Anorak | Jesus Barmy

Jesus Barmy

by | 9th, January 2004

‘A NEW Year and there’s a new psycho in Weatherfield. After the much lamented demise of Tricky Dicky the Street hasn’t been the same, so it’s nice to see that Granny Brenda “the Baby Jesus made me do it” Fearns has nobly pulled on the black leatherette gloves.

Emily is never far from the scene of a crime

Brenda had been getting more and more demented as Christmas wore on. She and baby Bethany had practically moved into Weatherfield Cemetary, visiting son Neil’s grave every day. “When your mummy has a new baby, she won’t have time for you any more. You’d like to join your daddy in heaven, wouldn’t you?” the loon asked Bethany, while dangling her off a church roof.

Luckily for Bethany, Emily was on her trail. The Miss Marple of Weatherfield had quickly deduced that the first place Brenda would have taken Bethany was the church yard and set off in hot pursuit – well, once she’d put on her head scarf and buttoned up her duffle coat.

Emily managed to talk Brenda out of killing Bethany, “Thou shalt not kill!” she bellowed a la Charlton Heston in ‘The Ten Commandments’. A rather startled Brenda came to her senses and allowed Emily to lead them down the stairs of the church into the waiting arms of the Weatherfield constabulary.

“I never meant no harm,” she whined to Sarah Lou and Todd. “From now on, it’s just me and you,” Todd told Sarah, without adding, “until I run off with my gay lover.” For Todd is due to go the gay way shortly when he falls for a hospital nurse, leaving Sarah Lou alone and pregnant.

In the meantime, he’s doing his best to convince everyone – including himself – that he’s straight, even proposing marriage to Sarah Lou because that worked so well for Elton John and Michael Barrymore, didn’t it?

Elsewhere on The Street, the path of true love isn’t running smoothly for Fizz and Kirk either. Fizz spent the Christmas night with Tyrone and although nothing happened, Fizz’s mum, Cilla, was quick to tell Kirk that it had. “You just can’t trust some women,” the ginger troll told him – somehow keeping a straight face.

Cilla was determined to get her own back on her daughter after Fizz had told Shelly the truth about her light-fingered mother and lost

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Posted: 9th, January 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink