The Ex-Files

‘IT must be true, it’s in the papers. Right? Yeah, right.

‘You could at least have sent me a text’

So, if the Mirror says that relations between Tom Cruise and ex-wife Nicole Kidman are not as friendly as they’d have us believe, it must be true.

And if the Sun says that any rift there was between the couple is a thing of the past, then that must also be true.

If the Mirror’s 3am Girls say Kidman was heard blasting her pint-sized ex at the Golden Globe awards, telling him, ‘Can you please stop sending me those stupid fucking text messages?’, then we have to take their word for it.

But if the Sun spots the two greeting each other ‘like old pals’ at the Golden Globe awards and later enjoying a private chat at the after-show party, then we should also take its word for that.

Why should we doubt the ‘shocked witness’ who tells the Mirror: ‘Everyone was talking about it afterwards. It’s not every day you get the biggest names in Hollywood bickering like teenagers’?

And why should we doubt the ‘partygoer’ who tells the Sun: ‘A lot has happened since they split up and the truth is they get on really well. They have loads in common and still love each other’?

In fact, the only thing that the papers manage to agree on after Sunday night’s ceremony is the list of winners, notably the two Golden Globes awarded to Ricky Gervais and The Office.

The Mirror says that Clint Eastwood was seen mouthing at his wife ‘Who are those guys?’ as Gervais and The Office team climbed onto the stage to accept the Best TV Comedy award.

Gervais was happy to explain. ‘I’m not from these parts,’ he said. ‘I’m from a little place called England – we used to run the world before you.’

The audience laughed nervously – geography and history in the same sentence is all a bit much for our American friends.’

Posted: 27th, January 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink