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Anorak | Bully For Roy

Bully For Roy

by | 12th, January 2005

‘CANDICE has decided that she’s going to become the new Posh Spice of Weatherfield.

”What? You want to sleep with me?”

Well, she’s got everything that it takes footballer boyfriend, IQ in single figures, new tangerine fake tan and the ability to irritate everyone she ever meets.

Candice has had a special PVC jumpsuit made in Weatherfield United colours and insisted on wearing it to the Rovers to show her support for her boyfriend.

Unfortunately it took so long to get poured into it and to put on her fake tan that she actually missed the match.

Candice needs to be careful that she doesn’t follow other Footballers’ Wives and discover in The News of The World that her bloke’s been sleeping with his PA.

Sally is another Weatherfield resident who’s considering adultery. Sally confided to Gail that her boss, Ian, had made a pass at her.

“Sounds like you rather enjoyed it,” said Gail, who for once is showing a bit of intuition where relationships are concerned (perhaps her experience dating a serial killer paid off).

Sally is now thinking of having an affair with Ian on the grounds that “he can give me everything Kevin can’t” which is far too much information before the watershed.

Sally’s teenaged daughter Rosie, is also developing worrying desires – to wear more eyeliner than Liz McDonald, dress only in black and listen to bands like Cradle of Filth.

“You just don’t understand,” she wailed, echoing the words of teenagers since the dawn of time.

Poor Craig’s parents have it worse, however, with their son deciding to go to school in black nail polish and getting his tongue pierced.

“I’m gonna kill you!” screamed Tommy, showing the sort of parental compassion that’s resulted in his teenage daughter leaving home to live with a man older than he is.

Tommy will have a lot more to worry about soon, however, if the tabloid reports are

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Posted: 12th, January 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink