London In Bloom

‘IT was a while in the coming, but the terrorist attacks on London are finally being put into perspective by the great and good.In “Shaken Orlando makes a 911 call…to Kate”, the Enquirer hears how in the wake of the London bombs, Orlando Bloom called his love, Kate Bosworth, in Australia.

“I could have died,” said Orlando down the line. “I realized life is short, it can end at any minute – and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Let’s set a date as fast as possible and be together forever.”

Wow! You can almost see the film. With sirens wailing and standing amidst the wreckage, Orlando turns to his beloved Kate, an image of whom is on his video phone, and kisses her.

The film ends with a sparrow landing on Orlando’s shoulder and cocking its head to one side, opens its mouth in a rictus grin and winks to the camera.

But that for later. For now Orlando is still shaken. You see, he could have died because he had strolled through the “blitzed” area just the day before the bombs.

Now an apology: those who actually lived through Hitler’s Blitz will have to excuse this exaggeration – this is news from Hollywood and should be taken in context. (The bombings were awful but cannot be compared to the sustained and bloody campaign waged on the English capital by the brutal German war machine.)

But Orlando’s tale rang a bell over in Australia, where Kate heard the call and said: “Yes…let’s do it as fast as we can.”

Which should be as soon as her man’s finished snogging Sienna Miller…’

Posted: 28th, July 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink