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Anorak | False Idols

False Idols

by | 9th, February 2006

‘IF you could steal anything, what would you take? Of course you are a law abiding cove. But stretch your mind, mentally pull a stocking over your head and think like a villain.

It’s amazing what you can do with tofu

And think big. As the Mirror reports on its front page, thieves are plotting to steal landmarks.

Yes, that’s right, landmarks. And if you want to know how the crooks are going to do it, the Mirror illustrates how the capers may play out.

Readers are shown how villains could get away with a Trafalgar Square lion (strapped atop a getaway Mini), Liverpool’s Liver bird (tied to a thief’s back), the Angel of the North (airlifted by chopper) and – get his – Nelson’s Column (pushed into the back of white van).

Fanciful as this is, it is a story based on apparent fact. The Mirror has had a word with Scotland Yard’s Arts and Antiques Squad. According to the police: “Our Criminal Intelligence section has received information this gang has been eyeing up a number of famous monuments in London. Word is they believe they could get away with Eros because they think they have a buyer.”

So security has been stepped up. Eros is under 24-hour electronic surveillance.

Of course, the statue may already have been taken. The pigeon-poo encrusted Eros that stands in London’s Piccadilly might be a fake made of paper or marzipan.

So, just in case, try not to lean to hard on Nelson’s Column – the huge toilet roll tower wasn’t designed to take the strain…’



Posted: 9th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink