Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 99

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Balaclavas: Crossover Student Demo Fashion (A Gallery)

BALACLAVAS. Do you take a view? The item of clothing was once the reserve of Arctic explorers, men busting through patio doors to interrupt scenes of domestic bliss, boys whose mums worried about face chill and the Provisional IRA. Then Lewis Hamilton started to wear one beneath his helmet and they got trendy.

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Posted: 13th, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Bernie Ecclestone Calls Time On Muggers

BERNIE Ecclestone has turned his mugging into an advert for Hublot, a reassuringly expensive brand of watches aimed at people for whom time is money, such as the £11,000 item he had stolen.

The mugging had threatened to make Ecclestone a figure of pity and fun. It was Ecclestone who in light of villains attempting to carjack Jenson Button in Brazil, opined:

“They look for victims, they look for anyone that looks like a soft touch and not too bright. The people that look a bit soft and simple, they will always have a go at.”

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Posted: 8th, December 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


The Harrod’s Pet Spa Cox Spoof: Video And Photos

THE way we live now, takes us to The Pet Spa at Harrods, where shoe designer Patrick Cox is inflicting / treating his dog Caesar to a facial and nail treatment. Thankfully, Robert Popper is on line 2…

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Shoe designer Patrick Cox with his dog Caesar having his nails polished and a facial during a photocall to launch The Pet Spa at Harrods, in Knightsbridge, west London.

Posted: 7th, December 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Black Friday Shoppers Trampled By Shopping Jihadis: Video

BLACK Friday shoppers are being trampled by their marauding co-shoppers at a Target store in North Buffalo Target store. It is 4am. It is the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Iran and militant Islam need not conquer the US with weapons and vitriol. They just needs to set up a discount store and vow that the first 1,000 shoppers to take up jihad will get a discount pram, an Our Generation Baby Doll Crib with Accessories AND a free Presto 12″ Electric Stainless Steel Covered Skillet.

Spotter: Mark Frauenfelder, Stylebrity

Posted: 6th, December 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)


Cash4Gold’s Letter To MC Hammer Fan Mr Haberny

MR Haberny is no friend for Cash4Gold, the site when you can turn your gold into CASH. Avoid the hassle of pawn shops and the man in the pub by sending your gold trinkets to Cash4Gold and waiting for the paper to roll in.

(Click image to read the missive.)

The site is endorsed by no less of an expert in gold than MC Hammer. Mr Haberny has some shiny stuff he wasn’t to turn into cash. Mr Haberny has been harvesting gold the world over. But he does not just want cash. He wants an “ungreased backdoor; Hammertime love making session”.

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Posted: 6th, December 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


The Unabomber’s Home Is For Sale: $69,500 Gets You This (Photos)

WHO wants to buy “Unabomber” Ted Kaczynski’s ranch and turn it into a theme park? “OWN a piece of history”, exhorts the estate agent’s blurb. Hark back to those arcane pre-9/11 days when the US’s biggest bomb threat was homemade.

“A lot of history goes with this location.”

But what to do with it once it’s yours? Open it as a retreat to would-be survivalists who want to see if spending time alone in the wilderness turns them into a three-tie killer, creationist, jihadi, or squirrel festishist?

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Posted: 5th, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


New Computer Engineer Barbie Has No Need Of Friends Nor Pizza

AFTER lesbian Barbie, meet Computer Engineer Barbie. No, readers Geek Barbie has not cut down on her depilation nor gone long on pizzas and porn; she’s got herself a laptop, iPhone, bluetooth headset and glasses.

And it’s what you the consumer demanded. The 2009 Barbie Global Career Survey, told Mattel, Barbie’s advisors, that you wanted her to be Computer Engineer Barbie.

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Posted: 2nd, December 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


The Andrex Puppy Is Dead: Dead Dog Is New Wispa

THE Andrex puppy is dead. He’s been put to sleep and replaced by a CGI virtual dog.

This new dog poos and wees on the old one. This CGI dog can work a PC and bake a cake.

A spokesperson for Kimberly Clark explains:

“We really believe we’ve given him a new lease of life and have evolved his character.”

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Posted: 2nd, December 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (5)


Tammy Banovac Foxes The TSA: Lingerie Model Dresses For Work At Airport

THE TSA grope checks have made a star of Tammy Banovac. That’s the wheelchair bound retired surgeon passing through Oklahoma’s Will Rogers World Airport on her way to Phoenix dressed in just her bra and panties. (Yep. Willy Rogers. The perversion just gets messier.)

To add to the tableau, Banovac is wearing a dog on her lap.

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Posted: 1st, December 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (6)


The Shake Weight Is Beyond Parody: Video

THE Shake Weight is not a parody but a thing that exists. Adolescents and Priapic men prepare to be amazed as your keep fit regime just went legit.

Want to know the secret to boyish arms? You can’t handle the secret…

Spotter: Michael K

Posted: 1st, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Gillian McKeith Does Not Endorse The Kackel Dackel: Video

CELEBRITY poo inhaler Gillian McKeith has not endorsed Kackel Dackel, the pooing doggy game for all the gamily.

Kackel Dackel can poo at the touch of the button , thus making him the envy of all the gang at the Bottomley’s, Old Mr Anorak’s favourite acapella gin and scat club (room 210 at his Pall Mall local).

Posted: 26th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Bernard Matthews RIP: Turkeys Rejoice

BERNARD Matthews RIP. Turkeys rejoice.

It was the farmer who did not make it to see Christmas this year…

Posted: 26th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (7)


Donkey Shlong Condoms For Gamers Guarantee No Extra Lives: Photos

CONDOMS for Gamers include the Donkey Shlong condom and the Sextris rubber. Sadly they don’t exist for your joystick yet. But designer Ben Marsh is hopeful:

The Play campaign revolved around “fun” The packaging aims create a desire to purchase the product for aesthetic reasons, rather than the necessity of condoms. Simply by owning the product, safe sex is promoted.

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Posted: 25th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Banksy’s Pop-Up Gallery Turns 7/7 Carnage Into Art: Photos

THE number 30 double-decker bus in Tavistock Square, blown up in the 7/7 terror attack on London, is now an artwork at Marks & Stencils, a pop-up gallery created by Banksy.

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Posted: 25th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


The Joylet: The Human Dog Toilet Exists

THE Joylet is the portable toilet from Taiwanese entrepreneur Lian Shin. Need to go but can’t get to the dunny in tome? Have no fear with a Joylet. Just place the cunning device on the set of a car or train and take a lovely dump. You’ll be the envy of all around you.

And when you’ve finished why not tie the turd in a bag and hand it to a dog owner to toss into a tree..?

Posted: 25th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Buzz Lightyear Sip Cup Is The Inappropriate Toy Of The Day

THE inappropriate toy of the day is the Buzz Lightyear Sip Cup.

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Spotter: JoeyDeVilla

Posted: 23rd, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)


Dolce And Gabbana’s Uomini In Photos: The Male Form Worshipped

DOLCE and Gabbana bring you “Uomini,” a booktacular tribute to the male form. The book features photos by Mariano Vivanco, who aims his lens at the likes of André Ziehe, Tony Ward, Doug Porter, Noah Mills and David Gandy. Is this for the ladies or the men?

Page 3 Photos: The Top 40 Topless Men

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Spotter: Stylebrity

Posted: 23rd, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment (1)


This Radiation-Proof Fig Leaf Underwear Will Not Stop The TSA Gropers

AIR passengers in the US can opt for the full-body scanner or the kiddie grope and fist (see photo below).

Now as you whistle the theme tune of the TSA you can do so in the knowledge that your genitals are protected by a fig leaf design.

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Posted: 23rd, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Let’s See Those Comical Suit Supply Porn Adverts Again: Mumsnet Demands It

CAN the Telegraph find a reason to publish those sexy Suit Supply photos of men in suits and women in skin – that look like outtakes from a Dutch take on a Great British sex comedy? Heidi Blake finds a reason by reporting of complaints made about the adverts on display at the Westfield shopping centre. There has been a “flood of protests on the Mumsnet website and the microblogging site Twitter”.

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Posted: 21st, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Erotica 2010 Photos: Zlata Works The Tube

ZLATA the rubber Girl was on the London Underground, putting her feet on the seats and on the ceiling, on a Savvas Christodoulou, as they journeyed to the Erotica 2010 adult lifestyle show at Olympia in London.

More of Zlata after the first gallery:

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Contortionist Zlata, 24, from Kazakhstan with the chairman of Erotica, Savvas Christodoulou, travelling on the tube to the Erotica adult lifestyle show at the Olympia in London.

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Posted: 19th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment (1)


The Gay Coffin: Germany Reacts To Polish Coffin Dogging

GERMAN funeral workers respond to the porno coffins with the gay coffins made by Mike Konigsfeld and Tom Brandl in Cologne.

Just what is a gay coffin? Is it one suitable for cremations – one poof and it is gone (thanks to Great Yarmouth Mike for the funeral funnies).

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Posted: 16th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Toy Pig Removed From Farm To Avoid Offending Muslim And Jewish Parents

THE toy pig has been removed from the Early Learning Centre’s HappyLand Goosefeather Farm in case it offended Jews and Muslims parents, especially when the little lambs stuff it into their mouths or up their noses.

The pig had button on it that when pressed triggered an oinking noise. It did not say “Eat Me”, “Dishonour They father” nor “Bacon – Yummy!” But it might as well have.

Writes reader Percy:

I’m a father and I’m offended…disgraceful… do these people have no feelings…? Would the same store remove all animals from the farm set to avoid offending vegetarians? I doubt it…

Why not replace the pig with an edible vegetarian that when pressed says “More vitamin pills, please, mum”?

Posted: 16th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (7)


Durham Tees Valley Airport Charges Passengers To Use Departure Lounge And Windows

FOR £6 per adults and just £2 per child, passengers leaving AND arriving at Durham Tees Valley Airport get to sit on space-age modular furniture; be felt up by a security guard and enjoy the dick-measuring service; try on sunglasses at the Alpha Shopping experience; visit a British theme pub the Yard of Ale (NO metres in this proud British hostelry, eh, readers!); or pretend to be actually moving on a simulated video game at the Game Grind video game arena.

Also!!

Unmetered walking
Use of windows
Use of floor
Use of ceilings
And much much more!!!!

On the airport website, there is advice and warnings:

What happens if a passenger refuses to pay this charge?
The airport reserves the right to refuse access to the Departure Lounge to any passenger. All departing passengers must purchase a PFF ticket and present this to staff in order to pass through Airport security and access the Departure Lounge.

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Posted: 16th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (3)


Israeli Shop Offers Free Sheep For Every Fridge Sold

IN Israel anyone at the buying a fried costing 1,000 shekels (£200-ish) or more from a Tiberias electrical outlet qualifies for a free sheep.

The promotion is aimed at sheep enthusiasts and Israeli Arab customers looking to make a killing at the Eid al-Adha, the Islamic festival of sacrifice.

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Posted: 16th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Amazon Sells ‘Pedo’ Book: Our Gardens Of Flesh: From the Seeds of Lust Springs The Harvest Of Love

THE Pedophile (Paedophile) training manual is no longer being sold on Amazon. But you can buy the same author’s Our Gardens of Flesh: From the Seeds of Lust Springs the Harvest of Love at the online store. It’s $5.51. All profits got to shareholders.

Meanwhile, The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover’s Code of Conduct is a big media talking point.

The tome’s author is Philip R. Greaves, 47. He’s a former nurse’s aide from Pueblo, Colorado.

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Posted: 11th, November 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment