Anorak | A Piece Of Cake

A Piece Of Cake

by | 24th, July 2003

‘EVEN if the papers cannot teach us how to lie like Jeffrey Archer, they are packed full of useful advice for other areas of our lives.

Demi Moore, after three days on the Feltz diet

For instance, Express readers can learn ‘how to get a celebrity body the easy way’; Mirror readers get tips on ‘how to improve your sex life’ and Sun readers get the chance to learn Beyonce’s ‘bootylicious’ new dance.

Readers of all three papers are in for a busy day, so let’s content ourselves with the Express for this morning.

First, we assume the celebrity body you want belongs to the likes of Liz Hurley or Demi Moore rather than Vanessa Feltz or Lisa Riley.

[If this is an incorrect assumption, our advice is simple: eat cakes and lots of them.]

We also assume that you haven’t got $400,000 spare with which to follow Demi Moore’s example and buy a whole new body from one of the ‘body farms’ that are springing up all over California.

And finally we assume that you don’t want to cut down on your high-calorie diet

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Posted: 24th, July 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink