TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 43

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

Dougie Poynter Wins I’m A Celebrity: Will Fatima Whitbread Be A Late Entrant To BBC Sports Personality Of The Year?

DOUGIE Poynter, the bassist from McFly, is this season’s King of the I’m A Celebrity jungle. But the real winners are the Sushitty Grub and bush pig penis he ate in the interests of good telly, Look out for Dougie advertising the frozen penis grub ring for Iceland next year.

Also, if the BBC is still grubbing around for a women to add to the Sports Personality of The Year list, we offer 1997 winner Fatima Whitbread, who had a cockroach syringed from her nose and whose competitive fires caused her to reflect on the “immense” pressure of gathering insects into a vat. She also debated the rules of Family Jungle with Essex torch bearer Mark Wright in the kind of detail Sky Sports usual reserves for a Wayne Rooney yellow card. Jamie Redknapp’s future on the sofas is severely threatened.

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Posted: 4th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Bad TV: Georgia On My Mind Sung In The Style Of A Murderous Clown

BAD TV (or is this great?): A man will now sing Georgia On My Mind in the style of a murderous clown:

Posted: 4th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Tulisa Blames Everything On Her Being Poor On X Factor Apart From Lack Of Knowledge

FOR those who saw the fly-on-the-wall documentary series that followed N-Dubz around (all ten of us then, great), you will have seen Tulisa Contostavlos as a rather canny young woman who was a lot smarter than she let on. And so, her getting the gig on the X Factor was potentially a very good idea.

Alas, along the way, something went wrong. Namely, the thing that went wrong was Tulisa showcasing her gaping lack of knowledge when it comes to popular music. Out of her depth, she’s taken to holding back her (surprisingly) warm personality in favour of constantly sounding like she’s in a job-interview while saying things that are knuckle-whiteningly irritating.

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Posted: 1st, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Jeremy Clarkson Is Raped And Shot In The Face In Joke Taken Too Far, Say Some

JEREMY Clarkson says of the striking public sector workers:

“I’d have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families. I mean, how dare they go on strike when they have got these gilt-edged pensions that are going to be guaranteed while the rest of us have to work for a living?”

He does not say who would shoot them, but we imagine it would be winners of the Clarkson Lottery or members of the Emma West Twitter Hunt. Or Richard Hammond, Clarkson’s chief lickspittle on Top Gear. No, he wouldn’t do it. He’d just agree with Jeremy that it should be done and snigger. The killer would be James May.

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Posted: 1st, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (14)

Teenager Trying To Impress Girls Fails Horribly

NOTHING impresses a women like self-inflicted head trauma:

Posted: 30th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Psychic Sally Morgan Picks Up Nanny Bernard: Epic Fail

PSYCHIC Sally Morgan wants to know if anyone in the crowd’s grandma was called “Bernard”…

Sally Morgan is “Britain’s best-loved psychic”. You might have seen her on f Psychic Sally on the Road for Sky LIVING.

The Guardian once reported:

On Monday 12 September, a caller named Sue phoned the Liveline show on RTÉ Radio 1, an Irish radio station. Sue said that she had attended Morgan’s show the previous night at the Grand Canal Theatre in Dublin… Sue was sitting in the back row on the fourth level of the theatre and there was a small room behind her (“like a projection room”) with a window open. Sue and her companions became aware of a man’s voice and “everything that the man was saying, the psychic was saying it 10 seconds later.”

Sue believes, not unreasonably, that the man was feeding information to Sally through an earpiece attached to her microphone. For example, the voice would say something like “David, pain in the back, passed quickly” and a few seconds later Sally would claim to have the spirit of a “David” on stage who – you’ll never guess – suffered from back pain and passed quickly.

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Posted: 29th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)

Gigantically Ungrateful Janet Devlin Slams X Factor As ‘Karaoke’: Amelia Lily

X FACTOR reject Janet Devlin is the new Amelia Lily:

IMAGINE this. You’re an average, unknown singer who posted a couple of dreary songs up to your own YouTube channel. Internet friends are the only people who have bothered to leave a supportive comment. Effectively, you’ve failed to set the world alight.

Then, you decide to increase your profile on The X Factor and, suddenly, people start telling you how great you are and you become something of a celebrity overnight.

Imagine further, if you will, you’re Janet Devlin who ticks all the above boxes. You’d be grateful wouldn’t you? Not so. In fact, you’d chide the show for being little more than a karaoke show.

The 16-year-old told Lorraine Kelly on her ITV show:

“To me the sad thing about X Factor is that it’s brought me down a lot, I was just covering other people’s songs and it got to the point that I just felt like a karaoke artist every Saturday night.”

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Posted: 28th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (14)

British Academy Children’s Awards 2011: Photos

THE British Academy Children’s Awards 2011 were held at the Hilton Hotel in Park Lane, central London. Trainee stars were out in abundance for prize giving…


Picture 1 of 12

Sonia Shah arrives for the British Academy Children's Awards 2011 at the Hilton Hotel in Park Lane, central London.

Posted: 27th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Julie Chang Is Upset By A Lurker: TV Gold

ANORAK once worked on a TV segment called Lurker Of The Day, in which we’d highlight a face in the background of a TV news or sports report. The best lurks were the ones where the presenter noticed and took offence and someone enjoying being on the magic box. TV news great lie is that it presents people as they. It doesn’t. The lurker destroys the myth of the benign camera. This is why we love the lurker.

Julie Chang, of MyFoxNY, loses her cool in a local news story. She tells the lurker – a adolescent boy waving behind her – to stop it. Chang has toiled for years to be on the TeeVee and will not allow some upstart to muscle in so easily on her screen time. She is the story. You real people are the extras in her showreel CV.

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Posted: 27th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

The Art Of Scarves: A Video Guide To Getting The Most From Yours

WORRYING about what to get your mum or lover for Christmas? One word, presents giver: scarves:

Posted: 26th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

BAD TV: It’s A Tough One On Beauty And The Geek

A Beauty and the Geek contestant answers a tough quiz question:

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Posted: 25th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

How Does Matt Baker Sleep At Night: BBC Apologises For One Show Anti-Tory Bias At Dale Farm

WHEN BBC TV presenter Matt Baker asked David CameronJust one more question – how on earth do you sleep at night?” his The One Show co-presenter Alex Jones gasped.

Was his question biased?

Well, The One Show produced a segment on the Dale Farm eviction that was biased towards the travellers.

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Posted: 25th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Snigger Of The Day: La Kings’ Dustin Brown Takes A Drink

SNIGGER of The Day features LA Kings team captain Dustin Brown quenches his thirst. It’s the snigger that makes it funnier, isn’t it. Like the Fenton video, the final snigger puts the tin lid to the joke…

Posted: 25th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

William Shatner Loved His Deep Fat Turkey Frier To Death: PSA Video Of The Day

PUBLIC Service Announcement of the Day: William Shatner loves deep-fried turkey,… and he loved it too much:

Posted: 24th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Kitten Wrestling – Sick Depraved Video Shame Horror

MOVE over cage fighting kombat kids. The killer kitten are ready to rumble….

Posted: 24th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

What This Dog Does When It’s Cold: Video

WHAT this dog does when it’s cold. Brrrr! You need to get some window panes on that cockatoo cage it’s sleeping in…

Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Benton Goes Mad In Richmond Park: The Parodies

BENTON! Benton!!

Jesus Christ in Richmond Park.

The black labrador is chasing a  herd of deer in London’s Richmond Park:

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Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Will Ari Douglas Join The Warriors of Goja In Indian TV Spectacular?

BEHOLD! The Warriors of Goja put on an amazing show for Indian satellite network ETV show Adhurs: The Ultimate Talent Show. Men will smash and eat neon light bulbs.

In once segment, a performer is run over by a car AND a motorbike at the same time. In your face, Ari Douglas. He’s the Occupy Wall Street trapped beneath a slow-moving NYPD scooter (video below):

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Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Shooting Stars: The 10 Best Moments Ever (From Hundreds Of Good Bits)

THE BBC’s terrible decision to axe Shooting Stars needs reversing. In the meantime, we’ve pulled together some of the best bits from the show’s past:

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Posted: 22nd, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment

BBC2 Boss Janice Hadlow Axes Shooting Stars: Somehow Keeps Her Job And Never Mind The Buzzcocks

HOW the BBC works:

EastEnders: Broadcasts four times a week
Never Mind The Buzzcocks: Broadcast once a week
Shooting Stars: The brilliant comedy show broadcast once a week on BBC2 and now canned, presumably, to save money
Janice Hadlow: Paid £232,800-a-year to run BBC2

How’s that for value..? K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-krap.

Posted: 22nd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (5)

X Factor: Tulisa Investigated For Stinky Tattoo

HAPPY-slapping X Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos is being investigated by TV watchdog Ofcom for promoting her brand of perfume on the show.

During the Nuremberg-styled walk-ons, the judges all pull a trademark pose. Tulisa makes a move that draws attention to a tattoo on her forearms that states “The Female Boss”. This just happens to be the name of her new scent.

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Posted: 22nd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Jožin z bažin: When John Travolta Met Bez

WHEN John Travolta* met Bez from the Happy Mondays, all of Czechoslovakia rejoiced (JT appeared under the nom de rock Ivan Mládek)…

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Posted: 21st, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Anorak How To Guides: This Is How You Breathe

THIS is how you breathe. It looks simple but some people – Manchester United midfielders season 1994-95; Jeremy Kyle victims; Louis Walsh and other mouth breathers – watch and learn:

Posted: 21st, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Daybreak Replaces Adrian Chiles And Christine Bleakley With Toby Jug And Plate Of Beans

SAD news for the country’s Daybreak fan: Christine Bleakley and Adrian Chiles have been sacked from presenting the ITV morning show.

This is Chiles, the former BBC presenter of business and then sport who got into the mood while covering the Beijing Olympics by attempting a forward roll in his hotel room. He “executed it”. This was presenting from the Stanislavski school. Morning telly fans expected to see Chiles lumbering into the shower as he presented a segment on cooking with seaweed and up to his chin in a plate of eggs, bacon and black pudding as he chaired a studio debate on why World War 2 tyrants favoured a front crease in their trousers.

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Posted: 19th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

RIP Mark Hall: Thanks For Danger Mouse – The UK’s Mickey Taking Hero

RIP Mark Hall. You gave us Cosgrove Hall, creators of Chorlton and the Wheelies, Danger Mouse and The Wind in the Willows. You were 74:

Unashamed nostalgia:

Posted: 18th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)