Anorak

TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 48

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

Inside Soap Awards In Photos: EastEnders Overshadowed By Chelsea Healey’s Yellow M&M

LUCIEN Laviscount was not with Kerry Katona at the Inside Soap Awards, that neon-hued show centred on the cast of EastEnders picking up five Awards, including Best Soap, thus proving that people will watch anything if it’s on BBC1. Of 15 awards, two are for “sexiest” male or woman – yep, still no pet category; four awards are for people who think Sharon Osbourne is likeable and try to act like her; and if the viewers are not voting with their underwear, they’re giving Bill Tarmey an award for “best Exit” – that’s the one where the writers get rid of the character.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 26th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment


X Factor Sensation: Save Goldie Cheung From The BBC, Tories And Yoko Ono’s Pyjamas

THE X Factor was memorable for one thing last night: Goldie Cheung, the answer to question what do you get if you cross Tina Turner and Yoko Ono?

Sad news is that Goldie has left the show. She has quit the contest’s live rounds (no, gun).

The Mail caught up with Goldie at her home in Skelmersdale, Lancashire:

Asked if she had left the show, Ms Cheung, who was still dressed in her pyjamas at 4.30pm [Yoko was naked], said: ‘No, I haven’t left the show. Who told you that? I haven’t even told anyone that. I cannot speak to you. The X Factor have told me I can’t give any interviews.’

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 25th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


The Bird Helps The Turtle Learn To Fly: Awwww Shucks

ANIMALS can be sooooooo cute. In this video, the adorable bird helps the poorly turtle realise a lifelong dream and fly into a bin. Either that or else the bird is a bully auditioning for a part on the X Factor judging panel by abusing a mentally negligible lesser being…

Posted: 23rd, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Man Climbs Moscow Skyscraper Pursued By Electric Organ Playing Monkey

YOU are about to see a electric-organ driven climb up Moscow’s Gates Administrative Building, one of the seven Stalin Skyscrapers in Moscow.

It’s long way up… when you’re being chased b y Richard Clayderman with a Hammond electric organ…

Spotter: The Awesomer

Posted: 22nd, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


I’m Never Drinking Again: A Barftastic Show Tune

I’M NEVER drinking again. You see, BBC, show tunes needs not be about Oliver and The Sound of Music.

Look out for phrasing such as “Why did I send my boss my dick?” and “Why would I take a cake from the urinal?”

(Michael Barrymore may care to look away at the 1:49 mark.) Language NSFW.


Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


That Hickey Came From The Dog I Didn’t Cheat: The Greatest TV Caption Ever

THE THAT Hickey Came From The Dog I Didn’t Cheat: The Greatest TV Caption Ever….

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment


X Factor Ceri Rees Is Saved By Lily Allen On Twitter

THE News of The World abused the stars of its stories (see Milly Dowler) but its sister organ The Sun sticks to its pet causes like last night’s kebab to the bathroom sink. The front page reports that the X Factor is not dead because it’s watched by Lily Allen, and she says Ceri Rees is being exploited.

See the front-page news:

X factor Ceri in bullies storm

We are told:

LILY Allen last night joined mental health charities and thousands of furious fans in accusing X Factor bosses of exploiting contestant Ceri Rees.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (17)


The Emmy Winners: Paz De La Huerta And Christina Hendricks Work 3DTV

THE EMMY Awards for 2011 tossed up the usual faces: Paz De La Huerta looking fierce, Phoebe Price looking to be looked at and Christina Hendricks doing for 3dTV what Bruce Willis once did for vests.

11648487

Picture 1 of 25

Christina Hendricks, left, and Geoffrey Arend arrive at the 63rd Primetime Emmy Awards on Sunday, Sept. 18, 2011 in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Alexander Lebedev Neutralises Polonksy In Oligarch Smack Down: Video

ON Russian TV it’s an oligarch Smack Down. In the leatherette chair to the left, Alexander Lebedev, holder of Two British newspaper titles. In the smaller leatherette chair to the right. Sergei Polonsky, the real estate baron, aka Rachmaninov.

Says Lebedev of the bout that offers Audley Harrison hope of a comeback:

“In a critical situation, there is no choice. I see no reason to be hit with the first shot. I neutralised him.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


George Lindell’s Car Accident Is Memorable

GEORGE Lindell’s car was rear-ended in Phoenix. His witness statement sets new highs for TV reporting:

Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


How Will Heather Trott Leave EastEnders? You Decide

EASTENDERS is to muddle on without Cheryl Fergison, who plays Heather Trott. She will leave “in dramatic circumstances”, according to The Mirror.

The talk is of a “fitting end” for the character.

What would be a fitting end would for “Evver”, the character who works in launderette (yep – in 2011), once stood in a vibrating weight-loss bum machine, stalked  George Michael and ended up licking the lid of a Greek yoghurt pot from his bins. Heather is fat and, ergo,  a laughing stock and miserable failure with a heart of solid gold. One can only suppose that Heather is leaving because the soap has run out of fat issues to address.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Tulisa’s X Factor Sex Session Shames Shagging Simon Cowell And Cocaine Taking Gary Barlow

DOUBTLESS inspired by Simon Cowell’s three-in-a-bed sex session, four budding bands have been booted off the X Factor.

Eight bands went with Tulisa to a her “Judges’ Houses sing-off” in Mykonos, Greece. The Daily Star reports on its front page:

But after just 48 hours on the island she hit the roof after discovering that some of the singers have been using their time abroad for raunchy sex sessions.

Says Tulisa, 23:

“If they’re just mucking about for fun to have a shag when they should be rehearsing, then I’m not into that at all.” The morning after, word leaked when some of the bands started gossiping and blabbed to the Daily Star about it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment


Phoenix Nights To Shout Garlic Bread Pointlessly At You From The Silver Screen, Potentially

GARLIC BREAD! Hahaha! Garlic bread, of course, is the food that made everyone from outside of Bolton, believe that everyone from inside of Bolton thought it was the most glamorous, exotic thing they’d seen since the town was awarded a microwaveable chicken korma.

And now, Peter Kay is to potentially wheel out Phoenix Nights for everyone again, this time, on the big-screen.

It appears that Kay has already written the script and is currently looking at offers from film producers. Of course, the baffling success of the dreadful Inbetweeners movie hasn’t done any harm to Kay’s pitches.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Two Silver Surfers Work Out Their Webcam

BECAUSE the kids are always watching and viewing grandma and grandpa to laugh at later:

Posted: 15th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Seagulls Will Do Anything For Chips: Video

HOW does a largely chip-based diet affect British seagulls?

Posted: 15th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Rohit’s Tribute To The Mall Of Dubai: Th Future Of Music

PUTTING the HIT in Rohit – the star to tomorrow sings to the Malls of Dubai:

Posted: 14th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


TV Choice Awards 2011: In Photos

THE TV Choice Awards 2001. Before the photos a word on gypsy Paddy Doherty’s victory in Big Brother. Rumrous that he won the show because evicting him was challenged in the High Court on the grounds of ethnic cleansing and bailiffs were at Dale Farm are thoght o be wide of the mark…

11609078

Picture 1 of 16

Adele Silva arriving for the 2011 TV Choice Awards at The Savoy, Strand, London.

 

 

Posted: 14th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)


Should The Next Doctor Who Be A Woman?

NERDS! How do you feel about the prospect of Doctor Who having boobs? Essentially, the question here is that, should there be a Doctor Whoman, would you be angry, disappointed or aroused?

You may think ‘It’ll never happen!’ thanks to some spurious tidbit of knowledge you gleaned from some grotty reference book you’ve had since you were eight, but the calls for the writers of this Whovian slop to branch out increase, year on year.

And now, John Barrowman is shouting too. In a really tuneful, stage-school way, naturally.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 14th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Sky News Breaks Down Hysterically During Paper Review

ROLLING NEWS is a surreal thing to tackle at the best of times, but what happens when it breaks down into fits of hooting, gusset-dampening laughter?

Of course, it’s absolutely brilliant.

During the Sky News Paper Review, giggles abounded with Andrew Pierce, Kevin Maguire and Anna Botting during a story about George Osborne ALLEGEDLY taking cocaine with spanking prostitute Natalie Rowe.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 13th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (11)


Nick Berry’s EastEnders Return Reminds Us How Much Better The Soap Used To Be

EASTENDERS is a waste of the licence fee. If Aussie soap Neighbours (now broadcast on FIVE) had been given the EastEnders prime-time slot four times week, it would get comparable viewing figures. The BBC should do this – it should shuffle the TV shows around until the viewers decide what they want and when they want it. EastEnders is ideal daytime telly fodder, up there in the reality stakes with Murder She Wrote and Diagnosis Murder, Doctors and Animals At Work, which are all  broadcast on BBC1 at lunchtime.

Granted, pre-schoolers will be challenged by the EastEnders pre-watershed moments of slaps, rapes, beatings, rapes, drugs, more beating, broken homes (the show’s writers and producers cannot create single cohesive family unit with a mum and a dad), threats, abuse, violence and Phil Mitchell’s garage mafia, but such dystopian slice-of-live stuff is as truthful at 7:30pm as it is at 7:30am.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 12th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)


Tea Is Served: Waiter Fills And Carries 15 Cups In One Go (Video)

ANORAK has one word for the Iranian waiter forced to carry 14 cups of hot tea in his hands: trays. They are the future…

Posted: 12th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)


Red Or Black Renamed Black And Blue As Second Wife Beater Hits Cowell’s Show

WHEN Nathan Hageman won a million pounds on Simon Cowell’s ITV fairground show Red Or Black the tabloids were outraged. Hageman had been jailed for assaulting a woman. It took a confession from Cowell of three-in-a-bed-sex sometime in his dim and distant past to push the bad news on the bad show from the front pages. But now its is back on the cover. The People declares:

RED or BLACK – Wife Beater No 2

To quote another ITV Saturday night show, what’s yer name and where d’yer come from?

It’s dad-of-four Ryan Keating from Leeds.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 11th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


How To Free A Cat: A Video Guide

HOW to freeze a cat:

Posted: 9th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Celebrity Big Brother: The Daily Star’s Lies And Wet Dreams Were Better Than The Show

CELEBRITY Big Brother (proprietor Richard Desmond) is at its end. After 19 days straight of front-page reporting in the Daily Star (prop. R. Desmond), the paper can announce that the show’s winner is Paddy Doherty. He saw off Kerry Katona’s kidzz, ketchup and kebabs to take top spot and with it the spoils of breathless interviews in OK! (prop R. Desmond) and exclusives on Channel Five (prop. R Desmond).

Time, then, to look back and see whihc of the Daily Star’s front-page exclusies was the most factually correct:

Aug 16: “Big Bro Big Sexy Shock – Naked romps and kinky padded cell revealed”
Fact: No naked romps and no kinky padded cell

Aug 17: Jordan Busts Into Big Brother
Fact: Kate Price, for it is she, did not go on Big Brother

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 9th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (5)


Why You Never See A Fat Seagull: Video Proof

THIS bird will prove why pet shops don’t have escalators and you never see a fat seagull:

Posted: 9th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment