Anorak News | Bully For Roy

Bully For Roy

by | 12th, January 2005

‘CANDICE has decided that she’s going to become the new Posh Spice of Weatherfield.

”What? You want to sleep with me?”

Well, she’s got everything that it takes – footballer boyfriend, IQ in single figures, new tangerine fake tan and the ability to irritate everyone she ever meets.

Candice has had a special PVC jumpsuit made in Weatherfield United colours and insisted on wearing it to the Rovers to show her support for her boyfriend.

Unfortunately it took so long to get poured into it and to put on her fake tan that she actually missed the match.

Candice needs to be careful that she doesn’t follow other Footballers’ Wives and discover in The News of The World that her bloke’s been sleeping with his PA.

Sally is another Weatherfield resident who’s considering adultery. Sally confided to Gail that her boss, Ian, had made a pass at her.

“Sounds like you rather enjoyed it,” said Gail, who for once is showing a bit of intuition where relationships are concerned (perhaps her experience dating a serial killer paid off).

Sally is now thinking of having an affair with Ian on the grounds that “he can give me everything Kevin can’t” – which is far too much information before the watershed.

Sally’s teenaged daughter Rosie, is also developing worrying desires – to wear more eyeliner than Liz McDonald, dress only in black and listen to bands like Cradle of Filth.

“You just don’t understand,” she wailed, echoing the words of teenagers since the dawn of time.

Poor Craig’s parents have it worse, however, with their son deciding to go to school in black nail polish and getting his tongue pierced.

“I’m gonna kill you!” screamed Tommy, showing the sort of parental compassion that’s resulted in his teenage daughter leaving home to live with a man older than he is.

Tommy will have a lot more to worry about soon, however, if the tabloid reports are to be believed as Katy is set to get pregnant by Martin.

New arrival Vince is also bullying and blustering his way around Weatherfield. He’s decided to wind Roy up – admittedly not the hardest resolution in the world.

Vince, whom Charlie has employed to help him rebuild the corner shop, has taken to going into Roy’s café and eating his own sandwiches and ripping pages out of the newspapers that Roy buys for his customers.

As bullying goes, it’s right up there with Deep Cut, isn’t it?

Like all good bullies, however, Vince knows a vulnerable person when he sees one and is determined, for some unknown reason, to drive Roy to the brink of madness, pretending to be nice to him in front of the rest of the Street and befriending Roy’s wife Hayley.

“I think he’s a very nice man,” twittered Hayley, who knows little about the workings of men, despite actually being one herself.

The climax of this rather odd bullying storyline had Vince cornering Roy in the café and demanding that he make him a poached egg at eight o’clock in the evening.

Roy was saved by Charlie, who happened to be passing and dispensed his own particular brand of justice with a swift right hook, telling Vince to clear out of Weatherfield.

Apparently, Shelly is about to be on the receiving end of Charlie’s fists too when he decides she needs to be ‘taught a lesson’. The only lesson Shelly needs to learn is that with her track record with men, she’s better off becoming a lesbian.’

Posted: 12th, January 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink