Jordan’s Hits

‘THIS is awful news. No, it’s not that Britney Spear’s seven-month-old son Sean has suffered a fractured skull after falling from his high chair. That is terrible. We wish the boy a speedy and full recovery. What we report on is something worse.

“DON’T DUET,” begs the Sun, which tells us that Keith Harris and Orville are set to be toppled from their perch as the worst double act music has ever seen.

That noise you can hear is being produced by Peter Andre and Jordan.

The couple are set to release what the Sun generously calls an “atrocious” album. The disc features cover versions of famous duets, such as Nancy and Frank Sinatra’s Something Stupid.

A source explains further: “Pete and Katie are deadly serious about making a proper chart assault [his words] as a pop duo. Peter has been writing a lot recently and come up with material he wanted to perform with Katie.”

And so it is things turn from atrocious to something still worse. This, you will recall, is the Peter Andre who claimed to been inspired by his stay in the celebrity jungle to pen Insania, a song that includes the lines: “Ageing will reverse/ Cloning will diverse.”

And Jordan is not without previous. Last year, the mo-del lost out to reality TV show product Javine in a contest to find the UK’s song for Eurovision. The song Not Just Anybody invited Europe to “Follow me follow me, breathe me in, swallow me”.

And then there was the time Peter and Jordan came together at their wedding to sing a track from the Lion King.

However, the interesting news is that the couple plan to release this album in time for Christmas. And looking back at some past seasonal No. 1s – Two Little Boys – Rolf Harris, Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West) – Benny Hill, Mr. Blobby – Mr. Blobby – Jordan and Pete may yet do well.

Take it away Katie and the Jordans: “Blobby, blobby, blobby…”’

Posted: 12th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink