Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 98

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Donkey Shlong Condoms For Gamers Guarantee No Extra Lives: Photos

CONDOMS for Gamers include the Donkey Shlong condom and the Sextris rubber. Sadly they don’t exist for your joystick yet. But designer Ben Marsh is hopeful:

The Play campaign revolved around “fun” The packaging aims create a desire to purchase the product for aesthetic reasons, rather than the necessity of condoms. Simply by owning the product, safe sex is promoted.

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Posted: 25th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Banksy’s Pop-Up Gallery Turns 7/7 Carnage Into Art: Photos

THE number 30 double-decker bus in Tavistock Square, blown up in the 7/7 terror attack on London, is now an artwork at Marks & Stencils, a pop-up gallery created by Banksy.

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Posted: 25th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


The Joylet: The Human Dog Toilet Exists

THE Joylet is the portable toilet from Taiwanese entrepreneur Lian Shin. Need to go but can’t get to the dunny in tome? Have no fear with a Joylet. Just place the cunning device on the set of a car or train and take a lovely dump. You’ll be the envy of all around you.

And when you’ve finished why not tie the turd in a bag and hand it to a dog owner to toss into a tree..?

Posted: 25th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Buzz Lightyear Sip Cup Is The Inappropriate Toy Of The Day

THE inappropriate toy of the day is the Buzz Lightyear Sip Cup.

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Spotter: JoeyDeVilla

Posted: 23rd, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)


Dolce And Gabbana’s Uomini In Photos: The Male Form Worshipped

DOLCE and Gabbana bring you “Uomini,” a booktacular tribute to the male form. The book features photos by Mariano Vivanco, who aims his lens at the likes of André Ziehe, Tony Ward, Doug Porter, Noah Mills and David Gandy. Is this for the ladies or the men?

Page 3 Photos: The Top 40 Topless Men

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Spotter: Stylebrity

Posted: 23rd, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment (1)


This Radiation-Proof Fig Leaf Underwear Will Not Stop The TSA Gropers

AIR passengers in the US can opt for the full-body scanner or the kiddie grope and fist (see photo below).

Now as you whistle the theme tune of the TSA you can do so in the knowledge that your genitals are protected by a fig leaf design.

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Posted: 23rd, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Let’s See Those Comical Suit Supply Porn Adverts Again: Mumsnet Demands It

CAN the Telegraph find a reason to publish those sexy Suit Supply photos of men in suits and women in skin – that look like outtakes from a Dutch take on a Great British sex comedy? Heidi Blake finds a reason by reporting of complaints made about the adverts on display at the Westfield shopping centre. There has been a “flood of protests on the Mumsnet website and the microblogging site Twitter”.

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Posted: 21st, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Erotica 2010 Photos: Zlata Works The Tube

ZLATA the rubber Girl was on the London Underground, putting her feet on the seats and on the ceiling, on a Savvas Christodoulou, as they journeyed to the Erotica 2010 adult lifestyle show at Olympia in London.

More of Zlata after the first gallery:

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Contortionist Zlata, 24, from Kazakhstan with the chairman of Erotica, Savvas Christodoulou, travelling on the tube to the Erotica adult lifestyle show at the Olympia in London.

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Posted: 19th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment (1)


The Gay Coffin: Germany Reacts To Polish Coffin Dogging

GERMAN funeral workers respond to the porno coffins with the gay coffins made by Mike Konigsfeld and Tom Brandl in Cologne.

Just what is a gay coffin? Is it one suitable for cremations – one poof and it is gone (thanks to Great Yarmouth Mike for the funeral funnies).

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Posted: 16th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Toy Pig Removed From Farm To Avoid Offending Muslim And Jewish Parents

THE toy pig has been removed from the Early Learning Centre’s HappyLand Goosefeather Farm in case it offended Jews and Muslims parents, especially when the little lambs stuff it into their mouths or up their noses.

The pig had button on it that when pressed triggered an oinking noise. It did not say “Eat Me”, “Dishonour They father” nor “Bacon – Yummy!” But it might as well have.

Writes reader Percy:

I’m a father and I’m offended…disgraceful… do these people have no feelings…? Would the same store remove all animals from the farm set to avoid offending vegetarians? I doubt it…

Why not replace the pig with an edible vegetarian that when pressed says “More vitamin pills, please, mum”?

Posted: 16th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (7)


Durham Tees Valley Airport Charges Passengers To Use Departure Lounge And Windows

FOR £6 per adults and just £2 per child, passengers leaving AND arriving at Durham Tees Valley Airport get to sit on space-age modular furniture; be felt up by a security guard and enjoy the dick-measuring service; try on sunglasses at the Alpha Shopping experience; visit a British theme pub the Yard of Ale (NO metres in this proud British hostelry, eh, readers!); or pretend to be actually moving on a simulated video game at the Game Grind video game arena.

Also!!

Unmetered walking
Use of windows
Use of floor
Use of ceilings
And much much more!!!!

On the airport website, there is advice and warnings:

What happens if a passenger refuses to pay this charge?
The airport reserves the right to refuse access to the Departure Lounge to any passenger. All departing passengers must purchase a PFF ticket and present this to staff in order to pass through Airport security and access the Departure Lounge.

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Posted: 16th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (3)


Israeli Shop Offers Free Sheep For Every Fridge Sold

IN Israel anyone at the buying a fried costing 1,000 shekels (£200-ish) or more from a Tiberias electrical outlet qualifies for a free sheep.

The promotion is aimed at sheep enthusiasts and Israeli Arab customers looking to make a killing at the Eid al-Adha, the Islamic festival of sacrifice.

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Posted: 16th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Amazon Sells ‘Pedo’ Book: Our Gardens Of Flesh: From the Seeds of Lust Springs The Harvest Of Love

THE Pedophile (Paedophile) training manual is no longer being sold on Amazon. But you can buy the same author’s Our Gardens of Flesh: From the Seeds of Lust Springs the Harvest of Love at the online store. It’s $5.51. All profits got to shareholders.

Meanwhile, The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover’s Code of Conduct is a big media talking point.

The tome’s author is Philip R. Greaves, 47. He’s a former nurse’s aide from Pueblo, Colorado.

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Posted: 11th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Amazon’s Pedo Guide Confuses Paedophiles

IF you are thinking of buying a book for Christmas, there’s always The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover’s Code of Conduct. You can buy it from Amazon for $4.79. Or at least you could before there was a media shit storm and it was removed from sale.

Now budding paedos – you say color, we saw colour; you say here’s a book about pedo’s; we say, ‘What about the British Paedos? How will they ever learn?”

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Posted: 11th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4)


The Spastic Transformer: And Other Inappropriate Children’s Toys

JUST in time for Christmas the new Transformers toy calls Spastic. Now there is one for everyone. Spastic is available in the USA, where Bleeding Cool’s Rich Johnston says the word is not used. Yet.

Add it to the gallery of inappropriate toys:

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Posted: 11th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (8)


Cat Sweaters: Jumpers Of Worry (A Gallery)

YOU can tell a lot about someone by the state of their cat knitted jumper. No, not knitted by a cat. Not yet – although chopsticks are a start. No, these are sweaters that carry a likeness of a cat. Anyone who wears one is instantly revealed to be sensitive, caring, covered in cat hair and no pal of dogs. Have you got a cat jumper? If you have send us your photo…

spotter: Stylebrity

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Posted: 10th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Books For Christmas: Stasha Palos’ Post-Feminist Irony Pudding

STASHA Palos, is now just Sir Philip Green’s step-daughter, she is StashaButterfly, author of How to Feed a Man.

Stasha is making a play to be the new Nigella Lawson. But while Nigella creates great eats to nourish the family and figure with sex appeal,  Stasha relies on post-feminist irony to get away with her stuff. The PR calls it “a nod to post-feminist sensibilities”.

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Posted: 9th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


The Dirty Old Man’s Walking Stick Hits Preston

THE stalking stick – aka the ‘Dirty Old Man’s Walking Stick’ – is wooden stick with a mirror attacked that allows men (young or old) to peer up skirts and kilts.

You can buy a Stalking Stick in Preston’s Gimmegizmo gadgets and dirty old man kit shoppe. The kit offers “hours of pleasure” and:

“If you’re a dirty old man and feeling the stress, find a pretty girl and look up her dress!”

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Posted: 8th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Bolton’s Votes Pastie Barm Top Food: Ormskirk In Quiche Shame

THE results are in and the number one food delicacy in Bolton is the… pastie barm. For non Boltonians this is a pastie in a bread muffin.

Greenhalgh’s bakers has the full results. Invading spies looking to blend in, pay attention:

Bolton: pastie barm
Wigan: pie
Accrington: steak puddings
Leyland: butter pies
Ormskirk: quiche and spicy vegetable soup

Quiche!

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Posted: 5th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Is London Ready To Adopt The Two-Speed Pavements New York Joked About?

READY for a two-speed Oxford Street? The Wall Street Journal has the most dumb PR-led story of the day as it tells of plans to turn Oxford Street’s pavements into a dual carriage: one slow lane for shoppers; one faster lane for workers and “residents”. The idea was mooted for New York as a spoof. Will London run with it for real? Well, no.

Take that comment on “residents” walking down Oxford Street. Only tourists and teenagers looking for Top Shop walk down Oxford Street. The rest walk down Wigmore Street to the north and then cross Oxford Street as one might jump a freshly laid dog turd or muddle puddle.

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Posted: 3rd, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


The Made-To-Measure Dildo Is A Thing That Exists

STEPHANIE Dorr makes made-to-measure dildos. Says Dorr:

“Handmade is always the best. Even our grandmother knew that. A product made with passion gives more passion.”

And what is more passionate than a rubber knob?

“I remember seeing one for the first time and wondering why they only came in one shape and one colour.”

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Posted: 3rd, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Selfridges ‘Rip-Off’ Frank Sidebottom’s Family: Offer £10,000 ‘Donation’

FRANK Sidebottom is dead (and so is papier-mache-topped Chris Sievey) and Selfridges’ London store is accused of ripping off his work for their Christmas window display. Hey, it’s what he would have wanted.

Selfridges says the creations are the work of one Erin Thompson, who aims to “awake the child within”. And you thought they were just designed to flog merchandise. Erin is the “Head of Visual at Selfridges”.

Jon Ronson, the writer surmises:

“Chris has only just died and I think it is most unfair. Apparently there was a grandiose press release but no mention of Frank. It just seems callous to me to plagiarise someone who has just died. The displays are clearly modelled on Frank. There is no question about it. It comes across as a rip-off.”

What says Selfridges, which has now paid a £10,000 “donation” (no, not a fee – a donation) to the Sidebottom estate? Well, a spokesman for Selfridges says:

“We were concerned to hear of the similarities between the heads on some of the mannequins in our new Christmas display and that of the Frank Sidebottom character created by Chris Sievey.

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Posted: 1st, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Booze And Driving Lessons: Businesses That Go Together In Photos

WHAT made key cutting go hand-in-hand with shoe repair? What other businesses go together? We’ve compiled a photo list. Donuts and dry cleaning? Why, yes. Driving school and booze shop. Defo. Pizza and guns? A franchise is born. And what better to rid the place of the stink of dogs and pets than smokes? Nothing. Where do we sign..?

Funny signs – Restaurant Ones

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Posted: 1st, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


McDonald’s Worker Wins Compensation For Getting Fat

THE McDonald’s employee who gained 65lbs in 12 years of service for McDonald’s, Brazil, is to receive $17,500 in compensation from the company because he felt “forced to sample the food each day” –  for quality.

At least with all those preservatives in him he should live a long life…

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Camembert Premiere (McDonald's, France)

Spotter: AP

Posted: 28th, October 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Chinese Hotel Offers Grenade And Gas Mask On Room Service

THE room service menu at the Gold Grand China Hotel Guangzhou offers guests: soap dish, bath mat, ashtray, hand grenade, note pad…

Yeah. No bed?

Posted: 28th, October 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)