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The Sun Joins Gordon Brown In Disrespecting Jacqui Janes By Calling Her Jacqui Jones

jacqui-janes-jonesGORDON Brown “outraged Jacqui Janes by mis-spelling her and her dead son’s names in a note of condolence”. The Sun cares enough to call her – are you ready? – Jacqui Jones. So says the Sun.

In it, heartbroken Jacqui – whose boy Jamie, 20, was killed by a bomb in Afghanistan – tells the Prime Minister: “Mr Brown, listen to me… I know every injury that my child sustained that day. I know that my son could have survived. But my son bled to death.”

Jacqui Janes picks up the phone to Gordon Brown. The Sun, which is no longer supporting Gordon Browns and Labour, coaks an ear:

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Posted: 11th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment (1)


Gordon Brown Battles Depression Says No.10 Website

GORDON Brown “battles depression,” says No. 10 website.

Speaking on the 80th anniversary of the Wall Street Crash, Gordon Brown said the battle to stop the current downturn becoming a second great depression is being won.

But he hopes to feel much better soon…

Click to enlarge:

depression-no-10

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Posted: 27th, October 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Gordon Brown Has 50 Days To Save The World From Global Warming Plague

gordon-brown15GORDON Brown is building up the heat on global warming by telling negotiators flying to the Copenhagen climate summit that they have “50 days to save the world from global warming”.

As luck has it, these 50 days will not be interrupted by General Election, and Brown can focus his energies on telling the Major Economies Forum in London, which brings together 17 of the world’s biggest greenhouse gas-emitting countries, that there is “no plan B“.

Says Brown of the coming plagues:

“In Britain we face the prospect of more frequent droughts and a rising wave of floods The extraordinary summer heatwave of 2003 in Europe resulted in over 35,000 extra deaths.”

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Posted: 19th, October 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)


Madeleine McCann: Alan Johnson, Satellite Images And Barack Obama

5110520MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann: Justine McGuinness sues, Alan Johnson, Gordon Brown, Barack Obama and a satellite image…

Press Gazette: “People in payout over Madeleine Fund libel”

Justine McGuinness is back in the news:

A public relations expert who helped in the search for Madeleine McCann accepted a donation to charity today over a claim that she overcharged the fund set up to find the missing child.

Another day and with it another libel case.

In 2007, The People story “alleged that she had charged the fund £20,000 in excess of her agreed fee and that, following a discussion with Gerry McCann in the summer of 2007, she was forced to part company with the fund.”

Melville-Brown said MGN Limited had accepted that the allegations were incorrect and apologised. So damages?

It agreed to make a donation to an undisclosed charity of Ms McGuinness’s choice.

PRs know how to handle their own PR.

Says her brief, Amber Melville-Brown:

The public is entitled to know, indeed demands to know, the truth, and the press fulfils a vital role in servicing our need for news. But Fleet Street must guard against rubbishing reputations in the process through the inaccurate and sensational reporting of emotive stories.”

Nice idea. But the public demands entertainment, and the papers demand readers. If you want the truth, you need to digest a lot of news and make up your own mind. Or read Anorak.

Which brings us to this story in the Sunday Express:

SATELLITE CLUE TO MADDIE KIDNAP

HOME Secretary Alan Johnson is prepared to ask US spy chiefs for satellite images which may show the face of Madeleine McCann’s kidnapper, following intervention by the Sunday Express.

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Posted: 18th, October 2009 | In: Madeleine McCann | Comments (14)


How Gordon Brown Fixed It For Chelsea To Beat Liverpool

pa-7887684CHELSEA beat Liverpool 2-0 to go top of the Premier League, and Anorak uncovers their secret weapon: Gordon Brown.

Brown was there:

When England were knocked out of the 2006 World Cup against Portugal

When they lost 2-1 at Wembley against Germany

When Scotland lost to Italy

When England lost the rugby World Cup final.

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Posted: 4th, October 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


Gordon Brown Fixes Adam Boulton With A Paddington Bear Stare

brown-paddingtonHUGO Rifkind is writing on the Madness of Gordon Brown, a politican who has being paying heed to the master: Paddington Bear.

We are bullying Gordon Brown to mental collapse – We may regret our attitude to the Prime Minister once he’s gone.

Well, yes. as Anorak said when George Bush made his goodbyes and pushed the pull door to contentment, ‘You’ll miss him when he’s gone.’

And Bush was bullied wasn’t he, portrayed as a dunce, a thicko who kept reading as the Twin Towers collapsed. Channel 4 even fantasized about him being murdered. Says Hugo:

I started thinking it last weekend when Andrew Marr asked the PM, effectively, if he was on antidepressants. Setting aside the curious assumption in the question (that if we did have a depressed PM, it would somehow be better if he wasn’t taking anything), you have to wonder what Marr hoped to gain by asking it.

Well, that wasn’t the question that was asked. But if you can’t find an ounce of comedy in Gordon Brown – the last man to know – then you need to look again.

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Posted: 2nd, October 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Gay Penguins Star At 27th Annual Banned Books Week

gay-penguinsTHE 27th annual Banned Books Week, organised by the American Library Association, seeks to focus attention on books that have been banned.
The facts are that since 2001 “bans on 3,736 books and other materials have been requested.”

Requested by whom? Gordon Brown would quite like the Sun to be banned. But the Sun is not top of the hit list. The BBC does not say who made the requests, only that they were recorded:

In recent years, Tango Makes Three – based on a true story and centring on gay penguins in New York’s Central Park Zoo – has had the most ban requests.

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Posted: 1st, October 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)


Gordon Brown Blames The Media On Sky News

LIKE most of you, Old Mr Anorak marked the Labour Party conference in traditional manner by ignoring it.

But the machinations of politics in which party leaders talk to the party activists in big halls by the seaside – and the cameras capture them rising to their feet to applaud the great leader’s great words on the Great British peoples – are of interest to the media, which has much space to fill and a campaign to find.

Gordon Brown is on Sky News telling anyone tuning in that when he speaks,

“Newspapers try to translate it into something other than what it is.”

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Posted: 30th, September 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)


Gordon Brown Embraces Cheryl Bradley’s 20 Stone Ass

fat-assCHERYL Bradley has a backside that weighs 20 stone. And – yes – it is in proportion to the rest of her. Cheryl weighs 38 stone.

In Closer, Cheryl shows us her 10ft “elephant bum”. Cheryl’s backside earns her 80,000 a year, keeping the rest of her in buns. Says she:

“I was mocked because of my size, but now I’m having the last laugh – all thanks to my beautiful elephant ass.”

Elephants might well complain of prejudice. Where is their money? Where is their feature in Closer magazine? If you want to see huge elephantine arse, find an elephant and ask it to give you a twirl.

Cheryl has five children – Dimmy, Brent, Monika, Aaron and Portia.

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Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment


The World’s First Climate Change Refugees

6312793CLIMATE change, aka global warming, is hitting Africa hard, What used to be called weather is now a sure sign of impending doom. Richard North reports:

“Climate change is here, it is a reality”, reports John Vidal. As one devastating drought follows another, the future is bleak for millions in east Africa, he writes.

Describing the pitiful scenes, he recounts how, after three years of disastrous rains, the families from the Borana tribe, who by custom travel thousands of miles a year in search of water and pasture, have unanimously decided to settle down.

Back in April, they packed up their pots, pans and meagre belongings, deserted their mud and thatch homes at Bute and set off on their last trek, to Yaeblo, a village of near-destitute charcoal makers that has sprung up on the side of a dirt road near Moyale.

Now they live in temporary “benders” – shelters made from branches covered with plastic sheeting. They look like survivors from an earthquake or a flood, says Vidal, but in fact these are some of the world’s first climate-change refugees.

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Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Reviews | Comment


Gordon Brown Wants To Be Paid Less

GORDON Brown tells BBC Radio 1 Xtra says he is willing to take a salary cut if MPs agree this was the right thing to do during the recession.

Mr Brown earns £194,250 a year, which includes £64,766 for being an MP.

Call an election and watch the pay reduce dramatically, Gordon…

kidnap_london_brown_cartoon

Image: Matt Buck

Posted: 3rd, September 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Colonel Gaddafi And Megari Wear Lockerbie Kilts At 40th Anniversary Show, Pictures

gaddafi-keyLOCKERBIE: Did Gordon Brown sanction Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed al-Megrahi release and return to Libya in exchange for oil? And did a kilted Colonel Gaddafi thanks Scotland at his 40th anniversary do? Anorak looks back at Gaddafi’s life and at the current mess.

IN Libya, locals are celebrating Colonel Gaddafi’s celebration of 40 years in power. A video clip showing Megrahi stepping off a plane from Scotland to a hero’s welcome is played on a giant screen in Tripoli.

The British media is shocked that such an event should feature in Gaddafi’s anniversary celebrations. So what should be included?

Other highlights of Gaddafi’s 40 years in power:

1969 – A 27-year-old Gaddafi topples King Idris I in a farting contest, having eaten only falafal for seventeen days previously.

1974 – Gaddafi muses on which is the superior: a horsehair or palm leaf fly-swatter. Libya’s first democratic vote is curtailed when the palm leaf nails a huge blue bottle.

1977 – Gaddafi invented a system called the “Jamahiriya” or “state of the masses”, in which power is held by thousands of “peoples’ committees”, each answerable to the Supreme Committee, overseen by Colonel Gaddafi. The committees begin work on designing a new people’s horse, which comes to be known as a camel.

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Posted: 2nd, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment


Gordon Brown Annoints New Summer Prime Minister

WITH Gordon Brown away, everyone who hasn’t called him names is allowed a turn at sitting at his desk and playing at being Prime Minister.
Peter Mandelson had a turn at the helm.

And today Alistair Darling finds his sterling work on the economy rewarded with temporary promotion.

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Posted: 17th, August 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)


Gordon Brown Hit In The Face With An Egg

7675705GORDON Brown places his monocle to his eye – no, the other one- and sees recovery ahead. He also sees an egg.

Britain appears to be on the verge of economic recovery amid signs that the worst downturn in decades may be coming to an end…. The positive news on the economy will be welcomed by Gordon Brown…

Very soon Britons will not have to turn to loan sharks for money to buy food and eggs and bread but can turn again to the banks and get credit cards to buy milk, eggs and bread at slightly less threatening rates of interest.

(A loan shark, Robert Reynolds, charged a woman a total of £88,000 over seven years to meet a debt of just £500 taken out to buy a computer.)

Bankers are good. Loan sharks are bad. Remember this handy guide, mums and dads: You are a banker. He is a money lender. They are loan sharks.

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Posted: 6th, August 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)


Tony Hadley Launches The Wispa Gold Chocolate Bar

7663094TONY Hadley, of Spandau Ballet’s hit Gold, eyes the Wispa Gold, the “world’s most expensive chocolate bar” costing £961.48 at its launched at Selfridges.

As Tony shows, the item can be used as a suppository. Game face, Tony. Game face.

The bar’s price represents the value of its weight in gold. Given the nature of economy, reports are that Gordon Brown has enquired about buying a few thousand bars and presenting them as the country’s gold reserves.

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Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Gordon Brown Wins Scarecrow Competition

scarecrow-gordon-brownTO the annual Scarecrow Competition in Muston, near Filey,where first prize goes to Prime Minister Gordon Brown for his impersonation of a man of straw…

Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


Gordon Brown’s Labour Party Rifle Pockets Of Injured Soldiers

gordon-brown13BERETS off to Gordon Brown and his minions who have found a new way to be still more disliked: cutting compensation pay out to British troops.

Gordon is going for the big one. He hopes that with enough joined-up thinking and courage he can achieve a zero per cent approval rating (better than the Tories’ zero per cent disapproval rating) and secure not a single Labour seat at the next election.

But will shaking down wounded soldiers be enough?

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Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Downing Street Cat Sybil Zero Per Cent Alive

sybil-homeCHANCELLOR Alistair Darling’s cat Sybil, who has died after a short illness. Mr Darling’s spokeswoman confirmed that the black and white cat died yesterday at the home of a family friend in London.

Sybil, named after Basil’s wife in Fawlty Towers, was moved into the Chancellor’s flat above 11 Downing Street from the Darling family home in Edinburgh in 2007.

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Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


RIP Harry Patch, Britain’s Last World One Trench Fighter Dies

7628173RIP Harry Patch, your reign as Britain’s oldest man lasted but a few days. You were 111 – which is a Nelson in cricket terms. A good innings. Now you’re out.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown once met you during the Armistice anniversary reception for World War 1 veterans.

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Posted: 25th, July 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)


Gordon Brown’s Pollution Expert Has Swine Flu

IN today’s edition of celebrity swine flu, we learn that Michael Jacobs, Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s climate change adviser, has the on-message illness. Rumours are that he caught it in Mexico last month.

Jacobs has now been banned from the G8 summit because of fears that he might infect world leaders. Gordon Brown imposed the prohibition on Michael Jacobs, his senior adviser on climate change, despite the official’s insistence that he was no longer contagious and his plea that he should be at the gathering.

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Posted: 13th, July 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


Mandelson Is Gordon Brown’s Willie

LORD (help us) Mandelson is asked by Tory MP Peter Luff if he is Gordon Brown’s Willie.

As AGW says in the Anorak Forums:

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Posted: 7th, July 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


Gordon Brown Cheers Zero Percent Growth

GORDON Brown is still sat in the car as it moves in slow motion towards the edge of a cliff. At Prime Ministers Question Time, Brown champions Zero Per Cent growth.

Can someone pelase tell him. It’s painful:

Posted: 1st, July 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


Did Gordon Brown Kill Michael Jackson?

GUIDO Fawkes has long looked at Jonah BrownGordon Brown’s incubus who straddles a major sporting event or personality – and shags the life out of it. Today, we receive news via Twitter that Gordon Brown had been praising Michael Jackson just before the King of Pop died…

gordon-brown-michael-jackson

Coincidence?

More theories as to how and why Michael Jackson died can be read here.

Spotter: A Tangled Web, via, Grumpy Old Twat

Posted: 29th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Media Duped By Michael Jackson Tribute Hoax

miliband-hoax1MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Jackson is dead and Gordon Brown – as ever – arrives to say a few words:

“This is very sad news for the millions of Michael Jackson fans in Britain and around the world The Prime Minister’s thoughts are with Michael Jackson’s family at this time.”

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Posted: 26th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


Gordon Brown Thanks Iran’s Ayatollah Ali Khamenei

gordon-brown-iranFOLLOWING Ayatollah Ali Khamenei’s promise that Britain is the world’s most evil country and the No.1 threat to the Iranian theocracy and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Gordon Brown has been taking the plaudits. He writes:

AS your Supreme Leader, I would like to take this opportunity to say, that it is with very great pleasure, that following a period of readjustment, that I can announce that, yes, we are now on the path to recovery. Britain is once again an international force to be reckoned with and respected and above all feared.

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Posted: 22nd, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (26)