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Anorak | A Shower Of Bullets

A Shower Of Bullets

by | 8th, August 2005

‘“BRITNEY PARTY SHOOTING TERROR,” howls the Star’s front page. “Bloodshed at baby bash.”

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Little need to tell you that Britney is none other than Britney Spears, pop tart, professional blonde and expectant mum. But surely the rest of the paper’s shocking headline needs much careful elaboration.

And in “BRITNEY GUN HORROR”, readers hear that the singer has been…“in tears”.

Phew! La Spears has not been shot, which is some relief to us and, doubtless, to her. But, then, whose leg is that pictured in the paper, the one dripping with enough blood to cause a paper to panic and a five-year-old to cry?

Reading on, we learn that it belongs to one Brad Diaz, a photographer who had arrived at Spears’s rented Los Angeles mansion to check on proceedings at a party being held in honour of Britney’s yet-to—be-born nipper.

But rather than the baby being showered with gifts, it was Diaz being showered in a, er, single “lead air pellet”.

Oh dear. A story that began with so much shock and sensation is deflating faster than Jordan in a pit of hedgehogs.

But no matter, because although the Sun sees a simple air pellet and Diaz alive enough to swear, “I am definitely planning to press charges”, the Star wants to hear from some witnesses keen to help it fill another page with this incredible tale.

One onlooker tells the paper: “He [Diaz] was holding his thigh and saying he’d been shot.”

Other “witnesses” report hearing a sound “like a firework” right before Diaz collapsed in agony – “on a scale of one to 10,” says Diaz, “the pain from the wound is a seven.”

While lawyers work out the fee for a wound that hits a seven on the pay-out scale, local police arrive to investigate.

Says police sergeant Robert Knudson: “Apparently, one of the paparazzi at the location on Carbon Canyon had a pellet-shot injury to his leg. We don’t know where it came from or any other details at this point.”

Much like the Star…’



Posted: 8th, August 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink