TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 49

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

Big Brother’s Amy Childs’ Romp Gives Hope To The Sexually Obsessed

CELEBRITY Big Brother has now been on the cover of the Daily Star for 14 straight days. While lesser organs look away, the Daily Star sticks to what it does best: talking up its proprietor Richard Desmond’s show.

Today’s news is that Amy Childs has been in a “THREE WAY ROMP” with Kerry Katona and Lucien Laviscount.

The romp is, of course, only a sexually charged encounter if you are a pubescent youth whose exhausted the gardening section of the Argos catalogue or a saddo sat in front of the magic box waiting Desmond’s porn channels to begin broadcasting.

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Posted: 2nd, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Maddy Jackson Is The Four Year With Fake Breasts: Photos

SHIFT you cutie patooti Eden Wood, Step aside Botox Mum. Spin on this Sarah Burge. Four-year-old Maddy Jackson has C-cup breasts, a J-Lo derriere and more chutzpa than a Goonies Bar Mitzvah convention.

Maddy is a contestant on Toddlers and Tiaras, the telly show about beauty pageants.

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Posted: 1st, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Casey Stoner Dodges An Otter At Indianapolis

CASEY Stoner dodges an otter at Indianapolis. Has anyone ever seen an otter on the field of play before? We’ve had streakers and dogs and squirrels and cocks, (when the French are in town) – but an otter..?

Posted: 1st, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Arsenal Enter The Spurs Zone As Arteta Cuts And Runs And Redknapp Gets £40million For Modric

THE last day of the football transfer window was frenetic on Sky Sports news.

Below a swirling countdown clock, Alan Curbishley the former Charlton man once tipped to be the England manager, opined:

“The bigger clubs get it all done. They don’t want to get involved in this last-day stuff.”

That was a possible dig at Arsenal, who were being linked with just about ever footballer in the world. The Gunners were in the fabled Tottenham Zone, waiting for players to get progressively cheaper as the countdown on Transfer Deadline day approached zero.

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Posted: 1st, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Ortis Deley Gets Fired From C4’s Athletics Coverage Thanks To This Online Video: World’s Worst Sports Presenter

UNSURPRISINGLY, Channel 4 have shown the door to poor old Ortis Deley after he made a terrible hash of his presenting gig during the coverage of the IAAF world athletics championships.

You may recognise Deley from some children’s TV, as well as Channel 5’s The Gadget Show. He bumbled and muttered his way through a series of gawdawful links, getting everyone’s name wrong and generally being more stilted than a hostage telling a tabloid he’s fine.

As such, Deley has been fired from the main presenter role which will now be taken by Rick Edwards. Ortis will stay on the roster but his role has been “scaled back”, potentially to ‘tea boy’.

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Posted: 31st, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Don’t Jump Edward: Kids On Slides Video Of The Day

DON’T jump Edward. You’ll hurt yourself…

Posted: 31st, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Mr Paparazzi And Ex-Mrs The Hoff Up For Big Brother Eviction Unsurprisingly

BRILLIANT. That’s what we are. That’s because we correctly predicted who would be voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house over the weekend, seeing the terminally unpopular Sally Bercow getting sent back to the obscurity from whence she came.

Good riddance too. We don’t want political people polluting our perfectly good television sets. They’re all scum of the highest order, unable to string a sentence together without keeping one eye on a camera. And you thought proper celebrities were bad.

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Posted: 30th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

The Singing Cat Impersonates Rolf Harris

SINGING cat will now impersonate Rolf Harris. (If you see singing bird, do tell…)

Posted: 29th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

How’s Jason? What Will Be The BBC’S First Question To Manchester United’s Sir Alex Ferguson?

AFTER seven years of silence, Manchester United’s manager Alex Ferguson will deign to speak with the grovelling BBC. “It’s not a grudge, it’s a stance,” said Feguson of his silence.

It all began when the BBC made a limp documentary called Father and Son, which alleged that Ferguson had put pressure on younger players at Old Trafford to sign up with his son Jason, who was operating as a football agent.

Fergie saw something take offence at (as is his way). So. He decided not to honour the contract between the BBC and the Premier League that stipulates that every Premier League manager must tell the hapless sod with the microphone how they feel to have won / lost / drawn. For seen long years BBC viewers have had to make do without Fergie’s pithy reaction to poor referees and the officials’ bad time-keeping. For seven years Garth Crooks has been unable to stew Ferguson’s words and reveal to Match of The Day viewers what the Scot is thinking – really, really thinking.

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Posted: 28th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Videos Of Reporters LIVE! From The Hurricane: You Can Almost Smell The Sewage

WE are LIVE from Hurricane Irene. Oh, the simple joy of watching hapless news reporters showing the folks at home just how windy a hurricane is:

Orlando WESH 2 News meteorologist Dan Billow is LIVE!:

CNN’S Brain Todd is LIVE!:

WTTG-TV reporter Tucker Barnes id LIVE! from Ocean City, Maryland:

Reporter Gives Update Covered In Sea Foam:

Al Rocker is LIVE! from Naples, Florida:Hurricane Ike was LIVE! in Houston:

Posted: 28th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Big Brother Eviction Night! Who Is Going And Do You Even Care?

TONIGHT is eviction night in the Celebrity Big Brother house, which essentially means that some sleb-pleb will find out how high their stock is with the general public… or indeed, how low it is.

There’s a certain level of arrogance that is required for a celebrity to enter the Big Brother house. First of all, you have to believe that you’re famous enough to warrant a place next to such luminaries like Tara Reid and Paddy Doherty who is a gypsy who someone pointed a camera that didn’t belong to News At Ten.

And so, we’re faced with the first eviction and it’s a dog-fight between Kerry Katona and her prawn ring, Sally Bercow and her poshery and Bobby Sabel and his… er… face.

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Posted: 26th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Reasons To Hate X Factor X-Bot Kitty Brucknell: She’s Ginger

KITTY Brucknell is back in the news. The X Factor’s X-Bot would like us to know that she was bullied. No, not only by the tabloid press. Kitty was bullied by her peers at school. We had thought that the sex tape would follow the tales of fixes, drugs and racy photos, but we were wrong. It and the romance with a fellow contestant will have to wait. The X Factor bosses have pressed F5 on the X-Bot’s head and we’re on to the bullying.

The Sun laps up the PR:

X FACTOR show-off Kitty Brucknell, aka Kimberley Dayle, told last night how she was forced to hit the hair dye bottle after she was branded the GINGER MINGER. She was mercilessly mocked for her strawberry blonde locks throughout her teens, TV Biz can reveal.

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Posted: 26th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment

Sally Bercow Will Not Embarrass Her Husband

SPEAKERS’S Wife Sally Bercow is in the Big Brother hosue. She says she will not bring shame on her husband John Bercow MP.

“He wouldn’t divorce me because I embarrass him and if I embarrass anyone, it will be myself… He knows I’m doing it for a good cause. He’ll come round, but I can’t say he was over the moon.”

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Posted: 25th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Darryn Lyons’ Bowser Stomach Doubles For Katie Price’s Jordans

DARRYN Lyons abs are his own. News is that the agonist on Big Brother (prop. Richard Desmond) is an investor in the company Body Contour, a spokesman for which tells the Daily Express (prop. Richard Desmond)

“There are absolutely no implants involved Everyone, whether fat or thin, has muscle definition and this surgical but safe procedure removes fat from between the muscles to create definition.”

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Posted: 24th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Kool Aid Women Is Every Reporter’s Dream Date: Video

VOX pops and interviews can be hard work for the local news reporter. Sometimes, though, they can be easy. Kool Aid woman is here to help:

Spotter: Not Joey Barton

Posted: 24th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Oh God. One Of Jedward Has Got Married In The Big Brother House To Her From TOWIE

ONE thing we were all counting on  in the BB House (ha! ‘All’ being ‘The three people actually watching Celebrity Big Brother) was that producers of the show were just desperate to drive a big fat wedge between Jedward, like taking a pair of shears to some conjoined twins.

Well, the ball is in motion, with Amy Childs and One Of Jedward (who cares which one) being ‘married’ in the house. With any luck, we’ll see Childs cruelly taking One Of Jedward’s virginity too, while The Other One From Jedward looks tearfully on.

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Posted: 24th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Celebrity Big Brother: The Cracks Start To Show With Bobby ‘Who?’ Sabel’s Rant Against Z Listers

WHO?! Bobby Sabel is a model, dufus. He’s paid to do little more than be a vacuous thing to occupy clothes while people take photos of him. Of course, he’s every right to slate others for being gits.

And that’s exactly what he did in a late-night whine about Amy Childs, Kerry Katona and Darryn Lyons while smoking tabs in the Big Brother garden.

Offering sagely advice to Lucious Landiplop, Sabel said:

“I think [Amy] will bleed you dry for everything you’re worth… She’d absolutely use you. She’d use you for the press.

“Don’t go there. You’re better than that. You’re smarter than that.”

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Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Duck Tape Tron Is Better Than The Film

SOME films are better with stationery…

Duck Tron from Ryactive on Vimeo.

Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Gary Barlow Is Too Nasty And Not Nasty Enough, Says Daily Mail

HOW’s Justice Gary Barlow getting along on the X Factor bench?

Gary Barlow’s too boring to replace ‘Mr Nasty’ Simon Cowell on the X Factor… his criticism was not strong enough for fans missing Cowell, who had earned the nickname Mr Nasty Daily Mail, August 22, 2011

Simon who? It’s the return of the X Factor – and no-one seems to miss Mr Cowell as Gary Barlow steps into the role of Mr Nasty – Gary pledged: ‘I’m going to be tough, I’m going to be brutal. I think people’s perception of me is about to change.’ He certainly seemed to live up to his promise too – to show there’s no more Mr Nice Guy from the Take That veteranDaily Mail, August 21 2011

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Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Alternative Olympic Sports: The Hula Hooping Rope Climb

ALTERNATIVE Olympic Sports: The hula hooping rope climb:

Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Photos Of Kitty Brucknell As Britney Spears And Lady GaGa: X Factor Victim Number 1

KITTY Brucknell is the X Factor’s stand-out wannabe. You might have seen her on Come Dine With Me or read about her life as Britney Spears impersonator in Now! magazine. She had fat sucked out (yeah, not injected) to look like the Toxic singer:

“I was so nervous I was shaking. When I came round, I was crying with the pain. I started panicking that I’d made a mistake, but then I looked down at my body and could already see a difference. I looked like a pin cushion, but I was dramatically thinner.”

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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Darryn Lyons Fake Stomach Photos: The Abs-olutely Tragic

DARRYN Lyons is the paparazzo gone native, sticking himself in front of the cameras on Celebrity Big Brother. That’s him dressed like a detonated children’s entertainer. And get a load of this keen exerciser’s tummy. The rumours are that it’s fake. Tsk!

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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

World’s Got Talent: Timmy Mallett’s Angolan Dwarf Does The Kim Jong-Il Dance

WORLD’S Got Talent heads to Angola, where Timmy Mallet is dressed as Kim Jong-il for a cutting-edge puppet show:


Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Tabloids Set About Destroying X Factor Blonde Kitty Brucknell With Sex, Lies And Videotape

WITH Colonel Gaddafi about to be toppled in Libya, the tabloid media scouts about for another enemy of the people and settles on…Kitty Brucknell. Kitty, already billed as the new “HATED’ Katie Waissel, has been auditioning for stardom on the X Factor.

The Sun uses its front page to pun:

“Sex and the Kitty – singer was “honeytrap’ paid to catch cheats”.

News is that Kitty held down an honest job.

X FACTOR star Kitty Brucknell worked as a private detective agency’s “honeytrap” girl – luring men into cheating on their partners…

Luring? Anorak imagines Kitty beckoning with a naked finger from behind a curtain on which is written “Blondes this way”. All the while she sings the Sirens’ song, tempting the hapless men with the puplar refreain: Is my body too bootylicious for ya babe? As ever, the women is the wrong ‘un and the man just the hapless fool:

A victim spotted the blonde, 26, on Saturday’s show. Her job was to entrap targets into kissing or touching her. Hidden photographers recorded the moment and tell-tale snaps were passed to suspicious women, who paid upwards of £2,000 to the agency Executive Honeytraps for the evidence. Kitty’s past was exposed by Dalbir Virdee, 37, whose ex-wife Puishpinda Matharu used photos taken of him with Kitty in her 2008 divorce from him.

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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment

The Greatest Home Made Dance Video Ever: The Tonight Tonight Bop

THE West is not lost. The Chinese might have the money, the Indians the skills and the Arabs more spring than Zebedee in a Paris pogoing punk club, but still have our music. In this video, the happy family members dance to Tonight Tonight:

Spotter: Arbroath

Posted: 21st, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment