Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 98

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Is This The Worst Wedding Video Ever?

WHEN Martin Shubrook married Heidi, 29 got married they hired Clayton Bennett, of Lasting Impressions, Sunderland, to record the event on his camera. The couple paid £350 for the man’s work.

Things did not go to plan. The video featured shots of lawns, wonkiness, people not at the wedding and no pictures of the cutting of the cake. Heads were cut off.

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Posted: 22nd, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


The Barry Manilow Pillow: You Can Buy One

BARRY Manilow is now a pillow…

Spotter: Etsy

Posted: 21st, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Supermarket Photo Of The Day: The Seep Biscuit

THE Supermarket Photo Of The Day: The Seep Biscuit.

The Pillsbury Crescent dough wants to go for a walk…

Posted: 18th, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Northallerton Estate Agent Highlights Local Pond Life

IAN Bebbington, of  Estate Agents Ltd, say the property at Prospect View, Northallerton, is surrounded by “pond life” and “smelly” things.

“Things you may not need if you live at this house: Concrete. An allotment. Workout DVDs. Exercise bikes. Last minute trips to the petrol station for flowers. Packaging. A carbon footprint. A grocery bill.”

Go on:

“Plus you will enjoy doing new things: Being scruffy. Taking in new smells; manure, compost … smoking out your neighbours, wielding garden tools. Bonding with a good shed. Being boiled in your greenhouse. Gazing at pond life.”

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Posted: 18th, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


This Is How America Sells Guns: Boom Boom Boom

THIS is the way America sells guns. The advert for the new Benelli “Super Vinci” 12-gauge shotgun picks off the target market. Boom! Boom! Boom!

Posted: 14th, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Burger King Chef Says Ugly British Women Look Like They Eat At Burger King

BERNANDO Hees, chief execute of murder burgers and grease at Burger King,  recalls his time spent at the starry studying at the University of Warwick:

“The food is terrible and the women are not very attractive.”

He then tells the audience in Chicago:

“Here in Chicago, the food is good and you are known for your good-looking women.”

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Posted: 14th, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Children Learn To Burn An Elephant: Book Of The Week

IF children are not reading about anal sex in school books and gay penguins, they are learning that elephants can catch fire in a book called A Book Of Opposites. Get a load of the graphics, kidzzz…

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Posted: 14th, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Charlie Sheen Drinks Tiger Blood Energy Potion Mixed With Michael Jackson Jesus Juice

CHARLIE Sheen’s gift to the world is not only a close up view of an imploding star but Tiger Blood Energy Potion. In response to Sheen’s claim that he has tiger blood in his veins, the boffins at Harco Laboritries brings you the drink that will make your veins glow bright well into the night.

As the advert says:

It’s made from 100% passion specifically to make your brain fire in a way that’s not from this particular terrestrial realm. Tiger Blood allows you to use household items, you’re welcome to take more drugs than anyone can survive. Be different, have a different brain, and a different heart. When you feel Tiger Blood in your veins, you’ll realize dying’s for fools and that can’t is the cancer of happen. Period. The end.

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Posted: 11th, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Vintage Computer Adverts: Sex, Nerds And Bald Men

IN this gallery of vintage computer adverts, you will see that when it comes to selling the popular labour saving device (surely time-wasting box of cats? – ed) sex sells. So too do: bald men, men with terrible hair, sexism, more sex, less sex and children in life-scarring pyjamas…

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Posted: 9th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


The Girls And Guts Of The Heart Attack Grill: Photos

RIP Blair River, face, guts and now coffin of the Heart Attack Grill, Arizona, and its Quadruple Bypass Burger. He died from complications with pneumonia. Jon Basso my be siappitned by the death certificate. As he said:

“I run…the only honest restaurant in America. Hey, this is bad for you, and it’s gonna kill you.”

But, perhaps, worse than the murder burger is the assumption that looking at scantily-clad enabling women in fetish wear will kill you. It’s won’t. But it will make you go blind:

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Posted: 9th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)


The Vibra-Finger Gum Massager: For Oral Hygiene

DENTISTS recommend a daily gum massage. And what better way to keep Dr Teeth happy than with a Vibra-Finger gum massager?

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Posted: 9th, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


For Sale: Black Rhino Head With Horn

ANYONE who wants to own  the head of a black rhinoceros can bid for it at an auction in Alnwick. The head is worth £30,000 to Chinese herbalists.

To help people after his death is what the rhino would have wanted…


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Posted: 7th, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comments (6)


The Creepiest Adverts With Children Ever: A Gallery Of Evil

ADVERTS featuring children can be as unsettling as kiddie unfriendly album covers. Anorak’s favourite modern ad with children is the “It’s in the sand” advert for the AA. But once upon a time the kids weren’t just sadistic little sods – they were undiluted evil, eyeing up knives (picture 5 is a treat), guns and barbiturates with shiny-eyed glee:

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Spotter: Cheryl

Posted: 6th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Chinese Boob Clamp Advert: Tummy Fat For Your Your Breasts

THE advert of the “Chinese boob clamp” features a lace-up for the chest that moves your tummy and arm fat to her chest. This is the underwear equivalent of sensible shoes. Isn’t it..?

Chinese Cleavage Commercial


More amazing products for women:

Baby Shirt

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Run!

Posted: 4th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment (1)


How Online Hotel Photos Can Lie: The Fantasy And Reality Gallery

EVER book a room at a hotel on the strength of the online brochure photo?  Oyster has produced examples of how the photos does not alway live up to the reality? Is it good marketing or an outright lie that makes the pool look huge and the room have a to-die-for view? Let’s see – each fantasy photo is followed by the real one:

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Posted: 4th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)


Celebrities Polish Giant Pig Turd In Westminster

SO. There we were on Whitehall, when Christine Hamilton, Sharron Davies and Liz McClarnon arrived and stood by a gigantic turd.

While Old Mr Anorak popped off to borrow a chamois leather from a relative up the red road round the corner– McLarnon, once of Atomic Kitten is due a comeback; and Hamilton did make her Neil famous – someone said it was not a turd but a big fake sausage that would be signed for a rally organised by the National Pig Association.

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Posted: 3rd, March 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


A Triumph In Bras And Knickers At London Fashion Week: Photos

AMID these photos of the Triumph bra and knickers fashion show at London Fashion week is a photo of celebrity bath runner Tamara Ecclestone. Can you find her..?

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A model on the catwalk at the Triumph catwalk show, at Somerset House, in central London, as part of London Fashion Week.

Posted: 23rd, February 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


London Fashion Week 2011: The MAN Has A Head for Fashion

LONDON Fashion week: At the MAN Catwalk show, a design by New Power Studio at the Royal Opera House seems to say so much about fashion…

Posted: 23rd, February 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3)


Wristband Indicates Wife’s Menstrual Cycle: Worst Tampon Ads Ever

THE ‘Help for Husbands‘ bracelet has been invented by Karl Dorn to show men when women wearing the thing are suffering from PMT.

It’s an idea. And that’s all it is. There is no working prototype and no patent. Says Dorn:

“Through my research I’ve found out that women’s body temperatures increase at certain times of the month. This little wristband would be temperature sensitive and change colour.”

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Posted: 23rd, February 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Car Logo Kit Says All Germans Are Nazis

FLAG Story of the Day sees the makers of a car logo kit harps back to the glory days of German empire.

Vorsprung durch Blitzkrieg, as they still say in the Austrian hills…

Posted: 21st, February 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Hampshire Lapland Con: Defiant Parent Say Santa Is Real And Reindeer Can Fly

BIG news from Hampshire is that brothers Victor and Henry Mears have been convicted of misleading thousands of customers into visiting a what they claimed was a Lapland-style theme park.

Yep, they misled customers looking to, er, meet Santa, ride in his magic sleigh, pat the hands of little elves that make your toys for free and pet the flying reindeer.

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Posted: 18th, February 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


London Fashion Week Photos: Sticks And Stoners

LONDON Fashion Week is here…again. For all the fashion you can shake a stick-thin mo-del at got to Stylebrity

Posted: 18th, February 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Orgy Of The Rich: Art Collectors Eat Clay At Cuts Protest

WERE you in New Bond Street for the Arts Against CutsUK Uncut and Space Hijackers protest against government cuts? The protest as called “orgy of the rich“. (We used to want to eat them, but shagging them first might be more tasteful.)

Meanwhile, inside Sotherby’s contemporary art auction, the money on the wall went for £44.4 million. The highlight as a pile of 1,000 hand-painted porcelain sunflower seeds by Ai Weiwei sold to a telephone bidder for £349,250.
That’s almost as mush as actual commodities are going for.

As they say at the orgy: “Let them eat clay!

Posted: 18th, February 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Banksy’s First Artwork Found On Toilet Door: LA Pictures Are Authentic

IS that a Banksy artwork on a wall in Los Angeles? Anorak recalls the artist first daubings on the cubicle door at the Kebab and Moon public house in Bournemouth. That rudimentary ejaculating penis showed the kind of spray work evidenced in Charlie Brown’s smoke (see photos below). We can say that it is him. And if you want to buy the original Banksy Wanksy, you can by sending us tens of thousands of pounds in cash stuffed into a self addressed envelope…

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Art work on a wall in Los Angeles reputed to be done by the British graffiti artist Banksy.

Posted: 18th, February 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Rats On A Stick And Other Street Treats: Photos Of Revolting Food

STREET foods of the world: Rats on a stick? Anyone..? What about pig snout, also on a stick? Strawberries and bananas covered in sugar? They sound pretty good. And just great after a mouthful of bugs on a stick, starfish on a stick and the lizards on a stick. Our advice, eat the stick and chuck away the wrapper…

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Duck heads

Posted: 18th, February 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)