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Anorak | A Dressing Down

A Dressing Down

by | 8th, June 2005

‘THE papers had wanted to talk about world debt relief, but something more pressing came up – Charlotte Church was seen in a dress at Glamour magazine’s Woman of the Year ceremony.

Charlotte gave and gave until she had little more to give

The event was noticed by the Mirror’s keen news eye, and the paper duly splashes the celebration of womankind across its front page (“OOOOHHH! LAYDEEES”) and shows pictures of Patsy, Rachel, Geri, Teri and Charlotte trotting up to the London do.

Don’t worry if you can’t get to grips with all those names because each moniker comes with a number. Know that Teri scores a four out of five, Rachel a perfect five, Geri a three, Patsy a two and Charlotte a two.

The marks are for sartorial elegance. And while Rachel’s scarlet figure-hugging gown scores highly, the rest of the gang enjoy mixed reviews.

But as Charlotte does her bit for Africa by wrapping her outfit up in a black bin liner and dumping it outside Bob Geldof’s house, the Sun takes another look at the offending garment.

“MIX UP YOUR COLOURS WITH YOUR WHITES, CHARLOTTE?” shouts the Sun’s headline. The paper then produces its own picture of the dress, which is indeed a hideous, multi-patterned blend of pink swirls, leopard skin and unflattering hip-hugging cream.

While African womanhood awaits the arrival of this Charlotte Church original – and a never to be repeated one at that – we learn that Geri will not be wearing her little black number at Live 8.

In fact, what Geri, aka Ginger Spice, will be wearing at the biggest rock ‘n’ roll event of all time will be of little concern because few of us will see it.

Yes, folks, after much deliberating, the Mail says that the Spice Girls will not be playing at the charity concert.

Bob Geldof, dressed in an edgy, multi-patterned blend of pink swirls, leopard skin and hip-hugging cream, explains: “I just can’t afford to have a band who won’t pull in the crowds. This is a political event, not a cultural one.”

So, there’s room for political heavyweights like Robbie Williams and Madonna but no space for the band that did so much to empower girls.

This is a deep shame. But we note that Geri’s not the only one missing out. Like her, Charlotte Church will also not be playing, nor will Teri, Rachel or Patsy.

Which goes to show how important wearing the right outfit really is…

Paul Sorene is the Anorak’



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