Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 259

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Police In Pub

‘WE all know the police weren’t exactly happy about Home Secretary David Blunkett’s plans for reform, but few of us suspected that the Boys In Blue would go this far.

Police release picture of Blunkett insider wanted for questioning

A top-secret dossier outlining police plans for the minister’s protection was ‘accidentally’ left outside a Sheffield pub, providing what the Sun describes as ‘a godsend for terrorists’.

Unfortunately for the coppers, Osama Bin Laden wasn’t having his normal shandy in the pub at the time, and the document was picked up by a public-spirited punter who handed it to the Sun.

‘It was just lying on the pavement by the front door,’ said the former soldier (who is not named, presumably because he is now a terrorist threat). ‘You can’t imagine a policeman taking a report like this with him to a pub – but there can’t be any other explanation.’

Indeed not, mystery man. In fact, we can scarcely imagine a rozzer going into a pub at all unless it was to break a pork scratching smuggling ring or for a half of best bitter to celebrate 25 years of successful thief-catching.

Posted: 18th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Dyke Tied Up

‘THE papers seem obsessed this morning with what everyone’s wearing or not wearing. While the Star’s Page 4 is devoted to Kate’s topless back, the Mail’s Page 4 is concerned with far weightier issues, relaying a story about the BBC Director-General under the headline ‘Greg Dyke wears tie shock’.

Mail news archive unearthed

‘Mr Dyke, who usually favours open-necked shirts certainly pulled up his socks when he appeared before MPs yesterday,’ it says. ‘Despite the uncomfortable heat in the Commons select committee room, he teamed a dark suit with a light beige shirt and gold and black-spotted tie.’

Fascinating. And there is more. The paper goes on to quote a BBC spokesman who explained: ‘Mr Dyke has a large selection of ties and he wore one of them.’

The paper neglects to say whether Mr Dyke was wearing underpants and, if so, whether they were his own. We hope they will remedy that oversight tomorrow. ‘

Posted: 18th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Bring Your Own

‘MARCO Arellano, 34, of Brooklyn, New York was arrested in the Alpine Gourmet Farm on Seventh Avenue for adulterating the food.

He had done the same in various salad bars in the centre of town using a dressing he had prepared earlier and brought along in a bottle, which he used to squirt the liquid.

The owner of the Alpine said no-one had complained about the food that day, which is odd, as the ingredients of Arellano’s dressing were his own urine and faeces.’

Posted: 18th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment