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Anorak | Oldest Swinger In Town

Oldest Swinger In Town

by | 29th, October 2004

‘IT’S bad enough having to live with them, but Bill Clinton claims he saw images of Hillary and Chelsea bathed in light as he lay on the table during his heart operation.

”In the hole!”

“Hillary’s picture or Chelsea’s face would appear on the light, and then they’d fly off into the dark, into the distance,” he recalls in today’s Mirror.

“And other people I knew and cared about. It was amazing.”

Monica Lewinsky, Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones…it was like one giant home movie for the former US President.

And given recent revelations about Abi Titmuss’s powers of healing, we don’t doubt that Slick Willy made room for a medicinal image or two of her as well.

But Abi (like Bill) is yesterday’s news – this morning the papers’ attention is devoted to a 41-year-old swinger by the name of Colin Montgomerie.

News is that the champion golfer is dating 30-year-old Ines Sastre, “one of the world’s most sought-after models”, according to the Mail.

And the reasons why are plain for readers of the Mail and the Sun and the Mirror to see.

Of course, this allows the papers to dust off their favourite golfing puns about “bagging a birdie”, as well as publishing a picture of the senorita spilling out of her dress at a recent wedding.

But a tendency to spill out of their clothes is not the only thing the couple have in common.

Not only is Ines a keen golfer, but the Mirror says she has also recently been through a painful break-up – from Irish games machine entrepreneur Neil Taylor.

And mum Candelas tells the paper: “They’re both single, my daughter’s young and very pretty and there’s nothing to stop the things that happen between two single people happening.”

What those things are she does not elucidate, but we read in the Sun that the things that happen between two single people do not happen as often as the things that happen between two married people.

A survey has found that married women are having more sex – and more adventurous sex – than single women, averaging two shags a week.

More than half of all married women, however, admit faking orgasms, says the Mirror, while 62% admit enlisting the help of sex toys.

The number of married women who have faked an orgasm while playing with a sex toy is not recorded.’



Posted: 29th, October 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink