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The Consumer | Anorak - Part 52

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

The greatest way to sell a baby we’ve ever seen

HOW do you sell babies / peaches / carrier bags? Like this:

baby sells

 

 

Spotter: Danny Wallace

Posted: 22nd, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Mother offers car to any women who will have sex with her Harvard-bound son

A LOVING mother is calling for a “sugar baby” to have sex with her son before he heads to Harvard. Her advert on Craigslist says in exchange for lots of sex with the lad, the sexer will earn a car. It’s all pretty extraordinary, especially given that hiring prostitute is not all that tricky.

Anyhow, the 18-year-old is handsome, fit, clever and owns almost “zero body fat”. Mum is “sure” he’s virgin. How sure? Let’s not wonder too much:

sex with my son advert

 

What odds “mum” is the college kid?

 

 

 

Posted: 19th, July 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


Pop culture: the hand-painted Elton John toilet seat

OBJECTS of desire: the Elton John hand-painted toilet seat. Life the seat, Rocket Man:

Elton John toilet seat

 

Posted: 18th, July 2013 | In: Celebrities, The Consumer | Comment


Royal Baby Tat Watch: The Sick Bag

YOU could use  the Royal wedding sick bag. Or you can splash out on a Royal Baby sick bag.  Designer Lydia Leith never did produce a Kate Middleton morning sickness sick bag. That would have been in poor taste:

PA-17076942

Posted: 18th, July 2013 | In: Royal Family, The Consumer | Comment


In 1929 Jean-Paul Sartre took mescaline – that’s when the crabs started to follow him

 Jean-Paul Sartre mescalin

IN 1929, Jean-Paul Sartre met  Simone De Beauvoir and took some mescaline. These two events were not linked. He recalled the experience in conversation with political science professor, John Gerassi:

Sartre: … I ended up having a nervous breakdown.

Gerassi: You mean the crabs?

Satre: Yeah, after I took mescaline, I started seeing crabs around me all the time. They followed me in the streets, into class. I got used to them. I would wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, my little ones, how did you sleep?” I would talk to them all the time. I would say, “O.K., guys, we’re going into class now, so we have to be still and quiet,” and they would be there, around my desk, absolutely still, until the bell rang.

Gerassi: A lot of them?

Sartre: Actually, no, just three or four.

Grassi: But you knew they were imaginary?

Sartre: Oh, yes. But after I finished school, I began to think I was going crazy, so I went to see a shrink, a young guy then with whom I have been good friends ever since, Jacques Lacan. We concluded that it was fear of being alone, fear of losing the camaraderie of the group. You know, my life changed radically from my being one of a group, which included peasants and workers, as well as bourgeois intellectuals, to it being just me and Castor. The crabs really began when my adolescence ended. At first, I avoided them by writing about them — in effect, by defining life as nausea — but then as soon as I tried to objectify it, the crabs appeared. And then they appeared whenever I walked somewhere. Not when I was writing, just when I was going someplace. … The crabs stayed with me until the day I simply decided that they bored me and that I just wouldn’t pay attention to them. And then the war came, the stalag, the Resistance, and the big political battles after the war.

From the book Talking With Sartre: Conversations and Debates.

Posted: 18th, July 2013 | In: Books, Celebrities, Flashback | Comment


Chicken McNugget rage video: customer threatens to eat waitress’s face and ‘shit it out into the gutter’

mcnuggets rage

I LIKE Chicken McNuggets. You like Chicken McNuggets. This woman loves chicken McNuggets. But, then, she also likes eating the fast food worker’s face and “****ing it out into the gutter”. After I while, I guess your tastebuds just die:

Other key utterances not on the menu:

“I’m gonna eat your ***ing face and I’m gonna digest it, and shit it out into the gutter”

“Don’t make me assume my ultimate form”

“I’ll do more than just ****ing hiss at you”

“…you fat meatbag, I will end you”

“I want my ****ing nuggets”

“You want a piece of me”

(No. I want 20 pieces with sauce on the side)

“I will get my super sayan”

Posted: 16th, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Trayvon Martin: Juror B37 and her book’s agent crawl back under their rocks

juror 37 trayvon martin

JUROR B37 sat on the George Zimmerman trial that questioned how Trayvon Martin came to be shot dead. She and her five colleagues cleared Zimmerman of murder. And then B37 got to thinking about her career. How about a book? She got an agent, named Sharlene Martin of Martin Literary Management LLC, notable for her work shilling for Amanda Knox’s ex Raffaele Sollecito.

Martin hoped Juror B37’s book would help the great unwashed…

“…understand the commitment it takes to serve and be sequestered on a jury in a highly publicized murder trial …. It could open a whole new dialogue about laws that may need to be revised and revamped to suit a 21st century way of life.”

Juror B37 went on CNN to for some marketing for her public service tome:

“I think both were responsible for the situation they had gotten themselves into. I think they both could have walked away.”

And then Juror B37 had second thoughts. The market (via Twitter and a peptition on Change.org) had told her that her project was reprehensible:

“I realize it was necessary for our jury to be sequestered in order to protest our verdict from unfair outside influence, but that isolation shielded me from the depth of pain that exists among the general public over every aspect of this case. The potential book was always intended to be a respectful observation of the trial from my and my husband’s perspectives solely and it was to be an observation that our ‘system’ of justice can get so complicated that it creates a conflict with our ‘spirit’ of justice.

“Now that I am returned to my family and to society in general, I have realized that the best direction for me to go is away from writing any sort of book and return instead to my life as it was before I was called to sit on this jury.”

Martin did a reverse ferret:

“After careful consideration regarding the proposed book project with Zimmerman Juror B37, I have decided to rescind my offer of representation in the exploration of a book based upon this case.”

Says B37:

“I have realized that the best direction for me to go is away from writing any sort of book and return instead to my life as it was before …”

And that’s a woman seen as a peer of Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman deemed fit to judge them…

Posted: 16th, July 2013 | In: Books, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)


Free ice-cream for every gay marriage

PA-17062351

THE debate on gay marriage just got sugary. In the Anorak post bag:

“BEN & JERRY’S and lesbian, gay and bisexual equality organisation Stonewall joined forces today to celebrate the final parliamentary stage of the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill in the House of Lords, with hundreds of supporters cutting a one metre tall rainbow cake in London. Gathering outside the House of Lords, supporters of marriage equality enjoyed taking a bite out of the rainbow cake… Ben & Jerry’s also announced that they will supply the same cake design used today and provide ice cream for the first same sex marriage in the U.K.”

If Ben & Jerry are gay, are Holland & Barrett, Fortnum and Mason,  Marks & Spencer…

Posted: 16th, July 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


Playing with poo – the video

PLAYING with poo, with Yariv Goldfarb:

PS – anyone seen Morph?

Posted: 15th, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Top 10 weird visa applications

uk visa

APPLYING for visas is a pain, but imagine actually having to process them and the weird reasons people give! Thankfully, someone has compiled the top ten strangest visa applications.

One fella from South Africa, for example, wanted to move to Europe so he could chase vampires in Romania. Another cheery soul from Mexico got their visa rejected because he wanted to use his embalming skills to prepare dead bodies in Spain.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, July 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment (1)


Louis Smith has only read on book properly – his autobopgraphy

OLYMPIC gymnast and Strictly Come Dancing champion Louis Smith has only ever read one book. Can you guess which the Peterborough-born pommel-horse expert read? Yep, it’s his autobiography, the 240-page pot boiler Louis: My Story So Far.

Says Smith:

“It would have to be my book, as it’s the first book I’ve read properly.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 14th, July 2013 | In: Books, Sports | Comment (1)


Girl-hating gamer boys: Quit thinking with the Smaller of Your Two Heads

PA-16908724

ACCORDING to 1980s pop culture stereotypes, anyone who likes computers is compensating for being a socially clueless nerd who cannot get laid.  Kudos to pop culture for evolving beyond that, but why the hell are today’s gamer boys trying so hard to revive old stereotypes?

For over a week now, male gamers have been freaking out over news that a woman— 19-year Microsoft veteran Julie Larson-Green — has been named the new head of the Xbox division. Not that the company is any feminist utopia (or dystopia, depending on your preference); it’s the same Xbox which, just last month, got called out by Anita Sarkeesian for introducing its new line of games and  “revealing to us exactly zero games featuring a female protagonist for the next generation”.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 13th, July 2013 | In: Key Posts, Money, Technology, The Consumer | Comment (1)


Estate agency writes the best property blurb ever – ‘Due to the owner’s hobby, we are unable to take internal photographs’

home

YOU looking to buy a 3-bed semi-detached house on Eastcroft Road, West Ewell, for £337,950? McCann’s estate agents, on Epsom High Street, has just the thing. Want to see inside?

Sorry. You can’t. Why? Well the estate agency says:

“Due to the owners hobby, we are unable to take internal photographs”

This is how you market a property. You create a mystery. Now we call want to look inside. Anyone know what’s there? Is “internal photographs” a clue?

epsom home mystery

Posted: 12th, July 2013 | In: Money, The Consumer | Comment


Apple conspired to keep e-book prices artifically high as libraries die

BOOKS are not just objects to buy and trade. The BBC reports on a ruling that Apple “conspired with publishers to fix the price of electronic books”.

And those are the electronic books that thanks to convoluted copyright rules you are not permitted to pass on to friends, as you can with an actual paper book.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 10th, July 2013 | In: Books, Money, Technology | Comment


Desperate PR: Man decaptiated at football match makes you money

DESPERATE PR of the day: YOU can make money from a man being beheaded at a football match:

Hey****,

Take advantage of this great AD REVENUE generating opportunity by using Newsy’s take on this weekend’s beheading at a Brazilian soccer match, which is just one of several incidents that have some asking if Brazil is ready to host the World Cup. You can access and embed the video by visiting here and registering Who Ate All the Pies with an account. Ad revenue opportunities are available as we’ll serve pre-roll across the content and split revenue that is generated.

Thanks

Classy.

Posted: 10th, July 2013 | In: Sports, The Consumer | Comment


Objects of desire: the goth colouring book

OBJECTS of desire presents The Goth Colouring Book:

goth colouring book

 

Spotter: MK

Posted: 6th, July 2013 | In: Books | Comment


In 1935 Ernest Hemingway wrote this letter in praise of ‘the bottle’

IN 1935, Ernest Hemingway wrote to Ivan Kashkin, a Russian translator and critic,. The Post Post Script is memorable:

hemingway drink

“P.P.S. Don’t you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure. When you work hard all day with your head and know you must work again the next day what else can change your ideas and make them run on a different plane like whisky? When you are cold and wet what else can warm you? Before an attack who can say anything that gives you the momentary well being that rum does? I would as soon not eat at night as not to have red wine and water. The only time it isn’t good for you is when you write or when you fight. Yuu have to do that cold. But it always helps my shooting. Modern life, too, is often a mechanical oppression and liquor is the only mechanical relief. Let me know if my books make any money and will come to Moscow and we will find somebody that drinks and drink my royalties up to end the mechanical oppression.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 5th, July 2013 | In: Books, Flashback | Comment


Family lock dad’s head in helmet cage to stop him smoking

smoking cage

 

ONCE they put the smokers in a room, it would not be long before the put them in cages. You’re looking at pictures of 42-year-old İbrahim Yücel.

İbrahim lives with his family in Kütahya, Turkey.  He want sto live with them for as long as possible. He’s worried what smoking two packs a day is doing to his health. He wants to quit. So. He’s taken to wearing a metal cage on his head. It’s held in place by two locks.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 4th, July 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


Teacher Dale Irby wears same outfit to school for 40 years

Retired gym teacher Dale Irby

DALE Irby is the gym teacher who found a look that worked and went with it. From his first yearbook photo in 1973 at Prestonwood Elementary school, Texas, to 2013, Mr Irby wore the same outfit.

To begin with it was an accident. In the 1970s, brown was pretty much the only colour a man was permitted to wear. In 1973, Mr Irby wore his ubiquitous brown tank top over a light brown shirt for the school photo. In 1974, he was still wearing it for the next snapshot.

His wife  noticed. She dared him to wear the same outfit every year. For one thing it would funny. For another, it would keep his weight down.

It became a theme.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 3rd, July 2013 | In: Fashion, Reviews | Comment (1)


Man sells coffin. One problem – it has a skeleton in it

coffin  odd craigslist

SELLING a coffin is problematic at the best of times. Imagine your glee when someone finally takes you up on the offer, but you’re a dumbass and crucially, you forget to take the skeleton out of it.

Dave Burgstrum, from Iowa, put the creepy item on Craigslist for $12,000 in a bid to raise money for property tax money for the Order of Odd Fellows (more on those guys, here).

Police were alerted to the advertisement and seized the coffin and body, deeming the sale illegal.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 3rd, July 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


The Face Slimmer turns your mouth into a potty

face slimmer

GREAT and not-at-all -useless products for women presents the Potty Mouth Face Slimmer. How does the lip job work?

To get and maintain the perfect visage, you don’t need the cosmetic surgeon’s knife. All you need is a mouthpiece. Yes, the Face Slimmer is a simple solution to the timeless problem of how to give sagging facial skin and muscles that much-needed daily lift. Just three minutes per day is all you need; pop in the mold and then make mouth movements. The makers recommend you say vowel sounds out loud over and over again, producing regular and methodical exercises that will strength the twelve facial expression muscles in a comprehensive way.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…..

Buy it here. They did.

Spotter: Today I Learned Something New, Dangerous Minds

Posted: 2nd, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Woman on period gets eaten by shark – blames leaky tampon

russian tampax advert shark

RUSSIAN tampax tampon advert of the day:

The World’s Worst Tampon Ads are here.

Posted: 2nd, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Nail salon pedicurist refuses to see fat woman’s feet

pedicure fat

YOU marvelled at the woman too fat to tan. Now read about the woman too fat for a pedicure.

To Hot Springs, Arkansas, where Rachel Bascue has been refused a pedicure at Regal Nails Salon because of her size.

One day earlier, Rachel’s mother had also been refused a pedicure at that salon for the same reason.

This time, however, Rachel taped the visit. We hear a staff member tell her:

 “The chair under 250. You cannot fit.”

Another tells her:

I’ve tried to tell you too many times. It’s not fit for you. It’s dangerous. It is for your own benefit.”

Ms Bascue said she suffered emotional abuse:

“I have been talked about and made fun of, but this is the first time I was made to feel like a freak.”

The nail salon did not point out that she was wearing two different shoes…


YouTube link.

Posted: 2nd, July 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment