Anorak

Strange But True | Anorak - Part 233

Strange But True Category

Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.

Man Bites Dog

‘A KENYAN farmer charged over a dog bite injury has refused to have his fingerprints taken – telling police they should take the animal’s paw prints instead.

Tea farmer Karuga Koinange, from Kiambu, insisted his German Shepherd be charged instead of him for biting a farm worker.

Koinange argued he was not the dog’s keeper and accused the police of intimidating him while the real culprit, the dog, walked free.

However, he was forced to have his fingerprints taken at a local court where he was charged with causing injury to the worker by failing to lock up his dog.’

Posted: 19th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Call Bra-ed

‘A TAIWANESE woman was caught trying to steal a mobile phone when her bosom started ringing and vibrating in the middle of a store in Taipei.

A security video showed that the 52-year-old woman had picked up a phone that the shopkeeper had left on a counter and hidden it in her bra. But when the shopkeeper’s husband called the phone, she panicked and tried to make a run for it.

”She attempted to cover the strange scene with her handbag and dash out of the shop, only to be blocked by the shopkeeper, who was looking everywhere for her lost cellphone,” a police spokesman said. ‘

Posted: 18th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Bull And Bush

‘The story begins when Michael Castiglione decided to burgle a house, allegedly. He had spotted what he believed to be the perfect target, which happened to be the home of the mother of one Charles Lee in Des Moines, Iowa.

Castiglione broke in – and found Charles inside. He was trapped, and to escape her tried to bribe his captor. So he whipped out a fake $100 bill – one with a picture of President Bush on.

”The guy was trying to bribe me with fake money,” said Lee. Police were called and Castiglione was arrested. Amazingly, George Bush is president of the USA…’

Posted: 15th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Roy Reveals All

‘HAYLEY clip-clopped back to Weatherfield, blissfully unaware of the storm awaiting her return. Roy, being the all-round decent bloke and sap that he is, insisted on telling Hayley everything of his night with Racy Tracy.

”You’ve got things she hasn’t, Hayley”

”I slept with another woman,” he mumbled into his apron. Another woman? What woman has he slept with before Tracy? Hayley took the news surprisingly calmly. ”I’m sure nothing actually happened,” she said – she knows her Roy well.

Tracy has left Weatherfield after being turned away from every door, penniless and pregnant. That’s as far as any comparison with the Virgin Mary goes though.

Apparently Tracy is set to return later this year, complete with unwanted baby that she sells to Hayley and Roy.

Let’s hope she gets more for it than the penny she got paid for sleeping with him in the first place.

Martin and Katie are another couple set to cause a scandal. Dad Tommy has already knocked out hapless Tyrone, mistakenly thinking he’s the one she’s been sleeping with. God only knows how he’s going to react when he finds out it’s actually his best mate!

To be fair to Martin though, Katie is the oldest looking 16-year-old since Gary Coleman in Different Strokes.

Les Battersby has been let out of prison (well, even Archer’s been freed) and returned to The Street, determined to get revenge on Emma and Mick.

”This is the biggest miscarriage in the history of the world,” he ranted at them. ”I wouldn’t be surprised if the Home Secretary ‘imself got involved.”

If you read your tabloids, you’ll know that Mick does indeed get his comeuppance soon when he attacks Les in front of Janice and Curly. Bizarrely though, instead of getting a medal, he gets arrested.

Peter and Shelly are back from honeymoon. Within minutes of their return, Shelly’s back in the Lycra behind the bar and Peter’s back visiting Number One Wife Lucy. It seems the honeymoon really is over for Shelly.

Posted: 14th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Perfect Match

”’IT really was an unforgettable day,” said one wedding guest as he left the police station.

And he was right. A wedding between two Italian families exploded into life when a row began after a boy was teased. And then that turned into a fight.

Police were called out after the wedding in San Giorgio, northern Italy. Local media said it was a ”riot”.

The entire wedding party was arrested.’

Posted: 14th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Pipe Dream

‘HOW the Russians love their booze! They like it so much that one Russian decided he’d export his homebrew.

Apparently, he planned to export to neighbouring Latvia and constructed a one-kilometre-long underground pipeline from source to customer over the border.

But he was arrested when Latvian border police stumbled across the pipe and found it contained 200 litres of alcohol.

One half of the pipe was laid in Russia while the other stretched to a small village over the Latvian border.’

Posted: 13th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Spotted Dick

‘SOPHIE Matlala liked eating meat, but the 60-year-old South African woman understandably went off it after discovering a penis in her canteen dinner.

Sophia, a cleaner at Medforum Hospital, says how the incident forced her to seek psychiatric help.

Tucking into lunch one day, she says how she located a piece of meat so slippery that a knife was unable to cut it.

She took it in her hand and placed it in her mouth, but the meat was so tough she could not bite through it. She removed the chunk and, after a brief conversation with her colleagues, concluded that it was a penis.

However, because it had been cooked, it could not be established whether the penis was from a human or an animal.’

Posted: 12th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Warm Fronts

‘ROMANIAN agriculture minister and head of the Romanian Meteorological and Hydrological Institute Ilie Sarbu has had enough of weather girls who are hired on looks alone.

”I want girls with miniskirts and big cleavages out of TV weather shows,” says Sarbu. ”The Meteorological Institute has a £30 million investment to deliver exact forecasts.

”And yet one day I came to my office when it was pouring with rain and a girl with her breasts half-naked was saying on TV that we might have some light rain in the afternoon. There are some girls who keep showing up on the TV screens and say nothing but stupid things.”

Sounds very much like a job for Ulrika Jonsson…’

Posted: 11th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Never Too Young

‘THEY believe in starting them young Down Under – as the case of the Aussie dad who brought his eight-month-old baby son with him on an armed robbery proves.

The masked man held up a fast-food restaurant in Perth before escaping with his son in a stolen car and heading straight for the pub to spend his ill-gotten gains.

But, says the city’s senior constable Ralph Stevenson, staff at the pub became suspicious of the man, who appeared to be on drugs, and called the police.

Officers arrived to arrest the man and are now looking after the baby until his mother can be found. ‘

Posted: 7th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


A Driven Woman

‘SOME people refuse to get the message that they are not born to drive – people like Sue McIlwraith, who has finally got her licence at the 20th attempt…after splashing out £7,000 on more than 300 lessons since 1996.

And the 46-year-old supermarket worker from West Bromwich in the West Midlands is only too happy to admit that it is her own incompetence that is behind her many failures.

‘I’ve got to be honest – I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to driving and I just didn’t get it at all,’ she said.

‘I don’t do much for the cause of women drivers in general, but I am a determined person and, when I put my mind to something, I refuse to give up.’

A quality that other drivers in the West Midlands are unlikely to give thanks for.’

Posted: 6th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Bad Dog

‘A FLASHER in Croatia was both sore and in trouble with the police after being bitten on the testicles by a dog while exposing himself to a woman.

The 36-year-old from Zagreb dropped his trousers after spotting the woman in her front garden and put his penis through a hole in the garden fence.

But the woman’s dog, called Medo, immediately pounced on the protruding member, causing injuries to the man’ testicles.

He was later arrested after admitting the cause of his injury to hospital staff. ‘

Posted: 5th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


The Sins Of The Father

‘THE old saying that the punishment should fit the crime certainly holds true for Miss Tracy Barlow.

Even Tracy looked aghast at the idea of a threesome with Bev

Having slept with Roy to win a penny bet, she’s now lost her home, her job, her family and friends – but far worse is to come.

For Tracy has just discovered that she’s carrying Roy Cropper’s child. Rumours that it will be born in an anorak cannot be confirmed before the first scan but, however it turns out, it’s not going to be pretty.

Tracy has taken refuge at Aunt Emily’s after being thrown out of everywhere else on the Street (being kicked out of bed is hardly a new occurrence for our Tracy though). ‘I’m ‘avin’ Roy’s baby,’ she revealed to a shocked Emily.

Tracy may be jumping the gun as, given her recent innings, there are several blokes who could have bowled her out: Steve, Wally and Dev are just the ones we know about.

Hayley is back this week and let’s all hope she’ll take the news like the man that she once was.

Katie is also suffering from relationship woes as dad Tommy is convinced she’s sleeping with Tyrone.

It may be understandable upon hearing that your beloved daughter is having relations with the Missing Link but smacking him in the face isn’t the best solution.

Anyway, poor Tyrone has only agreed to pretend to be Katie’s boyfriend to cover up that she’s actually sleeping with Martin. However, I doubt much sex is actually taking place as I’ll be amazed if she can keep him out of his cardigan long enough.

Martin, clearly having gone mad (owing to the current heatwave and his insistence on wearing said cardigan) wants to tell everyone about their relationship.

Even at 16, Katie had the good sense to look horrified: after witnessing several of their kissing scenes, there are some things too terrifying ever to be made public.

Posted: 5th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Hot Stuff

‘THREE-TIME champion Leo Pusa has lost his title at the Sauna World Championship to fellow Finn Timo Kaukonen, who managed to endure temeperatures of 100 degrees C for 16 minutes, 15 seconds – seven seconds longer than Pusa.

Sauna Queen Anniki Peltonen also lost her crown, beaten by a 36-year-old music teacher from Minsk, who recorded a time of 13 minutes. ‘I’m pink but happy,’ Natalia Trifanova said after her victory. ‘I got a lot of satisfaction sitting in there today. It’s an extreme sport for me.’

About 3,000 people turned up in Heinola in southern Finland to watch competitors from 15 countries sweat it out for the coveted titles.’

Posted: 4th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Trailer Trash

‘HARALD H from Berlin has been found living on a rubbish dump – a place he’s called home for 10 years. Harald H was aged 41 when he dug out a 3ft high cave in the grime and installed a mattress, shelves and a cupboard.

After sleeping all day, Harald would search the dump for food at night. The choicest cuts were warmed over candles. Harald was discovered only when he set off some fireworks. Harald is living with the social services, while his old place fills up with rubbish.’

Posted: 1st, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Sleepy Seconds

‘A WOMAN has asked to be divorced from her husband because he keeps calling out the name of his first wife in his sleep.

The woman, from Focsani, Romania, told the country’s National Newspaper: ‘It was like that woman, with whom he has a child, still obsesses him.

‘I asked my husband to go see a shrink but said I was the crazy one. So how could I live with a man who sleeps besides me but has sex with the ex-wife in his dreams?’

Answers to the usual address and we’ll see she gets them. ‘

Posted: 31st, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Ladies’ Night

‘THURSDAY nights in Torredonjimeno, a town in Andalusia, southern Spain, are reserved for ladies only.

The mayor has declared Thursday ladies’ night and says he will fine any man seen out of doors in the evening.

Mayor Javier Checa’s intention is to encourage men to stay at home and do the chores. From this October any man found wandering the streets on a Thursday evening will be liable to pay a fine of five euros ($5.67).

‘Who does the mayor think he is to fine me if I go to a bar? I’ll go to a bar on Thursday, and if they fine me I’ll pay it…but we’ll be seeing each other in court,’ resident Jose Damas told state television.

He then put on his marigolds and began to scrub…’

Posted: 30th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Chicken Lickin’

‘HAVE you ever seen George Bush’s legs? Julia Rose, a singer and sometime fitness advocate, has.

Playing before an audience at a Borders Books & Music store ,Rose said: ‘George Bush has chicken legs. He needs to pump some iron.’

Fredericksburg, Virginia, is no place for such anti-patriotic statements and Rose has been banned from that branch of the bookshop chain.

‘I never said anything about Bush being a bad president or anything,’ said Rose. ‘I was just poking fun at his scrawny frame.’ ‘

Posted: 29th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Catfish Eat Dog

‘KUNO is dead. The carcass of a huge five-foot-long catfish weighing 77 pounds has washed up on the shore of the Volksgarten park lake, close to the German city of Moenchengladbach.

Kuno sprang to fame in 2001 when he rose like a salmon to gobble a paddling Dachshund puppy – whole! Despite repeated efforts, Kuno evaded capture.

‘He was our Loch Ness monster,’ said Uwe Heil, member of Kuno’s Friends, a rock band named after the fish. The northern city of Bremen plans to stuff Kuno and put it in a museum. ‘

Posted: 28th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Die another day

‘IT looks like few of us will be able to afford to retire before we’re 70, but at least we’ll get the choice. Dayananda Dissanayake, a 61-year-old election official in Sri Lanka, has been told he cannot step down despite passing the country’s retirement age and despite having suffered five heart attacks.

Dissanayake, who has worked in the role for 33 years, says he needs rest after years of overseeing Sri Lanka’s often bloody elections, including the last general elections in December 2001 in which 61 people were killed.

But the Supreme Court ruled that it could not overturn a government decree preventing him leaving office and ordered him to carry on working until a replacement is found – or until he drops dead.’

Posted: 25th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Mother’s Milk

‘A NEW Zealand prostitute is offering customers an extra service at the brothel where she works – fresh breast milk.

The 25-year-old, who gave birth six weeks ago, said the idea was suggested by a client and claimed business was booming since she started advertising the service.

However, fears have been raised about the hygiene implications of what she is doing.

La Leche League director Rosemary Gordon warned that there could be a risk of infectious diseases, like herpes, hepatitis and tuberculosis, being spread through cross-infection between the baby, clients and the mother.

But the prostitute, who goes by the name of Brooke, insists she washes herself with hot salt water and showers before feeding her son, and does not believe there was a risk of cross-infection.

‘My kid comes first,’ she said.’

Posted: 24th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Ray Feels Peculiar

‘PETER Barlow has a larger capacity for self-deception than Jeffery Archer himself – and, like Archer, it’s only a matter of time before his incredible arrogance causes his downfall.

‘Eeny, meany, miny, mo…’

Peter and Shelly were due to get married this week – in spite of the small fact that Peter is actually already married to Lucy. Peter didn’t seem to think this was a problem though, although Shelly’s mum Bev did. How unreasonable!

On the eve of the wedding, Ciaran let slip to her that Peter had been seeing another woman. Bev told Shelly who then told Peter that she never wanted to see him again.

But in Soapland, ‘never’ usually constitutes about an episode and, true to form, weasel Peter managed to turn things round so that he actually blamed Shelly.

‘You’re throwing away your only chance at happiness,’ he told her. ‘How could you do it to us?’ Amazingly, Shelly agreed to marry Peter and happily trotted off down the aisle looking like a pig in a duvet.

And of course as luck – or the scriptwriters – would have it – who should be in the registry office next door at the very same time but Lucy: registering her (and Peter’s) son’s birth.

Producers had shot three different endings to the wedding and in the end went for the one that drags the storyline out the longest. Quelle surprise!

In the end, Shelly and Peter got married without a hitch, in spite of Tracy threatening to speak up at the ‘does anyone know any lawful impediment?’ bit.

Tracy had more mischief to make though, when she set out to win her one penny bet with Bev that she could seduce Roy. Hayley was away tending to a sick relative so Tracy offered to ‘look after’ Roy at the wedding.

Which is a bit like putting Ozzie Osborne in charge of a bat sanctuary.

When Tracy realised that Roy wasn’t going to crack, she drugged his drink with the date-rape drug she found at Shelly’s hen night. ‘I – I feel a bit peculiar,’ Roy stuttered while unloosening his tie and turning red. Tracy offered to take him home.

‘You’re a regular angel,’ taxi driver Mick told Tracy as she carried Roy into her house. The sort of ‘angel’ you find down Stringfellow’s Cabaret of Angels perhaps.

Mercifully we were spared any bedroom scenes and the next episode opened with poor Roy stuffing his pants into his pocket and running out. Tracy was sporting her best smirk face as she claimed her penny from Bev.

But when Ken found out, he demanded that the gurning monster tell Roy nothing happened or he’d throw her out. ‘He’s a broken man,’ shouted Ken. Not as much of a broken man as Hayley’s going to be when she finds out though.

Posted: 23rd, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Silence Is Golden

‘MANY couples have different ways of making their marriages work, but most tend to agree that communication is the key.

Except one Chinese man and wife, whose recipe for wedded bliss has involved not talking to each other for five years.

The middle-aged husband and wife from Leiqing, Zhejiang province, used to argue day and night until in 1998 they decided the only way to save their marriage was not to speak to each other or even acknowledge the other’s existence.

They continue to live under the same roof and sleep in the same bed – and the husband proudly boasts: ‘We haven’t had an argument in five years.’ ‘

Posted: 23rd, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Jumbo Dictionary

‘TWO Swedish zoo keepers are off to Thailand to learn the language so they can issue commands to a pair of elephants given as a present to the King and Queen of Sweden on a visit to the country earlier this year.

Magnus Nilsson, boss of Sweden’s Kolmaarden safari park (which had to destroy all five of its elephants recently after they were infected with tuberculosis), said the alternative was teaching the elephants Swedish.

The pair will also attend a special training camp for elephant keepers in readiness for the jumbos’ arrival in October.’

Posted: 22nd, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


French Letters

‘LIKE Canute trying to stop the tide, the French government is desperately fighting the spread of English words in the language. Its latest step is to ban the word ‘e-mail’ in all its ministries, documents, publications and websites and replace it with ‘courriel’.

The Culture Ministry ruled: ‘Evocative, with a very French sound, the word courriel is broadly used in the press and competes advantageously with the borrowed mail in English.’

The trouble is that most of France hasn’t got a clue what it means. Marie-Christine Levet, president of French ISP Club Internet, said: ‘Protecting the language is normal, but e-mail’s so assimilated now that no one thinks of it as American. Courriel would just be a new word to launch.’

Posted: 21st, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Bare Cheek

‘WHO says the Germans have no sense of humour? Okay, hands down – all of you.

The fact is, as any Austrian will tell you, Germans are all about fun. And no group is more fun than local councillors in Krov, a town in the Mosel wine-producing region and home of the Krover Nacktarsch brew.

The new community centre was in need of a name so the local dignitaries chose Nacktarschalle – the Naked Arse Centre.

Elmar Trossen, the town’s mayor, says: ‘Can you imagine being invited to a wedding reception or holding a classical concert at the Naked Arse Centre?’

Posted: 18th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment