The Consumer | Anorak - Part 25

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

God’ll Fix It: when Jimmy Savile confessed to his demons in 1978

Book of the day is the 1979 tome, God’ll Fix It, the divine words of Sir Jimmy Savile.


Screen shot 2014-12-03 at 14.30.56


The chapter How Do I Cope With Sex? , told readers:

Sex at its worst is corruption, as when young people might be corrupted to provide sex.’



God'll fix it



The final word is with the Star:


Screen shot 2014-12-03 at 14.40.52



Spotter: UsVThem


Posted: 3rd, December 2014 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment (1)

Crap Advent Calendars: One Direction’s Niall Horan Does A Runny Poo

Much excitement at Anorak Towers are we open the flaps on the first One Direction advent calendar window.





The first flaps are situated on Niall Horan’s backside.





Five boys one runny cip.


Posted: 1st, December 2014 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment

Black Friday: The Asda Cheerleaders Fight To The Death Over Underwear At Victoria’s Secret

It’s Black Friday, the day when shops seduce shoppers with bargains.

Two faces of the show:

1. Cheerleaders at the Asda store in Wembley, north west London during Black Friday.





2. Victoria’s Secret, Liverpool.

The morgue:

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Screen shot 2014-11-28 at 12.56.14

Posted: 28th, November 2014 | In: Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment

Cheese Big Enough To Kill A Man Arrives In Canada

cheese huge

How do you describe something big? Traditionally, fooball pitches, buses or St Paul’s Cathedral have been used to describe a thing’s length or height.  But writing in the Ottwah Citzen, Alison Mah takes a new angle:

A 1,000-pound provolone that would likely kill you if it fell on you the wrong way has arrived in Ottawa.

Big enough to kill you.

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Posted: 26th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Newcastle United Balls: Faustino Asprilla Has A Range Of Condoms

Tito condoms


Former Newcastle United favourite Faustino Asprilla offers us his “Tino” condoms for your good sexual health in Colombia, the Bigg Market and beyond.

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Posted: 25th, November 2014 | In: Sports, The Consumer | Comment

Neal Cassady Shall Be Justified: Read The Joan Anderson Letter That Inspired Jack Kerouac’s On The Road



In 1950 Neal Cassady chocked down mouthfuls of speed and wrote a 16,000 words, 18-page letter to hgis friend Jack Kerouac. In it he recalled a trip to Denver and a dalliance with a Joan Anderson. Kerouac was writing On The Road.  After reading Cassady’s letter he began it anew.

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Posted: 24th, November 2014 | In: Books, Reviews | Comment (1)

Jesus Wept! The Christmas Jumper That Bleeds For Your Fashion Sins



Who hasn’t looked at a Christmas jumper and declared ‘Jesus’?

Shredders are selling this fine seasonal sweater designed by Steve Byrne.







Posted: 23rd, November 2014 | In: Fashion | Comment

Buy This Wonderful Raiders Of The Lost Ark Face Melting Candle

Nazi face candle

Here’s a noveltt item to reallt set the pulses racing: a Raiders of The Lost Ark candle. It’s modelled on Major Arnold Toht, the Nazi whose face melts when the magic chest is opened.

Firebox says:

 “Thankfully it melts a lot slower than his face does in the film.”

Nazi face candle 1

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Posted: 21st, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment

The ‘Guardian Class’ Want Video Games Rated For Sexism

In light of “Gamergate”, Sweden’s “government-funded innovation agency” Vinnova are looking at rating video games by their “sexist” content.
The Local catches up with one Vinnova “manager” who “said it was unclear at this stage if all video games produced in Sweden would be given a label, or if companies developing games that promoted equality would be given some kind of certification to use for their own marketing purposes… Video games can help us to create more diverse workplaces and can even change the way we think about things.”
Job done. We think you’re an idiot who treats people who play video games as fools. These people who play video games will not grow up believing all women are sexually available 2D bimbos. Just as the elite tell us that football fans’ speech must be controlled lest they race riot, gamers do not need re-educating.
Every aspect of our lives is being politicised. Unwinding with a video game is now a moral issue. Escapism is not allowed. Where once the fearful right condemend video nasties, acid house and comic books, the authoritarian left is now commanding:

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Posted: 20th, November 2014 | In: Reviews, Technology, The Consumer | Comment

Real Barbie Dolls Comes With Spots, Stretch Marks And Issues

Want to see the real Barbie doll? Nickolay Lamm wants to show us what a real woman as a plastic doll would look like. His Lammily doll has impetigo, a mole, wounds, bruises and – unlike Mr Stretch Armstrong – stretch marks.






Who knew that a real person wasn’t like a doll?

Kids, eh, so stupid they think all adults look like Barbie. If you let them drive real cars they’d just sit ther going “Brrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmm”. And never – NEVER – leave your child alone with a full gown grizzly bear.

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Posted: 20th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Elly Prizeman Is British Fashion’s Newest Star


ELLY Prizeman is the most talked about shirt designer on this planet (and whatever planet they’re on).

Her stellar range of shirts is out of this world (as modelled by Matt Taylor).

As another notable shirt designer, Vivienne Westwood, put it:

You have a more interesting life if you wear impressive clothes.

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Posted: 19th, November 2014 | In: Fashion, Reviews | Comment

Sexist Barbie Says ‘I Can Be…A Computer Engineeer’ – But Only If The Boys Do All The Work

WHAT can Babie be? Well, if you melt her down, she could be doorstop, a martial aid part of South Korean car’s dashboard.  But to Martel, Babrie can be anything.

Barbie Can Be…A Computer Engineeer.

Live the dream, Barbie! And dig those glasses. You sure must have smarts to wear bins like those.


Barbie I Can Be



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Posted: 18th, November 2014 | In: Books, The Consumer | Comment

John Waters Reads: My Singing Anus And Carsick Parodies



John Waters hitchhiked his way across the USA. He’s written it up in Carsick.

“I have probably 8,500 books all catalogued and everything. I’m a book collector. The novelizations of movies which no one collects? I collect them. I also collect porn parodies of literature. So yes, I collect all kinds of books.”

The first two chapters of his book are fictional. He wonders what thrills await him, such as giving head during a demolition derby and being murdered by a serial killer with a thing for film directors.

“Some people skip [the introduction] and they don’t realize the first two parts are fiction. They say, ‘Did that really happen?’ Do you really believe my singing anus did a duet with Connie Francis?”

Save it for the movie…

Posted: 18th, November 2014 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment

FAIL: London Estate Agent Strutt And Parker Creates Truly Terrible Ad

To London, where Tom Doran @portraitinflesh spots this hideous advert from esate agency Strutt And Parker:

DEAR GOD. Is this a current advert? How on Earth could @struttandparker sign off on this?

Answer: because they’re estate agents.

Strutt And Parker

Via: @OscarWGrut


Posted: 18th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Nurtured Sea Salt In A Thing That Exists

YOU can raise salt in an captive environment:

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Spotter: Anna Dingley @annadingley



Posted: 18th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment

This 1912 Brothel Menu Is For Men With Cash And Goose Quills

brothel menu

This is a brothel menu from Mrs. F.A. Tasse‘s house of good repute. In 1912, the customer could purchase sex:

No discount for cash. Stink fingers and jerking-off matinees for young men under 21, every Wednesday from 2:30 to 4. Customers must enter with cash in one hand and tool in the other. If you are not a self-starter, stay at home and jack yourself off.

Goose quill: model’s own.

PS: Jezebel says the brother was in London. Well, no. It wasn’t. Not unless Mrs. F.A. Tasse. (surely FAT ARSE – ed) was appealing to a uniquely American clientele with her prices and spelling.

Spotter: Amanda Marcotte, Flashbak


Posted: 15th, November 2014 | In: NSFW, The Consumer | Comments (2)

Dr Who Specials: The Weeping Angel Christmas Tree Topper And Toilet Aimer

weeping jesus

DECORATE your Christmas Tree with a weeping angel, as seen on Dr Who.

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Posted: 15th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer, TV & Radio | Comment

The Metro Creates The List That Ends All Lists: It Is That Bad

Neil Diamond


MODERN journalism is much about lists. You make a list and it is news. Things kicked off in 1977, when millions of people (my father mong them) The Book of Lists, compiled by David Wallechinsky, his father Irving Wallace and sister Amy Wallace.





It was a cracking book, a top toilet read. It was a valuable resource when I wrote the quiz questions for the TV show Jeopardy (What is the impossible job?).

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Posted: 14th, November 2014 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment

Wrist-Slitting Photo Hidden Inside Child’s Toy

Evil Stick toy


OTHER Parents presents the loving mum who bought her 2-year-old daughter an Evil Stick.  She thought the EVIL STICK wouild contain a picture of a fairy or some other ‘normal’ figure. Instead, as she tells us:

It looks like a magic fairy princess wand but when you push the button it laughs manically and a light flashes behind the foil star top, revealing a picture of a demonic woman cutting herself with a knife.


And she’s no fairy. We’ve checked…

Posted: 13th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment

The Wearable Futon Is A Thing Of Wonder

wearable futon 1


FINALLY, the wearable Futon. Alistair Gentry reviews:

Japanese office supply company King Jim offer this lovely wearable futon and air mat set for a mere ¥4,500 (about £25, €30 or $40), because Japan. It’s ideal for those times when you’ve come to hold your own life and dignity so cheap that you’re willing to voluntarily wear a futon at your workplace and sleep next to your desk like a dog. The title in the blue box says “kiru futon & eaamatto” (literally “wear futon and air mat”). The kit also contains an air pump. I once slept on a legit air bed for far longer than is sensible and it nearly crippled me, so I’m guessing this glorified packing material is hardly better than the office utility carpet from which the air mat is supposed to protect you.

Stylish cuffs, no? It’s nearly as hip as turning up selvedge jeans, except you’re wearing a futon therefore you have gone beyond being trendy and you have lost your damn mind. I like the model’s expression in the picture above. He’s like “Dafuq? Is this really happening?” Maybe that’s why he looks dead in pic 1. He completely lost the will to live in the course of this photoshoot, laid down on the air mat in his wearable futon and gave up the ghost.


wearable futon

Posted: 11th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Terrify Your Loved Ones With A Personalised Chopping Board

child chopping baord


 @francescamain has a question:

What kind of person gets a photo of their child’s face made into a chopping board?

It turns out that lots of people do:

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Posted: 8th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)