The Pain Of Wayne
“WAYNE: I’LL SPLIT HIM IN TWO.”
The target of Wayne Rooney’s anger is Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo, who had the temerity to a) play in a team that beat England; b) score the decisive penalty to beat England; and c) wink at Rooney as the misunderstood striker was being sent from the field.
All Rooney did was rest his tender metatarsal in something soft, specifically the groin of Portugal’s Ricardo Carvalho, and then shove Ronaldo.
Understandably irate, the tin lid has been placed on Rooney’s boiling pot of anger by the undeniable fact that Ronaldo, his team-mate at Manchester United, is better looking than him. Not mincing his words, Rooney calls the player a “pretty boy”.
And, as the Mirror’s front page says (“ROOD MIST”), Rooney was so keen to show his displeasure he tried to get into the Portugal changing room to attack the man.
But he was stopped. Such are the ways of international football that smashing up an opponent after the whistle is frowned upon. Better to wait and “split him in two” back in England, where such things are everyday and part of the fabric of the country.
That’s if Ronaldo is let back in. “CHRIS OFF!” says the Star. “Now give that winker Ronaldo a red card from this country.” That’s right. Don’t let him back into this gilded isle. Send him to Real Madrid or some other hellhole where his brand of winning football matches passes for the norm. That’ll learn him.
And you too can help. Having supported the team by rubbing a picture of David Beckham’s injured foot and touching an orange circle, Sun readers are now invited to fix a picture of Ronaldo to a wall and throw darts at it.
“PUT A DART IN THE TART,” urges the Sun. “Here’s every England fan’s chance to get revenge on the world’s biggest winker.”
And with any luck the board will work like a voodoo doll, causing Ronaldo no little pain. So come on, show your support for Rooney by sticking pins in the enemy.
It’s the only language these foreigners understand.
Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
