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Shooting Up Robbie Williams

by | 24th, November 2006

Noel Gallagher on drugs and the death of Robbie Williams…

NOEL Gallagher had to stop taking drug when his teeth fell out.

That’s the Star’s front-page news. And to illustrate just what it means, the paper uses a black felt tip pen and no little graphic know how to knock some teeth from a picture of the Oasis singer’s mouth.

Readers may like to take up the challenge, and a pen, and work out what Noel would look like with glasses, a goatee beard or spots.

Inside the paper, Noel is promoting his band’s greatest hits album.

But rather than hearing about the music we get a potted tale of Noel’s drugs life. Readers learn that as a teenager Noel taught himself to play guitar and “also had his first brush with narcotics”.

“To start with we were off the rails before we got a record deal,” says Noel. “We kind of arrived in London hammered.”

Forget listening to the Oasis compilation and just put the mirrored CD on a table and chop up a line of cocaine on it. Roll the insert into a straw.

“I don’t want this to sound like ‘my drugs hell’ because it wasn’t hell is was fantastic and I had some the most monumental nights out and monumental nights in ever,” says Noel.

And while Noel tells the Star about how the way you take drugs is emblematic of your upbringing – “The middle class experiment with drugs and the working class just get stuck in”, unforgivably ignoring the vital role played by the upper classes in the consumption of drugs – the Sun has more news of Noel.

In an article entitled “Robbie will top himself”, Gallagher responds to question as to who he would aim at if he had a gun and only one bullet.

Osama bin Laden? Noel Edmonds? Phil Collins? “I don’t give a f*** about Phil Collins,” says Gallagher. “I wouldn’t shoot him. I do think he’s a bit of a knob though.”

So if not Collins, a former public school boys and, therefore, a lightweight drugs taker, then who?

Robbie Williams? “As for Robbie, I’d put the bullet in his gun as he’s eventually going to do it himself as he is a grossly unhappy person.”

So Robbie gets shot. And Oasis get bombed…



Posted: 24th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink