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Anorak | A British Farce

A British Farce

by | 1st, November 2005

‘LONG gone are the days when you could spot a Briton by his civilising manner, bowler hat and stiff upper lip. These days John Bull swears in public, wears a chavtastic Burberry cap perched on his head and emotes like a banshee in therapy.

Osman tried hard to blend into the crowd

Immigrants should be aware of this change in the look of the typical British gent lest they stand out from the crowd when taking the new Britishness test. They wouldn’t want to turn up to one of the 90 test centres looking ridiculous.

And turn up they must. As the Sun says, from today immigrants must pass the Government’s test if they are to become UK citizens.

And don’t worry if you fail the 45-minute exam because, as the Express says, you can keep on taking it so long as you pay the £34 administration fee.

Not that you’ll fail. The Express says it’s easy. Wannabe Brits will not need to know anything about British history as they’ll only be tested on day-to-day life.

To Shadow Home Secretary David Davis this is just too awful. “It is a disgrace that the sample questions seem to show there will be nothing about British history in the test. Understanding British history is crucial to understanding how our country works in practice today.”

That it does. Immigrants need to know about our relationship with the Germans if they are to sing about “Two World Wars and One World Cup” at football matches like a native. History will help them understand why the Scots have their own parliament, and why Geordies sound like they’re speaking Danish.

But the real complaint is that the test will only be compulsory for

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Posted: 1st, November 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink