Mr Black, 55, died at home on Tuesday of lung cancer. He is survived by his wife Bearetta Harrison Black and his girlfriend Princess Hall. Both women placed death notices in the paper.
Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.
To Luzerne County, Pennsylvania, where Raymond Mazzarella is upset that sap from a neighbour’s tree is damaging his car. He picks up a chainsaw, cuts down the tree and sees it come down… right on top of his own home.
So bad is the resulting damage that the apartment block is now unfit for human habitation.
“He decided it was the best thing to do, to get rid of the tree, where he thought it was going to go, I don’t know,” says Terry Best, a Pittston Township code enforcement officer.
He did not touch the breasts. The breasts touched him.
Swedish police investigator reportedly dropped a sexual assault charge because the two alleged victims had “gigantic breasts”. Two women reported a professional ice hockey player to police after he allegedly grabbed their breasts at the Marité nightclub in Ostersund, northern Sweden.
But on Tuesday the lead investigator Mikael Lundberg reportedly said there was no proof the player had assaulted the women, or that the man had touched them intentionally.
“It’s pertinent in this case that the women had gigantic breasts,” he told reporters from Expressen newspaper. “It wasn’t hard to brush up against them. If you’re drunk and draping yourself over someone, well, you can see how it might have happened.”
Swedish broadcaster SVT also reported that Mr Lundberg had told them that one of the girls had “very large breasts and it was hard not to brush against them.”
A friend who worked for London Underground told me about frotting, the habit of men who board trains at busy times with the intent of rub themselves against women. If they only go for bigger women, do they now have a defence?
New from India’s Mumbai Mirror. The language is as lovely as the story. The duplicitous talents of these guys who made false passports and government documents makes the news.
Two men, who worked in tandem faking government documents and scamming people, used their duplicitous talent to secure bail from a court in the Mumbai Metropolitan Region of Thane, India, last month. The duo, Bashir Mulla, 62, and Mohammed Lukman Shaikh, 48, managed to fool the court by securing bail through fake documents signed by non-existent police officers and guarantors. It is suspected that the lawyer who represented them in the court too was an impostor.
Thane police says there are no traces of the two.
Vijay Sanap, a constable attached to Srinagar police station in Thane, explains:
“I have to maintain a record of the accused granted bail by the court, do verification of witnesses by the police station and keep track of the dates of the cases. I knew the court had issued a bail order for the two accused last month but they could not be released as the verification of the guarantors was pending. There is a procedure where the witnesses’ record is checked and only then can the accused be released. This (the bail hearing) was on July 20,” said Sanap. He said, “After that, there was no mention of the case. Three days back, when I was going through the case diary.
“I saw a paper which said that both the accused had been released. The document was signed by senior inspector Kaarkar of Srinagar police station and submitted by one constable RS Patil. As I myself am attached to the same police station I know that there is no one called Patil there and also the name of the senior inspector was different. I enquired with the Srinagar police station and found out that the verification order had not yet reached them, and hence they had not yet approved the release order. They had no idea of the accused having been released.” Sanap then asked the police station to check the papers and then it dawned on all that the two guarantors who had signed the document were fake. The guarantors, Santosh Dongre and Sakharam Khude, were as non-existent as were the constable and the senior inspector who signed their release documents. Also the rubber stamps of the police station were fake.”
The duplicitous duo remain on the lam.
What did Roald Dahl taste of? We can soon find out becsaue the 40FT Brewery, in Dalston, north east London, and Bompas and Parr are creating Mr Twit’s Odious Ale. You don’t have to be Twit to buy the stuff, just a hipster or some other kind of fetishising tw*t.
And apparently it’s what Dahl would have wanted:
With permission from The Roald Dahl Literary Estate and The Roald Dahl Museum in Great Missenden, Buckinghamshire, swabs were taken from the authors writing chair, preserved for posterity at the museum. The beer is to be brewed in the Polish Grätzen style.
Get Bucks the beer has “a light golden colour with relatively high carbonation”- like a runny fart.
So give me a bug and a jumping flea,
Give me two snails and lizards three,
And a slimy squiggler from the sea,
And the poisonous sting of a bumblebee,
And the juice from the fruit of the ju-jube tree,
And the powdered bone of a wombat’s knee.
And one hundred other nasty things as well
Each with a rather nasty smell.
I’ll stir them up, I’ll boil them long,
A mixture tough, a mixture tough, a mixture strong.
And then, heigh-ho, and down it goes,
A nice spoonful (hold your nose)
Just gulp it down and have no fear.
‘How do you like it, Granny dear?’
Will she go pop? Will she explode?
Will she go flying down the road?
Will she go poof in a puff of smoke?
Start fizzing like a can of Coke?
(I’m glad it’s neither you nor me.)
Oh Grandma, if only you knew
What I have got in store for you!’
This is a Not Safe For Lunch video of a dog being treated to its first encounter with fermented herring:
Malin Jonsson from Umeå in northern Sweden spotted her French bulldog, six-year-old Ella, begging for food during a recent surströmming party. But after only sniffing a piece of the fermented herring offered to her, the pet seemed to speak for many people with the way she reacted. “Eating surströmming is an important tradition in my northern family this time of the year. I have an older bulldog, Ernst, who is an avid surströmming lover and shares the delicacies with us every year. When Ella had been begging loudly for a while she got the chance to taste it. We know how strong the craving can be,” she said. “I was very surprised by her reaction. I had expected that she would enjoy it, obviously,” Ella added.
Police say Michael Henson was trying to have sex with a van in Dayton, Ohio at around 8:00pm.
A woman who called police claims to have seen Henson pull his shorts down and place his genitals in the front grille of the van that was parked on the street. She says this went on for some time before Henson shambled away and passed out.
Men, eh. Wham. Bam. Thank you, van.
You make your own entertainment in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada. Gerda Osteneck makes puppets from old cat hair. “Boo was a rescue cat we got shortly after I took a felting class,” says Gerda, “and I took one look at her ‘Oh, I want to felt you.'”
She explained that the process for felting cat hair is the same as felting with wool. First a pattern is made out of a heavy plastic. Then the hair is wrapped around the plastic, and soapy water is applied. The next step is to massage it all together, causing the hair to become felt.
Nowadays, Osteneck says all the cat hair she collects goes straight into a plastic bag to save instead of the trash can. After she collects enough brown and grey hair from Boo, she makes the felt and then crafts it into tiny finger puppets. Osteneck is now itching to show others how it’s all done.
And you can learn the technique. Gerda is teaching cat puppetry at the Neil Balkwill Civic Arts Centre.
“This is the first time I’ve posted a class for it and I’m really quite surprised at the reaction,” she adds. “You don’t have to go out and buy a kit. You don’t have to go out and fill a studio full of equipment. You can just grab your cat and brush, and the next thing you know you’ve got enough materials to make something.”
Or if brushing’s not your bag, why not just watch and wait until your cat coughs up a hairball. As we say, you make your own entertainment in Regina…
To Insjön, Sweden , where two young Pokémon Go hunters failed toe find their quarry. they did however find two strange creatures. one of the hunter’s parents tells Dalarnas Tidningar:
“They wore rubber masks depicting pigs’ heads and they started screaming and waving a green laser.”
The rutting pig people also wore T-shirts labeled ‘King’ and ‘Queen’. Later that night they were spotted having sex beside the hamlet’s waterwheel.
Which is, of course, how Pokemon get ‘made’.
To New Jersey, where thoughts are with Leroy Black, mourned by his “loving wife” and his “long-tome girlfriend”, according to his two obituaries placed in the Press of Atlantic City newspaper.
Mr Black, 55, died at home on Tuesday of lung cancer. He is survived by his wife Bearetta Harrison Black and his girlfriend Princess Hall. Both women placed death notices in the paper.
Surely, it is what he would have wanted.
To Philadelphia, where locals are hiring skips (dumpsters) filling them with water supplied via a fire hydrants water and creating urban swimming holes. It’s the Olympic legacy in action.
Of course, health and safety matters. The pool fans say they power-wash the dumpster, line the bottom with plywood and tarps and cushion the corners with pool noodles. But city officials are still upset.
The Department of Licenses and Inspections’ Karen Guss says you need a permit to fill a skip with water, and she won’t grant one. “You would think this decision would not require an explanation,” says Guss. “We are not screwing around, Philly. The city strongly recommends that residents opt for recreational options that are safer, more sanitary and less likely to deplete the resources firefighters need in an emergency.”
The issue of Pot Noodles has been forwarded to the Department of Too-Much Salt and Fat.
Time to ban heated cheese, which leads to heated rows and heated violence. The unemployed should be first to feel the full force of the cheese police
A Georgia man is facing criminal charges after raging at his spouse for making a grilled cheese sandwich too cheesy, cops allege.
According to an Athens-Clarke County Police Department report, James De Paola, 55, began “shouting and cursing” at his wife Michelle during a confrontation last Wednesday afternoon in the couple’s Athens home.
The unemployed De Paola became incensed at his 51-year-old spouse due to her “using three slices of cheese in a grilled cheese sandwich.” De Paola told cops that he had told the victim she “could make a grilled cheese sandwich with two pieces of cheese instead of three.”
The unemployed should be banned from all cheese and cheese-related items. And cheese should not come in slices. It comes in triangles.
First the good news: there will be plenty of supplies to eat when the world ends. Now the less good news: only Walmart produce can survive armageddon. We know this because police spotted “a car full of men in body armour holding semi-automatic weapons” at the Richmond Road Walmart in Lexington, Kentucky.
A six-month old baby was also in the car.
The group told Lt Jackie Newman they were preparing for Doomsday and needed supplies.
The men were armed with pistols and semi-automatic rifles. A licence is not required to have semi-automatic weapons in a car – but the marijuana the men had with them is banned. They were given a citation for the weed but were not charged with any other violations.
Isn’t America great.
Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, take your instrument and **** off, or else. That’s the message British police gave a man they arrested after he was seen playing a tambourine to watching crowds on the sandbanks of the River Mersey in Liverpool.
Before his arrest the man wrote “The Matrix has U” in the sand.
Toby Fagan, saw it:
“I was down the Pier Head and I saw all these emergency service vehicles down there. I headed down to see what was going on and the area was starting to be cordoned off. He was walking up and down the banks of the Mersey playing a tambourine. I sort of stayed with him as it happened, he went almost down to the ECHO Arena.
“Then he was detained by the police after being chased across the mudflats. It was quite interesting, not something you see everyday. He wrote ‘The Matrix has U’ and he seemed of the opinion he was doing nothing wrong, he was shouting for the crowd to join him.”
The Pied Piper has many guises. The crowd didn’t move into the trap.
Merseyside Police say the man has been arrested but for what crime they cannot specify. We’d go for attempted kidnap, carrying a tambourine in public whilst not in a 1960s tribute band and graffiti.
Londoners in search of affordable housing can head to Paraguay – just remember to take a huge stash of cocaine in your suitcase on departure. With any luck you too will be housed in one of the country’s well-appointed prison cells.
Until recetly, Brazilian drug lord Jarvis Chimenes Pavao was living in fully furnished three-room cell, boasting a conference room, plasma screen television, library, kitchen, air conditioning and an en-suite bathroom. When ‘out’, Pavao would rent his pad to other inmates.
Pavao was due to complete his sentence for money laundering next year, at the end of which he was likely to face extradition to Brazil. He has now been transferred to a special unit away from his luxury cell in Tacumbu prison, near the capital Asuncion.
It being handier for the airport.
Joshua Hare, 24, was by the Homebase DIY megastore in Salisbury, Wiltshire, when he was arrested.
At Swindon Magistrates Court, Hare admitted possession of 7.2 grams of cocaine. He was jailed for 12 weeks.
To Solihull, where Wesley Woolery is observing a protest. “I just couldn’t believe this lady remained there, considering the heat coming off that tarmac, I saw was what happening and thought it was so bizarre, I had to film it.”
“I drove off soon after so I’m not sure what happened but it was really comical at the time.”
“From what I can gather, I think the lady was angry because she wanted extra parking where that part of the footpath is. But, like me, I don’t think people could believe what she was doing. It’s just funny that they continued to tarmac around her anyway.”
Rumours that she was turned into a steeper-than-usual hump in the road are unproven.
To Australia, where a wedge-tailed eagle is wowing the crowds at the Alice Springs Desert Park. Witnesses says the bird swopped for a young onlooker and tried to make off with him “like a small animal”.
The boy, aged around 7, was running his zipper up and down just before the bird made its play. Keenan Lucas was there:
“We’re at the bird show in the afternoon, having a great time and looking forward to seeing the wedge-tailed eagle come out for the finale.
“The bird then flew over the crowd and tried to grab on to a young boy’s head. He screamed, the mother was distraught and the presenters wrapped up the show very quickly.”
The brochure promises: “Get up close with Australia’s largest bird of Prey, the Wedge-tailed Eagle. Discover the interesting lives these magnificent birds live!”
Move with the times, Spain. In Minnesota men inside Zorbs – inflatable bubbles – are getting tossed into the air by bulls. It’s all good, clean harmless fun at the Waconia Minnesota Professional Rodeo.
“If your loved ones were in this situation, what would they like you to do? ” asks Venerable Dan of the Great Enlightenment Buddhist Institute Society. As you look at Aunt Maud and wonder how chewy she might be after she’s been boiled alive, know that Venerable Dan and his fellow monks bought 600lbs of lobster from a fisherman, said Buddhist prayers over the creatures and returned them to the seas off the coast of Prince Edward Island, Canada.
“Hopefully, we can find a spot where there are no cages waiting for them,” said Dan. And maybe they’ll be lots of crabs for the lobsters to eat. (Who will think of the crabs?!)
“We respect everyone’s dietary choice, so we’re not doing this to convert everybody to be vegetarians or vegans. This whole purpose for us is to cultivate this compassion toward others,” he adds.
“It doesn’t have to be lobsters, it can be worms, flies, any animals, drive slower so we don’t run over little critters on the street.”
Fly farmers, to Prince Edward Island. The market is booming.
PS: Says Dan: “Fishermen actually found us a better place to release the lobster so they won’t be captured again.”
Hey, if you can’t trust a lobster fisherman to recycle lobsters, who can you trust? (You people are such cynics.)
Ronald McDonald has been shot at a fast-food restaurant on the USA. Police need not round-up the usual suspect – Hamburglar, Jamie Oliver, France – because Telvin Drummond, 24, from Lumberton, North Carolina, is helping them with their enquiries.
Mr McDonald was shot during an argument behind a Sonic Drive-In restaurant. Reports say the two began shooting at each other and Ronald McDonald was hit.
He’s ok. It is very likely that Mr McDonald cannot be killed by conventional weapons.
To Chicago in search of nominative determinism. We find Larry Gambles. Mr Gambles just won a $1,050,000 Lucky Day Lotto jackpot prize. He says: “Nine years ago, I won $50,000 playing the numbers from the jerseys of my high school basketball team. I’ve been playing the same numbers ever since. I can’t believe they paid off again.”
Mr S. Tony Broke will be in touch.
To the World Nose Championship took place in Langenbruck, Bavaria, Germany, where the search to find the world’s biggest human nose is on. Hosted by the Langenbruck Nose Club, founded by hop-growers in 1961, the rules are clear: noses must be at least four centimetres wide or six centimetres long for men and five centimetres long for women. The largest nose is defined by adding the length and width.
The winner (men’s) was Hans Roest. “People with big noses are happy, friendly people,” said Susanne Kloiber who won the women’s event.
The police report alleges Morris, 25, was “performing oral sex on the victim while sitting in a car located at the Clarion Hotel”. Morris is claimed to have taken the man’s wallet from his trousers, removed the debit card, secreted it under the passenger seat and then returned the wallet back into the man’s pocket all whilst fellating him.
She was not driving at the time – we think.
Russell Hawkins cultivates the Carolina Reaper chilli pepper – the world’s hottest vegetable. Hawkins thought it a worthwhile experiment to see what happens if he vaped the red-hot chilli pepper and rubbed the stuff in his eyes.
The action warms up after the third minute: