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Anorak | Just say Noel

Just say Noel

by | 20th, October 2005

‘LIKE when John F. Kennedy died and we first heard Dayvid Beckham speak, we can remember the very moment it happened. It came like a bolt from the blue: “TV comeback for Edmonds.”

Worse than bird flu

For reasons best known to the Mail, the story of Noel Edmonds’s return to our screens appeared below a story headlined: “Prisoners free to practise witchcraft in their cell.”

Five years after walking off, disappearing like a little hairy white dot from our screens, Edmonds is back to front a gameshow on Channel 4.

Edmonds is presenting Deal or No Deal, which features 22 contestants seated in a tank of gunge and arguing whether or not Edmonds should be given a new contract to appear on TV (Deal) or shot (No Deal).

Gotcha! As Noel was once wont to say. That was just our little joke. Noel will not be shot, but kept inside a small cage in a field just outside Lewes.

Gotcha! Wow, this really is contagious stuff. It’s another joke. We just don’t know when to stop – which makes us a bit like Noel, who only stopped when the BBC axed his awful Noel’s House Party.

The actual show does not feature Mr Blobby, actual bodily harm or Bob Carolgees, but 22 contestants (that bit was true) competing for a top prize of £250,000. (Just imagine how much gunge that could buy!)

The show has already been a hit in 40 countries and should give Edmonds the return to the big time he‘s been waiting for.

And it is just the start. Noel could tell Channel 4’s executive-types that he’s could do for the broadcaster’s Saturday night’s what he once did for the BBC.

The boys and girls with thick-rimmed spectacles and Home Counties’ accents will nod, and consider the merits of The 100 Best Mr Blobby Moments and The 100 Best Beards on TV – ever!

They will then look kindly on Edmonds, look at the Mr Blobby suit and think the entire thing a hoot, in a post-modern and edgy sort of way.

Wouldn’t it be ironic to have Edmonds doing a house party on Channel 4, they’ll say. And even better if he could play house music on it.

And so long as the custard is organic and not loaded with deadly sugar and sunset orange colouring, we can have loads of that, too. Hmm, perhaps Jamie Oliver can make fresh custard on air in the kitchen of Noel’s house?

For now, of course, it is just a dream. One of The Top 100 TV Dreams, we’d wager…’



Posted: 20th, October 2005 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink