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Anorak | Tweeters & Woofers

Tweeters & Woofers

by | 13th, October 2005

‘THE Sun’s Page 3 stunna du jour Nicola T is backing the paper’s campaign to end animal abuse.

Jordan tries to pick up Terry Wogan

“How anybody could do that is beyond belief,” says she of Spot the hanged dalmation. “I totally back the Sun campaign.”

Typically tough stuff from Nicola; and with her in the animals’ corner, the campaign stands an even better chance of success.

If only Nicola could shout louder, so that everyone could her message, even those distracted from her voice by her bared breasts. But how can we turn her up? How can we pump up the volume?

It’s easy. And a few pages on, we learn how. The Sun says that computer chips that store music could soon be fitted into breast implants – one boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the woman’s entire music collection.

As Ian Pearson, of BT Laboratories, says: “It is now very hard for me to think of breast implants as just decorative. If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful.”

Can’t argue with that. But why stop at a music player? Why not implant a phone? Or a coffee machine? Or a wide-screen TV and satellite dish?

It all depends on the smallness of the technology and the size of the implant.

How long before the Sun’s Page 3 girls are broadcasting the paper’s news on video phones? And Jordan is embarking on a new career as a mobile PA system for rock converts…’



Posted: 13th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink