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Anorak | Uncle Joe

Uncle Joe

by | 16th, September 2003

‘DOES Joe Cole have hidden depths? We ask in light of the Mirror’s news that the slack-jawed player was offered by Chelsea chairman Roman Abramovich to Spartak Moscow on a year’s loan.

The twelfth man

The Cold War might be over, but we can’t help but think that Cole is part of something bigger. Is he the third man? Perhaps, but at Chelsea, where he’s staying, he’s very much the twelfth.

Meanwhile, the Star catches up with a few of the Chelsea first XI, which this week includes Damien Duff and Adrian Mutu.

Mutu is seen aboard a flight to Prague for Chelsea’s Champions League clash. Duff is just heard moaning about how little he likes being substituted.

“Soon I’d like to get the full 90 minutes,” says Duff, who has been substituted in all five matches he’s played for the Blues. He complains that he wants to stay on the pitch and that his case for doing so is not being helped by his being played out of position.

A position, which if he keeps whining, will soon be in goal for Siberia Athletic.

Over there, Duff would be wise not to hit the frozen turf too hard. Something Robert Pires, the Arsenal player, should also note when his team play their Champions League games in Moscow and Kiev.

The Express shows Pires falling to the ground and winning a penalty in Arsenal’s 1-1 draw with Portsmouth, and talks about the need to stamp out diving in the game.

Also in the frame is Manchester United’s Ronaldo, who has been accused by Charlton’s players of diving in their match of last weekend.

Pires is heard defending himself. “I did not dive,” says he. Ronaldo is not heard from at all, and as is the way with Manchester United, the talking is left to Alex Ferguson.

Fergie claims that the influx of foreign players is to blame for the burgeoning diving culture. It’s those pesky foreigners that are at fault – although, curiously, none who play for Manchester United.

“I’ve watched some of the tackles on video,” says Fergie of the Charlton match, “and Atlas, the Greek god, would have gone down under some of those challenges.”

Which is clearly a balanced, unbiased and clear view of events. It’s a good job Fergie’s around to tell us what’s what or else we’d think people were cheating…’



Posted: 16th, September 2003 | In: Back pages Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink