Anorak | Bit Parts

Bit Parts

by | 19th, August 2005

‘PLASTIC surgery is a way of life in Hollywood. Stars who want to look like stars can zip on some hair, pump up some lips and tie their faces taught behind their anaesthesia-addled heads in a scab-encrusted hair bubble.

Down in the jungle where nobody goes…

But what do you do with all the off-cuts? Auction them on a website? Pledge them to the poor and needy in a celebrity telethon. Or reuse them in some way? (Rumours that the Enquirer is printed on pulped and rolled out bits of Zsa-Zsa Gabor have yet to be proven.)

The Enquirer offers no answers, but does do its best to show that you can indeed make an entire magazine from bits of skin and bone. Just look at its front over which screams “BRITNEY EXPLODES!”, “JESSICA’S BUTT DISAPPEARS!” and “AMERICA’S SCARIEST PLATIC SURGETY JUNKIE!”

Inside, the magazine uses its lead page to state: “PLASTIC NOT FANTASTIC!” We are then asked to look at before and after surgery shots of the great and wannabe better.

There’s Mickey Rourke going from fresh and angular to slack and rubbery. La Toya Jackson has given up her perky and relaxed look for something more wide-eyed and stunned. Marie Osmond’s forehead appears to be lifting off from the rest of her face. And Burt Reynolds looks like he’s been captured by the Shuar people of Brazil and had his head shrunk.

After that lot, readers are invited to turn the page and take a gander at Jocelyn Wildenstein, aka the ‘Bride of Wildenstein’, of whom the Enquirer asks:

You have already read 1 premium article for free today
Access immediately the premium content with Multipass

Or come back tomorrow

Posted: 19th, August 2005 | In: News Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink