Anorak

TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 79

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

Video Of Groom Being Sick At The Altar

HERE’S a video of the groom being sick at the altar. Is this the worst thing that could happen?

Posted: 1st, May 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


A Video Study Of The Post Volcano Air Reboot

WHEN Iceland closed the air above the UK and Western Europe, birds sang and the skies were full of larks and emptiness. Then the skies reopened. The planes returned. Flightradar24.com and Ito World logged the changes in air space and created what looks like a sperm for each flight. Not much action over France and Spain but you get the idea…

Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Werner Herzog Reads Where’s Waldo For Mankind

WERNER Herzog Reads Where’s Waldo for your benefit and for the benfit of mankind…

Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Torvill and Dean’s Dancing On Ice Tour: Pictures And Pain

READY for Dancing on Ice, The Tour? Sorry. Ready for Torvill and Dean’s Dancing On Ice Tour? Dancing On Ice’s pro-celebrity ice dancing is the coldest show on the telly. It’s a soulless, frozen waste watched by people:

a) Who have mistaken it for proper ice dancing on Sky Sports 3

b) Tuning in to witness a celebrity decapitated

c) Fans of the celebs able to look past the eye-burning costumes and the doddering star moving with all the fluidity and grace of a constipated fridge to back their idol.

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Posted: 27th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


How To Put Out A Bloody Japanese Fire With Your Face

ADVERT of The Day: How to put out a Japanese fire with your face. If you see a fire. If you want to help. Puncture your face with a large stick and do the right thing.*

* May incur light-headedness and death.

Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Britain’s Got Talent’s Christopher Stone: The Hairless Angel’s Sympathetic Back Story

CHRISTOPHER Stone is Britain Got Talent’s Hairless Angel, a singing “sensation” who the Sun says is the victim of bullying. Here’s Christopher’s sympathetic back story that will maybe see him pip Tia Brodie to the prize to sing for Her Majesty:

Says he:

“I was bullied from day one until the day I left. Day in, day out. It started off being physical and became mental afterwards – but the mental bullying was worse by far.

“Bruises heal but the pain from mental bullying doesn’t just go away.”

Stone is the singing accountant. He is also a product of Chetham’s School of Music in Manchester, where he studied after leaving the “atrocious” school in Harrogate, scene of so much bullying.

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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)


Britain’s Got Talent: Christopher Stone Is The Hairless Angel

BRITAIN’S Got Talent introduces Christopher Stone – the Hairless Angel; ChrisSto; The Signing Accountant; the one who wouldn’t shut the *** up about Maria.

By day Stone is a 28 year old accountant. By Saturday night telly Stone is a 28-year-old accountant in a beige jumper being kept waiting by Simon Cowell’s pursuit of good telly to live his dreams. Will he go through to the next round with the regurgitated Stevie Starr and the stripper with the burning rag?

And ChriSto:

“I’ve come to Britain’s Got Talent to audition today mainly from pressure from my parents, more than anything else. They’ve been telling me for years and years that I need to do something like this.”

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Posted: 24th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (22)


Britain’s Got Talent: The Spanking Shakespeare, Streaking Pig And Lady GaGa

IT’S Saturday. It’s Britain’s Got Talent. In tonight’s show a woman is spanked while reciting Shakespeare. It’s patriotic. It’s educational. It’s a short, sharp jolt. The Mirror calls it “astonishing”. It meant to say “ass-tonishing”. But the Mirror thinks Gordon Brown will win the election and might actually be astonished.

And there’s a Lady GaGa impersonator, and a pig. Make your own jokes. Any good gags and you might win the show…

As for the spanking bared bard, the Mail tells its readers – its readers! – the “act of spanking is more often known as a sexual fetish”. Whatdymean fetish? It’s bloody normal! It’s Great British spanking.

britain%e2%80%99s-got-talent-spanking-2

Picture 1 of 4

The Mail produces four images of the spanking for your disgust and digestion.

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Posted: 23rd, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


The Flip Flop Man Of Coachella

THE Flip Flop man of Coachella is having trouble with his shoes. While you enjoy his mania, look at how clean and tidy the festival goers are. It’s not a music festival, it’s a GAP TV commercial. With Peaches Geldof on pants

Posted: 22nd, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Vomit On Katie Price In New Two Girls One Cup TV Show

PRESS Release of The Day brings news of Scream If You Know the Answer!, a cable telly show hosted by Duncan James, featuring “the likes of Ben Shephard, Katie Price, Jeff Brazier and Suzanne Shaw”. It’s Two Girls One Cup TV.

The players are…

“…all attempting to help members of the public win up to £5,000 whilst riding some of Thorpe Parks most wildest and hair raising rides.”

Most Wildest [sic] fun sees two teams of three, each boasting a VIP, will ride rides to win prizes. Fun includes Retch-A-Sketch – a “hilarious drawing game which sees both team members riding together in a bid to win points.”

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Posted: 20th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Adrian Chiles Loses £1Million On GMTV

ADRIAN Chiles has been robbed of £1milion. The bloke-next-door-styled TV diva has left the BBC under a cloud. The story goes that he had a hissy fit at talk of replacing him on The One Show’s Friday night slot with Chris Evans.

So, will it be the ordinary bloke who can read an autocue without laughing and mocking the content of the thing he’s trailing (now, John Craven visits a homophobic windmill in Stroud)  or the man whose TFI Friday show was a hit and who in his pomp enlivened a moribund telly schedule? Tough call.

Or is it? Chiles become the byword for early evening rebellion on the telly by wearing Frank Bough’s hairy knickers as a beard.

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Posted: 20th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


The Baboon Knows But You Make Him Talk?

THE cameraman has run out of water and the man neds to know what the baboon knows: where’s the pond?

Spotter: Cynical C

Posted: 20th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Christiaan Van Vuuren Is The Fully Sick Rapper

IT’S Christiaan Van Vuuren, the Fully Sick Rapper. Vuuren, of Sydney, scored a drug-resistant strain of tuberculosis while holidaying Argentina. Back in Oz, he was placed in isolation. He’s been there since Jan. 18.

More here…

Posted: 20th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Celebrity Cheaters Stars Michelle McGee, Jamie Jungers And ?

ALL hail the new reality TV show Celebrity Cheaters, starring Jesse James Nazi ‘n’ tell Michelle “Bombshell” McGee and Tiger Woods’ crazy golf course No. 3 Jamie Jungers. This is how empires end, with the players running around with a huge phallus attached to their loins…

Spotter: TMZ

devon-james-2

Picture 1 of 53

Devon James

Posted: 19th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Britain’s Got Talent Is For Mum And Dad’s Dead Ambitions

BRITAIN’S Got Talent was once a simple contest. Monarchists vied to perform for the Queen. And we tuned in. Then Susan Boyle failed to win and everyone wanted to be like her and, er, not win the show. The latest talent to wear the mantle of “Boyle Wannabe” is
Chloe Hickinbottom.

Boyle. Hinkinsbottom. When Ivor Catheter get t he guts to sing, we’ll have a Dickensian Gang Show.

Having crooned and warbled her way through White Cliffs of Dover, the song made famous by Vera Lynn, and thereby secured the granny vote, Hinkinbottom says:

“Now I’ve got through I can show off my voice more… I’d really like to be a professional singer like Mariah Carey or Susan Boyle.”

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Posted: 19th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Britain’s Got Talent Puts Clocks Back

BRITAIN’S Got Talent is back and so is the hype. The Sun delivers the headline of the day as it screams:

“12m SHUN sunshine to see show return.”

Britain’s Got Talent kicked off last weekend on ITV1 at the sunny hour of 8pm.

Posted: 19th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)


Robot Mouth Sings Eduard Anatolyevich’s Tralala

HAVING introduced you to Robot Mouth, we now bring you Robot Mouth sings Tralala in the style of Russian beat box legend Eduard Hill, aka Eduard Anatolyevich.

Take ‘em away, Robot Mouth.

(Robot Mouth also doubles as novelty singing sex toy for all your family parties.

Billy the Big Mouth Bass remains agog.)

The Talking Vagina Nose Glove And Sex Toy: A Video

Posted: 19th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Britain’s Got Talent’s Talking, Pole Dancing Dog Chandi: Video

BRITAIN’S Got Talent top dog is Chandi, accompanied by his bipedal pal Tina Humphries. Chandi is a Crufts veteran. Chandi is the “amazing dancing dog”. Chandi is also a stripper dog. And Chandi works the stripper’s pole. The act is like a Hen Night in an underground Dutch club.

And Chandi can talk. Says Tina:

She can understand whole sentences. If I say ‘You kiss me’ she will kiss me. If I say ‘Me kiss you’ she will let me kiss her.”

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Posted: 18th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Britain’s Got Talent: Tobias Mead’s Assault On Dance

CAN Chloe Hickinbottom (move over Humperdink) be this year’s Susan Boyle and come second in Britain’s Got Talent, beaten by a bunch of photogenic dances? The show that gives the biggest TV thumbs up to monarchy since Prince Edward played his joker (first price is a chance to perform for Her Maj at the Royal Variety Show) has also tossed up Tobias Mead. Toby will “BEAT HATE MOB”. So says the Daily Star.

How’s his background story coming along?

But an emotional Tobias revealed that just like Billy Elliot, he had to sacrifice a happy family life and a football career to pursue his dream of becoming a professional dancer – with his brother even threatening to beat him up.

Promising stuff. Says Tobias:

“My dancing basically ripped my family apart. It was the spark to a big flame that has meant I haven’t spoken to either of my two brothers since I was 18.”

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Posted: 18th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Britain’s Got Talent: Before Hyping Chloe Hickinbottom Let’s Destroy Susan Boyle

THE fourth series of Britain’s Got Talent is upon us. Along with Harry Hill’s TV Burp and Curb Your Enthusiasm, it’s the best show on the box. But before the show, and ten-year-old Chloe Hickinbottom who croons Vera Lynn’s White Cliffs Of Dover, here’s a chance to cast more aspersions on the mental wellbeing of last year’s runner up Susan Boyle.

The media’s aim is to create a cautionary tale on the perils of fame. The media will build Boyle into a crescendo of pain.

The Express leads with news of “fears” for Boyle. The Sun also tells of “FEARS for SUSAN BOYLE’s fragile mental health”.

‘Emotional’ Susan Boyle ‘Enchanted’ By Man At Nice Airport
The Media Manipulates Images To Make Susan Boyle Look Weak Minded
Susan Boyle In Airport Rampage

SuBo was due to perform at the Logie Awards in Australia. But she pulled out “without explanation”. No word on why, then. So, let’s guess.

She has been plagued by problems since she came second in Britain’s Got Talent last year.

Problems such as being a hit and making lots of money?

The last time she was in the first class lounge she put on a weird show – polishing shoes and dancing with a mop at Heathrow airport in January. The land of the didgeridoo may have proved too tempting for the lass’s strange shenanigans.

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Posted: 17th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (6)


The Greatest Fail Ever: The Taekwondo Punch

PRESENTING the greatest fail ever – The Taekwondo Punch. Ahem…

Posted: 15th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Coronation Street’s Eileen Method Acting Drink Driving Ban

CORONATION Street actress Susan Cleaver stands before the Beak at Manchester City Magistrates Court, and is banned from driving for 17 months after drink-driving.
Yeah, who’s Susan Cleaver? She’s the actress, who plays likeable lioness Eileen Grimshaw – the taxi operator!

She’s introduced herself to the media at large in traditional fashion. Cleaver was driving a Land Rover Freelander when she was pulled over by police less than a mile from her home in Northenden, Greater Manchester, in the early hours of Monday March 29.

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Posted: 14th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Emma Chawner Is Back On The X Factor

EMMA Chawner, jobbing TV fatso and ridiculed X Factor loser, is spotted in the queue for the show’s Manchester auditions.

Says reader Bat E Bird: “And I’m sure she’ll win this time.”

That’s the spirit. And if she doesn’t win, then at least we all get to laugh at her. Although, thanks to Susan Boyle, who broke the grip of this sneering world”, Emma will not be mocked.

Really…

Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (7)


A Video Of A Kinky Russian Bear In A Négligée

WANT to see a video of a Russian bear wearing a négligée , dancing to Soviet rock? You do? Well, with Anorak TV, you’re in luck. This is what happens when Daddy Bear and Goldilocks had an affair:

Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Russian Driving Tip Of The Day: The Tow Excuse Me

THIS Week’s Driving Tip of the day is brought to you by the Russian driver who tried to navigate his vehicle between one car towing another car. In Russia, this is how you drive. You pick the shortest route and go for it. If anyone is in the way, hoot the horn. If a building is in the way, hoot harder…

Posted: 11th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)