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The Consumer | Anorak - Part 50

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Great Ads: Mick Humphries can teach you to drive one of these biiiiiig trucks

GREAT Ads: Mick Humphries can teach you to drive one of these:

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Posted: 12th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


GTA5: Looks like it will be life ruiningly large

EVERYBODY who plays video games – and that’s rarely pasty loners picking crumbs from their cracks in their mum’s basements because things have changed significantly in the past two decades – is incredibly excited about the imminent Rockstar Games’ Grand Theft Auto 5 (or GTA5 or GTA V to everyone else).

Previously, GTA improved with increasingly decent soundtracks, improved gameplay and such. However, GTA5 is a different ballpark. It looks nicer, has an eye-watering amount of new things to do and, it will be social life cripplingly large! WHICH IS EXCELLENT NEWS!

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Posted: 12th, September 2013 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comment


Steve Cohen arrested for dancing with a chicken tied to his cock at the Eiffel Tower

cohen artist

TO the Eiffel Tower in Paris, where Steve Cohen, dressed in platform heels, a garter, long, gloves and tights has a rooster tied to his penis with a long ribbon.

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Posted: 12th, September 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


See the Titanic in Tennessee: A Weekend in Pigeon Forge with Dolly Parton

IF you want to visit America and do the tourist thing, we have majestic natural grandeur coming out of our asses over here, including the Grand Canyon (formerly the longest, deepest land canyon on Earth until that discovery in Greenland last month, when it was relegated to “longest, deepest canyon you can visit while the ice caps still exist”);   Yosemite (currently on fire) and Yellowstone, the world’s only national park with the potential to one day cause the extinction of humanity.

But I can’t visit any of that stuff because it’s all in the western part of the US and I live on the east coast, three thousand miles away—too far to drive with only a week’s worth of vacation time, and flying isn’t an option because the whole “Let some TSA-hole feel you up in the airport first” thing is purely bullshit.

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Posted: 11th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Great banned adverts: the Companhia Athletica moob reduction unit

GREAT banned adverts: The Companhia Athletica moob reduction unit:

Posted: 11th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Greatest Ever Banned Adverts: The Vim Prisoner

GREAT Ad Watch: this brilliant advert for Vim was banned in 2005, presumably for being too funny:

Posted: 10th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Cool Ads: Wren Kitchens Advert

COOL Ad Watch: Wren Kitchens Advert – Which costs more?

Posted: 9th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Typo of the day: You’re Local Professionals in Dublin

FLYER of the day is presented via a letter box by Dublin property agents Lappin Estates:

dublin esate agents

 

Spotter: Broadsheet.ie

 

Posted: 9th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Mawkish or magnificent: the Guinness advert of basketball on wheelchairs

MAWKISH or magnificent? The Guinness advert running on wheelchairs in the US might surprise you:

Spotter: Copyranter

Posted: 7th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Facebook bans ‘juvenile boobies’ birds advert

FACEBOOK has banned an advert for Christmas Island’s Bird ‘n’ Nature Week. The call to see the imperilled “juvenile booby” birds breached the website’s decency guidelines.
juvenile boobies

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Posted: 7th, September 2013 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comment


These Rainbow Pencils made from recycled paper are lovely

ANORAK loves making a nice round roll from the shavings of pencils. Japan-based British designer Duncan Shotton wants you to back his Kickstarter Project for his recycled-paper pencil that creates rainbows when sharpened.

Nice.

rainbow pencil

rainbow pencil 1

 

 

More.

 

Posted: 5th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


LG tricks job applicants with a fake meteor apocalyse to promote new HD TV

THE MAKERS of the 84 inch Ultra HD TVLG came up with a wheeze to sell their product: show unsuspecting job applicants in Chile a meteor cashing into the planet:

When these unsuspecting individuals entered the office, they were nervous about a job interview, not about the end of the world. That is, until the end of the world happened right before their very eyes! The IPS screen, disguised as a window, was so high-def that people were — apparently — ready to run when they saw the meteor drop.

Whether or not the scene was staged, the tagline “Reality, or Ultra Reality?” gets the message across.

 

This might be scarier:

Spotters: Mundo LG ChileUPROXX and The Drum

Posted: 5th, September 2013 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comment


Tesco tried to implicate ‘the whole food industry’ in its horse meat scandal

HARD luck Tesco. The Advertising Standards Agency has banned its horse meat scandal apology that appeared in the national press for misleading readers into believing there were issues with meat standards across the entire food industry:

“What burgers have taught us. The problem we’ve had with some of our meat lately is about more than burgers and bolognese. It’s about some of the ways we get meat to your dinner table. It’s about the whole food industry. And it has made us realise, we really do need to make it better. We’ve been working on it, but we need to keep going, go further, move quicker. We know that our supply chain is too complicated. So we’re making it simpler … Seriously. This is it. We are changing.”

No. It wasn’t. It was about some supermarket ready-meals.

The ASA responded:

“We considered that despite the use of words such as ‘we’ and ‘our’ in the preceding sentences, the ad made a definitive statement, ‘It’s about the whole food industry’. We considered that the omission of ‘we’ or ‘our’ from that sentence made it stand out from the surrounding text and informed readers’ understanding of the rest of the ad. Therefore, we concluded consumers would understand the ad referenced all food retailers and suppliers, rather than Tesco alone.”

tesco horse

 

Posted: 5th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Jii: the most insane advert for a USB lighter ever

Jii lighter

CIGARETTES are bad for you. But a Jii Lighter is a necessity, especially if you want to learn the alphabet – O P Q R S T USB!

Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Weirdos vote egg mayo as Britain’s best sandwich

egg mayoSOME preposterous berks have, according to a survey, voted egg mayonnaise as Britain’s best sandwich, despite the fact that there are millions of better options.

These people are like those sickos who choose ready salted over better crisps.

Conducted by PromotionalCodes.org.uk, the poll gave voters a list of ten potential fillings to choose from and were asked to state which they liked best.

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Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comments (7)


Sex sells! seriously, who knew?

sex sells

ONE of the less surprising findings from Forbes magazine this year is that the top earning author in the world is EL James. You know, Shades of Grey stuff:

Then there’s “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

E.L. James — known to her friends and family as Erika Leonard — didn’t follow any of the rules for getting to the top, but she’s there all the same, debuting on the 2013 top-earning authors list with an estimated $95 million in earnings. (FORBES bases its estimates on sales data, published figures and information from industry sources between June 2012 and June 2013.)

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Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: Books, Money | Comment


This’ll annoy The Greenies: India needs supermarkets

IT’S a general theme here in the UK that supermarkets just ruin everything. You know the drill, you should buy your food from the local butcher and baker, patronise the high street, damn those clone towns and the industrial farming that supplies the out of town big box stores.

Except, there’s actually some point to these supermarket things with their logistics chains:

It hoped foreign supermarkets like Tesco and Walmart would come in and revolutionise India’s backward agricultural sector. Forty per cent of all Indian produce rots on clunky bullock carts and rough baked roads before reaching the market. When they arrive, farmers get a tiny fraction on the retail price as as they pass through at least five agents, each taking their cut. Of the eighty rupees per kilo they were selling for last week, the farmer’s share was just eight.

India needs new smooth roads, cold-chain storage and modern transport logistics to replace sweaty bullock carts, and direct sales from farmer to retailer to stabilise prices, increase farm incomes and reduce food inflation – one of the country’s most politically sensitive issues.

Maybe the supermarkets aren’t all that great: but not having them is much worse.

Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: Money, The Consumer | Comment


Leads cast in Fifty Shades Of Grey… so start imagining them naked now

GOOD news everybody! The lead roles of Fifty Shades of Grey have been announced! You haven’t heard of them, but no matter, because the main bit of their job is to do a lot of sex, which is nice.

For those who must know, the British Charlie Hunnam and US actress Dakota Johnson will be taking their clothes off and talking to each other with clunky euphemisms, while Mumset tut about it all, before secretly frigging their collective pelvis off.

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Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: Books, Film | Comment


Mother persuaded to let her 4-year-old finish her drawings reveals the great results

MICA Angela Hendricks shared her new sketchbook with her 4-year-old daughter. She didn’t want to. But the child told her: “If you can’t share, we might have to take it away if you can’t share.” Mica caved in. Her daughter set about finishing her mother’s illustrations. “Not surprisingly, I LOVED what she drew,” says Mica. “I had drawn a woman’s face, and she had turned her into a dinosaur-woman. It was beautiful, it was carefree, and for as much as I don’t like to share, I LOVED what she had created. Flipping through my sketchbook, I found another doodle of a face I had not yet finished. She drew a body on it, too, and I was enthralled. It was such a beautiful combination of my style and hers. And she LOVED being a part of it. She never hesitated in her intent. She wasn’t tentative. She was insistent and confident that she would of course improve any illustration I might have done. …And the thing is, she DID.”

 

Mica Angela Hendricks

 

 

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Posted: 3rd, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)


Man drinks corpse toe and gets $500 fine to boot

toe drink

PEOPLE complain when they find a fly in their soup. Imagine for a minute, if you ordered a drink at a bar and there was a cadaver’s toe in it.

Well, one customer at a hotel was fined $500 after he swallowed a human toe at the bar.

The severed bit of corpse had been dropped into a shot of whisky as part of a tradition in Dawson City, Canada, where everyone is clearly mental.

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Posted: 1st, September 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


En Puntas: Ballerina dances on sharp kitchen knives atop a piano

 

JAVIER Pérez has created this video of a ballerina, “whose pointe shoes are extended by a set of sharp kitchen knives, dances and twirls insistently until reaching exhaustion, fighting to maintain balance on the lid of a grand piano set on a stage. The theatre with its red velvet warm lighting, resembles an oversized music box. The camera turns around the dancer revealing the opposite side of the room: an empty and painfully bare theatre.”

The ballerina appears as an eerie figure expressing effort, sacrifice and pain in her strive for perfection. Both fragile and cruel. Initially shy and hesitant, her steps become more and more emphatic, menacing and not exempt of violence, scraping and cutting into the delicate surface of the piano with her sharp pointe shoes.

Through this work, Javier Perez investigates and reflects once again upon the human condition. Using a strongly metaphorical language rich in powerful symbolism, he reveals the weaknesses that become the boundaries between seemingly irreconcilable concepts such as: beauty and cruelty, fragility and violence, culture and nature or life and death.

Keep dancing or else your ankles get it:

Posted: 31st, August 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Presenting the Losers: Eastern Airlines 1970s advert for pretty, vacant and sexually available airline stewardesses

BACK in the 1970s, Eastern Airlines knew you wanted your air hostess to be pretty. But it;s not all bout the face. It’s also about the legs, figure, weight and hair. She should also be able to answer question of such matters as world peace and what’s she doing for dinner with a ready smile interested tone.

eatern airlines losers

Posted: 29th, August 2013 | In: Flashback, The Consumer | Comment


Bad Ad Watch: Status Quo for Australian shop Coles

BAD Ad Watch: Status Quo for Australian shop Coles:

Are you with the Quo or Adele, who said:

 “I don’t want my name anywhere near another brand. I don’t wanna be tainted, or haunted, and I don’t wanna sell out in any way. I think it’s shameful.”

Was Bill Hicks right – are the Quo now “off the artistic roll call forever. You’re another whore at the capitalist gang bang … Everything you say is suspect and every word that comes out of your mouth is now like a turd falling into my drink.”

Are the Quo selling groceries or just selling out?

Posted: 28th, August 2013 | In: Music, The Consumer, TV & Radio | Comments (3)


Glasgow man say racism is behind Edinburgh chip shop charging him for tomato ketchup

“I COULDN’T believe it. Every chip shop I know gives ketchup free of charge. A condiment is a condiment. You can’t offer one customer brown sauce for nothing and then charge another for tomato sauce,” says  Glaswegian Tony Winters of his alleged experience at the Gold Sea on Ferry Road, Edinburgh.

“I said I thought it was racist that if you come from Edinburgh you can get brown sauce free but people from elsewhere, who like ketchup, have to pay. It’s clear they’re discriminating and I don’t think it’s right. If something is morally wrong, I will shout from the heavens. I feel in this instance, it is morally wrong. We went to another chip shop and the guy was killing himself laughing when we told him. It reeks of racism. Just because we come from the west and tend to like ketchup instead of brown sauce. It’s clear they’re discriminating and I don’t think it’s right.”

Paul Crolla, owner of Gold Sea, counters:

“Fish and chips is an Edinburgh thing and people want salt and sauce on it – that’s the tradition. If you go west to Glasgow, it’s salt and vinegar. Salt and sauce goes with fish and chips, anything extra should be paid for.  It’s not just like we offer two sauces, we do it so customers have a choice. For this guy to suggest it is discriminatory takes the biscuit. It’s like going into a car dealership and saying you want an electric sunroof instead of electric windows, it’s ridiculous.”

The matter will be settled by trading standards.

 

Posted: 28th, August 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comments (2)


Essex garden centre sells out of weed

weed sales

ESSEX-based plant shop Gardeningexpress.co.uk selling dandelion plants at £3.99 and stinging nettles for £7.99. If you have any spare, let them know. Stocks are low. A statement on the company’s website reads: 

“After many demands from customers, we’ve now added this selection of wild flowers to our range, some call them weeds, but we don’t want to hurt their feelings – after all a weed is only a plant in the wrong place, much like finding a tulip in a salad.”

It adds that these plants were “all the rage” at this year’s Chelsea Flower show.

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Posted: 24th, August 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment