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Anorak | I Am The Resurrection

I Am The Resurrection

by | 18th, August 2004

‘THE story of the day surrounds the case of Greek sprinter Kostas Kenteris.

Bronze Beauty

Having failed to show up for a routine drugs test, and then missed his chance to explain why on account of an, er, accident that saw him hospitalised, Kenteris is now well enough to speak.

And the 31-year-old Olympic champion has a few things to say about those who dare accuse him of being a cheat.

“It’s a big injustice,” says he, “I have never used banned substances – honestly.”

Hey, come one, let’s not be judgemental, and you can stop making that sucking noise with our teeth and rubbing your chin. Consider for a moment that Kenteris may be telling the truth.

Perhaps he’s never taken any drugs in his life – he’s never tested positive.

Or, perhaps, the biochemists that seem to control the world of athletics have come up with a compound for the Greek star that hasn’t yet made it onto the list of banned substances.

True or not, Kenteris feels he is being persecuted.

“All these people who crucify me on TV are the same people who wanted to be photographed with me after every success. But after crucifixion comes resurrection.”

Or, since we’re on the theme of Biblical retribution, maybe the divine Kenteris will just do as Saint Stephen did and get stoned.

But while Kenteris sprays mud all over the athletics track, the Mirror brings some good news from Athens.

And the story it that Stephen Parry has won bronze for Great Britain.

Liverpudlian Parry came third in the 200m butterfly and so won Britain’s first Olympic swimming medal for eight years – not overly impressive for an island surrounded by water.

So, well done, Parry – you are the Sun’s “bronze beauty”.

But just as your spirits began to lift, it’s time to hear more warbling and whining from Sven Goran Eriksson.

Those of you who have wondered long and hard what it is that Sven does for his £4m a year, can wonder that little big harder after the England coach’s latest comments.

When asked why for tonight’s friendly against the Ukraine, he has opted for the same players that, by and large, performed so averagely in Euro 2004, Sven gave his answer.

“It is easy to ask, ‘Will I change?’, but then you have to help me find better English players than those who are in the squad.”

Well, if he gives us a share of his inflated wages, of course we will.

And we’ll start by finding someone better than Emile Heskey. Hmm, wonder what Jimmy Greaves is up to tonight…’



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