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Anorak | Perez Hilton: His Celebrity Juices Have Dried Up

Perez Hilton: His Celebrity Juices Have Dried Up

by | 30th, June 2010

“IS this the best exclusive you can get these days?” someone asks on Perez Hilton’s blog, below one of his recent stories” on a blonde nonentity in z-list reality show The Hills. ” The entertainment business is getting really sick of you, huh, tubby?”

Actually, the last time I got in a lift with Perez – with me flourishing a lavender nosegay on account of Mario’s, er, unrefreshed pheromonal secretions – I was struck at how lissom he was: I mean, TVs – even the flatscreens – are only soooo wide, and he’s nothing if not an ambitious realist. I won’t tell about the gastric band, super Mario!

But back to Perez’s exclusives. What exclusives?

Dead tree media interns always say he’s the first with Hollywood scoops –  true if pics of sleb-snatches count as scoops. Otherwise he just churns out PR drivel and tales plucked from the tabs and mags.

Here are the stories on his front page (his titles in bold) as I write:

Conan the Barbarian: The Musical: Yes, Arnie sings (or not)! Perez got this off YouTube, posted on June 25. Just 125,360 people viewed it by the time Scoop unearthed it.

One Night In… London:  Some sort of announcement that Perez and some pals (eg Diana Vickers!) will be in town. Oh, see for yourself.

A Worthwhile Cause: Perez is following in Diana’s trot-prints (Princess, not Vickers) and going saintly on us. Always happens with fame. Perez wants us to support his favourite charity. Not a scoop, poppet.

They Still Rock: That’s Aerosmith. Yes, they still rock. Next.

Russell Brand Coming To American Radio?!: Mmm, didn’t this story appear in The Sun on June 29? That Sirius are serious about lanky? Perez makes out Contactmusic.com – which lifted the tale from the Sun – is a “source”. Strictly speaking, he’s correct.

The Pivert Vs. Sushi, Round Two: Obscure tale about Jeremy Pirvert dropping his phone in a loo. Story taken from Huffington Post. Perez adds a graphic to suggest a vast ejaculation.

Miss Delaware inspires: A beauty queen wins despite being bald. From CBS.

Ke$sha Likes Her Men To be Fatties!: It starts from Heat , gets digested by the parasitical  Digital Spy , then shat out by Perez. Simples.

Larry King Announces

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Posted: 30th, June 2010 | In: News Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink