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Anorak | Enough Is Never Enough

Enough Is Never Enough

by | 21st, January 2007

feltz.jpg “I DIDN’T know what to do,” trills Vanessa Feltz, “crying wouldn’t be enough, laughing wouldn’t be enough, jumping up and down wouldn’t be enough, not even shouting or screaming would be enough. I was just so ecstatic.”

Enough already, say we. But Vanessa is only just getting warmed up. “She was running around like she was six years old!” says Ben Ofoedu, billed as the “former Phats and Small star”.

Given Vanessa ‘Nessy’ Feltz’s public battles with weight, it is not without interest to learn that her beloved one performed with Jason ‘Phats’ Hayward and Russell ‘Small’ Small, two house DJs, it says here.

Some would call this cruel, others kismet. For Vanessa, whose Feltzene proportions have occupied large and larger still places in OK! magazine for many a moon, it means little. She looks happy.

But happy is not enough, neither are elated, delighted and euphoric. When Ben asked Vanessa to marry him the day before New Year’s Eve, she was fit to pop.

So loved up are they that OK! dubs them “Benessa”. Minds turn to Bradjelina (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) and Bennifer (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez). And we realise that neither of those showbiz couples ever married. Indeed, with the crabsticks defrosting and the ice bridge being hewn from a chunk of Antarctica, Affleck and Lopez split.

The portents for Benessa are not promising. Should we leave the celebratory wedding crabsticks in the deepfreeze?

We are not sure. But on the topic of wedding food, Ben refutes the rumour that he was

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Posted: 21st, January 2007 | In: News Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink