The Third Way

“AND between work and the kids we don’t have as much time for sex as we did. But I’m working on it! I try but we’re both too busy and knackered!”

How can this be possible? We can hardly believe it. But here it is in black and white, with traces of orange tan. Jordan, for it is she, says she can’t find time to make out with Peter Andre.

In case the message has still not hit home, the Star summarises the news in bigger print: “Jordan and Pete too tired for sex.”

Our head is in a whirl. It is barely a year since Jordan, aka Katie Prince, and pop acorn Pete tied the knot. And already love has taken a backseat. Such are the pressures of raising children, conducting magazine interviews and writing a book.

Yes, Jordan has found time to pen a debut novel. It’s about a glamour mo-del from Brighton who becomes famous after having a boob job. It’s like Pygmalion without the flowers, although Dick Van Dyke may well feature.

It sounds sensational. But the pen is not mightier than Pete’s sword. As the Sun hears Jordan say, “You’ve got to have sex to have kids.”

Or do you? No sooner has Jordan said that than she realises that the sex involved need not be between she and Pete. Other people can have the sex and she can get the children. Jordan can adopt.

“I spoke with someone last night,” says she. “They’re going to look out for me – the way Angelina Jolie gets them.”

No, not by shagging Brad Pitt but by jetting off to Asia and Africa and picking up children.

It’s a terrific plan – and so much less arduous than having sex with Pete…

Posted: 4th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink