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Strange But True | Anorak - Part 235

Strange But True Category

Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.

Sofa So Good

‘IT comes to something when the biggest storyline in a soap is based around a large, inanimate object that everyone hates. No, Bet Gilroy’s not back, it’s Karen’s sofa. It’s difficult to follow (or care) about this tedious storyline but apparently Karen has spent two thousand pounds in the store she works in, on a sofa that is too big to fit into their flat.

Steve took it round to his mother’s old house, where Eileen now lives to store it. With me so far? Eileen brought the sofa in so it wouldn’t get ruined and put her one in the back yard. And – would you believe it? – the removal men that Steve called to take Karen’s sofa away only went and picked up the wrong one! It’s the sort of plot the Carry On gang would turn their noses up at on the grounds that it was too ludicrous.

And speaking of soft furnishings, Sally’s mind is all in turmoil over agreeing to let Kevin move back in. Although he’s sleeping on the sofa, the residents of Weatherfield think that they’re back together and Sally is worried that this will put off any potential mate. No, Sally, love – the fact that you’re a controlling harpy is what will do it.

Across the street, Maria seems to think she’s found the love of her life. She’s sold off all her worldly possessions in readiness for a new life in Canada with Nick ‘the brick’ Platt. But something tells me she’s not even going to make it as far as Manchester Airport. Like Stepford, no one is allowed to leave Weatherfield – unless it’s in the back of a cab – and once gone is never seen again (except once a year in panto).

Poor Shelly is going through a hard time too at the moment. Fred has promoted her to temporary manager of The Rovers, much to Gina’s annoyance. Gina, being the mature, responsible person that she is quickly set about making Shelly’s life a nightmare and finally walked out after spilling tomato juice all down Shelly’s top. Shelly’s life is about to get a whole lot worse when her boyfriend Peter’s old navy mate, Kieran, turns up, played by none other than Mr Keith Duffy, formally of Boyzone ‘fame’.

Kieran makes it very clear that he fancies Shelly and sets about trying to woo her. Let’s just hope he doesn’t offer to sing – don’t know how much more pain Shelly can take. ‘

Posted: 14th, August 2002 | In: Strange But True | Comment


A Marriage Made In Hell

‘RICHARD and Gail’s smugness levels, in the run up to their wedding, threaten to engulf Weatherfield like an outbreak of Foot and Mouth disease.

Gail’s hen night took place in the Rovers (surprise!) where she proceeded to torture everyone by wittering on endlessly about her perfect life with Coronation Street’s premier murderer.

Richard had arranged for her son, Nick to fly over from Canada to be there for the big day. He almost didn’t make it as he didn’t have enough money for the fare so Richard paid for his ticket. I was under the impression that as a plank of wood, he would have been able to travel for free in the hold.

Richard is also perky as he’s sold the last of his flat developments and is planning to move the Platt family into a five bedroom pad, complete with pool room to make David feel at home, and dead body under the foundations, to make him feel comfortable.

Gail and Richard’s wedding day almost doesn’t happen though, when the police turn up to question him about his ex wife’s disappearance. Patricia has been reported missing and as he was the last person to see her alive, the police take him away for some questioning. But Teflon Tricky Dicky gets off without charge.

Richard is so convinced that he’s done nothing wrong, he’s given his dead wife’s bracelet to Gail as a wedding present. Well, it wasn’t much of a lucky charm for Patricia, was it?

Unfortunately for those hoping to see Gail left stranded at the altar, you’re going to be disappointed, as the wedding goes ahead but at least it does mean that Richard lives to kill another day.

Sally is dithering over whether she should let Kevin move back in or not to help pay the bills. But as Eileen pointed out, it’s unlikely she’s ever going to find herself another man (word having got out about her ability to sap the life out of grown men) so why not settle for the hamster man?

Things are looking up for Sally though, as she’s managed to get herself some work experience in Rita’s newsagent. So hopefully she’ll be supplementing the girls’ diet of fish fingers with cola cubes and Cadburys Creme Eggs.

Karen has also landed herself a new job in an upmarket furniture shop. ”They can spot class when they see it,” she gloated to the girls at the factory on her way to her first day. More likely her new bosses could tell that with her depth of experience, she’d be invaluable in giving customers advice on hundreds of different beds and sofas.

Posted: 30th, July 2002 | In: Strange But True | Comment


A Serious Undertaking

‘IF Norris wants to live long enough attend the next Shirley Bassey tour, he’s going to have to stop annoying Richard.

Richard finally lost his temper with Norris after he successfully persuaded Rita not to hand over her life savings.

‘I think I’m going to have to shut you up,’ growled Richard as he grabbed Norris off the street and drove him to the hammer house of horrors – where both Dougie and Patricia met their ends.

After a spot of light terrorising, Richard let a shaking Norris go. Richard has got through all his little old ladies’ savings and with the cost of the wedding building up, he’s getting desperate.

Gail let slip that Audrey had just told her that she was going to leave them everything in her will. ‘But I plan to be around for years to come,’ reassured Audrey. Not if Richard’s got anything to do with it. He’s already asked Archie the undertaker to do him a quote.

And on the subject of Archie, it seems as if he’s in demand amongst ladies of a certain, post-menopausal age.

Blanche is broken-hearted that he’s dumped her for not being able to keep her mouth shut (which would be an advantage in a younger girlfriend) and now Audrey’s asked him to take her to Gail’s wedding. Maybe it’s the eau de embalming fluid that gets them going.

Doreen, Maxine’s mum, is continuing to wreak havoc at her daughter and son-in-law’s. She’s now hired Les as a handy man (surely the biggest contradiction in terms ever), who promptly charged Ashley 60 quid for laying a lawn with chunks of turf stolen from Weatherfield Comp.

Maxine and Ashley insisted on driving Doreen home but only to find that her husband had changed the locks. If only they’d thought of it too. Having discovered that she’s got nowhere else to go, the Peacocks had no choice but to take her back in again. I suspect it won’t be long before Ashley’s pencilling in the services of Archie himself.

On the other side of the Street, Kevin the gerbil has asked to move back in with Sally and ‘the girls’. Is this man some sort of masochist? Few men escape with their lives from the clutches of the Black Widow of Weatherfield. It’s difficult to have any sympathy for one who actively chooses to go back for more.

Besides, everyone knows that gerbils can’t live on a diet of spaghetti hoops and fish fingers. ‘

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Les Not be Having You

‘If Norris wants to live long enough attend the next Shirley Bassey tour, he’s going to have to stop annoying Richard. Richard finally lost his temper with Norris after he successfully persuaded Rita not to hand over her life savings.

‘I think I’m going to have to shut you up,’ growled Richard as he grabbed Norris off the street and drove him to the hammer house of horrors – where both Dougie and Patricia met their ends. After a spot of light terrorising, Richard let a shaking Norris go.

Richard has got through all his little old ladies’ savings and with the cost of the wedding building up, he’s getting desperate. Gail let slip that Audrey had just told her that she was going to leave them everything in her will. ‘But I plan to be around for years to come,’ reassured Audrey. Not if Richard’s got anything to do with it. He’s already asked Archie the undertaker to do him a quote.

And on the subject of Archie, it seems as if he’s in demand amongst ladies of a certain, post-menopausal age. Blanche is broken-hearted that he’s dumped her for not being able to keep her mouth shut (which would be an advantage in a younger girlfriend) and now Audrey’s asked him to take her to Gail’s wedding. Maybe it’s the eau de embalming fluid that gets them going.

Doreen, Maxine’s mum, is continuing to wreck havoc at her daughter and son-in-law’s. She’s now hired Les as a handy man (surely the biggest contradiction in terms ever), who promptly charged Ashley sixty quid for laying a lawn with chunks of turf stolen from Weatherfield Comp. Maxine and Ashley insisted on driving Doreen home but only to find that her husband had changed the locks. If only they’d thought of it too.

Having discovered that she’s got nowhere else to go, the Peacocks had no choice but to take her back in again. I suspect it won’t be long before Ashley’s pencilling in the services of Archie himself.

On the other side of the Street, Kevin the gerbil has asked to move back in with Sally and ‘the girls’. Is this man some sort of sadist? Few men escape with their lives from the clutches of the Black Widow of Weatherfield. It’s difficult to have any sympathy for one who actively chooses to go back for more.

Besides, everyone knows that gerbils can’t live on a diet of spaghetti hoops and fish fingers.

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Strange But True | Comment