Style and celebrity – fashion photos, news and trends.
Say ‘FUCK 2020’ with these great T-shirts from the always brilliant Flashbak. There are also cards and a great Tote bag featuring Santa Claus with a Handgun by Will Crawford, created way back in 1912. Our pick is the T-shirt. The unisex T-shirt’s come in black and a large range of colours.
When they invented prime ministers, they also created Prime Ministers’ children. Unlike the SADDOS (sons and daughters of stars) who can mime, pose and pout in their instagram branded knickers as they work on their celebrity status, the politicians’ kids can either join the Party or find their own way. Carol Thatcher went into Golliwogs, for her brother Mark it was Africa, and Euan Blair went into the boozer and then vomited over Leicester Square. Lara Walker-Johnson went to Oxfordshire and bought a Prada headband. We know all about her purchase because Laura wrote about for Vogue magazine in a story entitled How Time-travelling To My Teen Wardrobe Helped Me Understand Who I Am Today. It’s the kind of vapid tosh made to reassure the unconvinced that minted toff Meghan Markle’s editing of the expensive magazine that advertises expensive things was not a seismic moment in race relations.
“I’m trying my best not to buy more clothes right now, uncertain about future financial prospects and conscious it isn’t the time to splurge,” says Lara in Oxfordshire. The posh always name the county they’re visiting not the village or town. A town has windows, public transport and numbered doors. A county has sprawling mansions, bridle paths and land. “But, I must confess, I did buy two headbands,” she adds, “one black and fluffy, from Shrimps, and one pink and from Prada – that I’ve been drooling over for months.”
The critics some fast. “Lara who, according to her website, is a fashion writer,” snipes one writer, adding: “I have no idea what her future financial prospects are, but her recent accessories acquisitions make me think that she’ll be okay.” The mind boggles to think what the backstory will do to the bands’ resale value. “In a moment when economic inequality, globally, and in the U.K., has never been more conspicuous – and when so many peoples’ lives are in her father’s hands – I might have kept this confession to myself.”
Two headbands in and Boris Johnson is King Herod.
In the Daily Mirror, Lara’s purchases are given no lesser importance: “Meanwhile, more than 100 NHS and care staff have died after testing positive for COVID-19 – as keyworkers beg the government for more vital PPE to protect themselves on the frontline.”
Meanwhile is the literary split screen. There’s Lara shopping online for fancy goods and a fashion philosophy while below her the huddled masses look up beseechingly and wonder if all this coverage of to-die-for Prada headbands means Lara will never need buy one again, and if they make face masks?
Finally someone had found a use for old paper in the digital world. The Times says a company called Sekrè – tagline: “Every woman needs a secret” – has made handbags from dead animals and old paper, and is charging the knowing a few grand sterling (£2,700) for the privilege of owning a recycled gem.
If you buy one of these bags and you’re secret is “I’m a dickhead” then – get this – the secret’s out. Because that’s not any ordinary paper in your reassuringly expensive posing pouch, like a snotty Handy Andy or a Papa John’s flyer. Each bag features an “authenticated letter by a famous historical figure”. The boffins at Sekrè add part of an artefact to each bag. Letters from the likes of Charles Dickens, Queen Victoria, Giacomo Casanova, Charles Lindbergh, Grace Kelly, Marlene Dietrich and Brigitte Bardot have been ripped up for bag cladding.
For added personalisation Old Mr Anorak says he’ll lob in pair of used pants from the many VIPs who’ve stayed over at Anorak Towers. After all, Sekre is an anagram of REEKS.
Stuck for a gift this Christmas? (And how can you be when Flashbak’s new Prints Shop offers such great deals on wonderful art.) But if you stuck, then do not panic and at the last minute invest $1285 in a silk shirt struck by a painting by Don Van Vliet, aka Captain Beefheart. As Richard Metzger rightly says, it is revolting.
It’s made by Enfants Riches Deprimes (“Depressed Rich Kids”). At least they know their target market. This is impulse shopping for the daddy-fed rich, entitled and inflicted. Expect to see some berk wearing it on the streets of Notting Hill soon…
From 1966 through the 1990s, NASA crested hard space suits for space travellers. These suits would offer greater mobility than soft suits. The leader in space fashioned was Hubert “Vic” Vykukal. As the principal designer and investigator of the AX space suit series, he was also happy to model them.
Japanese designer Kyoto Ohata attracts birds with her pigeon shoes. Ohata transforms her plain black pumps into wearable felt pigeons. She hopes birds will approach her to check out her pigeon feet as she strolls throughTokyo’s Ueno Park. As she says:
(translated) I like high heels as pigeons and I want to become popular with a group of pigeons.
Tattoo artist Lee Rowlett uses green screen tattoos that let you play videos on your skin. Look out for them on every celebrity and footballer who wants to secure a new branding deal…
Meghan Markle will “break with tradition” and raise the young Prince “genderless”. So says the Daily Star. Meghan will do away with traditional macho frilly lace, broaches and knickerbockers, preferring to dress the young sire in something more masculine and yet also more feminine, like a smart business suit with complementary document wallet and sensible shoes.
The paper also notes that the royal nursery will be designed in “gender-neutral colours” of beige and grey from the corporate pallet.
Says one Royal watcher to Anorak: “It’s what Chairman Mao and Bill Gates would have wanted.”
Dreaming up news to market the band is hard graft. But Manchester United are very good at it. The Brand are selling a replica kit that does not exist in the real world. The kit is a “digital concept” within the world of FIFA 19. The “Adidas x EA Sports Manchester United” kit has been designated as the club’s fourth kit. But it only exits in the the computer game. The horror show continues as Adidas announce that only “limited quantities” of the hideous neon leopard skin shirt will be produced and put on sale. So if you want to dress like a video game avatar pretending to an actual footballer, get in there fast. Yours for €90.
Bayern Munich, Juventus and Real Madrid are also prepping to flog digital kits to the slack-jawed masses.
WITH Stevie Gerrard looking like he’s off to play football in the United States of America, most likely to live in the sunny climate of Los Angeles to play for David Beckham’s old lot at the Galaxy, it is worth remembering just how weird it’ll be, seeing Gerrard in a kit that isn’t England or Liverpool’s.
And speaking of kits, America has had some of the most dismal jerseys imaginable. With everyone being fans of retro kits these days, it is nice to imagine the Anfield legend playing in some of these abominations.
Here’s some of the most stomach turning kits in American soccer’s history.
Kansas City Wizards
The Wizards’ kit is a funny one because, even though it is clearly an absolute howler of a kit, there’s something that is borderline nice about it. Obviously, you have to have an eye for all things ’90s, but those rainbow sleeves are as pleasing as they are vomit-inducing.
Perhaps the worst/best kit in football’s long history, the Caribous turned out in a beige number which had delightful tassles on the chest. They didn’t exactly light up the North American Soccer League. They played for one season and lost 22 of their 30 games.
When America was awarded the FIFA World Cup in 1994, they didn’t play in that lovely all-white we see them in now. The home kit was red and white stripes, like the stripes of the star spangled banner. The away kit completed the flag with a pretty awful blue thing covered in stars.
San Jose Clash
The San Jose Clash clearly took the ‘clashing’ element of their name and applied it to this horror show. A lovely minty teal with urine yellow and ketchup red. Nike’s design room clearly knocked this up at 5 to 5 on a Friday when they all wanted to get down the pub.
Even though this lovely photo of Trevor Francis doesn’t really do it justice, the Detroit Express kit was a particularly horrible shade of orange, that was only found in the 1970s. Admiral, the kit makers, were known for their bold designs, so in a way, there’s a certain charm to it,
New England Tea Men
To really ram home the name of the New England Tea Men, Umbro thought it might be a fun idea to stick a gigantic letter ‘T’ on all the kits. The awkward design was only matched by the awkward perms as displayed by some of the players.
San Diego Sockers
While not the most disgusting kit in memory, you have to include the mighty San Diego Sockers because, when the players ran across the pitch, if the material folded, it looked like they were called the ‘Suckers’.
Tampa Bay Mutiny
The kit was a disaster and so too, was the Tampa Bay Mutiny franchise. No surprise really as what player would want to run out in this garish number? Fans weren’t likely to be too keen on it either.
When Liverpool players aren’t shaving their chests and rubbing Nivea into the stubble, expect to see them sliding on pairs of Levi’s jeans. Levi’s are Liverpool’s “official denim partner”. It’s a big deal for mankind. Be in no doubt. The club says Liverpool FC and Levi’s are “two organisations dedicated to making a difference around the globe”.
Cynics might wonder if playing football in jeans is the way forward? The current fashion is for footballers to pull their sock up high like stockings over their knees and tether them possibly with garter belts under the hem of their big skort-style shorts. It’s a small step to wearing trousers, or A-line skirts. But this is about “giving back to fans through football, lifestyle and music”, it says hear. Fans no longer care about winning cups and having a laugh at the match; they come to Anfield for tips on skin care, yoghurt and if carrot-cut denim can lead to deep vein thrombosis in quieter matches.
The plan is for the Levi’s LFC “capsule collection”. We look to it with excitement, as must too rival clubs keen to link their brand with fabrics. Arsenal velvet perhaps, Spurs chiffon or Manchester City oilskin?
Thomas who? Thomas Markle… Anyone? Having rolled over Megan Markle’s father, the news cycle gets to focus on the honeymoon and the dress. Not that the new Duchess of Sussex’s dress was a surprise to Daily Mail readers who on April 4 got a sneak peak of her walk-on look. Rebecca English told us:
EXCLUSIVE: Meghan’s £100,000 wedding dress revealed: Royal bride will wear hand-stitched, beaded design made by British couturiers Ralph & Russo (and paid for by Prince Harry’s family)
The price then doubled. And the designer changed their name. Although no longer an “exclusive”, the story remained a revelation: “Givenchy’s Clare Waight Keller has been revealed as Meghan’s wedding dress designer.” There had been lots of “speculation” – surely “exclusives”? – with with “Ralph & Russo hotly tipped”:
But if it’s guff you’re after, step forward and take long obsequious bow, Robin Givhan, who writes in the Washington Post:
…what was most noticeable were all the things that the dress was not. It was not a Hollywood red-carpet statement. It was not a Disney-princess fantasy. It was not a mountain of camouflaging tulle and chiffon.
The dress, designed by Clare Waight Keller, was free of extravagant embellishments. It was not covered in yards of delicate lace. It did not have a single ruffle — no pearls or crystals. Its beauty was in its architectural lines and its confident restraint. It was a romantic dress, but one that suggested a clear-eyed understanding that a real-life romance is not the stuff of fairy tales. The dress was a backdrop; it was in service to the woman.
Weekend in Blackpool, right?
Teeth nails exist. Russian salon Nail Sunny has created fingers that can bite and scratch at the same time.
The hard working Daily Mail Reporter was helping readers sat in their Comfi-Gowns and support stockings identify the “Worst dressed women” at the Oscars.
Eyes are drawn to Salma Hayek, who came as a “Shiny disaster”. Her “dress was baffling to behold… serving as more of an eye sore than a style statement”. What a horror show.
And you too can get the look because just one line down, the same readers are told: “Shimmer in sequins like Salma wearing a Gucci gown… Whoever said sequins can’t be worn all over on a maxi gown must’ve not seen how good Salma Hayek rocked this one at the 2018 Oscars.”
Who said it? The Daily Mail did a moment earlier.
Price on application.
The Sun’s website continues to break new ground. A series of articles by By Shiela Subyr teachers readers how to look like a young multi-millionaire seeking new ways to spunk his cash.
The other day, Neymar, the PSG star, “paired his snakeskin biker jacket with skintight leather trousers complete with racy lace-up sides.” Shiela tells readers where they can how much for get the look and how much for in the paper’s ‘Sports’ section.
An there’s more. Lots more. And when Sheila’s gone through the wardrobe’s of player who look like extras from Rich Kids of Instagram, she’ll doubtless work down the leagues until we find out what Barnet’s substitute ‘keeper is wearing.
In other sports news: Arsene Wenger’s jacket unzips.
Double denim be gone! We’ve got double jeans! For a mere $695, you can buy these Natasha Zinko High Waist Double Jeans.
Layered waistbands give these wide-leg Natasha Zinko jeans a modern high-low profile. Contrast side stripes. 7 pockets. Button closure and zip fly at each waist panel. Raw hem.
Useful for carrying children in.
As the blurb states:
Walid al Damirji’s sharp eye is what makes his pieces for By Walid so covetable. Sourcing vintage treasures to incorporate into handsome thoughtful pieces, texture, colour and shape define his collections. Clothing from the past is transformed into pieces with modern sensibility.
And the £798 trousers you can see in the photo above and below:
Walid’s lightweight tonal-brown and navy silk-poplin Boro-print Morton trousers are artfully ripped and patchworked together for an offbeat lived-in feel. They suspend from an elasticated waistband into a slim-fitting shape that tapers at the knees, then are lent a further discerning twist by the extended raw seams. Runs true to size.
Or as Nigel Meister puts it:
[Dept. of Contemporary Obscenity] So, these trousers (by Walid) are described as “offbeat and lived in”. They are made of silk. They retail for $951. I doubt anyone who had un-designed trousers that looked anything like these would describe them as “lived in” or “offbeat”. There is something deeply distasteful about this kind of poverty porn (IMO). That the economic misery that an (indubitably artful) design like this implies or references could be worn as an expression of 1% luxury is, to my mind, obscene. It magnifies and exemplifies the economic disconnect rampant in our world. It is vivid symptom of a kind of moral rot at the heart of late-stage capitalism in the 21st century.
Goes well with hat (£3,545), artisan stick (£8,986) straw (£98) and bare feet (model’s own):
Spotter: Nigel Maister
On the Bangalore local TV, news anchor Kannada is wearing a terrific T-shirt.
Who doesn’t want a onesie covered in visions of Steve Buscemi? The “Steve Buscemi Galaxy Collage” onesie is divine.
The Tote bag says “My favorite color is GLITTER”. Or does it. It looks a lot like the bag says “My favorite color is Hitler”.
Your to buy on the Belle Chic website for the $12.99.
Women can turn heads in this Sexy Chest swimsuit.