Anorak

TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 43

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

Frankie Cocozza Beats Michael Jackson’s Arse On X Factor Final

IN readiness for X Factor Final weekend, the Daily Star surveys the finalists and leads with news of…Frankie Cocozza. The bewilderingly untalented camel-hump haired dope is the subject of the front-page headline:

“I’LL BE IN X FACTOR FINAL”

Peter Dyke reports:

X FACTOR rebel Frankie Cocozza is plotting to gatecrash the ITV show’s final this weekend.

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Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


The New York Parallel Parking God Must Be French

GAWKER has posted a video of a “Parallel Parking God” in action in New York.

If this is a God, then Paris must be Mount Olympus…

Gothamist

 

Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Emma West: My Britain Is F*ck All Now Is A Christmas Hit

HAVING written the Queen’s Christmas Speech – “My Britain is fuck all now” – Croydon Tram nasty Emma West will not make the seasonal number 1 spot her own:

Posted: 7th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)


Radio Spiritworld Broadcasts From The Great Beyond

ROBERT Popper and Peter Serafinowicz’s new radio show comes to you from the afterlife. Radio Spiritworld is here to help. Go ahead, caller…

Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


X Factor Fix: Amelia Lily’s Winning Single Already In The Shops

WHO will win the X Factor?

Will it be Jackie Wilson tribute act Marcus Collins? How about Little Minx, the four piece-act who dance like Pez dispensers – and sing like ’em too? Or will it be Amelia Lily, the singer who was told by Kelly Rowland to dye her hair pink then kicked off the show by… Kelly Roland, only to be invited back on the show on a wave of favourable press and a phone vote – given a second chance when Frankie Cocozza (who he?) was kicked off?

Well, on the HMV online shop you can buy Amelia Lily’s X Factor winning single for 2011.

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Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Cats Watching Ice-Skating In The Style Of Mystery Science Theater 3000

A READER sends us this video of cats watching ice-skating. Who knew they were such fans. It reminds us of the Mystery Science Theater 3000, featuring the silhouettes of a man and his robot sidekicks watching films of debatable quality on a space station.

Someone dub these cats’ voices and you’ve got TV gold:

Aim high:

Posted: 5th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Dougie Poynter Wins I’m A Celebrity: Will Fatima Whitbread Be A Late Entrant To BBC Sports Personality Of The Year?

DOUGIE Poynter, the bassist from McFly, is this season’s King of the I’m A Celebrity jungle. But the real winners are the Sushitty Grub and bush pig penis he ate in the interests of good telly, Look out for Dougie advertising the frozen penis grub ring for Iceland next year.

Also, if the BBC is still grubbing around for a women to add to the Sports Personality of The Year list, we offer 1997 winner Fatima Whitbread, who had a cockroach syringed from her nose and whose competitive fires caused her to reflect on the “immense” pressure of gathering insects into a vat. She also debated the rules of Family Jungle with Essex torch bearer Mark Wright in the kind of detail Sky Sports usual reserves for a Wayne Rooney yellow card. Jamie Redknapp’s future on the sofas is severely threatened.

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Posted: 4th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Bad TV: Georgia On My Mind Sung In The Style Of A Murderous Clown

BAD TV (or is this great?): A man will now sing Georgia On My Mind in the style of a murderous clown:

Posted: 4th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Tulisa Blames Everything On Her Being Poor On X Factor Apart From Lack Of Knowledge

FOR those who saw the fly-on-the-wall documentary series that followed N-Dubz around (all ten of us then, great), you will have seen Tulisa Contostavlos as a rather canny young woman who was a lot smarter than she let on. And so, her getting the gig on the X Factor was potentially a very good idea.

Alas, along the way, something went wrong. Namely, the thing that went wrong was Tulisa showcasing her gaping lack of knowledge when it comes to popular music. Out of her depth, she’s taken to holding back her (surprisingly) warm personality in favour of constantly sounding like she’s in a job-interview while saying things that are knuckle-whiteningly irritating.

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Posted: 1st, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Jeremy Clarkson Is Raped And Shot In The Face In Joke Taken Too Far, Say Some

JEREMY Clarkson says of the striking public sector workers:

“I’d have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families. I mean, how dare they go on strike when they have got these gilt-edged pensions that are going to be guaranteed while the rest of us have to work for a living?”

He does not say who would shoot them, but we imagine it would be winners of the Clarkson Lottery or members of the Emma West Twitter Hunt. Or Richard Hammond, Clarkson’s chief lickspittle on Top Gear. No, he wouldn’t do it. He’d just agree with Jeremy that it should be done and snigger. The killer would be James May.

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Posted: 1st, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (14)


Teenager Trying To Impress Girls Fails Horribly

NOTHING impresses a women like self-inflicted head trauma:

Posted: 30th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Psychic Sally Morgan Picks Up Nanny Bernard: Epic Fail

PSYCHIC Sally Morgan wants to know if anyone in the crowd’s grandma was called “Bernard”…

Sally Morgan is “Britain’s best-loved psychic”. You might have seen her on f Psychic Sally on the Road for Sky LIVING.

The Guardian once reported:

On Monday 12 September, a caller named Sue phoned the Liveline show on RTÉ Radio 1, an Irish radio station. Sue said that she had attended Morgan’s show the previous night at the Grand Canal Theatre in Dublin… Sue was sitting in the back row on the fourth level of the theatre and there was a small room behind her (“like a projection room”) with a window open. Sue and her companions became aware of a man’s voice and “everything that the man was saying, the psychic was saying it 10 seconds later.”

Sue believes, not unreasonably, that the man was feeding information to Sally through an earpiece attached to her microphone. For example, the voice would say something like “David, pain in the back, passed quickly” and a few seconds later Sally would claim to have the spirit of a “David” on stage who – you’ll never guess – suffered from back pain and passed quickly.

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Posted: 29th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)


Gigantically Ungrateful Janet Devlin Slams X Factor As ‘Karaoke’: Amelia Lily

X FACTOR reject Janet Devlin is the new Amelia Lily:

IMAGINE this. You’re an average, unknown singer who posted a couple of dreary songs up to your own YouTube channel. Internet friends are the only people who have bothered to leave a supportive comment. Effectively, you’ve failed to set the world alight.

Then, you decide to increase your profile on The X Factor and, suddenly, people start telling you how great you are and you become something of a celebrity overnight.

Imagine further, if you will, you’re Janet Devlin who ticks all the above boxes. You’d be grateful wouldn’t you? Not so. In fact, you’d chide the show for being little more than a karaoke show.

The 16-year-old told Lorraine Kelly on her ITV show:

“To me the sad thing about X Factor is that it’s brought me down a lot, I was just covering other people’s songs and it got to the point that I just felt like a karaoke artist every Saturday night.”

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Posted: 28th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (14)


British Academy Children’s Awards 2011: Photos

THE British Academy Children’s Awards 2011 were held at the Hilton Hotel in Park Lane, central London. Trainee stars were out in abundance for prize giving…

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Picture 1 of 12

Sonia Shah arrives for the British Academy Children's Awards 2011 at the Hilton Hotel in Park Lane, central London.

Posted: 27th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Julie Chang Is Upset By A Lurker: TV Gold

ANORAK once worked on a TV segment called Lurker Of The Day, in which we’d highlight a face in the background of a TV news or sports report. The best lurks were the ones where the presenter noticed and took offence and someone enjoying being on the magic box. TV news great lie is that it presents people as they. It doesn’t. The lurker destroys the myth of the benign camera. This is why we love the lurker.

Julie Chang, of MyFoxNY, loses her cool in a local news story. She tells the lurker – a adolescent boy waving behind her – to stop it. Chang has toiled for years to be on the TeeVee and will not allow some upstart to muscle in so easily on her screen time. She is the story. You real people are the extras in her showreel CV.

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Posted: 27th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


The Art Of Scarves: A Video Guide To Getting The Most From Yours

WORRYING about what to get your mum or lover for Christmas? One word, presents giver: scarves:

Posted: 26th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


BAD TV: It’s A Tough One On Beauty And The Geek

A Beauty and the Geek contestant answers a tough quiz question:

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Posted: 25th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


How Does Matt Baker Sleep At Night: BBC Apologises For One Show Anti-Tory Bias At Dale Farm

WHEN BBC TV presenter Matt Baker asked David CameronJust one more question – how on earth do you sleep at night?” his The One Show co-presenter Alex Jones gasped.

Was his question biased?

Well, The One Show produced a segment on the Dale Farm eviction that was biased towards the travellers.

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Posted: 25th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Snigger Of The Day: La Kings’ Dustin Brown Takes A Drink

SNIGGER of The Day features LA Kings team captain Dustin Brown quenches his thirst. It’s the snigger that makes it funnier, isn’t it. Like the Fenton video, the final snigger puts the tin lid to the joke…

Posted: 25th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


William Shatner Loved His Deep Fat Turkey Frier To Death: PSA Video Of The Day

PUBLIC Service Announcement of the Day: William Shatner loves deep-fried turkey,… and he loved it too much:

Posted: 24th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Kitten Wrestling – Sick Depraved Video Shame Horror

MOVE over cage fighting kombat kids. The killer kitten are ready to rumble….

Posted: 24th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


What This Dog Does When It’s Cold: Video

WHAT this dog does when it’s cold. Brrrr! You need to get some window panes on that cockatoo cage it’s sleeping in…

Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Benton Goes Mad In Richmond Park: The Parodies

BENTON! Benton!!

Jesus Christ in Richmond Park.

The black labrador is chasing a  herd of deer in London’s Richmond Park:

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Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Will Ari Douglas Join The Warriors of Goja In Indian TV Spectacular?

BEHOLD! The Warriors of Goja put on an amazing show for Indian satellite network ETV show Adhurs: The Ultimate Talent Show. Men will smash and eat neon light bulbs.

In once segment, a performer is run over by a car AND a motorbike at the same time. In your face, Ari Douglas. He’s the Occupy Wall Street trapped beneath a slow-moving NYPD scooter (video below):

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Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Shooting Stars: The 10 Best Moments Ever (From Hundreds Of Good Bits)

THE BBC’s terrible decision to axe Shooting Stars needs reversing. In the meantime, we’ve pulled together some of the best bits from the show’s past:

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Posted: 22nd, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment