return to the Champions League with their 1-1 draw against Arsenal on Sunday, there was a distinct levity around Old Trafford after the match as the team waved goodbye for another year (their final fixture being away at Hull City).
Obviously the festivities duly continued underneath the terraces, with Louis van Gaal emerging later that evening to sign a few autographs and have a little sing-song with the United fans outside.
With supporters chanting “Louis van Gaal’s Red Army!” as the United coach scribbled away, the Dutchman suddenly let out an loud and slightly slurred rendition of his eponymous chant – much to the amusement of everybody in earshot…
So was he a bit skewiff on the old sozzle pop?
Well, yes, it would appear that LVG enjoys a nip of Chateauneuf-du-Pape just as much as one of his predecessors famously did…
Gareth Bale wants to leave Real Madrid, reports the Sunday Times. The paper says Bale is “angling” for a return to the Premier League. And only Manchester United, Manchester City or Chelsea could afford him. Why? Well, we learn:
The Welshman’s representatives have promised to bring the Madrid president, Florentino Perez, a profit on the £85m his club paid Tottenham for Bale two summers ago should he sanction a deal.
How can they promise a fee that has yet to be offered? This is surely just the agent telling everyone in a stage whisper that if the price is right, Bale is their man.
But what is Bale worth now he’s no longer as confident as he was at Spurs? We learn that the affable and professional has struggled to bond with his Real teammates; has failed to master the langauge (not a bad thing given the Spanish verbal assault the ‘cabron’ has been subjected to by Madrid’s monocular Press and fans); and is unhappy with life in Madrid. If true, those are hardly qualities that strengthen Madrid’s hand in transfer dealings.
Buying Bale for in excess of his world-record fee would represent a huge punt. And it was only last week the Sunday Times was telling readers that Bale is “identified by Perez as a figurehead when Cristiano Ronaldo is no longer so dominant”.
A week can be a long time in the fickle world of Spanish football…
Manchester United’s David de Gea continues to dither over a new £200,000-a-week contact (well, so says the Times; the same contract is valued at £140,000-a-week in the Daily Mirror).
The Daily Telegraph says Manchester United are making moves for De Gea’s replacement, and Chelsea’s Peter Cech is in the frame.
Hull City’s Jake Livermore has tested positive for cocaine. Livermore was randomly tested after Hull had beaten Crystal Palace 2-0 on April 25. His club manager Steve is “devastated”. Livermore, a £8m signing from Tottenham, has been suspended by the club.
Hull has issued a statement:
“Following suspension by the FA, the club has subsequently suspended Jake Livermore pending further investigations to be made by the FA and our own internal disciplinary procedures.”
No-one sensible supposes cocaine helps you become better at football. You don’t look at the brilliant, fat, thin and tragic Maradona without thinking how much better he’d have been had he not spent his idle hours face down in a bowl Peru’s finest.
There we were, busy painstakingly compiling a season-by-season photographic retrospective appraisal of Steven Gerrard’s 17-year hair portfolio only for the bloody BBC to go and steal our thunder by cobbling this little beauty together…
Steven Gerrard: 17 seasons, one sensible haircut. Immaculate.
You just can’t buy consistency like that. What a legacy.
The story is that Manchester United and England’s Chris Smalling’s garden hot tub caught fire. The Sun says Smalling wasn’t at his Bowdon, Altrincham, home at the time. The fire was spotted by a passing police car.
Bit odd, no? Police see smoke coming from a garden and rather than thinking it a bonfire or barbecue, enter the premises to check it out.
The officers were dousing the flames with a garden hose when firefighters arrived to finish the job.
No word from Smalling on the incident, but he did post this photo on Instagram of him watching the Champions’ League and playing poker with a Dyson vacuum cleaner, which seems to have a face:
Might it be that with Mario Balotelli likely to leave Liverpool and, very possibly, English football, Smalling is making his pitch to be the footballer most likely to become the celebrity face of the Fireworks Code?
Chelsea were by far this season’s best Premier League team. Roman Abramovich, the club’s owner, must be chuffed with his side’s success. But was it worth it? Fordstam, the company vehicle in control of Chelsea, has announced that Roman’s loan to the Blues has surged past the £1bn mark.
In the year to June 2014, Abramovich’s loan rose from £984m to £1,041,243,000, reports Private Eye.
The good news for Chelsea is that the loan is interest free. And should Abramovich need the money back, he would have to serve notice 18 months before making a demand.
Transfer Balls spots Paul Pogba news. Manchester City are celebrating a Tory win in the General Election by offering Paul Pogba £250,000 per week – net – to pick them (top rate of tax: 40%), Real Madrid (tax optional, allegedly), Chelsea, Barcelona (tax?) Manchester United and Paris Saint-Germain (top rate: 75%)
But Real might pull out because “they are concerned about his private life”. Well, so say the Express, which adds:
“Until a year ago [Pogba] lived with his mother, he doesn’t come out at night and yes, he’s very religious,” Real chief Florentino Perez is quoted as saying by football news outlet Football Espana.
Real are concerned he’s not getting out enough?
The Express is such an bizarre news source, unable to explain even its own headlines. The facts are, as ever, thin.
And fans of clubs other than Manchester City should realise that until Pogba signs, nothing is done. After all, as Sky Sports told us in 2012, Pogba had committed his future to Manchester United.
Transfer Balls spots this gem in the Daily Express: “CONFIRMED: Arsene Wenger reveals the THREE players joining Arsenal this summer.”
Can it be that after playing his cards so close to his chest for years, the Arsenal boss has taken to advertising his intentions in the transfer market before the summer has even begun? Has Bruce Archer the scoop of scoops?
No. The entire story runs like this:
Wenger insists he will not be making any big signings but his three loanees will return when the season is over.
Transfer Balls hears that stylish Bayern Munich coach Pep Guardiola, 44, has decided that Manchester City will be his next job. Well, so reports Qatari-owned BeIn Sports.
“Urgent – sources beIN SPORTS: Manchester City reached a tentative agreement with Bayern Munich coach Guardiola to train the team for next season.”
How tentative will be tested by AC Milan, who also fancy Guardiola and have offered the Spaniard their manager’s job, reports theSunday Times.
With facts thinner than an Ed Balls smile, the MEN turns to that font of knowledge, Richard Keyes, who coughs up his own tweet:
Richard ‘understands’. You can take the man out of Sky Sports but you cannot take Sky Sports out of the man. ‘Sky Sports understands…’ has been the prelude to more balls than a rugby club dinner.
Transfer Balls: a look at reporting on Paul Pogba in the tabloid press. The good news is that Manchester City are looking to bring talented French Paul Pogba to the Premier League. The bad news is that the price rises and falls faster than Nigel Farage’s blood pressure:
Transfer Balls: A look at football reporting in the tabloids. Today the Daily Mail says Gareth Bale is not heading to Manchester United. In “LEAVE BALE ALONE”, we hear Carlos Ancelotti, the Madrid manager, saying “Bale should not be sold under any circumstances” – “his faith in Bale remains absolute.”
Inside, across two pages, the Mail leaves Bale alone by saying the player is enduring a “nightmare”. Pete Jenson says that “if” Manchester United were to bid for Bale and “if” the Madrid fans wanted Bale out, then maybe Bale will be forced to leave.
