The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
These karma Sutra-inspired lollies are a lick on a stick
Cancel the phallic Hen-night chocs and the trip to the caves at Ajanta. The “Kamasugar” lollipops by Italian artist and photographer Massimo Gammacurta are the Kama Sutra in a lick on a stick. Perfect.
Spotter: DM
Posted: 22nd, December 2014 | In: NSFW, The Consumer | Comments (2)
Unboxing a ShitExpress delivery box
Sending a loved one a shit in a box is a neat idea. You can, of course, send your own poo. ShitExpress might one day become a cottage industry following a change in legislation (it’s illegal to post human turds) triggered by a full vegetarian diet for all and 2Girls One Cup training-and-aiming course. For now there is ShitExpres, the service that anonymously mails crap to your lover / ex-lover / prospective lover / teacher / organic farmer / etc. in exchange for Bitcoin and cash.
ShitExpress founder Peter explains the supply and delivery chain:
“What if someone placed an order? How to proceed? Where to get horse poop in this city? What about suitable, yet affordable packaging? What is the right size and weight? How to wrap it? What else should be added? How to convince customs this is a real gift, valued at $3-5? And what about that weird feeling of bringing a box of horse feces to the post office?”
Peter found lots of product at his local horse stables.
He adds:
“Thanks to strong support of our customers, we already developed a root base for additional services and new product line to be offered in the near future. Besides the shit, we definitely want to grow horizontally by covering more areas of business.”
Why not vertically. Reach for the gutter and the stars. From budget ant poo to showy elephant dung, there would be something for every price bracket.
Jason Koebler unpacks a delivery:
Posted: 22nd, December 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)
The most ridiculous football club Christmas presents: the Norwich City Tambourine, Liverpool Coffee Tin and more
Over on Pies: the most ridiculous football club-themed gifts for Christmas.
Also featured in Pies’ 2014 Christmas Football Gift Guide…
#1: Dion Dublin’s New Xmas Album – “Christmas Presents”
#2: Tino Asprilla Own-Brand Condoms
#3: Official Sunderland USB Travel Adaptor
#4: Tottenham Vodka
#5: Official Wolfsburg Tomato Ketchup
#6: Fenerbahce Hairdryer
#7: Newcastle United Toilet Mat
#8: Sporting Lisbon Swimming Cap
#9: Huddersfield Town Tea Bags (Box Of 80)
#10: Werder Bremen Nesting Box
#11: Norwich City Tambourine
#12: Liverpool’s Iconic ‘This Is Coffee’ Coffee Tin
#13: Real Madrid Etch-a-Sketch
#14: Birmingham City Play-Dough Fun Box
#15: FC Dnipro Bucket & Spade
This way for more Christmas gift ideas from yesteryear.
Posted: 20th, December 2014 | In: Sports, The Consumer | Comment
Howard Jacobson: why Christians make the best Nazis and Islamofascism is a myth
Howard Jacobson nails it. Why only Christians can be Nazis. And why Islamofascism is an amplified myth:
‘Christianity is key here,’ says Jacobson. ‘Muslims have needed the Jew less [historically], although there’s a lot of Muslim anti-Semitism now due to the Middle East. [But] Christianity’s had to leave [Judaism] behind, so it’s had to hate it, it’s had to say, we are not that, we are not that anymore, and then to say we were never that – so that’s a necessary hatred.’
‘And then out of that grew a sense of the possibility that all cultures have to have someone to hate. Not just a scapegoat. It’s more essential than that. Who am I, what am I? I am not that. To the degree you know that, you know who you are.’
Posted: 19th, December 2014 | In: Books | Comment (1)
How to build a human, by Eleanor Lutz
How to build a human, Eleanor Lutz:
Posted: 18th, December 2014 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comment
Liz Prince On Tomboy: ‘I’ve always thought about gender’
In Tomboy, Liz Prince looks at growing up, being a girl and what gender means:
“I’ve always thought about gender, as someone who has been categorically ‘gender nonconforming’ for my entire life, I was forced to think about it, but obviously I became more conscious of it as a social issue as I’ve gotten older. And as I’ve met more folks who are genderqueer or trans, it’s been really enlightening to hear their stories, and it got me thinking about my own gender history.
“An unexpected side effect of writing Tomboy is that I have gotten a lot of letters and emails from parents of tomboys, who say that they read the book, and they feel like they understand their children so much better now. I got a really emotional letter from a woman who has a tomboy daughter, who she has in the past tried to force to conform more strictly to a gender norm, and my book made her feel really terrible for doing that, because she understands now that her daughter should be free to express herself the way that is comfortable to her.
“I was really unprepared for receiving feedback like that; letters about how my book has actually changed the way someone approaches their parenting. It’s very validating.”
This is your brain on alcohol and marijuana – 2 compare and contrast videos
AsapSCIENCE have produced a video on what happens to your brain on alcohol. This delicious “feelings of release and freedom” allow you to “think very little, but with great clarity.”
And now for the banned substance: marijuana:
Posted: 13th, December 2014 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment (1)
Science decides: if you want to defeat men wear high heels
Do high heels make you men go weak at the knees? This just in from science:
Scientists from the Universite de Bretagne-Sud conducted experiments that showed that men behave very differently toward high-heeled women. The results, published online in the journal “Archives of Sexual Behaviour,” may please the purveyors of Christian Louboutin or Jimmy Choo shoes — yet frustrate those who think stilettos encourage sexism.
The study found if a woman drops a glove on the street while wearing heels, she’s almost 50 percent more likely to have a man fetch it for her than if she’s wearing flats.
Another finding: A woman wearing heels is twice as likely to persuade men to stop and answer survey questions on the street. And a high-heeled woman in a bar waits half the time to get picked up by a man, compared to when her heel is nearer to the ground.
“Women’s shoe heel size exerts a powerful effect on men’s behavior,” says the study’s author, Nicolas Gueguen, a behavioral science researcher. “Simply put, they make women more beautiful.”
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Ray Bradbury: how to burn a book without fire
This Dec. 8, 1966 file photo shows science fiction writer Ray Bradbury looks at a picture that was part of a school project to illustrate characters in one of his dramas in Los Angeles. Bradbury, who wrote everything from science-fiction and mystery to humor, died Tuesday, June 5, 2012 in Southern California. He was 91.
Thought of the day:
“About two years ago, a letter arrived from a solemn young lady telling me how much she enjoyed reading my experiment in space mythology, The Martian Chronicles. But, she added, wouldn’t it be a good idea, this late in time, to rewrite the book inserting more women’s characters and roles…. The point is obvious. There is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running about with lit matches. Every minority, be it Baptist / Unitarian / Irish / Italian / Octogenarian / Zen Buddhist / Zionist / Seventh-day Adventist / Women’s Lib / Republican / Mattachine / Four Square Gospel, feels it has the will, the right, the duty to douse the kerosene, light the fuse… The real world is the playing ground for each and every group, to make or unmake laws. But the tip of the nose of my book or stories or poems is where their rights end and my territorial imperatives begin, run and rule.” — Ray Bradbury
Posted: 13th, December 2014 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment
London’s Cereal Killer cafe and Belfast’s Slum shack in race to a hipster’s runny bottom
East London’s Cereal Killer cereal cafe is riding high on the news cycle. Eating cereal for dinner, lunch and tea is more likely to give you chronic diarrhea than cool. The news item on Channel 4 focused on the shocking news that Tower Hamlets is not a rich area. In fact, it’s pretty poor.
So. what kind of mugs spend £3 on a bowl of dried wheat when for the same price you can buy a cup of coffee?
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Posted: 12th, December 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)
Riot Police toys: teaching boys but never girls to smash rebellion
There’s a new take on cops and robbers in your playground. Cool kids can now crush insurrection and legal protest by becoming riot police.
And girls – forget it. Only boys get to crush heads and break bones of the State’s enemies:
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Posted: 10th, December 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Fashion Fails: the ‘Don’t Open ‘Til Christmas’ WTF children’s onesies
Fashion brand Hatley has some intersting items for the kids:
Up close:
Oh, and dad gets one, too:
‘Til Chtistmas’
Brendan Jordan arrives: the gayest boy in the world advertises for American Apparel
Your hero in the above video is Brendan Jordan, the 15-year-old lurker who seized his chance when local news filmed in his area.
Said Master Jordan:
“I just saw a camera, and did my thing. I was imagining myself as if I were Lady Gaga, and that no one could destroy me.”
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For sale: the anti-Christ sword
To Austin, Texas, where a Cragslist advert tells of a cursed, double-handed 18th century broadsword.
They say “they could feel a strange energy in my sword room”.
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Posted: 7th, December 2014 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment
Mock the poor with a Clinton Cards ‘Council Estate Santa Clause Christmas Card’
Cop a load of this Christmas card from @ClintonsTweet. It”s ‘funny’.. Well, so Clinton Cards says.
Council Estate Santa has:
1. He Has a serial record for breaking and entering!
2. He uses various wild animals to pull his sleigh
3. He only works once a year
4. He’s never actually been seen doing any work in his whole life
5. He drinks alcohol during working hours
6.He barely leaves his home for fear of being recognised
7. He wears the same, out-of-fashion clothes everyday and never washes them
8. He uses loads of different names and aliases purely for his own gain!
9. He gets letters from lot of people, all demanding that he owes them things!
10. He can get hold of all the latest designer gear but never pays a penny for it!
His wife is not a ho-ho-ho. That would, presumably, be too funny…
Posted: 6th, December 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)
The 22 most marvellous and ridiculous items Burt Reynolds is selling at auction
Burt Reynolds is selling the 1977 Pontiac Trans Am from Smokey and the Bandit – billed as “maybe the coolest car ever”. It isn’t. But if that doesn’t take your fancy, Burt Reynolds is clearing out lots of other stuff, including numerous guns (mostly non-firing), horse tack, a treasure chest of trophies and lots of artworks of his goodself.
Shop until you drop at Julien’s Auctions:
Estimate: $400 – $600
Sculpture of Reynolds reading a newspaper, opening bid $1000-2000
Burt Reynolds Rolodex, opening bid $300-500
Dom DeLuise painting, opening bid $1500-2000
Burt Reynolds voided American Express card, opening bid $100-200
Burt Reynolds Striptease working script, opening bid $200-400
Burt Reynolds naked torso painting, opening bid $800-1200
Burt Reynolds carved miniature, opening bid $400-600
Estimate: $60,000 – $80,000
Starting: $30,000
Few movies are as iconic in the world of cars as Smokey & the Bandit. Released January 1, 1977 starring Burt Reynolds, Sally Field and a black and gold “Screaming Chicken”, the movie tells the story of the aches and pains of getting a Coors beer east of the Mississippi. This is Mr. Reynolds’ 1977 Trans Am Coupe (T-Top) which was used as a promotional vehicle for the movie and gifted to Burt for his collection. She features a 400 cid Pontiac V-8 engine, a 4-barrel carburetor and an automatic transmission. With a gold plaque on the driver door stating “1977 Pontiac Trans Am Owned By Burt Reynolds” and a customized “Bandit” logo, this is “no ordinary automobile”; it’s a piece of “Hollywood History”. This is an amazing opportunity to own what just might be the coolest car EVER!
Starting: $5,000
A custom-built motorized stagecoach, built in 1979 on an International Harvester Scout frame with a 345 V8 engine and four-wheel drive, seats up to 10 people. This stagecoach was used for Burt Reynolds’ wedding to Loni Anderson. The interior was custom-designed by Dolly Parton. It is marked “The Burt Reynolds Horse Ranch” and has the “BR” monogram in multiple places. Vehicle identification number J0062JGD30393.
Starting: $1,500
A custom-built Valley Carriage Works red and white covered carriage with the Burt Reynolds Ranch “BR” monogram. This carriage was a gift to Burt Reynolds from Dolly Parton.
Estimate: $200 – $300
Starting: $100
A pair of Burt Reynolds brown leather chaps. Dark brown trim is tooled to look as though the leather was woven. Additional floral tooling, lacing and buckle closure and faux bone fasteners down the side of each leg.
Starting: $1,000
A Golden Globe award presented to Burt Reynolds for Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series Comedy for his role as Wood Newton in Evening Shade (CBS, 1990-1994). Presented by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.
Estimate: $400 – $600
Starting: $200
A black and white publicity photograph signed by the cast of Friends (NBC, 1994-2004). Inscribed “To Burt, Your Friends” and signed by Matt LeBlanc, Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matthew Perry and David Schwimmer.
Estimate: $200 – $300
Starting: $100
A color photograph of Burt Reynolds, Charles Durning and Michael Jeter taken on the set of Evening Shade (CBS, 1990-1994) from a 1991 episode. Matted and framed; not examined out of frame.
Starting: $200
A typed, signed letter from Katharine Hepburn to Burt Reynolds. The letter, dated “XII – 24 – 1992,” is on Hepburn’s personal stationery and reads in full, “Dear Burt, All day long I’ve been sending thanks and thanks and thanks so much – Now I have received your present – I’ve opened the bottle and have drunk the entire bottle of whiskey – Now I am happy – How sensitive of you to know exactly what I needed at this junction – Kate” Housed in a matte with the original transmittal envelope.
Estimate: $400 – $600
Starting: $200
A frame with an inscription to Burt Reynolds from Elizabeth Taylor. The silver frame has a heart-shaped window with an image of Reynolds and is inscribed “A.P.L.A. September 19th 1985 To Burt Reynolds With My Love And All My Thanks Elizabeth.”
Estimate: $2,000 – $3,000
Starting: $1,000
A full body mounted brown Kodiak bear in aggressive pose.
Estimate: $600 – $800
Starting: $300
“He Wants You To Have His Baby (Portrait of Burt Reynolds),” lithograph on canvas, advertising image from the film Paternity (Paramount, 1981).
Estimate: $600 – $800
Starting: $300
“The Many Faces of Burt,” oil on artist board, signed by Victor Victori and dated ’82 lower right
Posted: 6th, December 2014 | In: Celebrities, The Consumer | Comment
God’ll Fix It: when Jimmy Savile confessed to his demons in 1978
Book of the day is the 1979 tome, God’ll Fix It, the divine words of Sir Jimmy Savile.
The chapter How Do I Cope With Sex? , told readers:
Sex at its worst is corruption, as when young people might be corrupted to provide sex.’
The final word is with the Star:
Spotter: UsVThem
Posted: 3rd, December 2014 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment (1)
Crap Advent Calendars: One Direction’s Niall Horan Does A Runny Poo
Much excitement at Anorak Towers are we open the flaps on the first One Direction advent calendar window.
The first flaps are situated on Niall Horan’s backside.
D’lish.
Five boys one runny cip.
Posted: 1st, December 2014 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Black Friday: The Asda Cheerleaders Fight To The Death Over Underwear At Victoria’s Secret
It’s Black Friday, the day when shops seduce shoppers with bargains.
Two faces of the show:
1. Cheerleaders at the Asda store in Wembley, north west London during Black Friday.
2. Victoria’s Secret, Liverpool.
The morgue:
Posted: 28th, November 2014 | In: Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment
Cheese Big Enough To Kill A Man Arrives In Canada
How do you describe something big? Traditionally, fooball pitches, buses or St Paul’s Cathedral have been used to describe a thing’s length or height. But writing in the Ottwah Citzen, Alison Mah takes a new angle:
A 1,000-pound provolone that would likely kill you if it fell on you the wrong way has arrived in Ottawa.
Big enough to kill you.
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Posted: 26th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment
