Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 24

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Kim Kardashian: milking the social media socialite for stolen jewels

Five robbers stole millions of pounds worth of jewellery and two cell phones from social media socialite Kim Kardashian in Paris. They held a gun to her head, says Sky news.

The tabloids lap it up.

The Mail wonders what really happened. “What IS the truth behind the heist?” it asks. Well, we don’t know because the culprits have yet to be caught. But the Mail’s headline is suggestive of some kind of plot on the victim’s side. We don’t know the facts but let’s hold our noses and take a hard look at the victim. That seems fair.

 

kardashian heist

 

The Mail then invites Alison Boshoff to write:

As ratings for Keeping Up With The Kardashians keep falling, is it any wonder Kim’s gunpoint ordeal is seen by some as a huge PR stunt.

Having appraised her stolen jewels and found them wanting, Boshoff says:

Good taste aside, the mother-of-two, who was robbed at gunpoint by five masked men who tied her up in the bathroom of a luxury Paris apartment in the early hours of Monday while they stole £7.8 million of jewellery, may now be reflecting that it could have been a tad unwise to show off her wealth so ostentatiously.

As the Queen pulls on her crown and answers the door to the ‘CID’, Boshoff sees fit to repeat a few of the voices who have wondered aloud about where Kim’s security at 2am (her bodyguard Pascal Duvie as in nightclub with her siblings) and why the TV cameras were not filming the crime. Where was the woman who holds her skin in place as Kim sleeps? Why was Kim selfie implant not woking?

Boshoff then delivers a long review of Kim’s career as a reality TV star.

What the point of her article is other than to cast shade on the victim of an armed robbery, we can’t be certain. Maybe it just exists to fill space. We can add Boshoff’s to-deadline article to the – get this – 36 other Daily Mail articles on the robbery. So much for those falling rating. Kim is click-tastic in the Mail!

As for the crime, well, the Sun sums up well:

 

Kardashian

 

The last word on the robbery is with Sarah Ditum, who tells Indy readers: “Kim Kardashian did not deserve to be robbed just because she learned the truth about being female and famous.”

Oh. Are you sure the telly star didn’t deserve to be attacked, fear she would be raped and robbed? Her last show was a bit dull. Says Ditum:

Who can blame her for recognising a primary truth of being female and famous – that either you profit from your exposure, or someone else does – and trying to control it? Judging from the reactions to this robbery, a lot of people do.

Add that to the hundreds of articles on Kim Kardashian published today.

 

Posted: 4th, October 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester City balls: ‘Obscene’ Raheem Sterling v The Sun

Manchester CIty’s Raheem Sterling is “THE HATED ONE” So says the Sun ,which says the Manchester City “star”, a player “reborn under Pep Guardiola despite coming under attack from fans this summer”. The paper laments the “torrent of abuse” heaped upon Sterling, who says the attacks “hurt”.

Under attack from fans? What about attacks from the Press. Guess which paper called Sterling “Obscene” after he showed his social medial followers around the house the “failure” bought his dear old mum?

 

raheem sterling man city the sun

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 2nd, October 2016 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Daily Mail believes spoof rapper Zebadiah Abu-Obadiah wants to decapitate Nigel Farage

Knock. Knock. The anti-free speech police are surely on their way to Margate, Kent, home of “Extremist Zebadiah Abu-Obadiah”. The Daily Mail says he’s called for the death of former Ukip leader Nigel Farage. He “labels the Queen a ‘w****’ in vile video…. Abu-Obadiah, real name Robert Boaler, also warns ‘chat s***, get Rigby’d’.”

 

Zebadiah Abu-Obadiah UKIP

 

Alex Matthews has exposed this heinous behaviour.

Among the disturbing lyrics he warns people that if they ‘chat s***’ they will get ‘Rigby’d’ – referring to the fatal stabbing of fusilier Lee Rigby by Islamic extremists Michael Adebolajo and Michael Adebowale in 2013.

 

Zebadiah Abu-Obadiah UKIP

 

Nigel Farage is name-checked:

Some brehs [sic] are destined for damnation like Farage, off with his head.
There are a couple of people who are more than evil, that make you frustrated and need decapitating.
They spread the hate and fear and they get no rating around here. So lets make it clear I want their heads on spears.

Sing along if you know the words:

The chorus then repeats: ‘Kill them, Kill them.’

 

Zebadiah Abu-Obadiah UKIP

 

And?

At one disturbing part of the film a voiceover is heard calling for the death of ‘children and babies’ while in other sections a child’s doll is pictured among flames.

Who is this nutter? He must be stopped. Well done to the Mail for bringing this underground rapper to the nation’s attention.

Matthews adds:

Boaler ran against Mr Farage for the South Thanet seat under the Al-Zebabist Nation of OOG party, in the General Election, but only garnered 30 votes.

Al-Zebabist Nation of OOG party? Who are they? Helpfully, they run a website. But Matthews could have kept his browser history from alerting the Internet Watch team by looking at less dark sources.

RT: “The Nation of Ooog [“a semi-satirical group”], which takes its name from the deity it worships, also vowed to legalize the use of heroin and consumption of dog meat.”

Vice: “We meet the party’s leader, Zebadiah Abu Obadiah, to talk about why they don’t have time for spoof parties, why every female in Britain should wear a hijab and why everyone should take a massive fatal heroin overdose on their 50th birthday.”

HuffPost:

“The group, officially registered as a political party in the constituency with the Electoral Commission, says it wants to eradicate Broadstairs, one of the towns on the Isle of Thanet, and establish a “a Zebabist state run by Boalia Law”. The party, led by the ‘Prophet Zebadiah’, real name Robert Bealer, campaigns to ban all hetero-marriage and to lower tax for bearded families – with women and children allowed to wear fake beards.

Be afraid!

Posted: 2nd, October 2016 | In: Key Posts, Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United Balls: Toni Kroos ‘joins’ but will consider offers from Manchester City

Transfer balls – a look at dire football reporting. The BBC says Manchester City and Manchester United are chasing Real Madrid midfielder Toni Kroos, 26. Spanish TV  show El Chiringuito and the Metro free newspaper agree.

The Metro ups the ante by saying City and United will go to “War” over Kroos. War was declared by Spanish journalist Pipe Estrada on El Chiringuito. “A war of two great coaches of international prestige, Guardiola and Mourinho, for a player, a player of Real Madrid: Toni Kroos,” says Estrada. “The two managers believe that he may be key to their future because of his tactical position on the field and because he is vital for the continuity of their projects.”

The Manchester Evening News adds: “Manchester United and Man City to go to war over Real Madrid midfielder Kroos.”

The Sun thunders: “ROOSING FOR A BRUISING Manchester United transfer news: Jose Mourinho and Manchester City boss to battle it out for Real Madrid star Toni Kroos.”

One Spanish journalist speaks and the British Press repeat his claim verbatim.

But how right is he?

In June 2016, the Express said: “Jose Mourinho has reportedly told the board to do whatever it takes to bring the German World Cup winner to Old Trafford.”

In March 2016, the Metro told its readers: “Manchester United transfer news: Gonzalo Higuain deal agreed, Toni Kroos available…”

 

Higuain Manchester United

 

Higuain never did agree to join Man United. He joined Juventus.

And neither did Kroos. In May 2014, the Daily Mail said Kroos had joined Man United.

 

Kroos United Manchester

 

Other news sources also agree that Kroos had signed for Manchester United.

In other transfer news, the BBC says Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has been told “he must sell a player before moving for Southampton’s £10m-rated defender Jose Fonte, 32.”

Such are the facts.

Posted: 2nd, October 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Mesut Ozil signs new Arsenal deal and gets replaced by Marco Reus

Transfer balls: Arsenal star Mesut Ozil is heading back to Real Madrid, says the BBC. Well, maybe. Maybe not.

The Beeb’s source is TuttoMercatoWeb.com, which says Ozil to Real will trigger a bid from Arsenal for Borussia Dortmund’s Marco Reus.

Meanwhile, over in Ozil’s native Germany, Bild reports that the player has signed a lucrative new contract at Arsenal and will take Jack Wilshere’s number 10 shirt.

The Sun agrees.

 

ozil the sun arsenal

 

And disagrees.

 

Ozil the sun

 

They haven’t got a clue.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 1st, October 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Adam Johnson is ‘the shrewd paedophile’ cashing in on crime

Adam Johnson, the former Sunderland, Manchester City and England footballer jailed for sexually abusing a 15-year-old fan is a lowlife. But the Mail is shocked and amazed by his life in prison. The paper declares:

Paedophile footballer Adam Johnson is still earning £5,000-a-week despite being locked up for sexually abusing a teenage fan.

Is there some sick trade in a celebrity paedo’s image rights? Maybe, because the Sun says a little ambiguously: “Disgraced footballer Adam Johnson is still raking in £5000 a week while behind bars for child sex offences.”

The Star makes it sounds as if Johnson is getting paid to be a lag: “The ex-England footballer will pick up £250,000 for every year he is locked up on child sex charges.” The longer the sentence, the more he earns?

Back to the Mail, which thunders:

The winger, who was capped 12 times for England, used to earn £60,000-a-week while under contract with Sunderland. The Black Cats sacked him after he plead guilty to the child sex offences, but it has emerged that Johnson will not be strapped for cash when he is released from prison.

Oh?

The Daily Star reports that thanks to shrewd property investments and high interest funds before he was convicted, the Premier League star is set to take home around £250,000-a-year without kicking a ball.

Wow! Adam Johnson is the shrewd paedophile, then, the criminal who invested his legally earned money soundly.

Do we expect the State and victims to take control of all a convicted criminal’s investments and money?

Posted: 1st, October 2016 | In: Money, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Arsenal balls: Wenger wants the England job, a new Arsenal contract and to quit

Is Arsenal manger Arsene Wenger to become the next England saviour? The Mirror says Wenger has “admitted” that he wants the job.

John Cross’ report begins: “Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger admits interest in England job after Sam Allardyce departure.”

The trouble is that more we read the more that headline admittance reduces in potency. Cross adds: “The Gunners boss had admitted it could interest him to take over the Three Lions once his work at the Emirates is done.”

Can you admit something that could not happen?

Of course we know when Wenger’s Arsenal work will be done because John Cross told us the man will leave the Gunners at this end of this season:

 

Daily Mirror wenger quits Arsenal

 

Wenger will quit on June 30 2017, said John Cross in the Mirror.

Or as John Cross tells us today in the third Wenger admittance of a short story: “Wenger admitted his priority is to stay at Arsenal and get a new contract as his current £8m-a-year deal expires this summer.”

Such are the facts.

Posted: 30th, September 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Media balls: Manchester United’s Zlatan Ibrahimovich beats Zorya Luhansk on his holiday

Yesterday the Mirror reported that Zlatan Ibrahimovich had left Manchester United for a holiday. The Mirror said the “holiday” would mean Ibrahimovich missing Manchester United’s Europa League match with the mighty Zorya Luhansk.

The Sun agreed: “Manchester United striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic looks set to miss Thursday night match vs Zorya as he holidays in Milan.”

 

zlatan europa manchester

 

So what did Zlatan do on his holiday? Well, he played for Manchester United in the Europa League and scored the winner.

 

zlatan man united

 

Update: The Mirror has now changed its story to read: “Zlatan Ibrahimovic returns for Manchester United’s clash with Zorya Luhansk after holiday in Italy.”

Update 2:  When the big media speaks the websites follow. Get a load of this terrible reporting on Sports Mole.

 

media balls

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 29th, September 2016 | In: Back pages, Key Posts, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: what Manchester United understand about selling Juan Mata

Transfer Ball – Manchester United midfielder Juan Mata is “desperate” to stay at Old Trafford, says the BBC.

The Sun says the likeable 28-year-old, who has two years left on his  “£130,000-a-week contract”, wants Jose Mourinho to sanction a new deal. We know this because an unnamed “United source” says “Juan is still in the dark over his future at the club”.

Why would a source at the club speak up on behalf of one player? this story has the player’s agent’s fingers all over it.

It was only back in July, we read: “Daley Blind and Juan Mata will be high-profile victims of Jose Mourinho’s arrival at Manchester United this summer, Sky Sports News HQ understands.”

Sky Sports was wrong. It understood nothing. Blind is key part of Mourinho’s team. Mata is playing well. But it went on. Sky “understood Mourinho would approve the sale of both players this summer”.

Also in July, the Sun told its readers: “ose Mourinho tells ex-Chelsea outcast Juan Mata he can stay at Manchester United – but will only play one in three matches.”  The paper said Mata would be sold to Spain but “La Liga sides do not have the money to match his £150,000- a-week wages”.

As the Sun works out how much Mata earns and listens to understanding sources, the player took a moment to explain what’s going on to a young Untied fan. His advice: “Don’t believe the media.”

 

Posted: 27th, September 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Media balls: Spurs concede 6 goals all season, Chelsea beat Manchester United and Liverpool are pipped by Arsenal

Filling in the dull bits between transfer windows when the Daily Express’ clickbait bots can link Arsenal to every striker over 10 years of age, the ‘World’s Greatest Newspaper’ has created a Premier League predictor. Using the technical marvel of guessology and powerful maths, the Express makes some bold statements.

Bournemouth, Sunderland and Stoke are all relegated – Stoke scoring 6 times all season.

In the world of the Express, The Cherries are worse than Hull City – who are better than Southampton – and West Ham. Everton, who Bournemouth just beat 1-10, finish runners up. Chelsea finish above Manchester United.

Spurs finish third, conceding – get this – 3 goals.

Manchester City win the title.

 

daily express premier predictor league

 

Oh, yeah – Arsenal finish fourth, naturally. Even robots can be right some of the time.

 

Posted: 26th, September 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Manchester United balls: Jose Mourinho’s double ‘Red-olution’

It’s been a topsy-turvy season for Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho. Of course the Premier League season is just a few weeks old – but in the Sun it’s been a few weeks of shocks and revolutions.

On 6th September 2016, the paper’s Neil Curtis told us about the “RED-OLUTION” at Old Trafford. “Jose Mourinho has turned Manchester United around to become the force of old in just three months,” cooed Curtis. Mourinho has “lifted the clouds” at United. “Mourinho is trusting the players abilities, letting them breathe.”

Adding: “From the moment he arrived, the message has been positive… Nothing on philosophies or things taking time.”

 

Jose Mourinho the sun Manchester United

 

The man has cracked it. He’s no Louis Van Gaal. Mourinho has made United the top club again. No he hasn’t – says the Sun, which has also reported – and these just a few of the paper’s barrage of Mourinho stories:

Sept 18 – Geoff Sweet: “LVG V MOU Fact: Louis Van Gaal was a much better Manchester United manager than Jose Mourinho”

Sept 18: Sam Peoples: “‘EMBARRASSING’ Manchester United news: Jose Mourinho has no idea what his best XI is…and Paul Pogba was very muted yet again”

Sept 19 – Neil Ashton: “The Special One’s story is already unravelling at Old Trafford”

Sept 19 – Danny Higginbotham: “ROUND POGS, SQUARE HOLES Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho’s tactics just aren’t working – but how can he fix them?

Sept 19 – Ian Wright: “LAST CHANCE SALOON Jose Mourinho: Manchester United boss could be facing last chance at a top club, says Arsenal legend Ian Wright”

Sept 20 – Neil Ashton: “MOUR MISERY Jose Mourinho win record: Manchester United manager has a worse win percentage than Slaven Bilic and Francesco Guidolin since start of last season”

Sept 2 – Alec Shilton: “MOUR MISERY Jose Mourinho win record: Manchester United manager has a worse win percentage than Slaven Bilic and Francesco Guidolin since start of last season”

It’s been a revolution – twice!

 

Posted: 21st, September 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Dele Alli signs new Spurs deal as Real Madrid go cold

Daily Express readers will be shocked to learn that Spurs and England player Dele Alli has signed a new deal at the London club. Alli’s new contract keeps him at Spurs until 2022.

This is at odds with the Express‘ reports of May 2016: “Real Madrid: Spanish giants plot summer swoop for Alli.”

One month earlier, the Sun told its readers: “Tottenham news: Dele Alli in sights of Real Madrid as transfer process begins.” The Sun said Madrid “mouthpiece” Marca had created “momentum which results in the club getting their man.”

Madrid never did bid for Alli,

Posted: 19th, September 2016 | In: Back pages, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester City balls: Sergio Aguero’s Champions’ League ‘vow’

Big news: Sergio Aguero, 28, has signed a one-year contract extension at Manchester City, says the BBC.

The Daily Mirror ups that with more amazing news: “Aguero has vowed to remain at City until they are crowned kings of Europe”.

 

Aguero Manchester City newpsapers

 

Very good of him to make a solemn promise. But at 28, would City want, says, a 38-year-old playing up front for them? We know age is just a number (see: Zlatan Ibrahimovich) but would City’s owners not fancy a younger striker in the next decade?

Of course, should City not win the Champions’ League by 2020, when Aguero’s deal ends, they might not want to renew it. But Aguero has made a “vow”. He’ll be there for as long as it takes.

Of course, Aguero is no fool. He made no vow. What he said was:

“I still have four years more here,. I hope to achieve it at some point as it’s really important for any player. Obviously the Champions League is not easy; there are a lot of other fantastic teams. But my idea and club’s idea is the same, to try to win this competition… we are ready to reach a Champions League final. I don’t know if it’s going to be this year, but we will try.”

Vows made: none.

Posted: 16th, September 2016 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Mirror and Mail agree: driving on the mobile is a deadly campaign

Do you use your mobile phone when driving. don’t. It’s stupid and dangerous. The Daily Mail and Daily Mirror agree.

 

mobiles death

 

mobiles death

 

Over in China, you can disguise your phone as a cigarette packet. Which is all well and good until other drivers spot it, the child in the car with you and look across to frown.

The Mail and Mirror both see driving whilst calling as a campaign. Newspapers love campaigns – they’re pretty much the other thing that differentiates one from the other. But not always. Not today.

 

Posted: 15th, September 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Brexit balls: Sweden, Austria, Cyprus, Finland, Ireland and Malta declare war on Britain

Big news in the Express. And it’s hard luck on those Scots who wanted independence. “The EU has declared WAR on Britain”.

 

daily express war EU

 

Express readers are conflicted? Do they read about the coming invasion, or the that TV’s Phil and his mum have been “driven mad” by parking fine Nazis? Option ‘c’ is to go to bed and hope the Express‘ cover is the product of some bad (French) cheese. But sleeping will give you diabetes. So stay awake and know that war has been declared by… EU MEP Nigel Farage. The dirty turncoat!

Says Farage at EU HQ:

Mr Juncker sat with his head in his hands as Mr Farage told him: “In fact there is only one real nationalist in the room and it’s you because you want flags, anthems, armies. I frankly think that this appointment amounts to pretty much a declaration of war on any sensible negotiating process. You are an EU nationalist and I frankly think that this appointment amounts to pretty much a declaration of war on any sensible negotiating process.”

The appointment he refers to is the EU appointing “hardened federalist Guy Verhofstadt to a key role in the Brexit negotiations”.

Yeah. The EU’s only one and given the job to someone who like the EU. The sneaky sods.

Anyhow, it’s war. But not with our EU partners who are also NATO members -22 out of 28 NATO countries also belong to the EU. So it’s war with the rest: Sweden, Austria, Cyprus, Finland, Ireland and Malta.

We march at dawn.

Posted: 15th, September 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


EastBenders: rewriting the ‘legend’ of Michael Cashman and ‘yuppie poofs’

barry and colin eastbendersLord Michael Cashman, the Labour MEP, is making a return to BBC soap opera EastEnders as  Colin Russell, the show’s first gay character.

Colin is remembered for a scene in 1987 when he and Barry Clark (Gary Hailes) preformed the first gay kiss on a British soap opera.

The Sun is delighted Colin is back, calling the character a TV “legend”.

Back then the paper dubbed the show EastBenders and called Barry and Colin “yuppie poofters”, whose “homosexual love scenes” was performed “when millions of children were watching”.

The Gay Times recalls:

When the storyline did air, Michael’s real-life boyfriend found his world turned upside down. On the centre pages of the News of the World read the headline “secret gay love of AIDS scare east ender” – outing Michael’s partner to his friends and family. “They printed our address – all but the door number – and that afternoon a brick came through the window.”

Legends can involve real people. Who knew?

Posted: 8th, September 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


Arsenal scout Eddie Howe who has ‘no regrets’ about leaving Bournemouth

More news that AFC Bournemouth manager Eddie Howe is gearing up to replace Arsene Wenger at Arsenal.

The Sun declares: “Ed Hunted.”

Adding:

EDDIE HOWE is under serious consideration to become the next Arsenal manager. SunSport can reveal that the highly-regarded Bournemouth chief’s name is being discussed in the corridors of power at the Emirates.

Revealed? Like the Star revealed on July 28: “ARSENAL have earmarked Eddie Howe as a potential successor to Arsene Wenger.” As for the Sun’s story, which contains no quotes, we’re told:

Eddie Howe is being lined up as a replacement for Arsene Wenger as Arsenal boss

News reaches Bournemouth.

The Sun reports:

HOWE ABOUT NO Eddie Howe to Arsenal: Bournemouth chief Jeff Mostyn issues hands-off warning over man tipped to replace Arsene Wenger

He tells TalkSport:

“Eddie is a Bournemouth boy through and through. He has been with the football club since he was ten. There is unfinished business. He wants to ensure that if and when he does move on he will leave a legacy.”

Or as the Sun puts it in its other Eddie to Arsenal story:

Howe inspired Bournemouth and led them to promotion to League One in 2010, only to leave for Championship side Burnley in January 2011.

As Howe told BBC Radio Solent back then:

“I turned down two other clubs this week because I wanted to stay but this was just one I couldn’t turn down. There were no reasons why I should from a personal and professional point of view. It just ticked all the boxes. I found it very difficult from the week’s events to come to that decision but I thought if I didn’t it would be something I would regret for the rest of my life.”

If Arsenal want him, he’ll surely go.

Posted: 7th, September 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Derby balls: Manchester United and Manchester City fight The War Bitchy Comments

Why don’t Manchester City’s Pepe Guardiola and Manchester United’s Jose Mourinho just duke it out. The Mail previews the big United v City match by drooling over the prospect of violence:

 

pep jose manchester united manchester city daily mail

 

“Police fears for Jose v Pep,” screams the headline.

The usually harmonious Manchester derby is causing police to be scared?

“The explosive rivalry between Jose Mourinho and Pep Guardiola – and the increased tension it may bring to the terraces – are part of the police’s planning for the Manchester derby. Sportsmail understands that officers on duty for Saturday’s clash between the two sides, the first battle between the feuding managers with their new clubs in England, will be told of the pair’s feisty history and the effect that may have on their operation.”

It’s war. We’ve had the War of Jenkin’s Ear, the War of The Stray Dog and The Pastry War. Prepare yourselves for The War of The Bitchy Comments. It’s gonna be bloody (marvellous).

Posted: 7th, September 2016 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, manchester united, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


‘Camp’ Keith Vaz’s sex life ‘shame’ looks like gay-bashing

The Mail leads with news of Keith Vaz, the Labour MP the Daily Mirror claims paid two men for sex. It calls him “SHAMELESS”, adding: “Keith Vaz was shamelessly clinging to power last night after he was exposed for paying rent boys for sex.”

‘Clinging to power’ make him sound like the leader of the country rather than a Labour party MP (the two positions being mutually exclusive as Labour dissolves under Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership).

 

keith vaz

 

As for paying “rent boys” for sex, what else do you pay them for? And boys? No. They were men, allegedly. Why do gay men who pay for sex do so with “rent boys” and not “prostitutes”? There is a whiff of something nasty in the air.

Surely we’ve got over the news that some men enjoy sex with other men? But in his catty profile of the man, Quentin Letts calls Vaz “Camp Keith”, noting his “flamboyant bitchiness”; he was “giggly and silly” as a Minister in Tony’s Blair’s cabinet; he “sashayed around Westminster”; “If you stood  down wind of him you were more likely to catch a whiff of aftershave”.

Is it the alleged extra-marital sex that upsets the Mail or the fact it involves men?

 

keith vaz

 

Aside from Letts (married!) The Mail is aghast that Vaz did not not step down as Labour MP when the story broke. Why should he resign. Did anyone elect him on the strength of his sex life?

The paper says he should stand down from his role on a panel looking at “crime, migration and  sexual exploitation”.  Again, why? If all is true, perhaps he would have a worthwhile contribution to make.

Posted: 5th, September 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United ‘hero’ Marcus Rashford shames Man City’s ‘obscene’ Raheem Sterling

Do the Press build them up to knock them down? The Sun writes about Manchester United’s Marcus Rashford who “proves he’s a top guy after buying his mum £800,000 home”.

The story continues:

“Manchester United’s latest hero Marcus Rashford has moved his mum and two brothers to a luxury £800,000 house in the leafy Wythenshawe suburb of the city. The English striker, 18, grew up in that area of Manchester and was quick to give his mum a more comfortable pad after bursting onto the scene last year and earning himself a bumper pay day of £25,000-a-week.”

 

obscene raheem the sun

 

Buying your mum a big house is lovely. But he’d better not get too rich or fail to score for England.

When Raheem Sterling showed everyone the house he’d bought for his mother, the Manchester City player was castigated by the Sun. The front-page headline screamed “Obscene Raheem”, noting “England failure steps off plane and insults fans by showing off blinging house”. A source opined: “Any normal person would hang their heads in shame after how they performed in France but these guys come home and show off about how rich they are.”

A “friend of Sterling” told MEN:

“Raheem and his family are really upset that the fact he’s bought a nice house for his mum is being used to hammer him by the media and make him the scapegoat for England’s failure… He bought her the house as a thank you for all her support and help. Now to have his mum’s private life and house being mocked and thrown into the public spotlight has left him furious and frustrated.”

Enjoy it while it lasts, Marcus, you hero.

Posted: 30th, August 2016 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Transfer Balls: Arsenal, Manchester United and a ‘row’ over Phil Jones

The narrative that Manchester Untied boss Jose Mourinho and Arsenal’s Arsene Wenger are not best pals backs the Standard’s story: “Manchester United to snub Phil Jones bid as Jose Mourinho refuses to do business with Arsene Wenger.”

The paper says Arsenal are “believed” to have enquired about Jones, 24, as they search for a central defender.

Jones’ career has stalled since he was being hailed as the new Duncan Edwards. In 2011 the Manchester Evening News wrote: “When no less a judge than Sir Bobby Charlton talks about the striking similarities between Phil Jones and the late, great Duncan Edwards, you know United have secured a special talent.”

Jones is now a United squad player. There is no proof that Arsenal want him. The Standard says the Gunners first pick is Skhodran Mustafi, available for the a mere £43m from Valencia. It’s an absurd amount of money for a very good but far from brilliant player.

As for Jones, well:

Mourinho is already under pressure to trim a bloated squad having made four summer signings and the arrival of Fonte would place further scrutiny on Jones’ position, having become a peripheral figure since Sir Alex Ferguson retired in 2013.

In April of that year, Ferguson made the remarkable claim that Jones could become the best player in United’s history but although he has started 58 Premier League games in the subsequent three seasons, he has not featured since January through injury and Mourinho has since signed centre-back Eric Bailly for £30m from Villarreal.

So what next for Jones?

Standard Sport understands Mourinho will not sanction the sale of Jones to his bitter rival, even if he is not central to his plans for the season ahead.

The story is total balls, then. Mourinho has not said he won’t sanction any sale because he loathes Arsene Wenger. Mourinho has said nothing. Arsenal have made no bid for Jones. The Standard has produced a story from dust. But other news sources are keen to pick up unchallenged:

Man Utd news: Phil Jones was not allowed to leave for Arsenal because of Arsene Wenger and Jose Mourinho’s feud – Metro

Football transfer rumours: Arsenal to sign Phil Jones from Manchester United? – Guardian

The Guardian adds:

José Mourinho needs to sign the extra defender that he wants for Manchester United. Except the urge to act vindictively is so strong, and the opportunity to act vindictively is so available, so Mourinho has decided to do what he does best, refusing to sell a player to Arsène Wenger, even though he’s not bothered about having him.

That would be the same Guardian that just two days ago reported: “Phil Jones is content to stay at Manchester United, and José Mourinho has no desire to see him leave, despite Stoke City being the latest club to express an interest.”

From being loyal to his player, Mourinho is now “vindictive”.

As we marvel at that, the Mail says: “Manchester United defender Phil Jones could depart for Stoke.”

But he won’t do because the Sun said back in June: “Jose Mourinho tells Phil Jones he has a future at Manchester United and wants defender to become club’s own version of John Terry.”

No hint of spite. Mourinho just wants a talented player to stay and work hard for the team.

As for Arsenal making a move for Jones, well the Mail also said: “Manchester United have told interested clubs that Phil Jones will stay at Old Trafford. Stoke, Watford and Hull City are among around a dozen clubs to have made enquiries for the 24-year-old”.

No mention of Arsenal. And we are left to wonder if Mourinho hates Mark Hughes and the manager’s of all those clubs he won’t let Jones join?

More transfer balls every day.

Posted: 25th, August 2016 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Arsenal: ‘guilty’ Wenger admits his transfer policy (again)

In “ARSENE WONGA”, the Mirror says Arsenal’s manger Arsene Wenger (geddit?!) “finally admits he treats the club’s money as if it was my own”.  No, he’s not admitting to embezzlement.  Wenger just says he’s cautions with spending tons of cash on players.

 

Arsenal Mirror

 

Of course, Wenger should spend, spend, spend because the Mirror has already told us this will be his last season at Arsenal.

 

Daily Mirror wenger quits Arsenal

 

Wenger has been quoted in Game Changers: Inside English Football, written by former Charlton boss Alan Curbishley: ”

“I personally believe the only way to be a manager is to spend the club’s money as if it were your own, because if you don’t do that you’re susceptible to too many mistakes. You make big decisions and I believe you have to act like it’s your own money — like you’re the owner of the club and you can identify completely with the club, because if you don’t do that I think you cannot go far.”

 

wenger daily mirror 

 

Some revelation there. At least it will be to the Mirror readers who didn’t see the paper’s story from one year ago:

Arsenal manager admits being tight with transfer cash because he feels club BELONGS to him

He has often been accused by his club’s frustrated fans of treating Arsenal’s money as if it is his own…. Now, for the first time, Arsene Wenger has unashamedly pleaded guilty to the charge and given a rare insight into the hurt he feels when his work is questioned at the Emirates Stadium.

 

wenger daily mirror

 

As ever, Wenger was not talking with the Mirror, but with a magazine in France.

The Frenchman said: “I’ll give myself merit for one thing: I’ve always treated Arsenal as if it belonged to me. I have sometimes been criticised for it — because I am not enough of a spender, not carefree enough… My great pride will be to be able to say the day that I leave, that I am leaving behind a good team, a healthy situation and a club capable of performing in the future. I could have said to myself: ‘I am here for four or five years, we win everything’, [then] I leave and leave the club on the verge of bankruptcy. For me, consistency at the highest level is the true sign of great clubs.”

When he ‘admits’ it to the Mirror, that might be the end of the story.

Posted: 24th, August 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


The ‘Muslim bully man’ who wasn’t and the Muslim teens who were

Is the media biased when it comes to reporting on Muslims? The BBC looks at the case of Michael Coe, accused of assault occasioning actual bodily harm and battery. He denies all charges.

 

Muslim bully attack

 

The BBC: “Man ‘assaulted teens over cuddle’ in east London street”

The story begins thus:

A “bully” grabbed a schoolboy by the throat and called a teenage girl a “whore” after spotting them cuddling in east London, a court has heard. Michael Coe, 35, stopped driving and allegedly confronted the 16-year-olds, demanding to know if they were Muslims. When they lied and told him they were not, he grabbed the boy around the neck before throwing him to the floor.

Deep into the story, Mr Coe is identified as Muslim. But Islam is not given as key factor in the alleged crime.

 

Muslim bully attack

 

The Sun: “ATTACKED FOR CUDDLING HIS GIRLFRIEND Muslim convert, 35, ‘grabbed teen by throat’ in London street over ‘cuddle’ with girlfriend.”

The tabloid makes the Islamic element key to the story. Mr Coe is a “Muslim convert”. Why he is billed as a “Muslim convert” and not simply a “Muslim” is, perhaps, worthy of attention. The Sun begins:

A MUSLIM convert grabbed a schoolboy by the throat and called a teenage girl a “whore” after spotting them cuddling in east London, a court heard.

Later on, readers are told:

Coe allegedly asked if the couple were Muslims – which they are – but they denied it because they were “worried what this defendant would do if they said yes”. At which point the defendant reportedly said: “Why am I wasting my time with you if you are not Muslim?”

The BBC does not include that exchange in its report.

The Evening Standard:

 

Muslim bully attack

 

A Muslim “bully” attacked a 16-year-old schoolboy and branded his girlfriend a whore after spotting them cuddling in the street, a court heard today.

The Mirror:

 

Muslim bully attack

 

Prosecutor Jonathan Polnay described the attack as “completely unjustifiable”. He told the jury: “This case is about what started as unpleasant bullying with religious overtones in the street, followed by an attack by this 35-year-old man on a 16-year-old schoolboy.

“This was followed by a further assault on a schoolteacher, a nearby bystander, who came to his aid when he saw what was going on. The victim was, and is, a schoolboy and, in the early evening, he was there with his girlfriend standing on the pavement in the street, cuddling each other in the street. They had the misfortune that, of all the people to drive by, it was this defendant who was driving by in a car.”

 

The Newham Recorder:

 

Muslim bully attack

 

It is foremost the story of an alleged “Muslim bully”.

 

The Express:

 

Muslim bully attack

 

The “Muslim convert” is in the dock.

The Asian Age:

 

ASian Age muslim

 

The accused is simply a ‘man’.

Nowhere in the Asian Age’s report is Mr Coe identified as a Muslim. you could read this version and come way thinking it was an alleged attack by a man driven by anti-Muslim sentiment.

A “bully” grabbed a schoolboy by the throat and threw him to the ground because he saw him hugging a girl in the street, a court was told. Michael Coe, 35, was driving through east London when he spotted the two 16-year-olds cuddling on the pavement. He allegedly confronted the pair, demanding to know if they were Muslims, before calling the girl a “whore”.

Coe was said to have grabbed the boy by the throat, causing him to black out, before he woke up bleeding on the floor. When passing schoolteacher Boutho Siwela tried to come to the couple’s aid, Coe then allegedly attacked him.

Coe is on trial at Southwark Crown Court accused of assault occasioning actual bodily harm and battery.

Prosecutor Jonathan Polnay described the attack as “completely unjustifiable”. He told the jury: “This case is about what started as unpleasant bullying with religious overtones in the street, followed by an attack by this 35-year-old man on a 16-year-old schoolboy. This was followed by a further assault on a schoolteacher, a nearby bystander, who came to his aid when he saw what was going on. The victim was, and is, a schoolboy and, in the early evening, he was there with his girlfriend standing on the pavement in the street, cuddling each other in the street. They had the misfortune that, of all the people to drive by, it was this defendant who was driving by in a car.”

Coe demanded to know if the teenagers were Muslim and when they lied and said that they were not, he replied: “Why am I wasting my time with you if you’re not Muslim?”

He then called the girl “a whore” before attacking her boyfriend, Mr Polnay said.

“He (Coe) grabbed him around the neck, that’s the last thing the victim remembered,” he added. “The next thing the boy woke up on the floor and he was bleeding. This was completely unpleasant and utterly unwarranted – this is a grown man on a child.”

Mr Siwela heard the girl screaming and took a photo of Coe’s number plate as he was getting back into his car.

Mr Polnay continued: “The defendant wasn’t having that and he comes over to Mr Siwela and said give me that phone. Mr Siwela didn’t want to hand over his phone so the defendant grabbed him and threw him to the floor. He then got in the car and drove away.”

Coe denies the two charges against him. He admits assaulting the 16-year-old boy in Wilson Road, Newham, on April 15 but claims he was acting in self-defence.

The victim, who cannot be named because he is under 18, said he was hugging his girlfriend goodbye when Coe shouted “let that little schoolgirl go”.

He later demanded: “Why are you acting like a punk in front of your whore girlfriend?” before attacking the boy.

“Within seconds of saying that I felt a hand on my neck and after that I don’t remember anything else,” the teenager said.

“I woke up – there was blood on my hands and I could feel blood on my face, my head was throbbing and I was very dizzy and also felt sick.”

The trial continues.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 23rd, August 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Eyes wide shut: Ola Jordan dresses for sex

Former Strictly Come Dancing hoofer Ola Jordan reveals her “sexist secrets” in the Sun. Ola is the new “celebrity face” of Ann Summers, the high-street store selling aids to masturbation.

SAUCY Ola Jordan has confessed she wears a blindfold in bed to let her dancer husband know whether sex is on – or off – the cards.

If your wife will only shag you when she’s blindfolded, you might worry. If she asks you to wear David Beckham’s new scent behind the armpits, play a recording of George Clooney breathing and promise not to talk, you might worry a little more. Or you might just think, ‘Well, that lazy eye always was a little distracting’ and crack on.

Ola, 33, said: “It’s so good. On one side it says ‘Yes Please’ and on the other side it says ‘Not Tonight’.

“When I don’t fancy it, I just put that side, ‘Not Tonight’.

The funny thing is that he also wears blindfolds to communicate his sex drive, and they’ve not seen each other in bed for years. Nah, they are, of course, at it “hammer and tongs”, as the Sun says.

As husband James reads his wife’s mask and wonders if she’s asleep before watching slinking off to Match of the Day, we see a picture of Ola dressed in her busy undies.

 

 Ola Jordan and James Jordan for Anne Summers campaign Ola and James Jordan first celebrity Couple Ambassadors for Anne Summers

Yeah, she’s wearing less than she does on prime-time telly.

 

Ola ann summers

 

Magic.

Posted: 23rd, August 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, The Consumer, TV & Radio | Comment


Transfer balls: Shkodran Mustafi to Arsenal for £21m, £25m, £30m and £42m

Transfer balls: With the business over Paul Pogba to Manchester United sorted to great relief at the Daily Mirror – the paper said Pogba had signed for United three weeks before he did – we look at Arsenal’s pursuit of Valencia’s German defender Shkodran Mustafi.

Daily Mirror, July 28:”Arsenal target Shkodran Mustafi has a release clause of €50million, MirrorFootball can reveal, but Valencia would sell him for half that as they look to recoup losses from missing out on the Champions League.”

Valencia are willing to sell a player worth €50million for €25million. That’s just over £21m.

Daily Mirror, August 11: “Muatfi has a £42m buy-out in his contract and Valencia are ready to accept around £30m, but Arsenal have yet to agree a fee”

Sorry, Arsenal. The fee’s gone up.

Daily Mirror, August 13: “Injury-hit Arsenal set to recall Mathieu Debuchy for Liverpool visit to fill in for trio of absent centre-halves.”

Arsenal have no need to buy anyone new. Debuchy to the rescue. (He was not picked.)

Daily Mirror, August 15: “Arsenal move for Shkodran Mustafi stalls as Valencia demand £25million for German defender”

Is that around £30m?

Daily Mirror, August 16: “Arsenal transfer news and rumours: Jeremy Mathieu emerges as Arsene Wenger’s top target.”

Arsenal no longer want Mustafi. It’s Mathieu for the Gunners.

Daily Mirror, August 17: “Arsenal are hoping to sign Mustafi for around £20million… Valencia have been holding out for closer to £30million for Mustafi.”

Wasn’t it £25m they wanted?

Daily Mirror: August 20: “Liverpool are in full negotiations with Valencia over the German’s availability and could beat the Gunners to the deal.”

Go for it, Liverpool. Arsenal don’t want him.

Daily Mirror, August 22: “Arsene Wenger has been quoted a staggering £50million for Valencia defender Shkodran Mustafi.”

And on its goes…

 

Posted: 22nd, August 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1)