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Fizz Buzz

by | 22nd, January 2004

‘IT’S not often a woman has two men literally fighting over her – even less often when that woman’s Fizz – but as amazing as it sounds, that’s just what’s happening.

‘I brought a paper bag with me’

Admittedly the two ‘men’ in question are Kirk and Tyrone, so she shouldn’t get too excited; it’s rather like discovering that both the Chuckle Brothers fancy you.

Tyrone has been comforting Fizz over her break up with Kirk. His version of ‘comforting’, however, would have him struck off any sort of medical register. “I really fancy you,” he told her and seconds later the pair ended up under the covers (which were kept mercifully high).

Even by soap standards, it had to be the quickest relationship in history as, within the space of one episode, Fizz had dumped him.

Kirk had decided that he wanted to get back together with her, so fuelled by Les Battersby’s advice (will the boy never learn?) he went to try and woo her by singing ‘their song’ outside her bedroom window.

“I’m Slim Shady, the real Slim Shady…. Fizz will yer marry me?” he warbled. “No, she won’t, she’s mine now,” shouted down Tyrone. “Oi! You!” replied Fizz, “I’m no-one’s, now get going!”

Hostilities between the two boys escalated to open warfare the next day when Tommy had to physically separate them – because he’s known for his strong anti-violence stance isn’t he?

Tyrone later got one up on his love rival when he talked a local farmer (of which there are many in Manchester) to lend him his horse so he could ride down Coronation Street and propose to Fizz.

This is Tyrone, however, so of course the horse had to canter off in a ‘comedy’ manner, leaving him with an injured arm and Norris, who was standing nearby, in a pile of manure.

“This is war!” snarled Kirk to Tyrone later in The Rovers. “She’s mine pal,” hissed Tyrone. “I was there first.” Which is a charming way of describing your betrothed.

Elsewhere in Weatherfield, Rita is being terrorised by the monster that is Cilla. Cilla fancies a holiday to Florida, so she’s coached her son Chesney into pretending that he’s lost his memory after his fall in Rita’s shop.

“Five grand to drop all charges lady,” she snarled to Rita, “Otherwise, I’m taking you down.” Rita is standing firm. “I’ll see you in court, lady, then everyone will see you for the lying waste of space that you are.”

“People like you are scum,” said Norris, adding his two pennyworth. “Say that again and I’ll smack yer,” growled Cilla. “And if you did, I’d sue you for everything you’ve got, although how much six pairs of leggings are worth is anyone’s guess,” he sniffed.

Norris – we salute you.’



Posted: 22nd, January 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink