Anorak | In A Pickle

In A Pickle

by | 9th, September 2005

‘“WHERE’S WALLY?” asks the Sun on its front page, the vital question of the day appearing alongside a graphic of Sven Goran Eriksson dressed in the style of the famously hard-to-spot cartoon character.

‘I favour the rinse and hold tactic’

“Sven Goran Eriksson vanished last night,” says the paper. “Sven disappears after Belfast horror.”

The paper’s looked in all the usual places for the England football manager – his London home, the Football Association’s headquarters, the dishwasher section at Comet. But no Sven?

Might it be that something has happened to the man? The link between the words “Belfast”, “horror” and “vanished” makes our blood run cold. But we quickly remember that Sven is quite safe in the Province, having formed a team still worse than the boys in green, and that the IRA has vowed to lay down its guns.

That’s not to say Sven’s not in line for a punishment beating from the press, as the Stars announces “OFF WITH HIS HEAD”.

Hanging’s too good for Sven, says the Star, which hankers for a swift return to the days when failure to win a football match meant instant death – although it’s good enough for the Sun which produces what we trust is a mock-up shot of Sven’s head in a noose.

And that’s not all. The paper now uses its front page to tell the world that it stopped Sven from traveling to the Oval to watch the cricket.

“HOWZAT!” screams the Star’s front-page headline. But before we can give an answer, the paper takes on the role of umpire and raises a finger

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Posted: 9th, September 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink