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Anorak | Punishing Schedule

Punishing Schedule

by | 8th, October 2003

‘HOWEVER bad things get for the Tories, there’s always one thing to look forward to at conference: the law and order debate.

‘Did you hear the one about the asylum seeker and the thumb screw?’

Like the last night of the Proms, this venerable institution allows the loonies to take over the asylum for a few hours and have a right old knees-up, as only they know how.

Shadow Home Secretary Oliver Letwin might have warmed up the crowd by promising to deport asylum seekers to a foreign island “far, far away”, but the highlight of the day came from IT consultant Tim Metcalfe, who, judging by the picture on the front of the Guardian, got so excited by the prospect of his moment in the spotlight that he forgot to wear a tie.

Metcalfe delivered what the paper describes as “a clear message”.

Prison, he declared should be “a genuine punishment”, meaning solitary confinement and no TVs and snooker tables. He also wants to “bring back the birch” – and hanging, of course.

But not for paedophiles – they would be castrated instead.

Then, to cries of “Hip, hip, hooray”, he exhorted the rally – sorry, conference audience – to “show the country we really do mean business on crime by showing our support for Tony Martin”.

The impact was immediate, with the Tories storming up in the approval ratings…to a staggering 3 per cent.’



Posted: 8th, October 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink