Strange But True | Anorak - Part 234

Strange But True Category

Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.

Cold Calling

‘TOM Mabe, 36, from Kentucky, USA, is a hero. We should thank him.

Sick of being woken and disturbed by cold calling marketers offering him all manner of useless products Mabe plotted revenge.

He travelled to a telephone marketing conference in Washington DC and waited until it ended. He waited until the delegates were in bed. He waited until they were asleep. And then he called each room.

“I’m calling on behalf of the Telemarketers With Insomnia Foundation,” he said. An Anorak medal is on is way.’

Posted: 27th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Coming A Cropper

‘TRACY the terrible returned to the Street this week, still appalling, still pregnant. “I’ve given Roy the one thing you never could,” spat Tracy at Hayley. What’s that? A sexually transmitted disease?

Hayley remembers The Duffle Coat Motto: Better red than dead

Hayley’s hormone medication has clearly sent her a bit mental as she then accused Roy of deliberately planning to seduce Tracy in order to become a father and decided to leave him, heading back to Amsterdam.

“It’s the only place I feel I’ve ever been really accepted,” she said. So clearly red duffle coats are the height of fashion in the Low Countries.

Roy was left a broken man. After cleaning Roy’s Rolls from top to bottom, he put on his pyjamas and washed down a handful of pills with a glass of milk. But just in time, Hayley decided not to get on the Weatherfield to Amsterdam bus and instead managed to save Roy’s life, making him throw up by force-feeding him salt water and his own weight in Betty’s hotpots.

“We’re not going to let that hussy beat us!” promised Hayley. “And what’s more, we’re going to fight for yer bay-bee, Roy.” The last time Roy and Hayley tried to become parents they ended up on the run in a caravan park with a ginger child, so the omens aren’t great.

Les has been released from her Majesty’s pleasure (apparently even she couldn’t stand him) and is determined to get revenge on Mick and Emma. He went round to Mick’s house, brandishing a crowbar but Mick is a trained policeman so had no trouble in disarming him and then beating the living daylights out of him on the grounds of ‘self defence’.

Janice was there to witness her boyfriend attacking her husband and isn’t best pleased – she wanted to save it for their ‘Jerry Springer’ appearance.

Another pair set for the set of Jerry Springer are Martin and Katy – “My boyfriend is twice my age and is addicted to cardigans.”

The Liza Minelli and David Gest of Weatherfield decide to come clean about their grubby relationship and rather predictably her parents ban the couple from seeing each other. Katy decides she can’t live without the wet nurse and tries a rather novel way to kill herself: with Milk Tray.

And all because the lady loves…..’

Posted: 27th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Sex Deductible

‘THE Dutch are renowned the world over for their liberal attitudes to the baser needs of man. But they are a pragmatic, essentially conservative bunch.

So when a disabled Dutchman clamed he used less medicine after visits to prostitutes he was, after a lengthy court battle, awarded £100 a month for hookers.

But he can’t find a girl to give him a receipt. It seems prostitutes are worried about declaring tax deducible income.’

Posted: 26th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Leg Work

‘IT’S not quite the search for the Loch Ness Monster, the lost continent of Atlantis or the wreck of the Titanic, but divers at Universal Studios theme park in Florida have a quest of their own – a false leg.

The prosthetic limb flew off Hawley Webb as he rode one of the 55mph Dueling Dragons rollercoaster rides in the Lost Continent section of the Islands of Adventure park, Orlando.

He immediately alerted staff, who decided that the leg must have fallen into a pond below the ride. Bur despite a team of divers being sent in to look for it, the leg has not yet been recovered. Universal Studios says it will replace the leg if divers can’t find it.’

Posted: 22nd, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

What A Bore!

‘RESCUERS had to break into a bank to free a toddler who got locked inside the vault of the Washington Mutual Bank in Redwood, California, and would have been stuck there until morning.

No-one realised that Daniella Sanchez, aged two, was inside the vault until after they closed the heavy steel and concrete door 6.30pm that evening.

Because of a time lock, the doors could not be opened again until 6am – so firefighters were called.

Fire Chief Paul Wilson said they drilled a two-inch hole and pushed through a surveillance camera and drinking water, along with a microphone to let the girl’s mother talk to her daughter.

A private concrete boring firm was then brought in and they drilled a hole big enough for the child to crawl out through.’

Posted: 21st, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Pork On Your Fork

‘SOME people will do anything to get on TV and programmes like Fear Factor are designed to show just how far people will go.

For instance, in the second series of the US reality TV show contestants are forced to eat a pig’s rectum for the chance to win the £20,000 prize.

Presenter Ed Sanders said: ‘We had one guy who was loud and gave it large. When we showed him the rectum it had a piece of intestine with it. He took one bite and freaked. It took 10 minutes to get him back on set.

‘All the things they have to eat are safely prepared. Our cooks make sure the offal is safe to eat. But we don’t like to make things easy.

‘We have people who thank us later for helping them to overcome their fears. That makes me happy.”

Posted: 20th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Man Bites Dog

‘A KENYAN farmer charged over a dog bite injury has refused to have his fingerprints taken – telling police they should take the animal’s paw prints instead.

Tea farmer Karuga Koinange, from Kiambu, insisted his German Shepherd be charged instead of him for biting a farm worker.

Koinange argued he was not the dog’s keeper and accused the police of intimidating him while the real culprit, the dog, walked free.

However, he was forced to have his fingerprints taken at a local court where he was charged with causing injury to the worker by failing to lock up his dog.’

Posted: 19th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Call Bra-ed

‘A TAIWANESE woman was caught trying to steal a mobile phone when her bosom started ringing and vibrating in the middle of a store in Taipei.

A security video showed that the 52-year-old woman had picked up a phone that the shopkeeper had left on a counter and hidden it in her bra. But when the shopkeeper’s husband called the phone, she panicked and tried to make a run for it.

”She attempted to cover the strange scene with her handbag and dash out of the shop, only to be blocked by the shopkeeper, who was looking everywhere for her lost cellphone,” a police spokesman said. ‘

Posted: 18th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Bull And Bush

‘The story begins when Michael Castiglione decided to burgle a house, allegedly. He had spotted what he believed to be the perfect target, which happened to be the home of the mother of one Charles Lee in Des Moines, Iowa.

Castiglione broke in – and found Charles inside. He was trapped, and to escape her tried to bribe his captor. So he whipped out a fake $100 bill – one with a picture of President Bush on.

”The guy was trying to bribe me with fake money,” said Lee. Police were called and Castiglione was arrested. Amazingly, George Bush is president of the USA…’

Posted: 15th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Roy Reveals All

‘HAYLEY clip-clopped back to Weatherfield, blissfully unaware of the storm awaiting her return. Roy, being the all-round decent bloke and sap that he is, insisted on telling Hayley everything of his night with Racy Tracy.

”You’ve got things she hasn’t, Hayley”

”I slept with another woman,” he mumbled into his apron. Another woman? What woman has he slept with before Tracy? Hayley took the news surprisingly calmly. ”I’m sure nothing actually happened,” she said – she knows her Roy well.

Tracy has left Weatherfield after being turned away from every door, penniless and pregnant. That’s as far as any comparison with the Virgin Mary goes though.

Apparently Tracy is set to return later this year, complete with unwanted baby that she sells to Hayley and Roy.

Let’s hope she gets more for it than the penny she got paid for sleeping with him in the first place.

Martin and Katie are another couple set to cause a scandal. Dad Tommy has already knocked out hapless Tyrone, mistakenly thinking he’s the one she’s been sleeping with. God only knows how he’s going to react when he finds out it’s actually his best mate!

To be fair to Martin though, Katie is the oldest looking 16-year-old since Gary Coleman in Different Strokes.

Les Battersby has been let out of prison (well, even Archer’s been freed) and returned to The Street, determined to get revenge on Emma and Mick.

”This is the biggest miscarriage in the history of the world,” he ranted at them. ”I wouldn’t be surprised if the Home Secretary ‘imself got involved.”

If you read your tabloids, you’ll know that Mick does indeed get his comeuppance soon when he attacks Les in front of Janice and Curly. Bizarrely though, instead of getting a medal, he gets arrested.

Peter and Shelly are back from honeymoon. Within minutes of their return, Shelly’s back in the Lycra behind the bar and Peter’s back visiting Number One Wife Lucy. It seems the honeymoon really is over for Shelly.

Posted: 14th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Perfect Match

”’IT really was an unforgettable day,” said one wedding guest as he left the police station.

And he was right. A wedding between two Italian families exploded into life when a row began after a boy was teased. And then that turned into a fight.

Police were called out after the wedding in San Giorgio, northern Italy. Local media said it was a ”riot”.

The entire wedding party was arrested.’

Posted: 14th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Pipe Dream

‘HOW the Russians love their booze! They like it so much that one Russian decided he’d export his homebrew.

Apparently, he planned to export to neighbouring Latvia and constructed a one-kilometre-long underground pipeline from source to customer over the border.

But he was arrested when Latvian border police stumbled across the pipe and found it contained 200 litres of alcohol.

One half of the pipe was laid in Russia while the other stretched to a small village over the Latvian border.’

Posted: 13th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Spotted Dick

‘SOPHIE Matlala liked eating meat, but the 60-year-old South African woman understandably went off it after discovering a penis in her canteen dinner.

Sophia, a cleaner at Medforum Hospital, says how the incident forced her to seek psychiatric help.

Tucking into lunch one day, she says how she located a piece of meat so slippery that a knife was unable to cut it.

She took it in her hand and placed it in her mouth, but the meat was so tough she could not bite through it. She removed the chunk and, after a brief conversation with her colleagues, concluded that it was a penis.

However, because it had been cooked, it could not be established whether the penis was from a human or an animal.’

Posted: 12th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Warm Fronts

‘ROMANIAN agriculture minister and head of the Romanian Meteorological and Hydrological Institute Ilie Sarbu has had enough of weather girls who are hired on looks alone.

”I want girls with miniskirts and big cleavages out of TV weather shows,” says Sarbu. ”The Meteorological Institute has a £30 million investment to deliver exact forecasts.

”And yet one day I came to my office when it was pouring with rain and a girl with her breasts half-naked was saying on TV that we might have some light rain in the afternoon. There are some girls who keep showing up on the TV screens and say nothing but stupid things.”

Sounds very much like a job for Ulrika Jonsson…’

Posted: 11th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Never Too Young

‘THEY believe in starting them young Down Under – as the case of the Aussie dad who brought his eight-month-old baby son with him on an armed robbery proves.

The masked man held up a fast-food restaurant in Perth before escaping with his son in a stolen car and heading straight for the pub to spend his ill-gotten gains.

But, says the city’s senior constable Ralph Stevenson, staff at the pub became suspicious of the man, who appeared to be on drugs, and called the police.

Officers arrived to arrest the man and are now looking after the baby until his mother can be found. ‘

Posted: 7th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

A Driven Woman

‘SOME people refuse to get the message that they are not born to drive – people like Sue McIlwraith, who has finally got her licence at the 20th attempt…after splashing out £7,000 on more than 300 lessons since 1996.

And the 46-year-old supermarket worker from West Bromwich in the West Midlands is only too happy to admit that it is her own incompetence that is behind her many failures.

‘I’ve got to be honest – I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to driving and I just didn’t get it at all,’ she said.

‘I don’t do much for the cause of women drivers in general, but I am a determined person and, when I put my mind to something, I refuse to give up.’

A quality that other drivers in the West Midlands are unlikely to give thanks for.’

Posted: 6th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Bad Dog

‘A FLASHER in Croatia was both sore and in trouble with the police after being bitten on the testicles by a dog while exposing himself to a woman.

The 36-year-old from Zagreb dropped his trousers after spotting the woman in her front garden and put his penis through a hole in the garden fence.

But the woman’s dog, called Medo, immediately pounced on the protruding member, causing injuries to the man’ testicles.

He was later arrested after admitting the cause of his injury to hospital staff. ‘

Posted: 5th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

The Sins Of The Father

‘THE old saying that the punishment should fit the crime certainly holds true for Miss Tracy Barlow.

Even Tracy looked aghast at the idea of a threesome with Bev

Having slept with Roy to win a penny bet, she’s now lost her home, her job, her family and friends – but far worse is to come.

For Tracy has just discovered that she’s carrying Roy Cropper’s child. Rumours that it will be born in an anorak cannot be confirmed before the first scan but, however it turns out, it’s not going to be pretty.

Tracy has taken refuge at Aunt Emily’s after being thrown out of everywhere else on the Street (being kicked out of bed is hardly a new occurrence for our Tracy though). ‘I’m ‘avin’ Roy’s baby,’ she revealed to a shocked Emily.

Tracy may be jumping the gun as, given her recent innings, there are several blokes who could have bowled her out: Steve, Wally and Dev are just the ones we know about.

Hayley is back this week and let’s all hope she’ll take the news like the man that she once was.

Katie is also suffering from relationship woes as dad Tommy is convinced she’s sleeping with Tyrone.

It may be understandable upon hearing that your beloved daughter is having relations with the Missing Link but smacking him in the face isn’t the best solution.

Anyway, poor Tyrone has only agreed to pretend to be Katie’s boyfriend to cover up that she’s actually sleeping with Martin. However, I doubt much sex is actually taking place as I’ll be amazed if she can keep him out of his cardigan long enough.

Martin, clearly having gone mad (owing to the current heatwave and his insistence on wearing said cardigan) wants to tell everyone about their relationship.

Even at 16, Katie had the good sense to look horrified: after witnessing several of their kissing scenes, there are some things too terrifying ever to be made public.

Posted: 5th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Hot Stuff

‘THREE-TIME champion Leo Pusa has lost his title at the Sauna World Championship to fellow Finn Timo Kaukonen, who managed to endure temeperatures of 100 degrees C for 16 minutes, 15 seconds – seven seconds longer than Pusa.

Sauna Queen Anniki Peltonen also lost her crown, beaten by a 36-year-old music teacher from Minsk, who recorded a time of 13 minutes. ‘I’m pink but happy,’ Natalia Trifanova said after her victory. ‘I got a lot of satisfaction sitting in there today. It’s an extreme sport for me.’

About 3,000 people turned up in Heinola in southern Finland to watch competitors from 15 countries sweat it out for the coveted titles.’

Posted: 4th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Trailer Trash

‘HARALD H from Berlin has been found living on a rubbish dump – a place he’s called home for 10 years. Harald H was aged 41 when he dug out a 3ft high cave in the grime and installed a mattress, shelves and a cupboard.

After sleeping all day, Harald would search the dump for food at night. The choicest cuts were warmed over candles. Harald was discovered only when he set off some fireworks. Harald is living with the social services, while his old place fills up with rubbish.’

Posted: 1st, August 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Sleepy Seconds

‘A WOMAN has asked to be divorced from her husband because he keeps calling out the name of his first wife in his sleep.

The woman, from Focsani, Romania, told the country’s National Newspaper: ‘It was like that woman, with whom he has a child, still obsesses him.

‘I asked my husband to go see a shrink but said I was the crazy one. So how could I live with a man who sleeps besides me but has sex with the ex-wife in his dreams?’

Answers to the usual address and we’ll see she gets them. ‘

Posted: 31st, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Ladies’ Night

‘THURSDAY nights in Torredonjimeno, a town in Andalusia, southern Spain, are reserved for ladies only.

The mayor has declared Thursday ladies’ night and says he will fine any man seen out of doors in the evening.

Mayor Javier Checa’s intention is to encourage men to stay at home and do the chores. From this October any man found wandering the streets on a Thursday evening will be liable to pay a fine of five euros ($5.67).

‘Who does the mayor think he is to fine me if I go to a bar? I’ll go to a bar on Thursday, and if they fine me I’ll pay it…but we’ll be seeing each other in court,’ resident Jose Damas told state television.

He then put on his marigolds and began to scrub…’

Posted: 30th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Chicken Lickin’

‘HAVE you ever seen George Bush’s legs? Julia Rose, a singer and sometime fitness advocate, has.

Playing before an audience at a Borders Books & Music store ,Rose said: ‘George Bush has chicken legs. He needs to pump some iron.’

Fredericksburg, Virginia, is no place for such anti-patriotic statements and Rose has been banned from that branch of the bookshop chain.

‘I never said anything about Bush being a bad president or anything,’ said Rose. ‘I was just poking fun at his scrawny frame.’ ‘

Posted: 29th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Catfish Eat Dog

‘KUNO is dead. The carcass of a huge five-foot-long catfish weighing 77 pounds has washed up on the shore of the Volksgarten park lake, close to the German city of Moenchengladbach.

Kuno sprang to fame in 2001 when he rose like a salmon to gobble a paddling Dachshund puppy – whole! Despite repeated efforts, Kuno evaded capture.

‘He was our Loch Ness monster,’ said Uwe Heil, member of Kuno’s Friends, a rock band named after the fish. The northern city of Bremen plans to stuff Kuno and put it in a museum. ‘

Posted: 28th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Die another day

‘IT looks like few of us will be able to afford to retire before we’re 70, but at least we’ll get the choice. Dayananda Dissanayake, a 61-year-old election official in Sri Lanka, has been told he cannot step down despite passing the country’s retirement age and despite having suffered five heart attacks.

Dissanayake, who has worked in the role for 33 years, says he needs rest after years of overseeing Sri Lanka’s often bloody elections, including the last general elections in December 2001 in which 61 people were killed.

But the Supreme Court ruled that it could not overturn a government decree preventing him leaving office and ordered him to carry on working until a replacement is found – or until he drops dead.’

Posted: 25th, July 2003 | In: Strange But True | Comment