TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 96

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

EastEnders Runs Out Of Plots

joe-swash.jpgJOE Swash the speech impaired EastEnders “hunk” has been written out of the soap – rather “sensationally axed” – because his character Mickey “has run out of storylines”.

So reports the Sun, omitting to tell us how this can happen to a soap character.

Surely a plane can be found to crash land of Joe’s house, a drunk driver kill his dad or a girlfriend turn out to be his real mum? C’mon, EastEnders script wizards, can’t you find an MRSA bug for much-loved Joe? Or how about the Black Death?

The fear is that EastEnders has lost its way and no longer reflects real life…

A look at the news reveals some alternative plotlines, many leading to heated debates:

Joe is sentenced to death in China
Joe tursn to Buddhism and is killed by a faulty electric lawnmower
Joe is killed in a fairy cake eating contest
Joe dresses as turkey and represents the UK in the Eurovision Song Contest
Private Plane lands on house in Kent, where Joe is staying with his aunty (with whom he is having an incestuous relationship)

Posted: 25th, February 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment

Kerry Katona’s Crazy In Love Abridged

kerry_crazy.jpgHIGHLIGHTS from Kerry Katona’s Crazy In Love mental ward-themed MTV show, starring the fomer Mrs Brian McPadded Room and her latest inmate:

Mark Croft (husband): You’ve got big tits

Katatonia: You’ve got a small willy

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Posted: 25th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (5)

Texas Students March 7 Miles Down Highway To Vote

STUDENT walks seven miles to cast their votes in Texas:

“Texas Republicans have worked overtime to make it harder for key Democratic voting groups to vote and be represented fairly. The redistricting games they’ve played are infamous. And for the Prairie View A&M University precincts, they put the early-polling place more than seven miles from the school.”

So what did the students in this video do? They shut down the highway as they marched seven miles to cast their votes on the first day of early voting.”

Posted: 23rd, February 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

America’s Next Top Model: That;s Entertainment

AMERICA’S Next Top Model is the epitome of cable TV:

Posted: 23rd, February 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Ayaan Hirsi Ali And The Religion Of Peace’

Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)

Jonathan Ross On Consistency And Sly Stallone

sly-stallone-rocky.jpgJONATHAN Ross to Sylvester Stallone on his chat show:

“I’m glad to hear you’d go back and do Rambo again. I feel with this story you could tell more.”

Jonathan Ross on Film 2008:

“I kind of hope we don’t see him making another Rambo adventure.”

Picture : 14

Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (4)

John Gaunt On Rebekah Wade, the BBC And Ross Kemp

kemp-wade.jpgJOHN Gaunt is using his column in the Sun to good effect.

Says Gaunty: “SKY One spends a fortune bringing us the truth about Our Boys’ heroics in Afghanistan with Ross Kemp. The BBC makes a programme condemning Our Boys again. Just remind me which one is the state broadcaster we are forced to pay for…”

It’s the BBC, Gaunty. But no need to remind you which is the broadcaster owned by patriotic Rupert Murdoch, owner of the Sun, that paper edited by Kemp’s wife Rebekah Wade…

Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)

Marco Pierre White’s Hell’s Kitchen Seconds

MARCO Pierre White is back for another season of TV’s leading pro-celebrity cooking show Hell’s Kitchen.

Fans will wonder how White can make it back for seconds when even the first time round he appeared so very full of himself…

Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (10)

Take A Ticket For Big Brother 9

big-brother-susie.jpg“BIG BROTHER SHOCK PLAN WILL SAVE SHOW – Amazing twist to make new series most outrageous EVER”

Big Brother 9 will be more outrageous and shocking than Big Brother 8, which was more shocking than Big Brother 7, and so on.

The big twist is that wannabes who wanted to be on Big Brother 7 will be afforded the chance to be on Big Brother 9.

These failed Big Brother 7 applicants were the holders of Golden Tickets, bits of foil secreted inside special packet so KitKats.

The Star is upset by this and says “there are zillions of young men and women out there you would captivate viewers”.

No understatement there. And to prove how talented the UK is there are pictures of one “Snoozie” Susie Verrico bending over in her stockings and Danielle wearing a bikini.

It is an outrage that more of the zillions are not being allowed their chance to wear a short skirt and look back cheekily over their shoulders.

Readers offended by the bending of the Big Brother rules can stomp around and say how its “unbe-f*****g-lievable”, “so unfair” and have a hissy fit.

The dozen who can affect the most sense of self-righteous outrage can then be parachuted – still ranting – in to the house and thus help make BB9 as big a hit as BB8, BB7, BB6…

Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (8)

Stephanie Flanders Makes A Stand For Ugy Women On The BBC

stephanie-flanders.jpgIN “BBC’s Stephanie Flanders condemns TV ageism”, BBC TV presenter Stephanie Flanders becomes the “latest high-profile journalist to criticise the lack of women over 50 on television”.

The Telegraph says that other “veteran television journalists”, including Anna Ford, Angela Rippon and Selina Scott have also accused the BBC of sexism in relation to older presenters. Ford rose to fame as the BBC’s first obese female newsreader. Miss Rippon was known for her pot-marked face and monobrow. Selina Scott was TV’s “black Jimmy Hill”.

Says Flanders, a one-eyed, hooked nosed, spotty 39-year-old: “Having lived there [USA], I am struck by the comparison with the US, where the likes of Barbara Walters and Diane Sawyer can carry on – admittedly, still incredibly glamorous women.”

She adds: “I feel strongly about this and hope that the perception that you can’t advance beyond 50 will be seen as nonsense.”

We’ll see how Ms Flanders looks hold up…

Posted: 20th, February 2008 | In: Broadsheets, TV & Radio | Comments (2)

Natasha Kaplinksy Is Quentin Letts’ On-Air Air Hostess

confessions-of-a-tv-watcher.jpgNATASHA Kaplinksy is on the sofa. Natasha Kaplinsky is being watched by the Mail’s adolescent Harry Potter, Quentin Letts.

The headline to his review: “Her blouse was unbuttoned well south of Watford. But news? Oh, dear, Natasha..”

It’s up to Bedfordshire for Little Letts as he dreams of Kaplinsky and her open-necked blouse and denim jeans.

There was a time when men fantasised over nurses. Then came women in combat uniform, air hostesses and supermodels. With each new episode of female emancipation a new male lust.

There was a period when women newsreaders were the stuff of daydreams, but then it passed. Now Kaplinsky is sat on a sofa and men are watching, or at least the Mail’s everyman is.

What the next object of male urges will be is hard to say. But it won’t be Ms Kaplinsky. It’s more likely to be female footballers, female celebrity chefs or World’s Strongest Women…

Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)

Dancing On Ice: Celebrity Cull Moves To Families

backley_steve_.jpgTO the Dancing On Ice TV show, the extravaganza that seeks to reduce the UK’s celebrity mountain by offing minor stars with blades.

Readers of less certain stomach are encouraged to stare at presenter Holly Willoughby’s chest.

Many have fallen. And now grim news that the father of Willoughby’s co-presenter Phillip Schofield, is ill.

Says an insiders of Schofield’s “secretly dashed” moments: “One minute he’d be giving a flawless performance on Dancing On Ice and 40 minutes later he’d be climbing into a put-up bed by his dad’s side.”

Sun readers learn that this is “an inspiration”.

We are unsure who we should feel inspired other than to wish Mr Schofield, and his father Brian, the best of luck and hope that none of the dancers suffers too greatly…

Update: It was the saddest moment of TV this Steve Backley was booted off Dancing With Ice, his four-year-old daughter Ellese burst into tears before millions of viewers.”

With right counselling and therapy, Ellese might pull through the trauma. These are worrying time for celebrities. Kill them off by all means. But is there any need to go after their families too?

Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment

BBC Says Rafik Hariri And Hizbullah’s Imad Mughniyeh ‘Great National Leaders’

bbc-bias.jpgTHE Jerusalem Post reports:

In an uncommon act of journalistic contrition, the BBC has apologized for equating former Lebanese prime minister Rafik Hariri and Hizbullah terror chief Imad Mughniyeh as “great national leaders.”

The BBC took the unusual step after Don Mell, the Associated Press’s former photographer in Beirut, lambasted the parallel, drawn by BBC correspondent Humphrey Hawkesley in a BBC World report last Thursday, as “an outrage” and “beyond belief.”

American journalist Mell was held up at gunpoint by Mughniyeh’s men as his colleague Terry Anderson, AP’s chief Middle East correspondent, was kidnapped in Beirut in March 1985.

The BBC issued a statement Friday acknowledging that “the scripting of this phrase was imprecise.”

A little Britsh understatement. And now over to Jenny for the global warming update for your region…

Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Richard & Judy’s Secret Chat

richard-judy-phone.jpg“RICHARD & JUDY IN SECRET £4M TALKS.”

Front page news on the Daily Mirror of Richard Madeley and Judy Finnegan, champions of daytime telly chatter.

And a little contest to kick the week of. Are these high–priced secret talks:

a) A new exclusive chatshow for the super rich?
b) A private chat with the Sultan of Brunei’s son, who has hired Richard & Judy to talk to him on his birthday?
c) Richard & Judy Unplugged – The Tour?
d) Richard and Judy speaking to lawyers and dividing up their wealth and chattels?
e) Plans to keep Richard & Judy on the airwaves?

The correct answer is (b). No, that really was a secret.

The answer is (e). Richard & Judy have announced they are quitting television. And now “TV’s golden couple have done a U-turn and are now hawking the popular Channel 4 programme around rival stations in an effort to stop it being consigned to broadcasting history”.

A “senior source” at programme-makers Cactus Television tells us: “We are talking to various different broadcasters about various different projects for post-September.”

Anyone who wants to know more can call 0800RJSECRET and find out. Calls cost £120 a minute, o.n.o. Let’s hit that £4milion, people!

All calls may not be recorded…

Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment

Richard & Judy: What D’Yer Think Of It Sofa?

RICHARD & JUDY Update: The Mirror hails Richard & Judy’s “20 YEARS ON THE SOFA”, a headline that pretty much sums up their lives and those of their viewers.

It’s interactive TV at its most pioneering.

Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)

Police Officer Arrests Firefighter On Emergency Call

IS Buster Keaton still making films? Enjoy the video, and the explanation:

A police officer in Hazelwood will have to pay $18,000 dollars for getting into it with a firefighter while he was trying to help an accident victim.

His attorney says he’s disappointed and that his client’s conduct was not malicious in any way.

Police dash cam video shows the Hazelwood police officer arresting a fire captain while he’s trying to move an injured driver.

It happened on Interstate 270 back in May of 2003.

Officer Todd Greeves wanted a fire truck moved to open up another lane of traffic.

The Robertson Fire Protection District Captain wanted the truck there to protect emergency workers.

Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Global Warming: Look How Cold It Is

Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

The Big Brother Star Gets A Colonic In A Mad World

michelle-bass.jpg“YES, it’s a mad world we live in but that’s how we live our lives,” says OK!’s woman of the moment as she shows us around her “new pastel pink St Alban’s house that she recently bought with her fiance – and her ex-therapist – Steve McKeown.”

Anorak wonders at the rights and wrongs of shacking up with one’s former therapist. In a moment of heated debate, or row, the therapist may not argue back but just take notes and so inflame the situation. He may then present you with a bill, and a week later submit a full report on your mental wellbeing.

Steve dresses in a Hawaiian shit with matching shorts, sunglasses, a straw hat and with one foot resting on a plastic (?) crab. He is in the lounge of – you might not have guessed it – Michelle Bass’s home.

The intention seems to be to affect an air of ease and fun, but Steve succeeds only in looking unhinged and on the verge of doing something untoward with the pink electric guitar (not plugged in) he is strumming.

Michelle is in a bikini, string dress and a huge plastic garland. She is holding a tambourine.

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Posted: 13th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK!, TV & Radio | Comments (4)

Muslims Behave Like The Royal Family

victoria-albert.jpgGOVERNMENT Minister Phil Woolas makes noise about Muslims marrying first cousins and, as he claims, leading to increased rates of birth defects.

Says Shobna Gulati, on Matthew Wright’s TV show: “Why has he singled them out and not the Royal Family.”

Prince Edward was not on the show to offer a reply…

Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Politicians, TV & Radio | Comments (6)

Myleene Klass’s Baby Shower

myleene-klass-shower.jpg“MYLEENE: We made baby in jungle shower.”

Myleene is Myleene Klass, and the Sun’’s Caroline Iggulden has “adapted” extracts from Myleene’s books My Bump & Me.

On first seeing the Sun’s feature, the Anorak wonders at what point the paper became a parody of itself, and how brave it was to do so?

“Getting pregnant was an accident. A gorgeously happy accident,” begins Caroline, channelling Myleene.

“When I decided to go into the Australian rainforest for I’m A Celebrity, the idea of having a baby was the last thing on my mind.”

The likes of Chris Biggins, Janet Street-Porter, Wayne Sleep and other former stars of the reality TV show may well gasp. For this shower having a baby in a jungle clearing was what the I’m A Celebrity jungle promised most.

But with whom would Myleene conceive? Matt Willis and Jason Donovan both had significant others, leaving Myleen faced with breeding with David Gest, Jan Leeming or Lauren Booth.

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Posted: 11th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment

Flogging A Dead Horse: Del Boy Is Dead

HEADLINE of the day, supplied by the Star On Sunday’s front page:


Drugs? Drink? Fame?  What killed the star of Only Fools And Horses? Boredom?

Posted: 10th, February 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

One For The Nippers


Posted: 9th, February 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

The BBC And Suicide Bombs At Tea Time

BEN Rich, deputy editor of the BBC’s Six O’Clock news on the suicide attack in Dimona, Israel:

We have a pretty firm rule about these things, especially at six o’clock in the evening. We do not show someone actually being killed. So we had to decide how much of the incident could be included in the piece.

In the end we used the pictures up to the moment the police officer fired his gun at the bomber lying on the ground, then froze it but carried on the sound of the shots over it. We did not then show the scene after the shooting finished.

Less is more…

Posted: 9th, February 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

GMTV Politics, With Fiona Phillips

FIONA Phillips is interviewing Business Secretary, John Hutton MP. To the GMTV sofa:

FP (narrows gaze): “You know why I believe you’re true to your word? You’ve got very nice socks and shoes.”

Posted: 8th, February 2008 | In: Politicians, TV & Radio | Comments (9)

Celebrity Jail Bait, With Big Brother

celebrity-jail-bait.jpgCOULD this be the start of a new Big Brother-style reality TV show?

The Mirror reports that one Cat Le-Huy has been arrested in Dubai, accused of possessing “other pills” and a “tiny trace of hashish”.

Cat, who works for Endemol, producers of the Big Brother show, faces at least four years in a “tough jai” if found guilty, says the Mirror.

A friend of Cat’s tells us: “He doesn’t smoke hashish but recently he lent his bag to friends and doesn’t know what it was used for.”

Cat’s lover, Midred von Hildegear, says: “He was strip searched and forced to do a urine test.”

Unpleasant stuff. But is there opportunity in adversity? All hail Celebrity Jail Bait. It can’t fail. Someone get for Jade Goody. And tell her to put some clothes on…

Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment