Anorak

Anorak | True Grit

True Grit

by | 6th, September 2004

‘SHAME on those of you who thought that Anthea Turner’s new breasts were just the latest in a long line of increasingly desperate stunts to try to revive her comatose TV career!

A pair of real tits

The brand-new boobs are in fact ‘a gravity-defying symbol of optimism, dedication and true grit’.

We are indebted to our old friend Vanessa Feltz, the Star’s award-winning columnist and host of five’s new Cosmetic Surgery Live, for pointing that out.

Anthea’s original breasts, she explains, lost their va-va-voom when she ran off with her orange-coloured lover Grant Bovey and married him in a chocolate-coated wedding.

They further sagged when her ’embarrassing’ autobiography proved less popular than a Saudi at a US flying school, they shrivelled as her comeback on the Food Channel faltered and they drooped as she went through a raft of failed IVF attempts.

Such humiliation and disappointment would have destroyed a lesser woman – and indeed a lesser pair of breasts.

But Anthea is made of tougher stuff (mainly silicone)…

And after inspecting the former Blue Peter presenter’s new DD chest, Nessie offers a positive diagnosis.

‘There’s no earthly reason why Anthea Turner isn’t on the telly,’ she says.

‘She’s a seasoned, experienced and reliable presenter, an instantly recognisable household name with a strong, steady hand on the TV tiller.

‘She’s used to live TV. She still looks terrific. There’s every rhyme and reason to give her a chance to show us all what she’s always been made of.’

And that (for anyone wanting to make an Anthea at home) is one part sugar, one part spice, two parts Cadbury’s Snowflake, two parts silicone – all mixed in with two pints of Homewrecker…’



Posted: 6th, September 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink