Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 31

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

David Hasselhoff Sells Huge Statue Of Himself Dressed As A Lifeguard (Photos)

david hasselhoff statue 1

 

DAVID Hasselhoff is so rock and roll. And now you can roll him into your room and rock him gentle as you straddle his back and surf along to his greatest hits as a woman in red tosses salty water in your face. You see, David Hasselhoff is selling a David Hasselhoff statue he owns at a Beverly Hills auction

 

This is the Hoff who, when appearing in panto with dancing Louis Spence gave him the gifts of “A David Hasselhoff bag, Hasselhoff CD, Hasselhoff calendar and signed Hasselhoff picture” for Christmas.  This is the Hoff, the man who brought down the old fault line of Europe by standing on the Berlin Wall dressed in a suit of lightbulbs, a performance of which he said: “I went to the Checkpoint Charlie museum a few years ago. There was nothing of me, and I was disappointed. Look at all these people celebrating! What about me? I was there!”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 31st, March 2014 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Miracle Appliances And The Desperate 1970s Women That Loved Them

WHEN mankind emerged from the primordial ooze that was that was the 1940s, homes began a rapid upgrade.  The Western nations’ economies grew in tandem with technology, and the benefits began to enter the home in the form of appliances that promised to transform the household.  Now you could own a toaster  – oh, the possibilities!

 

vintage appliance (5)

 

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 31st, March 2014 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Technology, The Consumer | Comment (1)


In South Korea, The Diary of Anne Frank Is Sold As A Brian Eno Romance

IN South Korea, The Diary of Anne Frank is a story of seduction, romance, 1980s fashions and a model who looks like Brian Eno.

 

anne frank eno

 

 

 

Spotter: Kotaku

Posted: 27th, March 2014 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment


McDonald’s Fan Stian Ytterdahl Gets Entire Menu Tattooed On His Arm

MEET 18-year-old Stian Ytterdahl of Lørenskog, Sweden. He’s got a tattoo on his arm of the entire McDonald’s menu. 

mc tattoo

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 27th, March 2014 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment (1)


Social Media Morons Of The Day: Ribena For Breakfast

WHAT the Mad Men of advertising’s Golden Age would have made of today social media experts can only be guessed at. And our guess is they’d have made them unemployed. Anyone with a spark of creativity louder than a gnat’s fart would nowadays be hailed as social media guru.

Today’s disaster is supplied by Ribena, the sugary drink.

 

ribena fail

 

The Tweet copy trills:

“There’s no better way to start the day than sitting down to watch #DayBreak with a cuppa for you and a glass of Ribena Plus for the kids!”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 26th, March 2014 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


The Most Accurate Toy Representation Of A Real Cat Ever

THIS is the most accurate toy representation of a real cat ever:

 

Posted: 25th, March 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment


10 Fantastically Awful Retro Toys From Your Corrupted Youth

AS things heat up in Ukraine and the ever-precarious Middle East continues its pattern of unrest, we feel a tinge of concern for our Western economies hanging by a thread and our natural resources plundered at an unsustainable rate.  In such a state of affairs it is only natural that we, as a global community, band together and take a look at some truly awful toys.  It’s the right thing to do.

 

terrible toys (3)
“Luscious Limbs” is more than a little bit macabre.  Sissy’s fiendish delight at gnawing on a human ear is particularly distressing.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 25th, March 2014 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (9)


The Vladimir Putin Butt Plug And Enema

VLADIMIR Putin, scourge of gays, is now a homosexual act prevention device.

 

putin plug

 

It’s not yet Government issues in Russia, but give it time…

 

Screen shot 2014-03-24 at 16.48.55

 

 

But do use the enema before serving:

 

Putin-Mwerchandising-04

 

Spotter: Nimrod Kamer @nnimroddAnimal, PoliticalSculptor

Posted: 24th, March 2014 | In: Politicians, The Consumer | Comment


Read Robert Crumb’s Weirdo Comic Book On Philip K Dick’s LSD-Driven Meeting With God

WE get to see the face of God in Robert Crumb’s Book Of Genesis. But was the representation of the Creator accurate? In 1974, Crumb gave us another image of God, one based on Philip K. Dick’s memory.
PhilipDick

 

 

Dick’s Divine vision was triggered by seeing a delivery girl,who was wearing a Jesus fish on a chain about her neck. Dick had taken LSD:

In that instant, as I stared at the gleaming fish sign and heard her words, I suddenly experienced what I later learned is called anamnesis—a Greek word meaning, literally, “loss of forgetfulness.” I remembered who I was and where I was. In an instant, in the twinkling of an eye, it all came back to me. And not only could I remember it but I could see it. The girl was a secret Christian and so was I. We lived in fear of detection by the Romans. We had to communicate with cryptic signs. She had just told me all this, and it was true.

For a short time, as hard as this is to believe or explain, I saw fading into view the black, prisonlike contours of hateful Rome. But, of much more importance, I remembered Jesus, who had just recently been with us, and had gone temporarily away, and would very soon return. My emotion was one of joy. We were secretly preparing to welcome Him back. It would not be long. And the Romans did not know. They thought He was dead, forever dead. That was our great secret, our joyous knowledge. Despite all appearances, Christ was going to return, and our delight and anticipation were boundless.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 23rd, March 2014 | In: Books, Flashback, Key Posts | Comment


The Miracle of Soap And The Scourge of Constipation: Vintage Hygiene Adverts

ONE thing you’ll find when looking through magazines from the 1930s and 40s is an amazing array of soap and constipation adverts.  It’s as if the world was ravaged by body odor and irregularity. Ad after ad proclaims the wonders of this fantastical object called “soap” – lives are changed by its tremendous power to rid even the smelliest among us of their funk.  But that was only half the battle, because mankind still cowered helplessly beneath the specter of constipation.  Countless adverts announce their special cure for this dread disease.

 

 

THE MIRACLE OF SOAP

 

lifebuoy 1937

Lifebuoy Soap 1937

 

This bride literally would have died a miserable old maid had it not been for Lifebuoy soap.  Evidently, her fiancé was so disgusted by her rank smell he was about to call off the wedding – until her friend introduced her to the World of Soap.   A close call – but it does make one wonder what other basic hygiene tools our young bride has yet to discover.

 

Lifebuoy1947 part 1

 

“Sure he picked a beautiful bride…. but oh, that ‘B.O.’!”

This advert is from ten years later (1947) – The War is over, Western Nation economies are on the rise, and all is right with the world… but the women still smell horrible.  Let’s take this ad step by step: Here we have a newly married couple who are attending a party.  Unfortunately, the young bride is shaming her husband by her amazing level of body odor.

 

Lifebuoy1947 part 2

 

“Oh, darling, I’ve failed you!”

Yes, honey, you may as well purchase a one-way bus ticket out of town.  Ted will explain that you “had an accident”.  Indeed, with the neighbors whispering about your incredible funk, your job as wife is an abject failure….. but wait, what’s this?  It seems Ted just happens to have in his possession a bar of soap.

 

Lifebuoy1947 part 3

 

And, of course, the miracle of soap once again saves a marriage, and possibly a life…. but not before we get to see Ted’s wife naked.

 

l-kz2p2n3ll5u8v0

 

“You know how men are, Gail! They like to be proud of their sweethearts and wives! Besides, you must admit there’s not much allure in dry, lifeless, old-looking skin!”

As usual, soap is sold to guard against shaming the godlike husbands.  In this case, the woman’s repugnant smell isn’t the issue, it’s her disgusting skin.  Back then, that was grounds for a husband to literally put his wife out to pasture.

 

RBBBCM1937p68

 

Yet another woman spared eternal shame because she hasn’t been exposed to the wonders of soap.  You’ll note it has an endorsement from film noir dame “Joan Bennett, Walter Wanger Star”.  Wanger was a film producer and Bennett’s third husband.  He ended up causing quite a scandal when he shot Bennett’s agent (he suspected they were having an affair).  Bennett went on to star in Dark Shadows and Suspiria (1977).   But I digress…

 

 

THE SCOURGE OF CONSTIPATION

 

Successful Living Nov-Dec 1942 page 050

 

“Actual cases on record of constipation relieved” – and all it requires is for you to garrote yourself in the most foolish way possible.  Personally, I’d choose bran flakes cereal over this spectacle of degradation… but that’s just me.

 

Successful Living Nov-Dec 1942 page 043

 

I know constipation is a bummer – God knows it can put a damper on a day.  That being said, if your constipation is causing the sort of misery where life isn’t worth living, you’ve got a very special constipation indeed.  I don’t know what HOOD-LAX is, but it sounds potent.  Might I suggest some late night Mexican food and a frothy pint of HOOD-LAX and make life worth living!

 

030_Depressed to Jovial in 2 Hours

 

From devastated to cheerfully building a wall within two hours – that’s pretty damn impressive.  I understand it’s not exactly fun to wake up constipated, but she seems clinically depressed  – “the world’s all wrong” she exclaims.  I wonder if that Sal Hepatica not only helps loosen the stool, but also has a little “happy sauce” in the ingredients as well.  Either that or this chick is bi-polar.

 

les

 

Are you noticing a pattern here with the constipation symptoms?   It’s not annoyance at abdominal pain, it’s depression.  Clearly, there was something else going on here in women that was erroneously being blamed on constipation.  Any armchair sociologists out there who’d like to posit a theory?  I’d love to hear it.

Posted: 21st, March 2014 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)


Saudi Arabian Cleric Issues Fatwa On All-You-Can-Eat Buffets

Screen shot 2014-03-18 at 20.46.33

 

SAUDI hero of the day is the cleric who has issued as fatwa against fatsos:

A Saudi cleric named Saleh al-Fawzan has issued a fatwa against all-you-can-eat buffets in Saudi Arabia.

Fawzan said the value and quantity of the food sold should be pre-determined before hand.

“Whoever enters the buffet and eats for 10 or 50 riyals without deciding the quantity they will eat is violating Sharia (Islamic) law,” Fawzan was quoted on al-Atheer channel.

So. There you are – Islamic law is not so very different to the moral laws this country’s health experts have introduced.

 

 

 

Posted: 19th, March 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


From BBC Children’s Favourites To Captain Kangaroo, Edward White’s Puffin Billy Kept The Kids Delighted

ITEM of the day is this 60 piece puzzle in box of Captain Kangaroo (Bob Keeshan). There are no missing pieces.

 

captain kangaroo jigsaw puzzle

 

The show was ideally suited to being packaged as a jigsaw:

 

 

That music was composed by Edward White and played by the Melodi Light Orchestra.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, March 2014 | In: Flashback, The Consumer, TV & Radio | Comment


I Was A 1960s Mod: Watch The Soul Rider Documentary

The modern fad for having as much sound and light as possible on your scooter reached the Epsom Downs for Derby Day. Proud owners are Roy Young and Linda Jarvis. Proud riders are Roy Young and Linda Jarvis at Derby Sunday on the Epsom Downs. Date: 31/05/1964

The modern fad for having as much sound and light as possible on your scooter reached the Epsom Downs for Derby Day. Proud owners are Roy Young and Linda Jarvis.  Date: 31/05/1964

 

IN the 1960s, Glenn Stewart was a mod. There Is More filmed Glenn over six hours as he recalled him time as a suited and booted, Vespa driving mod.

It’s a lovely short film about one of Britain’s fashion tribes:

 

 

Spotter: ModStyle

Posted: 18th, March 2014 | In: Fashion, Flashback, Music | Comment


Sod The Sugar And The Salt We’re Allowed To Eat Fat Again

lard

 

SO. Everything that we’ve been told about healthy eating for the past 30 years has turned out to be a mistake. Or a lie, your call:

For the health conscious reader who has been stoically swapping butter for margarine for years the next sentence could leave a bad taste in the mouth.

Scientists have discovered that saturated fat does not cause heart disease while so-called ‘healthy’ polyunsaturated fats do not prevent cardiovascular problems.

In contrast with decades old nutritional advice, researchers at Cambridge University have found that giving up fatty meat, cream or butter is unlikely to improve health.

They are calling for guidelines to be changed to reflect a growing body of evidence suggesting there is no overall association between saturated fat consumption and heart disease.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 18th, March 2014 | In: Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment (1)


Read Alfie’s Home: The Creepy Children’s Book That Will Make Your Gay Children Straight

DR Christian Jessen is the star of the Channel 4 documentary Undercover Doctor: Cure Me, I’m Gay.

Can you be “cured” of your homosexuality? Some want to change. They sign up to schemes to become healthy and straight and good.

He tells viewers:

“Reparative’ techniques used across the world, primarily by some extreme right-wing organisations, have included electric shock therapy, exorcism, hypnosis, and even sessions with prostitutes.”

Because this is Channel 4, the main premise of the show will be to portray the curing community as freaks and nutjobs. But you needn’t tune in to know that, although the penile plethysmograph to measure Jessen’s post-cure arousal is an interesting reworking of TV clap-ometer.

 

The Cohens

The Cohens

 

You see all Channel 4 need do is show viewers pages from Richard Cohen’s Coming Out Straight, Gay Children Straight Parents, Let’s Talk About Sex, and Alfie’s Home, published in 1993 by Cohen’s International Healing Foundation (IHF).

The IHF website states:

Our goal…
Our goal is to promote healthy individuals and relationships, while assisting in the healing of families, communities, and places of worship.

In this film, Cohen, an ex-gay who is now married with 3 children and president of PFOX (Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays), is seen playing with magnets. He says opposites attract, like magnets. Same things repel, like magnets. D’ yer see the point he’s making? Richard does.

 

 

This is book for children:

 

gay book

 

gay book 1

 

gay book 2

 

gay book 3

 

gay book 4

 

It’s all batshit mental. And it’s being  promoted in Uganda:

 

 

Spotter: Patheos, Right Wing Watch

 

 

Posted: 18th, March 2014 | In: Books, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Don’t Make Me Go Back, Mommy: The 1990 Children’s Book About Satanic Ritual Abuse

IN the 1990s, Satanic child abuse was a hot topic. Most recently, the news of Devil worship and children was resurrected with the Jimmy Savile scandal. Do read it all. It’s a story of a moral panic and crackpot, agenda-driven science.  In the US, there were many lurid reports of Satanic abuse, such as at the The Martin preschool in Manhattan Beach, the Little Rascals daycare centre in North Carolina in 1989, and the Oak Hill daycare centre in Texas in 1991. No-one was ever found guilty of abusing children in the name of Satan.

 

satanic abuse

 

But there many arrests both in the US and in the UK. There were case of child abuse proven. But none featured Ritual Satanic Abuse.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 18th, March 2014 | In: Books, Reviews | Comment


Dumb Products You Never Knew You Didn’t Need: Smart Sheets

Screen shot 2014-03-17 at 16.11.12

 

TODAY learnt that we don’t need Smart Bedding.

For those four or five of you who sleep beneath a sheet beneath your duvet, there is a solution to Dumb Sheets.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 17th, March 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment